Fire and Ice
by foolishangel87
Summary: The dynamic of the McMahon family changed when their youngest daughter left the WWE for their rival TNA and they never forgave her for her betrayal. What they don't know is the truth behind her departure,a pain that runs so deep she can't say it out loud
1. Looking back

**Warning: This fic deal with very serious themes and if you can't handle that sort of thing then do not read this first chapter. It gets heavy and very real as some of these scenes have actually happened in my life. So please review and let me know what you think.**

**Chapter 1 Looking back**

I never meant for any of this to happen, not one bit of it that had occurred in the past few years. It just came at me and I was powerless to control any of it.

I wasn't prepared to deal for any of this. Not the stuff that happened as a result of my own choices and I certainly didn't ask for what had happened to me that night a long time ago. But like that cold night, I didn't see the rest of it coming and once it came to pass, I had no choice but to pick myself up and attempt to get on with my life. I didn't want it to be that way, no one would want that. No one should have to deal with this kind of pain, but I was dealing with it in the only way I knew how. The day I was faced with the fight or flight response, I chose to flee like a coward and I never looked back. The result of my choice shook up my family dynamic in ways that I never thought would still be in effect today. I knew why I made the choice I did but they didn't and I was unwilling to let them in on the truth. And that was the catalyst that brought us to the state of mind we were all in today. Looking back at it now, I wasn't sure I would have made the same choice if I could go back to that point in time. But life never allows you to go back, it just shoves you forward even when you're terrified of what lies ahead.

I was sitting outside my house tonight thinking about all of the crap I had endured in the past few years and just like every time I did this, I found myself curling up in my chair with my legs pulled up to my chest like I was trying to hold myself together. This wasn't the first time I felt the urge to fall apart and it wouldn't be the last time either. I would struggle with this for the rest of my life. Sure it might eventually become a distant memory that I stopped reliving so often, but right now I was stuck with it. It was attached to me as securely as my skin was and I just couldn't see a way to shrug it off. I had been searching for a way to do that since the night it happened. Since I chose to leave my family behind and move ahead alone. I had never felt such loneliness before in my life and partially it was due to my decision to remain silent. I hadn't spoken about it to any one and no one suspected a thing. I was that good at hiding a part of myself.

Perhaps that was why my decision rocked my family so hard.

* * *

><p><em>"Savannah Lillian McMahon, are you out of your ever loving mind?" My father's booming voice caught me off guard so much that I nearly fell out of the seat I was in on the other side of his desk. I had to catch myself before I actually slid down onto the dark gray carpet and when I was back to sitting up straight and saw my father's face, I should have just fell to the floor. I had never seen him so livid and pissed as he was at this very moment. And I knew I shouldn't have been surprised that he was reacting like this, he of all people was going to take this completely wrong and totally personally even more so then Shane and Stephanie and our mother. They all would freak out, but my father especially would take it hard. I watched him grip the edges of his desk while the other employees left the room as quickly as they could without actually breaking into a run, they knew this was no longer a business meeting as much as it was now a family matter. And once we were officially alone, my dad turned his wide angry eyes on me. "Did I actually hear you right, just now?"<em>

_"Yes you did. But if you need me to say it again for it to sink in then I will." I told him when I had the courage to maintain eye contact with him despite the intensity of his glare. I knew telling my father was going to be the toughest part of all of this because he would take it as some kind of personal blow to his ego, so I was trying to prepare myself for the inevitable flare up that would come. "I decided I want to end my contract here at WWE and go wrestle for TNA."_

_"You can't possibly be serious. TNA is a piece of shit wrestling company. Why in the hell would you want to leave the glamorous life you have here to go work for the enemy?" He demanded, his eyes narrowing into tiny slits when he was really mad at me. Not that I could blame him for being mad. After all, not only had I blindsided him when I said I was leaving the family business but I had taken it up a notch when I threw in that I was defecting to our biggest rivals. He wouldn't have gotten so worked up if I was leaving the business all together for something else. But the fact that I was breaking my current contract out of the blue to jump ship to another company that had grabbed up all our former disgruntled employees was not going to make Vince McMahon a happy camper. He leaned forward to stare at me. "You could have everything you want if you stay here, all you have to do is say the word. What the hell can TNA offer you?"_

_"That's for me to find out when I get there." I explained, hating myself for the rage I was putting my father through. I had always been the rebellious one out of my siblings, always the one to cause so much grief and anxiety for my parents when I was growing up. But once I hit 18 and went to college and began my wrestling training, things had calmed down and I knew my parents were sure this was the end of my antics. At least until now and I could see the old flame of frustration rising up in his eyes but this was not some teenage act of rebelling, I was 22 years old and had been making my own decisions for a while now. But choosing to separate myself like this was the ultimate act of displeasure to my parents. And it was my dad that was going to take it personally. I ran my fingers through my long blonde hair, amazed that I was the only one of us who had gotten my mom's hair color before I looked at my dad and soon to be former boss. "Dad please don't take this as some kind of personal attack on you or the company. This has nothing to do with you. This is about me."_

_"How can you tell me not to take it personally when you are turning your back on the company our family has built all these years? This has always been something we all shared together, and now you're just suddenly wiping your hands clean of us? That sounds personal to me." My father slammed his fist on his desk top, rattling the stack of papers he had been looking over when I came in to break the news and I was surprised when they did not scatter. But I guess my father did not feel like dealing with another mess right now. "You would abandon your family and our company for the enemy? You couldn't possibly think I would support this Savannah."_

_"I wasn't expecting you to, I was expecting you to support me in general. But I guess it was just wishful thinking." I said quietly to myself. I knew I was probably making irreversible mistakes that would come to light some time down the road. But here and now it seemed like the path I needed to go on. I couldn't stay here, that was just not an option. But I couldn't just take off without making things somewhat easier on my family. "Dad look, me leaving the WWE doesn't mean I'm leaving the family. You're not losing me..."_

_"It seems like I already have." He snapped, his eyes never leaving mine as his hands reached into a nearby desk and yanked out a file that I could tell was my own. He flipped it open and paper clipped to the inside was my current contract, a contract that most wrestlers and divas would kill for and here I was just walking away from it. He tapped it harshly with his fingertips before saying. "You signed this contract only a few months ago, you were supposed to start on RAW next week and now you're telling me you're refusing to go along with it. Well that's just fucking perfect."_

_"Dad please, this isn't easy for me to..." I wanted to apologize, to explain why I was doing this but I couldn't. Telling the truth would ruin everything and in my own way, withholding the truth was protecting him and everything he had going for him right now. "Let's just..."_

_"You may be a McMahon but I am holding you to the same repercussions as every other employee. You want to leave? That's fine, but I am holding you to the same 90 day no compete clause as everyone else. You will not be signing yourself over to TNA for the next 3 months." He told me in the same sort of tone he would use when talking to one of the other wrestlers. I knew he was unhappy but I was his daughter, I thought that would count for something. But I had wounded him with this choice and nothing I said was going to fix it. I couldn't take back my decision, I refused to remain here. But I guess I still thought I would have my father on my side despite this slap in the face I just gave him. But I was just about to find out how not on my side he was. He slammed my file shut and sat back with his hands gripping the chair arms. "You can go now."_

_"Dad, don't dismiss me like that." I protested, frowning at the way he was looking right through me like I wasn't even there to begin with. I hadn't been perfect growing up but he had never looked at me the way he was now. I stood up, debating whether or not to walk around the desk to him. "Please let's just talk about it..."_

_"Get out. Now. I do not want to see you. You want out of the WWE? Then consider yourself out of the family as well..."_

Yea, it went there all right. Leaving the family business meant I was done with the family itself. At least to him it was. He treasured the company like it was a child to him and me, his actual child, deciding to leave it was like an attack to him. So he cast me out in response and I don't think he ever once regretted his choice.

That was 2 years ago and I haven't spoken to him since then.

It wasn't just him who felt that way, it was the rest of my family too. My mom was devastated to learn of how the conversation had gone but when she found out the reason behind it, she stood by my father as she too felt the same about the company. Sure she was much more level headed then my dad was, but she was still fiercely protective of the WWE and the news of me leaving had cut her just as deep. My brother and sister took the news just as badly as our parents did. They just couldn't understand why I would want to leave the life I had built for myself there in the WWE where I could make a name for myself fast and get paid the most there then in any other company in the world. They didn't get how I could just not want to use the family name to get what I wanted for myself and use the connections we had to do whatever I wished to do. They had no problem doing it and I wouldn't have had a problem with it either. When you had those kind of opportunities, you took advantage of them. That's what Shane and Stephanie did and they had carved out very nice lives for themselves. It was just crazy to them for me not to follow in their footsteps. To them it was like I was saying that I wanted nothing to do with our family by making the choice to go to TNA and when my father outcast me from the family, they didn't offer up any resistance and I didn't give them any explanation. I just packed my things and left our childhood home to head to Orlando and I never looked back.

Every holiday it was more apparent then at any other time what I had lost. Sure I thought about it nearly every day but at Thanksgiving and Christmas and all those birthdays that I should have been with my family, it just came at me stronger then ever. I was a stranger to them now, forced to stand back and watch from the sidelines as their lives went on and changed. Shane and Stephanie had spouses and now children that I would have been spoiling had I been there with them. But I wasn't. I wasn't allowed to be part of any of that when I headed off to Florida. I had made my choice just like they made theirs.

And there would be no turning back. Not ever.

* * *

><p><em>"I'm sorry, I must have been zoning out. But did I really just hear you correctly?" Dixie Carter's face showed the extent of her confusion as well as her disbelief at the statement I had just made and she turned to look at Jeff Jarrett to see if he had heard the same thing as her. His face bore the same expression as he too looked at me like he was thinking this was all some kind of big elaborate joke. But I was completely serious now just like I had been when I walked into the main office earlier today. I looked back at Jeff, seeing the frown littering his face and I knew he had been thinking that when I came here it was just for a visit to see some old friends. I don't think he was expecting what was coming out of my mouth. I had known Jeff for most of my life from when he had been apart of WWE and I had always looked at him as a second father even when he left the company to start his own. But even he looked unsure when I had asked to speak to both him and Dixie together today. And once I had told them the reason I came here, neither of them quite knew how to react. Especially Dixie. "Are you being completely serious with me right now?"<em>

_"Yea I am. I told my father I wanted out of my WWE contract and that I was planning to come here to work if you would have me." I repeated my words from just a second ago and just like the first time, it got the same reaction. Wide eyes, jaws fallen open, complete and utter disbelief. I didn't need to be a mind reader to know what their thought process was right now. "I know this seems crazy and..."_

_"Crazy? Uh, I would say that's the exact word to use in this situation." Jeff pointed out, the first of them to regain composure enough to sit back and change expressions. "I mean, you're a McMahon and everyone kind of figured you would be wrestling in WWE when you started your training. Not to put TNA down in any way but we're just not on the same level just yet. So why would the daughter of Vince McMahon leave an established company and the family business which had already guaranteed her a contract that paid more then three of our contracts combined, to come to the rival company? That's what I don't understand about this whole thing."_

_"It was just time for me to strike out on my own. And do something separate from my family. They all followed in each others footsteps and it just didn't feel right for me." I told them, leaving out the part I kept hidden for myself and myself only. Jeff didn't need to know about that or else he would go ballistic and probably go haul ass to my father's house to yell at him. Despite the tension he had with my father as most of the ex WWE wrestlers did, Jeff and I had always gotten along and he had always been there for me when I needed him. And I needed him now, but I couldn't really say the reason why I needed to be here and not in my family's company. So I would have to tell a small falsehood. "I needed to kind of do things on my own. I didn't want to move up in the ranks because of my last name. You know that people would think I only got places because my family ran the company. No one would take me seriously or my skills seriously. They would just see a McMahon was wrestling and assume I got there based on my connections. And it's not fair. I want to have to work for my success and not have it handed to me."_

_"Oh I bet Vince loved hearing that." Jeff almost smirked, always being the one to never hold back on what he thought about my father. Those two had always busted heads when they worked together. "How did he take it when you told him?"_

_"As well as he takes anything of that matter when the name TNA is attached to it. And by that, I mean not well at all. He and my mom and Shane and Steph kind of ostracized me from the family." I admitted with a wrinkle of my nose, looking at the surprise on both their faces. I didn't want them to feel sorry for me now that they knew I had no family around me anymore and I was basically starting off from scratch. I just shrugged like it was no big deal, after all I had been through much worse things then this. "They see this as some kind of personal attack on them and essentially told me they wanted nothing to do with me. So I packed up and left."_

_"I'm so sorry. I know Vince is a tough man to deal with but I never imagined he would do something like this." Dixie reached out and pat my hand in a very motherly way which I appreciated but Jeff and I shared similar looks that said she obviously didn't know my father's true nature because this was exactly something he would do. She looked at Jeff and clasped her hands together. "Well, I have to say I'm still a little wary of hiring a McMahon to join the company. I mean, I worry that there could be very serious legal ramifications..."_

_"There's no need to worry about that." I automatically cut in, trying to be respectful despite the interruption but I had to get this point in. If there was one thing my father pushed heavily on us it was to never try and pull a fast one when there was legal paperwork involved. "I have the same 90 day no compete clause as everyone else in the company and after that I am free to sign anywhere I want. If they find out about this meeting they cant prove anything because I have plenty of friends here that I could just say I was visiting and they couldn't prove anything."_

_"That's true. Although knowing your father, he would find some way to cause trouble for us." Jeff nodded with a sigh but there was a slight sparkle in his eyes that said he almost enjoyed the idea of doing something to piss off my father. He had always been the one for pushing the envelope. And as he shared a look with Dixie, I knew this would go in my favor. "I'll tell you what we'll do. We're going to speak to the rest of the staff and see what they think. And if we can figure something out, then we'll have a contract drawn up for you. How does that sound?"_

_"Absolutely perfect...Boss."_

And it did end up happening just like I thought it would. There wasn't really much doubt that it wouldn't, but sometimes you just couldn't tell with these things.

Sure the idea of pissing off my father and gaining me for their women's division had it's perks but also it would invite trouble on some level because not only were they taking away a female wrestler from WWE but I was also the daughter of Vince McMahon. That sort of thing was going to gain a lot of attention when it was officially announced. So I could understand their slight hesitance on not getting in touch with me right away. They didn't want to risk giving my father's lawyers anything to use against them in court so they didn't contact me until the last day of my 90 day no compete clause was up. Jeff had assured me that a contract was going to be issued but they had to be absolutely careful when proceeding with this kind of thing. If any kind of news broke about negotiations between me and TNA before the clause was up then they could find themselves slapped with a lawsuit and they just couldn't deal with that now, not against my father. And he would do that just because he was angry and bitter.

So I waited and waited for 3 long months until the day I was finally free and then I finally got the official call that I had a contract waiting to be signed by me at the arena. I had been so thrilled that I ran out of my hotel room that I had been renting down here and went right to the arena to sign it. I had even hugged Jeff and Dixie after it was official and I could tell that they were taken aback by my sudden reaction but I was too happy to care. How could I not be? Everything had been riding on this one moment and if it hadn't worked out then all the pain and anger my family had been in would have been for nothing. But it did work out and now I was officially part of the TNA family.

I could finally start the new life I wanted and leave the bad memories behind.

* * *

><p><em>"Ok, that is the last of it..."The disgruntled voice of one of my best friends Chris Sabin came clear through the front door of my house as he dropped a heavy box of linens on the floor of the hallway and kicked the door shut behind him with a heavy groan before he shot a look at me. "Remind me again why I agreed to help you move your stuff?"<em>

_"Because you love me to pieces and you know I would pout and pretend to cry if you refused me." I replied, reaching out to tug on his shirt as I moved passed him with my own box that needed to be placed in the living room. I couldn't stop smiling despite his complaints because this day was a major step in my new life. After I had signed my TNA contract I had gone house hunting since the company was based out of Florida and I needed a permanent residence here and luckily I had found this beautiful 2 story house with an in ground pool, 5 __bedrooms, a finished basement, huge kitchen and bar, and set on a property that had plenty of space in all directions. It was perfect. And the only thing left to do was to move all my things in, hence why I had recruited Chris's help. He and I had been friends long before I decided to come to TNA and he had been glad to help in the beginning. But when he saw how much stuff I had brought with me along with the furniture I had bought, he had been less then thrilled. I set my box down and grinned. "Besides, I'm your best friend."_

_"No, actually I'm his best friend. You're just the eye candy in this group." The teasing voice of one Alex Shelley came at us right then as he appeared in the doorway of the living room and wiped the sweat off his brow with a flourish. And just like it always did, my heart pounded hard when I laid eyes on him. He just looked so cute with that messy dark hair and his black t shirt that he always seemed to wear despite the heat in this state. It would be an understatement to say I was attracted to him, just like it would be just as much of an understatement to say he was attracted to me. He had made his interest in me clear on more then one occasion during the course of our friendship but nothing had really been done about it. We both just never had the time to actually sit down and talk about it due to how busy we were. But it was miracle that I could even summon the courage to feel that way for a man after what had happened to me. Alex walked into the room and made his point when as he was passing behind me, he slapped me on the ass before smirking. "See? Would I do that if you weren't just the eye candy?"_

_"Hey you use to say the same thing to me all the time." Chris yelled out in mock offense but he was never good at keeping a straight face and it soon faltered into a fit of laughter as it always did between the three of us. I had met Alex and Chris at the same time years ago at an Indy show I had been at and over time we had all grown close. Of course I wasn't sure about how well I would fit in considering these two had been friends forever. But to my surprise and theirs, I found a natural fit between these crazy best friends and we had been in close contact over the years. They had been the first people I told about my plans after I told my family and to say they were thrilled would be yet another understatement. I was happy with them and I knew life would be good now even with the losses I suffered. Chris crossed his arms with a roll of his eyes. "Well now that everything is inside, can I finally leave and go do my own thing?"_

_"You mean you don't want to help me unpack?" I asked, watching the look of horror pass over Chris's face before he hauled some serious ass to the door and left without saying good bye. I shrugged a little and glanced over at Alex who was __now sprawled out on my couch and I couldn't help but smile. "Comfortable?"_

_"Absolutely, you should come down here and experience it for yourself." He replied, patting the space next to him with a small smirk that semi hinted that he was thinking of something possibly naughty. I was surprised by how this made my heart flutter, but then again everything he did made me mushy and now was no exception. So I dropped down onto the spot next to him and didn't even mind when he snaked his arm around me to pull me closer to his side. He and I had always been very affectionate even though we had never taken that next step. He propped his elbow up on the arm of the couch and turned his face in my direction and there was a genuine smile there. "You happy?"_

_"Yea, I think I am." I agree, feeling my own smile take over as I looked at him. It was amazing even to me that I could actually say those words after everything that had happened. But it was true, I was happy. I hadn't wanted to be one of those girls who shut out ever being happy again when something horrible happens to them. And luckily that hadn't happened. It didn't mean I had completely forgotten that night because there was no way that would ever happen, but I didn't let it rule my life. I wanted to enjoy this time, I was young with a new job and I just moved into my first house. I was going to enjoy my life damn it! I focused on Alex's face again and grinned. "And your presence helps a little bit."_

_"Just a little bit? That kind of hurts. I thought you liked me more then that." Alex pretended to look hurt but I knew he really wasn't judging by the twinkle in his eyes. This was exactly why I loved being around him, he always turned everything into a joke and made me laugh. I was so glad to have him in my life and I hoped he was always going to be there. "Would you hate me if I said I was thinking of doing something to make you even happier?"_

_"As long as it doesn't involve another food fight like last time then no I won't hate you." I replied, tucking back my blonde hair as I remembered the last time he said this. He had wanted to make me laugh and his idea of doing that mean throwing a pancake in my face followed by a plate of bacon. And while it was funny and served its purpose, it meant a huge clean up for us. And considering I just moved in today, I would like to keep my house clean for at least a full 24 hours. "Will I like this thing you're about to do?"_

_"I can say with complete certainty that you will. You've been wanting it forever..." He told me with a devious smile on his lips before he took a chance and pressed his mouth against mine, both surprising me and thrilling me with our first kiss. But I was not so surprised that I couldn't respond, because I certainly responded. He was right, I had been wanting him to kiss me for a long time now and now that he was, I felt my heart take off like a race horse as he ran his hand down my arm and sucked on my bottom lip like it was the most delicious thing he had ever tasted. I had fantasized what it would feel like to kiss Alex but the fantasy did not live up to the reality I was experiencing. It was like his mouth was fashioned to perfectly fit mine and add in his tongue and I was practically flying. By the time I pulled back from him I was breathless and my cheeks were heating up. Alex on the other hand looked thrilled, pleased and about a bunch of other things I couldn't decipher at the moment. He went back to sitting with his elbow on the couch arm and looked at me with a raised eyebrow. "Still happy? Or are you ready to punch me?"_

_"No, I think that kiss saved you from me..."_

Things changed with us after that afternoon as it always did when two people shared their first kiss. But luckily for us it wasn't a bad change at all. In fact it was probably the best thing to happen because it brought us even closer together then before. Sure we still acted like complete idiots around each other and with Chris which I liked because I didn't want things to change so drastically. But when Chris left and it was just Alex and I, I saw a whole different side of him that I really really liked. He had always been sweet and kind to me, but when we took that next step he just became this total sweetheart that I couldn't get enough of. He was filling a void inside my self that I had been struggling to fill for years at this point and having him with me was exactly what I needed. It didn't mean that everything was perfect, because it certainly wasn't. We still fought and argued the same amount of times we did when we were just friends but I never really expected that to change. Besides, it was normal to argue and although I hated it, we always got over it and moved on.

I wasn't sure where we were going to go but I knew that even if things didn't work out in the romance department, that we still cherished our friendship enough to not let it be destroyed. And I hoped it would always be like that.

* * *

><p><em>"So I have something I've been wanting to ask you for a long time now and I just never really had the guts until now." Alex confessed to me one night as we laid together in my bed after making love and were trying to fall asleep but it seemed like he had too much on his mind to even try to sleep. And it made me so curious as to what he could possibly be thinking about that I rolled over on my side and tucked the sheets around my body. He was already laying there with his chin in his hand and his lips pressed together into a tight firm line that said for once he was being serious. "It's kind of a touchy subject for you."<em>

_"Oh boy that means it has something to do with my family." I could already feel the blood starting to boil once I guessed the reason behind his serious expression and I fell back against the pillows with my arms over my eyes. "Do we have to talk about this?"_

_"We don't have to, but I think we should." Alex pushed the subject further, grabbing my wrist and pulling it down so he could see my face. "We've been friends for years and we've been sleeping together for close to half a year. I think that implies some sort of connection between us where you can talk to me about your family. But I can only count on one hand the amount of times you've mentioned them and it was mostly just in passing."_

_"Alex you know the story about what happened with them, it was all over the internet once it leaked that I was signing with TNA. And I told you that we had a falling out when I quit WWE. So I guess I don't really see what there is to talk about." I sat up then, pulling the sheets around me when the topic of my family came up. I hadn't really spoken about them in months and Jeff and Dixie were really good about not bringing it up at work. And most of the time Alex and Chris didn't bring it up either. But now here it was coming out of Alex's mouth and I had to question why. "Why all of a sudden do you want to talk about this?"_

_"I don't know, maybe because its because we just came back from visiting with my parents and it got me thinking how you don't have contact with yours." He shrugged, looking adorable to the point where I almost forgot my resentment for him bringing up the topic in the first place. And I guess it was only natural for him to think about it. He had taken me back to his childhood home to meet his parents. It was nothing serious or meant anything too heavy, he just wanted me to meet them and I was glad I did. They loved me and I loved them. I saw just where Alex got his sense of humor from in his dad as well as his occasionally bouts of sweetness from his mom. It was so sweet to be there with him in his house and see what a normal family looked like nowadays. So I could kind of see where his thought process had originated from. He ran his fingers along my bare arm before saying. "Look I'm sorry I brought it up, I didn't mean to upset you. I just felt bad that you're not on good terms with your family like I am."_

_"I know you didn't mean anything by it, you were just trying to be sweet and I sort of jumped all over you." I cringed at how defensive I had sounded and I reached out to ruffle his hair in between my fingers and I sighed. "Look, I don't talk about my family because its hard for me. Mostly because I know nothing will change..."_

_"Have you even tried to patch things up with them?" He cut in, sitting up beside me and took my hand in his. "Or explained to them why you wanted to leave your family's company so badly?"_

_"I tried that when I told my father and he just couldn't accept it. That's how he is and once he is offended, even when its not intentional, there is really no fixing it." I explained with a shrug, feeling the sting that always came when we veered too close to the real truth. Alex had no idea what I kept hidden deep inside me and I had no intention of ever letting him find out. Or anyone else. No, this was something that only I knew about and the other person involved as well but I tried not to ever think of him. I pushed those dark cloudy thoughts away and looked at Alex with a sort of half grin. "It's ok, I'm not sad about it anymore. It is what it is and all I can do is just move on. I have my family in my friends down here in TNA and that's enough for me."_

_"But you know if you ever needed to talk about it, you can talk to me. I would always listen to you." He said earnestly, pushing back a stray piece of hair that had escaped from behind my ear and smiled. "You know I love..."_

_"Ok stop it right there. Do not say you love me. You know we have rules about that." I reminded him, pushing at his shoulder to back up my point and I watched him roll his eyes and fall back against the headboard with his hands in his lap. I knew he hated it when I cut him off like this but it was for the best right now. "When we started sleeping together,we agreed that it would not lead to saying 'I love you' and..."_

_"Actually I never agreed to it. It was you who said that was how it should be for some reason and I just let you call the shots. I never took that rule seriously." He retorted, flipping his hair back from his forehead with his fingers while bringing his legs up to his chest and staring at me with those wonderfully intense eyes of his. "I don't know why you are so against letting me say how I feel about you when its so clear we both feel that way. But I won't fight you on this. You women have a weird reason for all the crazy shit you do."_

_"Yes we do,but don't worry about it. One day I will let this go and things will be more normal between us." I assured him, not knowing when that day would come but I knew it wasn't going to be in the near future. I grabbed his face between my hands so our eyes met. "I promise you it will happen. You deserve that."_

_"So do you..."_

Alex and I never really discussed it after that. We hung out, worked together, had sex and spent the night at my house, all normal things that couples do but we were far from normal and that was due in large part to me. It wasn't just the fact that I wouldn't let him tell me he loved me, it was also because he had been putting pressure on me to put a label on what we were to each other. People within TNA knew he and I were involved but whenever we were together he always asked me to make it official by allowing him to call me his girlfriend. But I said no each and every time. It wasn't that I didn't want to be known that way or that I didn't care about him. But the idea of having that tie to someone verbally was sort of terrifying to me. And it didn't make sense to either of us since we acted like a couple all the time and yet I refused to actually say the words that would make it official. I knew it frustrated Alex sometimes when I got stubborn about it, but he always came to the same conclusion that it was better to just not push me on it because he still had me and a label wasn't important. But I knew eventually I would have to give him what he wanted.

I just didn't know when I was going to be able to do that.

* * *

><p><em>"Savannah? Are you even listening to me right now?" Chris's semi annoyed voice broke through my haze of thoughts and forced me to climb out of my own head just so I could focus on his face for the first time since he had started talking. I was almost annoyed myself that he had interrupted the haze I was in. I had just been getting use to the darkness when he began begging for my focus. Once he knew he had my attention, he went on. "What is with you? You've been acting spacey all day."<em>

_"Yea, what's going on with you babe?" Alex asked me as he reached for my hand and squeezed my fingers as if to make sure I wouldn't go off in a day dream again. "You've been off this whole time."_

_"I'm sorry, its just one of those times when my head is just too full of things. Plus I didn't get any sleep last night." I told them, sending Alex a wink that made him almost blush in my attempt to keep things light. I didn't want to voice the things I had been reliving in my head, I wanted them to stay in my head and not come out into this world. I squeezed his hand just to appease him and said. "But I'm fine. Go on with whatever it was you were talking about..."_

_"Thanks, I think I will." Chris nodded triumphantly as he turned back to Alex to talk to since he knew I would most likely let my attention wander and he was right. Once he and Alex were off talking about sports or cars or whatever it was, I took a moment to step over to the railing of the bridge we had been walking on and allowed my eyes to go across the water towards the sun setting on the horizon. The colors splattered across the sky reminded me of the one other time I had watched the sun set and I was surprised at how quickly the memories started rolling once I let that fact in._

_It had been the night after it happened. _

_I had spent the night in the corner of my shower, under the water that had started out hot but had since run cold. I had wanted to clean every inch of my skin possible to rid myself of the feel of him on me. But once I had started, I quickly grew tired and just sat there squeezing the red loofah in my hand watching the water swirl down the drain. I don't know how I stayed up all night without falling asleep on the shower floor but that's how it had happened. And when I finally had the energy to crawl out of the shower and pull new clothes on my body that weren't torn and in tatters and went right to bed. I had woken up late in the afternoon, my hair having dried funny from sleeping on it wet and I went over to the doors that led out to the balcony of my hotel room. I spent the next hour just sitting there watching the sky change colors until the sun disappeared and the sky was now black and scary. I missed the sun and the light, the light was safe. The night, not so much. I slept with every light on in my hotel room that night. I haven't done that since I was a child and thought there were monsters roaming around and stalking people in the night. I was an adult now, there were no monsters hiding under my bed._

_Just the monster that stalked me in my head, the monster that controlled that dark memory._

_"Are you sure you're ok?" It was Alex's voice that pulled me out this time. I turned my head and found him leaning on the railing next to me with a slightly crooked frown on his face. I felt his hand brush against my arm and his touch felt cold. Once the memory wore off everything would be warm again. "You look distracted."_

_"Not distracted, just pondering..."_

I had a lot of moments like this with Alex. We would be together and he would catch my eyes clouding over and he knew I was thinking about something serious. Sometimes he called me on it and other times he just let me be. I knew he was formulating his own ideas about what it was that I was thinking about and after I overheard a conversation between him and Chris, it was obvious Alex thought my sometimes short attention span was due to me thinking of my old life. He even said it to me once that he thought I was thinking about the WWE and my life that had been wrapped around it for so long and how I must be missing it. He was partially right about some of it. I did miss the people and the crew and the large crowds, and of course my family. But I couldn't be more relieved that I didn't have to be in those arenas anymore where at any minute I could turn a corner and the monster who had haunted me would appear. The relief I got from knowing I wouldn't have to ever be in a place that could put me in contact with that monster was so strong that it almost over took the pain I felt of not seeing my family every single day. Yes I missed it all and yes I wanted it all to be back to normal the way it use to be but that would involve going back and I couldn't do that. I had to keep moving forward and leave it behind, because the alternative of possibly seeing his face again was just not an option.

Because I refuse to be the girl in the horror movie that runs upstairs when the audience knows the stalker/killer is in the attic. I prefer to put as much distance between him and I as I could get. And if that meant losing my family so I could stay sane, then so be it.

* * *

><p><em>"Why would I do this? Have I sunk so low that this is what I resort to?" I asked my reflection as I stood near the counter in my bathroom, staring straight into my own eyes as a droplet of blood rolled down the side of my wrist and fell into the sink. My other hand was shaky, holding the razor with trembling fingers that had caused the messy cut in the first place. I didn't think I would actually do it, I just felt the pull to do it not the urge. But before I could definitively talk myself out of it, I found the silver edge of the razor digging into the skin above my <em>_wrist and drawing a jagged line across it. It stung and bubbled with blood but it did not make me feel the release I thought I was going to feel. _

_I had always read that when people turned to self mutilation there was always some kind of relief from it or at least a gratification. But there wasn't even that. I drew the razor across my arm in a different way, hoping that the second time around it would make me feel something. But all I felt was pain and I had already felt enough pain in my life, I did not need to add more. I tossed the razor into the trash can by the toilet and reached for a washcloth to press over my arm to stop the bleeding so I could put bandages on my cuts. It wouldn't take long. They weren't deep and they were about as severe as the cuts I would get working in the yard. No one suspected a thing..._

And no one had thought anything of it, not even Alex who seemed to notice every thing about me. He did see the bandages and questioned what I had done to myself and because I didn't want him to worry, I lied and said I fell in the bushes in front of my house when I trying to do yard work. That explanation brought on a lot of laughter and teasing from him about how I should never be doing yard work and then he eventually let it go. He honestly never even gave the truth a single thought but then again according to him, I never lied to him so he wouldn't think I was misleading him about this. After that day, he told me to leave the work in the yard to him and I had taken him up on that offer, content to just let the matter go away.

I hadn't cut since that first time and I had no intention of ever doing it again. They say that once you're a cutter, you're always a cutter and I won't deny to myself that what I had done had been stupid and dangerous. And I knew I would never have the desire to even try that again. I don't know what was different about that time then all the other times that pushed me to that point but I would never allow myself to reach it again. And sometimes I was reminded of that when I was looking at my arm and could still faintly see the scars if I squinted hard enough. They were going to be constant reminders of how close I had been to the edge and seeing them was going to pull me back if I ever got into that dark place ever again.

But like a lot of things, I refused to go back. I was going to keep shoving myself forward until I hit a brick wall and was forced to talk about it.

* * *

><p>I came out of my trip down memory lane at the sound of Alex's car coming down my driveway and I immediately sat up and headed back into the house. I didn't want him to see me sitting there with what I knew was a weird look on my face and have him question me incessantly about it. Alex loved me and would pester me to no end to figure out what was wrong with me and I did not want to give him a reason to start tonight. I just did not have the energy to fight back against him right now. My walls were down from all that reliving and if he tried to worm his way into the truth, then I might end up letting the truth spill out about what happened that night and I could not let that happen. I would put up a normal face and act the same until it started feeling real tomorrow. These moods of mine never lasted that long which I was grateful for. All I had to do was get through tonight and things would be alright tomorrow. Alex always managed to pick up my spirits even without knowing it.<p>

But he can never know the truth, not ever. If he knew what happened to me, he would run away for the hills-no, the mountains if he knew the truth. Alex was the best thing that happened to me since everything spiraled out of control and I couldn't lose him over this dark, twisted memory or have anything change between us. As long as I kept it locked away, then it could never damage me or any one else I loved.

"Hey babe, how was your night?" Alex came right over to me when he walked in the door and dropped his gym bag on the floor and planted a kiss on my lips before I could even formulate a response or even smile. However when he pulled back from me, I felt the grin spreading across my face and I felt the same flush of gratitude I always felt when we were together. Alex's good mood was just infectious and I actually found myself feeling lifted up from where I had been just moments before. He ran his fingers through his short dark hair with a grin of his own. "I didn't tell you the good news. Remember that meeting I had with Jeff and Dixie? Well it was to offer me a contract for the next 3 years."

"Alex that's great. I'm so happy for you." I exclaimed, reaching out to wrap my arms around his middle and squeezed him hard. He had worked so hard to stay in this company and he deserved to have a long term contract like that. I looked up at his face and felt my own heart swell with pride for him. "We should go out to celebrate or something."

"Funny you say that because I was just talking to Chris before I came here and said we should meet up at the bar for drinks. Is that cool?" He asked me, looking so happy and eager that I couldn't refuse him and besides Chris was part of our group too and we should all be celebrating together. So I nodded and Alex grinned like a child, pressing his lips against mine before grabbing his bag and backing away to the stairs. "I'm just going to jump in the shower first and then we can go. Man I love my life."

I watched with a smile as he ran upstairs, as giddy as a kid on Christmas before the sound of the door slammed shut and my face dropped slightly. He was happy tonight, and most of the time it was the same thing. So how could I ever think of telling him what happened to me? It would ruin everything and destroy the cozy little bubble we were living in right now. He would never look at me the same way again, he would always just see this secret instead of me. Things were fine with us and work and even with me personally. I wasn't having nightmares, this memory wasn't affecting my performance in my matches, I didn't act odd and no one thought or suspected there was anything wrong. Life was normal and in some ways perfect for me after all I had gone through. There was really no need to dig up the past and bring it back into my life. Not when it would have an affect on the people around me, mainly Chris and Alex. They were the closest thing I had to family down here and if they knew then it could put some kind of wedge between us and I didn't want that. And Alex would freak the hell out. All he would see when he looked at me, or the first thing that would pass through his mind when he thought of me, would be this secret. I didn't want him to look at me like that. I wanted things the way they were. I wanted to fill my life with good things to replace the bad things and I was doing that. I wasn't going to blow it all to hell by giving away my secret. I refused to let that monster re-enter my life and mess it up again. It was why I had left WWE in the first place, so I wouldn't have to look back over my shoulder all the time. I was determined to leave it in the dust and I was well on my way to doing that. It just was based on my ability to keep silent about that night.

No one could ever know my secret.

No one could ever figure out what had happened to me and why I had really lost everything so near and dear to my heart. My family thought they knew the real reason but they didn't. They just thought I had betrayed them and jumped ship to the enemy for no logical reason but to hurt them. And in actuality, I was trying to protect then, protect the company. They of all people could not know.

No one could know I had been raped. No one could ever know.


	2. Keep on rolling

**Chapter 2 Keep on rolling**

I tossed and turned a lot that night. For some reason I just couldn't seem to get myself to fall asleep. I would turn one way to get a cool spot on the pillow but eventually that would turn warm and I would turn the other way. I fell into this state of half sleep but I was still keenly aware of the shadows in my bedroom and I woke back up completely. I had been lying there staring at the ceiling, thinking I could bore myself into sleep but of course that didn't work. I turned my head, sighing when I saw that Alex was still deeply asleep as he had been since 11 that night. He of course passed out almost as soon as he had hit the bed while I had been left struggling to do the same. It was now 2:30 in the morning and I feared if I didn't get to sleep soon then I wouldn't get enough rest to make it through the day. And I needed the energy considering we had a taping for TNA to do and I didn't want to be lagging in my match. Finally I slipped out of bed and headed for the door, maybe if I went downstairs and just wandered around the little activity could jump start my sleep. I made sure to walk slowly so my footsteps wouldn't wake Alex, but then again it would take an explosion to do that.

I was halfway down the stairs when I realized quite randomly that at this hour on this day, there would be a recap show of this week's RAW episode and for some strange reason I had a desire to watch it. After the previous night's trip down memory lane, I still had a pull to the memories of my old life and I wanted to see that on screen. So when I got to the bottom floor, I immediately turned right into the living room and flipped on a light on my way to grabbing the remote. I was glad I was alone because I knew that what I was about to turn on was going to raise a red flag if there was any witnesses.

_"And we're back on Monday Night RAW..." _Jerry Lawler's voice came through the TV first thing and I couldn't help but smile at the sound of the familiar voice commentating the show. I ignored Michael Cole as I had never been a fan of him, he had always been extremely irritating even before he made it to the announcer's table. I had no idea what my father had been thinking. What could have made him think this was a good idea? I edged myself over to the couch and sat on the edge of the cushion to watch for a while. My ears went in and out of focus as I paid less attention to what was being said and more attention on what I was seeing.

Of course most of the recap was spent showing playbacks of the more main event moments of the week and it was no surprise that I saw a figure that made me sit back in surprise and drop the remote with a gasp. John Cena was flying around the ring as he always did, showboating to the point that the audience had turned on him was booing everything he did. He didn't care and kept on springing off the ropes like he was in a sling shot. I bit my bottom lip and just stared at the screen, not believing my luck. It was so like the universe to throw him up the moment I turned on the TV, like watching RAW wasn't going to be hard enough already and now here was someone who had such a tie to the reason I left the company in the first place. Life was so cruel sometimes. And yet I couldn't tear myself away from watching the screen. It was like a car accident, horrible to look at but able to lock your eyes on it for an infinite amount of time. I hated the way I was frozen to watching him, I just wanted to look away. I hated seeing that face of his. Hated seeing that damn smirk that reminded me so much of what had…..

"Couldn't sleep either?" Chris's voice came so suddenly out of the darkness that I nearly screamed but just managed to reign it in for fear of waking Alex up. I fumbled for the remote, glad that I had clicked it off just in time as he walked into the room and dropped down beside me on the couch. I was surprise to see him awake considering he had passed out earlier then Alex due to his drinking this evening during dinner. Obviously, I wasn't going to let him drive home to the apartment he shared with Alex and I didn't like the idea of him being alone when he was so wasted, so I offered him my guest room and he hadn't been seen since then. I met his barely sober eyes and saw the questioning look in them. "Were you just watching RAW?"

"Actually I was. I couldn't sleep and as I was coming down here, I remembered that there was the recap show on and I wanted to check it out." I admitted, knowing that although Chris had been drinking hours before, he was still pretty perceptive in what was going on around him. I stared at him with my lips pressed together tightly into a line, knowing I couldn't get anything passed him even now. "I guess I was just curious as to what has been going on there. I kind of just..."

"Miss it?" He offered the word to me as casually as if it had been a bowl of chips. But this particular subject was quite touchy and it was so odd to hear it spoken as if it were no big deal. Anything tied to WWE was a big deal. But Chris didn't seem to think so. He shrugged. "It's ok if you miss it sometimes. It was your life for 22 years and even though you chose to go elsewhere to wrestle, you're allowed to miss it from time to time."

"I feel like I don't deserve to miss it after the way I left and how my family reacted." I told him, feeling the sting that always came when I mentioned my family but I tried not to let it hit me too deep. "Like my decision to bail, canceled out any right I had to miss it."

"Well that doesn't make any sense. Like I said, it was apart of you for your entire life up through your wrestling training and you and everyone else assumed your career would be there and not in TNA. Of course it's still going to feel weird even after all this time." Chris explained to me with a half smile that showed his sincerity in his belief behind his words. I knew he meant well but he couldn't possibly understand the extent of why I felt this way, no one could understand it. At least not without knowing the truth and I was not going to be offering that up any time soon. But Chris, even in his post drinking binge haze, was still determined to get his point across. And what he said next was surprising. "Do you ever regret coming to TNA two years ago?"

"No, I don't regret it at all. It was the right choice for me no matter how sad I feel about missing my old life." I answered honestly because it was true. I didn't regret for one minute making the decision to come here because I do believe that it was what I needed to do. I hated what had happened to bring me to this point but I would never regret taking the path to jump ship. I had too many good things going for me right now to ever wish I had just stayed where I was. Alex and Chris were two of those things and were the biggest reason I was as happy as I was these days. I hoped it would always be like that. I looked at Chris with a grin. "I wouldn't change my life now for anything."

"Well I'm glad to hear that." He said, reaching over to pay my arm before grinning even brighter. "If Alex hadn't passed out for the last few hours and he was down here with us, he would be happy to hear that too. Sometimes I think he feels like he is keeping you from being happy."

"It's the opposite of that actually." I said, shaking my head at the idea that Alex thought he could do anything less then making me happy. "He makes me more happy then anyone else has. If I wasn't already here for me, then it would be because of him. He makes it worth while."

"What about me?" Chris exclaimed, pretending to look hurt. "I thought I was part of it too. I am your best friend after all."

"Fine Chris, you can be part of the reason too..."

* * *

><p><em><span>The next day<span>_

"Sooooo..." Alex began to say, turning his head to face me the next afternoon as he sat behind the wheel of my car and drove us down the highway towards the arena for the taping and judging by the smirk that was on his face, I knew he was going to say something outrageous. I just knew him that well. I sat back in the passenger seat with my arms crossed and my body turned to face him, all prepared for what was to come to. The radio was on but neither of us were really paying attention to it, it was on more for background noise. Once Alex saw that my focus was entirely on him, he spoke again. "Chris mentioned to me that you two had a nice little conversation early this morning while I was asleep..."

"Yes we did." I smiled at the man sitting less then a foot away from me and just marveled at how lucky I was. Sure our relationship or whatever it was, wasn't perfect but he was still the most stable thing in my life when it came to intimacy and I treasured that. "And your point would be what?"

"What did you guys talk about?" Alex wanted to know, but I could tell by his tone and the twinkle in his eyes that he wasn't feeling jealous by any means. Had it been any other guy then I would say the start of this conversation would have hinted at jealousy. But not Alex, he would never be jealous because he knew without a doubt that I only wanted him. He just liked to pretend that he was to make me laugh. And I had to admit, it was fun to tease him a little. "Were you discussing me and incredibly good looks?"

"Not so much as we were talking about how sexy...Chris was." I giggled, watching Alex's face from the side as he showed mock rage at my comment before he too started twitching with laughter. That was one of the things I loved about him, his ability to be so lighthearted about everything. Including my fake assessment of his best friend's sexiness. "I'm kidding of course. We were talking about how we could possibly sneak away and get married without you knowing."

"You're such a whore." Alex said, his face turning red with laughter as he struggled to maintain his composure enough so he didn't drive off the road. "You should at least invite me to the wedding. Chris is my best friend and we agreed I would be his best man when he got married."

"So you approve of the idea?" I was almost overcome with hysterics by this point because it was just so out of this world crazy that I would ever think this sort of thing seriously. I mean come on, this is Chris we're talking about. I love him and all and he is my best friend, but being romantic with him? No way, Chris was like my brother, it would just be way too gross. "You wouldn't try and stop me or rescue me in some way?"

"Nah, I don't think so. It would be mean to stop such a joyous occasion from happening." Alex rolled his eyes, his hand reaching across the space between us and curling his fingers over mine and his face turned slightly from the road to look at me. "Of course I would rescue you, I will always rescue you."

"You're so sweet..." I should have been able to finish what I was going to say but my ears suddenly tuned in to what was coming out of the speakers and both Alex and I turned to stare at it like it was something dangerous.

_"...WWE coming to Orlando Florida...see all your favorite superstars live and in action September 15 thru..." _Alex immediately dropped my hand and reached over and hit the power button to shut it off and for a second we just sat there in this heavy cloud of silence. Those few seconds of words cut through me so sharply that I almost exhaled with a gasp.

"Are you ok?" Alex had to ask just to be sure when I didn't say anything right away. He knew how easily any mention of my former company and old life could affect me and he always tried desperately to get through to me so I didn't retreat into my own head. His fingers squeezed my hand again so I would focus on his face. "I'll just plug my iPod in. We don't need to listen to the radio.."

I could only nod and watch him as he did just that. But when the music replaced the silence and we were driving again as we were before, we both became keenly aware of how tightly my fists were curled up on top of my knees.

_25 minutes later..._

"You know, no matter how much this happens, I don't think I will ever get use to it." I muttered to Alex as we came to a stop in the back parking lot of the TNA arena and climbed out of the car to the sound of a small crowd of fans who had already been camping outside the building for the show later today. All thoughts of the radio commercial ad for WWE went out of my mind as Alex and I grabbed our bags and headed towards the building while checking out the dedicated fans who had been waiting God only knows how long to see us. "I can't believe people like us so much that they stand out in this heat for hours just to catch a glimpse of us."

"I think they like looking at you more then me." Alex pointed out with his usual smirk before pulling me to his side much to the delight of the fan watching us. It was pretty well known that Alex and I were involved due to the fans seeing us arrive together week after week for the tapings but we never acknowledge it officially and it was more because of me then him. Alex wouldn't have thought it was a big deal if we said we were together but I still wasn't willing to say we were a couple even to just our friends and co-workers. But on most days that didn't seem to bother him and today was one of those days. He grinned at the fans like he was saying he was lucky and said to me. "I bet they're all jealous of me."

"I bet you're just saying that to boost your own ego." I rolled my eyes, squeezing my arm around his waist as we walked and waved to the fans who called out to us. "You like having eye candy around you. Isn't that what you said to me once?"

"Not once, many times." He corrected me, hiking his strap up on his shoulder while nodding over by the fence. "Listen to them. They really enjoy looking at you."

_" Savannah McMahon you are so damn hot, please dump that a-hole and come home with me!"_

_"Savannah I want to marry you!"_

_"Savannah have my babies please. I'm begging you!"_

"Oh my God people are insane." I felt my face flush when these comments kept coming my way, some people just have no shame or filter from their brains to their mouths. It amazed me that certain people had no problem just blurting these things out to a stranger. But then again, they felt like they knew me as they had been following my career here for the past 2 years. But still. "I can't believe they get this wound up just seeing me."

"Can you blame them? I mean, look at you. You drive men crazy with your looks and that smile of yours. It would make anyone act insane." Alex said, his fingers brushing against my cheek as we wove our way through the rows of cars. "Don't you see it?"

"Not really to be honest." I answered truthfully. I knew I was beautiful as I had heard that my entire life and Alex said it to me at least 5 times a day but I never thought I was one of those girls who made crowds of men go crazy the way he said I did. But I guess to other people it was more obvious. "I hate it when they only look at me like I'm a pretty face and I can't do shit otherwise."

"We both know that's not true." Alex assured me in that confident tone of his that I had come to really loved. As we passed by closer to the fence on our way to the door, Alex held on to me tighter. "You are just as talented and skillful as the rest of us. You just so happened to look a lot better covered in sweat then everyone else."

"Oh shut up." I couldn't help but laugh at his comment, he always had a way of making a comment seem like a joke and a compliment at the same time. "You just are hoping to..."

_"Savannah are the rumors true about you and the WWE? Are you really going to go back there finally?"_

_"It's all over the internet...People are saying that when your contract expires, you are resigning with WWE. Are you really leaving TNA?"_

_"I knew you would jump ship again back to your bastard father, it was only a matter of time. Of course someone like you wouldn't stay with TNA for long."_

Alex grabbed me by the arms and pushed me the final stretch of distance to the back door and within 20 seconds we were inside the building and the shouts of the fans fell silent the second the door slammed shut behind us. I could hear the blood rushing in my ears and my heart beating rapidly at the sudden realization that some people were still clinging to the idea that I was going to somehow end back in the WWE. It pissed me off even more that there were actually stories flying around online of my imminent return and they were so far from the truth. Did my family see these stories? Were they also being shouted at by their own fans? What did my father make of it? Did it strike some kind of hopeful cord in him? I was so busy trying to picture this that I didn't notice Alex trying to get my attention.

"Savannah, snap out of it." Alex's hands were waving in front of my face and it was only then when I focused on his face and saw in the short time we had walked in, we were joined by Chris who had also been trying to get my attention. Alex grabbed my hand. "Don't listen to those stupid fans, they don't know what they're talking about."

"So you heard about the rumors then?" Chris asked, his eyes wide with curiosity as he shared a look with Alex. "You know that people actually think she's going back to WWE?"

"That's ridiculous." I said, finally finding my voice and turning to look at them both while running my fingers through my loose blonde hair. "It's been 2 years and I never gave any indication that I wanted to return. I don't want to go back there and I thought that was clear but I guess not."

"Don't get upset about it, people are just stupid and cling to their own fantasies. You have to just ignore it." Alex told me, his arm wrapping around my shoulders to draw me close. "It's just a bunch of rumors..."

"Savannah I need to speak to you right away." Jeff Jarrett's voice came from down the hall and all three of us turned to see the blonde head of our boss coming towards us with that serious look he always had on his face when he was at work. He nodded to the guys before setting his eyes on me and motioned for me to follow him. "Can you come with me to my office? We need to talk in private."

I could only nod before following my boss silently down the hall.

* * *

><p><em><span>5 minutes later<span>_

"Jeff will you just say whatever it is that you want to say and stop staring at me like that?" I asked my boss with a raised eyebrow, watching as he just sat across from me behind his desk and looked at me in the same studious way he had been since calling me away to his office. I knew when he came up to us that whatever he had in mind was sort of serious but I wasn't worried in the beginning. My performances on the tapings were just as perfect as they had always been, my behavior backstage was impeccable as I didn't do drugs and very rarely drank, and my co-workers loved me. There wasn't one thing I could think of that I had done that would warrant a serious talk from Jeff. But the longer he sat there not saying anything, that's when I got nervous. "What's wrong? Just spit it out already."

"Alright, I'm just going to be completely blunt here..." He told me, leaning forward so his folded arms were on the desktop and he was staring at me more closely then before like he wouldn't miss one single moment of my reaction. "Savannah, are you planning to leave TNA once your contract expires to go to the WWE?"

"Oh my God, not you too." I exclaimed, throwing my hands up in the air and narrowly missed knocking something off the desk in my zest to show my exasperation already with this subject. "Is that all anyone can think about today? That I supposedly want to go back to work for my father?"

"So the rumors aren't true then?" Jeff asked, looking like he already knew my answer once he saw how I first responded and he sat back in his chair with his hand at the back of his head. "I should have known that wasn't true. But you know how convincing these internet rumors can be and I just had to make sure."

"Jeff, let me assure you that I am not going anywhere and I plan on being with TNA for the long haul. Or at least until you guys get sick of me and decide to fire me." I said jokingly but still serious enough to let him know that I meant what I said. I hadn't once thought about leaving TNA in the entire two years I had been here. Not once, so it was crazy for me to hear that there were rumors to the contrary. "Seriously, I have no plans to jump ship on you. I am perfectly happy where I am."

"Well that's a relief, it would have sucked losing you." Jeff made a point of saying, his face shifting from a serious look to a more paternal expression and once again I was grateful to have Jeff Jarrett as my boss and my friend and even more importantly as my second father. With the absence of my real father who no longer wanted anything to do with me, Jeff had stepped up to fill that void even though he didn't have to. He had a very nasty history with my family and especially with my father so I would have understood had he not been warm towards me. But he was the opposite even when he was working for my dad, he still was close with me even when I was a kid. And now that I was an adult and on my own with no one else in my family talking to me, Jeff had been there to lend a shoulder. He was always there and I couldn't imagine it not being that way. And I guess he felt the same when he heard those rumors. He tapped his fingers on the desk and sighed. "Seems like there is a lot of talk about you and the WWE these days..."

"Not on my own doing, trust me. I haven't spoken to anyone there since I left." I immediately let him but even though it was of my own choice to not keep in touch with my old friends I had made there, a sting still ripped through me just as sharply as if it hadn't been my fault. I looked at Jeff and shrugged. "I guess people are always going to wonder if it will ever happen. But I'm so damn sick of hearing about the WWE today. It's like never ending."

"How so?" Jeff asked, running his fingers through his hair to ruffle it up a bit before he said. "Judging by the look on your face, I have a feeling this talk with me isn't the first time you have heard that company mentioned."

"You got that right. First off, I couldn't sleep last night and when I went downstairs to turn the TV on, I had this sudden urge to watch the RAW recap show and I never do that. Then as Alex and I are driving here, a commercial for WWE comes on which annoys me even more. And then, I arrive here and the fans are shouting all these crazy things that I'm turning my back on TNA to go back to WWE." I nearly growled as I said this, completely fed up with all this talk about what I was going to be doing. It was no one else's business but my own and it was extremely hurtful to have these new reminders of my old life. It was like I could never escape the hurt. I just shook my head in frustration. "And then now this thing with you. Is the universe totally trying to make me go insane?"

"I guess that will answer the question of how you feel about all this WWE talk." Jeff said with a slight laugh that somehow put me at ease as it always did when I needed it the most. "It won't always be like this."

"I guess not as obvious as it is now, but it's still always going to be uncomfortable to hear." I admitted with a grimace. It was true. No matter whether this craze died down or flared up again it was still going to torment me in some way. If I could escape any and all mention of the WWE and my family then I could but it wasn't that easy. I was still in the wrestling business and in the rival company to my family's company. It was never going to stop hurting. "But I suppose as a McMahon in TNA, there is always going to be speculation on whether I will ever go back..."

"Do you think you will ever want to return?" Jeff questioned with a non judging look that despite its sincerity, would still register hurt if I said yes. But luckily for Jeff I had no desire to ever face that place again.

"No, I won't ever go back there. Too many bad memories."

* * *

><p><em><span>Later that night<span>_

"And your winner...Savannah McMahon!"

I couldn't stop the grin that spread across my face as I stumbled to my feet in the middle of the ring with a stream of blood running down the side of my face while the referee raised my arm victoriously in the air. I glanced behind me to where my opponent Velvet Sky was sprawled out on the mat, seemingly defeated and beaten. But I could just barely make out the movement of a wink from her that went undetected from the rest of the arena as they all cheered and stomped their feet for me. It hadn't been a long match but it had exhausted me as every match with Velvet did and she often said the same thing about me. We may have been tiny women but apparently we didn't realized how much ass we kicked and judging by the fact that I lost blood in this match, I would say that is true. I left the ring through the bottom ropes and made my way up the ramp, slapping hands with fans as I went towards the tunnel that lead backstage and to my relief there was no more comments about the rumors like there had been this afternoon. I stopped at the top of the ramp and turned back to wave one last time at the audience, seeing that Velvet was also making her way towards me so I turned back and disappeared down the tunnel.

Once I came out of the entrance, someone handed me a towel to wipe up the blood on my forehead and I smiled gratefully at them. I didn't even wince when I pressed it against my skin as I knew it wasn't deep. I had been busted open enough in training and in my professional career to know when something was wrong. After I motioned that I was fine, I decided to wait for Velvet to come backstage so we could go to the locker room together. Sure enough once, she came to the entrance, she jumped off the platform and came over to me with a big grin on her face.

"Hope I didn't hurt you too much." She eyed the blood stained towel and then my forehead with studious eyes. "I know I wasn't suppose to bust you open but..."

"It's your damn boots, you raise your leg and just like that you're a force to be reckoned with." I joked, motion to the 5 inch platform boots she wore almost every match as she did not like her short stature. I shook my head and tossed the towel on my shoulder. "I mean, let's be serious. Is it really that much of a crime to be short?"

"When you're surrounded by freaks like these guys then yes. I need every advantage I can get to be taken seriously." She told me, looping her arm through mine as we started walking down the hallway. We passed the other wrestlers who were just standing around talking while they waited to be called for their spot or match and most of them called out greetings to us as we went by. Velvet eyed a few of them with interest and although I could appreciate the good looks of some of the guys I worked with, I wasn't interested like Velvet was. I already had a good guy in my life. But Velvet was always on the prowl for male company. "You know what else I need like seriously? To get some action. Do you have any idea how long it has been?"

"5 minutes?" I said jokingly, jumping out of the way when she pretended like she was going to punch me. "I'm kidding obviously, but it hasn't been too long. You're never really alone that much."

"Well it feels like forever to me. And of course you can make jokes, you have constant sex with Alex and you never have to go out looking. He's always just there." Velvet chuckled, raising her eyebrows in approval of my choice in partners which sometimes even surprised me at times. I wasn't planning on having such an intimate connection with someone after the horrible rape but Alex surprised me with how much he had put me at ease and there were times when I felt normal when I was with him. Velvet was always looking for that, hence why she constantly checked out all the available wrestlers on the roster. I felt her tugging on my arm to make me look ahead. "Speak of the devil..."

"Who me?" Alex's voice was full of surprise as he walked towards us, his face breaking into a grin when our eyes met and I felt a familiar quickening of my heartbeat when he looked at me like that or really any time we were in the same space together. When he reached us, he immediately pulled me to his side, kissing my lips quickly with no shame to who may be looking. "Hello beautiful."

"Nice, very nice." Velvet observed with approval, looking at us with a cross between a smirk and a slightly jealous look. "You two are almost sickening."

"Well thank you." Alex grinned, his arm going around me as his eyes studied the small cut on my head. "But I won't thank you for maiming her."

"Oh please, I'm fine." I rolled my eyes, hating that Alex sometimes thought of me as this delicate little thing. I was a lot strong then I looked but it didn't stop him from expressing his concern for me. "You take these things worse then I do."

"And that's a bad thing?" He asked, tilting his head to the side as his finger caught a drop of blood that rolled down my temple. "Anyways, my concern has to be short lived, I have a match about to take place and I wanted to remind you about something about tonight."

"Oh right, you said you were going to be cooking dinner tonight." I nodded, not able to stop smiling in remembrance as he had made this promise a few nights ago when we knew the taping schedule. I'm surprised he even remembered and I couldn't help but want to tease him. "Is that really such a good idea? I mean, do you remember what happened the last time you said you were going to do that?"

"Yes and if you recall I did not intentionally cause that fire. It just happened." Alex shot back, his face twitching in embarrassment which was a rarity in his word. "Do not make fun of me or I will cease and desist on all future acts of kindness."

"Alright, alright. I will zip it for now." I tried not to laugh at the look on his face but it was hard because he just looked so ridiculously adorable when he was uncomfortable. Alex was one of those people who did not like his mistakes being pointed out to him. I quickly kissed him on the cheek and pushed him towards the tunnel. "Go now before you miss your cue. I'll see you later."

Velvet and I watched Alex walked away with our heads tilted together and once he disappeared, she turned to me and said.

"You are so damn lucky."

* * *

><p><em><span>15 minutes later<span>_

"Girl stop staring at the screen like that, you're going to embarrass yourself."

"Shut up Velvet and go take your shower." I shot back at my friend, sending her a glare as I made my way over to my locker to change while continuing to stare at the TV mounted on the wall showing the match between Alex and AJ Styles that had begun when I jumped into the shower just a few minutes ago. I had never taken a more quick shower in my life, I just didn't want to miss his match. So I washed my hair and scrubbed the sweat from my body before wrapping myself in a towel and hauled ass back to the main part of the locker room and nearly slipped on the wet floor in my haste to get back. And this was how Velvet had found me, in a towel and staring at the screen with my mouth practically hanging open. But now that I had a hold of myself, I was in front of my things so I wouldn't embarrass myself any further. "You're being very annoying."

"You're just mad that I called you on your silly little puppy dog look you were giving your man." Velvet pointed out, grabbing her shampoo and conditioner as she walked by me with a little smirk. "Behave yourself while I'm gone."

"Please stop, you're too much right now." I rolled my eyes for what seemed like the hundredth time today and pulled my bag over to me and reached inside for my clothes. "Go away."

"Oh, someone is feeling extra sensitive today." She teased lightly as she rounded the corner and went away into the shower room and left me in peace to change.

I kept my eyes on the TV mounted on the wall as I pulled on a gray tank top and a pair of black capris, not needing to think too much about what I looked like just to go home at the end of the night. I tossed my ring clothes in a separate bag and sat down on the chair to attempt to pull my comb through my damp thick blonde hair. It was a lot longer then I realized, having grown out to reach the middle of my back and giving me a lot more knots to work through. I watched Alex move as I did this, laughing when he slapped AJ in the face and then grinned at the camera like a teenage boy which only made him more adorable then he already was. Oh man how he made my heart race sometimes with the simplest of looks. My hair laid smoothly over my shoulder and I set the comb aside and smelled the scent permeating from it.

"Mmm, that smells so good." The words had barely left my mouth before I sat back with gasp as I saw familiar old images starting to flash before my eyes like I wasn't even in a room. The memory hit me so fast and so unexpectedly that I didn't have time to fight it off before it consumed me...

_"Such a pretty girl, so breath taking..." His voice tickled my ear, chilling me all the way down to my toes with words of ice as he laid on top of me, not even pulling out of me even though he had just finished his final thrust. I tried not to let the tears show by turning my head away, but they fell anyway in hot rivers down the side of my face and over the bridge of my nose as I continued to feel his hand on me. "I enjoyed myself a lot."_

_"Please just let me go. Please..." I didn't care if my normally confident voice sounded weak and scared, I just wanted him to leave me alone. I was scared of the way he was looking at me, scared that he would try to take another part of me away with him. I couldn't even muster the courage to scream again. I just begged, no pleaded for my life. "I won't...I won't tell anyone...please, don't hurt me anymore..."_

_"You bet that sweet ass you won't say anything, or else I won't be such a gentleman next time." He told me, his weight lifting just enough so I could feel him finally leave from inside of me but even after we weren't joined anymore, he was still on top of me, still needed just one more moment of power. He gathered a bunch of my hair in his hand and buried his face in it, deeply inhaling the smell of my shampoo. "Mmm, you smell so good. I won't forget you any time soon."_

_He got off me right then, his weight leaving me so quickly that I gasped for air like it was my first breath. I heard him laughing as I turned away just as the tears fell like lava down my cheeks..._

"And your winner...Alex Shelley!" Jeremy Borash's voice announcing Alex's victory was what brought me out of my head to stare at the screen to see the man in question on his knees with his fists raise din the air and a grin on his face. He was happy, thrilled even. Somehow, seeing him like that made me let go of the shadows I had just been in and smile for the sake of Alex. I don't know how it was possible to react that way after what I had just remembered, but it all went back to my constant need to drive forward and not hold on to it. It would catch up to me one day, but right now I was going to try and outrun it.

* * *

><p><em><span>Later that night<span>_

"See? I told you I wouldn't start another fire." Alex exclaimed from his spot over by the front of the stove where he had been standing for the last 15 minutes trying to prove he wasn't going to have the same outcome as he had the last time. The moment we had left the arena almost 2 hours ago, he had been talking up his culinary skills like he was a professional and not someone who had almost burned my house down. I had smiled and teased him a little bit on the drive home, but I was mostly quiet as I had begun to feel the pull of isolation. But when we got inside and settled down into the kitchen to watch Alex go to work, my mood seemed to lift at his efforts to cook me a nice dinner and seeing him try so hard just pulled me right back out into the mood I had wanted to be when we left the arena. Alex turned toward me, a wooden spoon in his hand and a towel over his shoulder. "I can totally handle this."

"Ok sure." I nodded, my lips pressed together as I tried not to smirk but it was no use as fits of giggles came passing out into the air as I stared at him with a shake of my head. "If that's true then why does it smell like something is burning?"

"Oh fuck." He exclaimed, turning back to face the stove and dropped the spoon into the frying pan to stir it around, only furthering to increase the smell as it wafted through the air. "Ok, pretend like you didn't just notice that I almost let the meat burn."

"You are such a crazy person Alex Shelley." I pointed out, enjoying the fact that he was trying to do something nice for me even though he wasn't very good at it. But it was the effort that he put in that made me allow him to do this time after time even though his cooking usually sucked. He just looked so cute doing it. "I don't know why you insist on doing this every so often. I'm not going to be offended if you don't cook me dinner."

"How many times have you cooked Chris and I dinner over the course of the past two years?" He turned to ask me with a knowing look that I knew I couldn't argue so I just nodded. "Exactly. Now let me do this in peace."

I fell silent after that and just watched Alex from my spot at the table with the same intensity I had watched with when he was wrestling. Alex truly was a fascinating person to watch and I don't think he even realized half the things he did when he didn't know he was being stared at so directly. I had to smile when he started shifting from side to side, almost like he was dancing to a song inside his head and he wasn't able to keep still. Or how when his hair fell on his forehead, he blew it away with his lip curled up to direct the air. And the way he stood with his left hip cocked slightly to the side underneath his jeans and his black tshirt rising up a little in the back just made my heart swell. It was amazing how quickly my mood had changed in the course of the last 2 hours. And it occurred to me right then and there that despite the rape and the effect it had on me, somehow I had managed to push that aside so much that I actually fell in love with someone. I loved Alex, I knew I did. But actually saying those words inside my head brought out a feeling of pure glee that it brought me to my feet.

"Hey Alex..." I called out, wanting him to look at me as I walked across the kitchen towards him. And when he stepped back and turned to see what I wanted, I didn't moving and just went into his arm and pressed my lips against his surprised mouth. I kissed Alex long and hard, almost like I was trying to convey how I felt about him through this kiss. I would eventually say those words to him some day, but right now, I just wanted him to know how happy he made me. When I pulled back to look in his eyes, he just stared at me in stunned silence. "What?"

"What was that for?" He asked, a small smile twitching at the corner of his lips as he set the spoon on the counter and reached for me. "I mean, not that I don't like being kissed like that, but it came out of nowhere. Is there something I need to know?"

"No. I'm just happy, that's all." I told him, feeling like I didn't need to explain anything just yet and moved to wrap my arms around his waist to hug him close to me. "You make me very happy."

"Well good, I was starting to have doubts." He said jokingly, kissing me this time before turning back to the stove while keeping one arm around me the whole time.


	3. Showing the cracks

**Chapter 3 Showing the cracks**

"Ok, I officially think I'm going to die right about now." I practically hissed at Alex from the other side of the room where I was doing my best to keep up with the speed of the treadmill while also trying not to fall flat on my face from exhaustion. We had come here to the gym just 90 minutes earlier to get in a work out on our day off and already I was covered in sweat with my knees ready to collapse. I would have turned the speed down but every time I raised my hand to do it, Alex shot me a look that kept me from following through. This was why I rarely worked out with him, because when you went to the gym with Alex Shelley, you spent the entire 2 hours going at the same speed you started at. And like an idiot, when he asked me to come with him I didn't have the heart to say no. But as I wiped the sweat that dripped from my temples and felt the quiver in my legs, I had to take a break and hit the buttons to drop the speed before Alex could say anything. "Sorry hun, but I've hit my limit. Not everyone can go as hard as you."

"This is why you need to work out with me more often, your stamina sucks." Alex told me very sternly but one glance at his eyes showed the twinkle there and I knew he wasn't being completely serious. He actually slowed down his own treadmill in response and grinned at me in a way that I couldn't help but feel all warm at. "But I guess I should go easier on you huh?"

"That would be nice, thank you." I smiled, hitting the power button and coming to a complete stop before jumping off and grabbing the water bottle I had brought with me and took a long gulp while wiping my forehead with the sleeve of my hoodie I had flung over the railing. I felt a piece of hair come loose from my long braid and blew it out of my eyes. "Oh man, I feel disgusting."

"But you still look hot to me." Alex said with no shame, his lips turning up into a bright smirk that almost made me turn red because I could take a very accurate guess at what was going through his head. Alex had no filter to his mouth sometimes when he was thinking about me like this and even though it was sweet that he thought I was still attractive even in the gym, it still made me squirm. Alex came off his treadmill and wiped his forehead with the back of his hand while laughing. "Ok, now I feel disgusting and gross. Maybe you were right to take a break."

"I'm always right. And you should always remember that." I teased him, tossing him the water bottle and then slipped my arms into the sleeves of my hoodie so I would be covered when we walked through the rest of the gym. I looked through the window of the treadmill room and cocked my head to the side, seeing all the people milling around in the main room. "Wow, this place really filled up since we got here."

"I know, it's usually never this busy and now it's like over run." Alex commented, his hand running through his hair to push it out of his eyes and I watched him frown slightly. "Is it me or do some of these people look familiar?"

"No, I don't think it's just you because I'm thinking the same thing." I agreed, moving closer to the window to get a better look at the crowd that had come in. There was something familiar about this group of guys but I didn't recognize any of their faces, it was their bodies that stood out to me. It was a very specific body type that I had seen plenty of times before but I just couldn't place why I felt a sudden pull just then. It was only when the group dissipated and cleared out to reveal more people, that I realized what I was seeing and I stepped back with my face going cold. "Oh shit, we have to get out of here. Those guys in there, they're from the WWE."

"They must be in town for a show or something." Alex joined me by the window and I felt his hand encircle my arm and pulled me towards the door so we could slip away. "Come on, let's go now before anyone you know sees you."

"I was just thinking the same thing." I grumbled, hating that we now had to sneak out like we weren't suppose to be here. This was our gym, our territory and now we had to leave because if any of these guys saw me, I know they would try and strike up a conversation. It would be unavoidable and the best thing to do was just to leave. I felt Alex right behind me as we left the smaller room and stuck to the wall as we went through the main part of the gym and headed for the door. Luckily no one took notice of us. That was the one good thing about being in the same gym as a bunch of WWE wrestlers, they were too caught up in their workouts to pay attention to anything else. So I thought we were home free as we left through the door and came out in to the empty hallway, but my luck soon ended once I rounded the corner of the door frame and nearly ran into a tall, broad figure. "I'm sorry, I was...John?"

"Savannah?" John Cena's wide blue eyes stared back at me in amazement like he never once thought we would ever be standing in the same room again after I had left. And I had been trying so hard to make sure this very moment never happened. But the past finally decided to catch up with me and throw remnants of my old life right in my face and now I was dumbstruck as how to respond to this sudden reunion. I was not prepared for seeing him again and it seemed like he wasn't prepared either as he stood there on his feet, shifting back and forth as he tried not to stare at me so obviously. "Uh...how are you?"

"Fi...fine. Just fine." I managed to find my voice quick enough to spit this response out and I glanced to my right to see Alex standing there and giving John a look that said he would react without thinking if he didn't like what was being said. I was able to smile gratefully at Alex before looking back at John and trying to stop my stomach from turning. "How are you?"

"Pretty much the same, just working out the kinks from an old injury. You know how it is." John rubbed his hand along the back of his neck, nodding slightly to Alex before saying. "I didn't expect to see you here..."

"This is our gym, we come here pretty regularly.." I explained,my eyes drifting to the walls, the floor, anywhere but at his face. If I looked at his face, then I would see the memories and I couldn't handle that right now when I was in between him, Alex and feet away from a group of my old peers. "So I guess you guys are here for a show."

"Yea, later tonight. We just got in this morning." John told me, giving voice to Alex's suspicions while nodding through the window where we could all see the other wrestlers settling down for their workout. I tried not to look too long but it was hard not too when all my old friends were in there and it had been so long since I last saw any of them in person. But then I remembered the reason why I didn't stay in touch with any of them and I tore my eyes away. John was still watching me when I turned back. He moved back and forth on the balls of his feet before saying. "You know, everyone would love to see you. Especially your fathe..."

"Hey, don't mention who you were going to mention unless you want me to break your jaw." Alex suddenly warned, stepping closer to me but staring right at John as he said it, raising his curled fist slightly. "Are we clear?"

"Calm down, I didn't mean to start a beef." John held his hands up defensively, trying to show that he meant no harm but while Alex lowered his arms, he still kept his eyes narrowed at the taller man. John glanced between us and I could tell by the look in his eyes that he knew what the relationship was between Alex and I but he wasn't about to verbally acknowledge it. "So, since we ran into each other, maybe we should think about hanging out while I'm in town..."

"I don't...think that's such a good idea." I shook my head immediately, closing off any indication that this was alright with me as it wasn't. I didn't want to spend time with him or any of them for that matter. Not when it could put me in any possible situation where I would see any member of my family. Seeing John was bad enough and already I could feel myself starting to edge away. "Look, I have to go. Alex and I sort of have..."

"Why didn't you stay in touch with me after you left?" John's sudden question made my retreat come to a grinding halt so suddenly that Alex almost ran into me. I looked over my shoulder to find John in the same position as before with a confused frown on his lips. "Why didn't you talk to any of us? Why did you have to push us all away?"

I couldn't even think to formulate a response and just took off running the remaining 10 feet to the nearby women's restroom and disappeared into the two stall room where I was thankfully alone. I fell to my knees in front of one of the toilets and proceeded to throw up into the porcelain bowl.

* * *

><p><em><span>Later that day<span>_

"So...you seem to be feeling better." Alex pointed out to me a few hours later as the two of us sat on the steps in the shallow end of my pool and enjoyed the cool water on our skin as we had been lounging in this spot since we had come home from the gym. And so far, Alex hadn't brought up our short run in with John or my sudden departure into the bathroom. But he had been watching since we left and the entire time we had been at my house and I knew he was just waiting for me to either say something or see if I was still sick. And now, he seemed to be taking the sort of indirect approach of tiptoeing around the real issue on his mind and just going for what seemed to be in the forefront. "You don't look like you're going to throw up again..."

"I told you that was just a reaction to seeing John so randomly, I'm fine now. I just wasn't expecting to see a major part of my past thrown in my face like that." I explained, trying not to make a face and I stretched my legs out in front of me and swished them through the water to buy myself some time. It would have been so easy to just admit right then and there why I had reacted the way I had, that there was a reason behind it. It would be easy because then the understanding would come and I wouldn't have to hide behind a fake reason. But admitting to the rape would bring about a reaction from Alex that I wasn't sure I was prepared for and I actually didn't know how he would respond. I know he would look at me differently, that's for sure. So for now, it was best to just keep up the wall I had been keeping up. "I'm fine, really. It's just been a while since I last came in that much direct contact with the people from my old life. I wasn't ready for it."

"But since it did happen, maybe you should do something with it." Alex said with a casual shrug, but I could tell there was much more behind it then it initially let on. "I mean, why don't you take advantage of the fact that the WWE is here and go visit with some of your old friends? Or hell, more importantly go see your family."

"Wow, you've been waiting to say that for hours now haven't you?" I raised my eyebrows at him, crossing my arms over my blue bikini top and pressed my lips together. I should have known that he would say something along those lines at some point today. It was inevitable after seeing the wrestlers at the gym, I was just surprised it took this long. I looked up and met his eyes and shook my head. "No, I don't think that's a good idea. And there's no point in it anyway."

"Actually there is, you just don't want to talk about it." Alex cut in with that determined twinkle in his eyes that said he would stop at nothing to make his point and I had to stifle a groan when I saw it. Alex was nothing if not stubborn and I knew there was no tricking him out of this spot in the conversation. He ran his fingers through his wet hair and stuck his tongue in his cheek. "This is a very rare time when your present world and your old world is thrown together like this. And I think you should do something like trying to fix things with your family. It's been going on for years, don't you think it's time to patch things up?"

"That's not going to happen because my dad is the most stubborn person I know. He will never let this go." I hissed, my breath escaping through my clenched teeth as I thought about my dad. In any normal circumstances, my dad was adamant about getting his way and when it came to things that affected him personally, he got even more stubborn and set in his ways. Me deciding to jump ship out of the company to the rival was the worse betrayal in his eyes and I knew he would never forgive me for it. And I preferred to live with that rather then even entertain the idea of telling him the real reason why I left. That would just open up a bigger can of worms then there already was. I looked at Alex and shrugged. "It's useless, nothing will change..."

"You will never know until you try." He told me, his hand gliding through the water to grab hold my my wrist to tug me closer to him and settled his arm around me. "I know you miss your family and I really think you talking to them will..."

"Alex will you just drop it? I'm not going to talk to them and that's that." I nearly snapped, ripping myself out of his embrace and immediately moved to the side to climb out of the pool. I could hear him jump out after me as I stomped towards the back door and his steps overtook me as he sudden stepped in my path and forced me to come to a stop. I glared at him as a bead of water rolled down my face. "What?"

"I just think its so weird that you are so adamant about not making amends with anyone from the WWE just over something as simple as going to another company to wrestle. Your dad would have gotten over it, you're his daughter. He wouldn't have stayed mad at you forever." Alec frowned, his hands clasping his hips as he stared at me intently like he was trying to figure something out. I knew that look on his face very well, he was debating something in his head and I knew eventually it would come out. And lo and behold, it did. "Unless there's another reason why you won't talk to anyone. Did something else happen to send you running to TNA?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." I tried to keep my voice steady but I couldn't hide the flinch that hit me just then when he touched on the one great unspoken between us. I was hoping he hadn't noticed it but he did and he jumped right on it. I could see it in his eyes and I had to deflect him. "Alex..."

"There is something else, isn't there?" Alex's eyes narrowed seriously,more seriously then I had ever seen him and I actually thought he was going to grab me just then. "What is it?"

"It's nothing, it's just all in your head." I told him, feeling wounded by the sudden upswing of emotion that his realization had brought on and I stepped back so he couldn't touch me and nodded off to the side. "I think it's time for you to leave."

"Savannah, come on..." He began to beg, reaching for me but I shook my head quickly at him.

"Just go Alex, I don't want to see you right now." I said, turning on my heels and stomped into the house, slamming the door shut behind me with force.

* * *

><p><em><span>45 minutes later<span>_

"So she just kicked you out? Just like that?" Chris asked him the moment he stopped speaking as the two guys sat sprawled out on their living room couch with bottles of beer clutched in their hands from the moment Alex had come home to tell his best friend and roommate about his sort of fight with Savannah. Chris had been mostly silent and still when Alex had started talking and only moved when he popped the top off the beer bottles and handed one to him. But Alex hadn't even taken one sip as he was still kind of worked up over what happened as well as confused as to why it had gotten to that point in the first place. Chris just laughed and took a sip of his drink. "Wow, you really pissed her off huh?"

"I don't think I pissed her off as much as I touched on something she didn't want to be brought up." Alex corrected him, sitting back with his elbow on the back of the couch and scratched his head. It was so weird how Savannah had changed moods so fast, he had never really seen her act like that before and of course it would throw up a red flag when it happened the same day they ran into a bunch of people from her past. But when he brought up the possibility of her having a different reason for cutting off all contact with that part of her life, it made him all the more certain that he wasn't getting the whole story and he hadn't been getting it for a while. It just hadn't been more apparent then it was today. "I honestly think she is covering up the real reason she left the WWE."

"I don't see what else could be the reason. Her wanting to do things on her own seems to be just as plausible as anything." Chris shrugged halfheartedly, never the one to start a conflict until there were solid facts rather then just suspicions. He set his empty bottle down and stretched out his limbs before saying. "I think you're reading too much into this. So she reacted out weirdly after this run in. Big deal, of course she won't react well when this happens. But that doesn't mean she's withholding anything."

"You can say that because you didn't see the look on her face when I asked her if there was something else. You didn't see her flinch." Alex frowned again, thinking back to the way Savannah had reacted when he voiced his suspicions that she wasn't completely telling the truth of why she came to TNA. He was glad she had and he didn't care if it was for another reason. But when he saw that look on her face, he knew there was a lot more to it under the surface then he had known. "I don't know man, that look just said something wasn't right."

"Well, you can't make assumptions based on a look." Chris pointed out, his fingers ruffling his hair. "It was probably just a by product of what you guys saw at the gym. It probably doesn't mean anything."

"I think it does. And if I'm right, then it could explain a lot of things." Alex wasn't going to let this go, he was very certain that he was right. He had always thought that Savannah was covering something up and there was a reason for the little things she did. And add that up to her reactions today, and he was sure that there was something. He looked at Chris and sighed. "I just think this reason could be due to an ex boyfriend or someone she was involved with and that's why she left. It could explain why she won't say we're a couple or let me tell her I love her."

"Maybe she's just not ready, did you ever think of that?" Chris did not seem at all bothered by Alex's suspicions and was probably just willing to brush it off as nothing serious. "And besides, most guys would be thrilled that their girl doesn't want to move fast."

"I'm not most guys though, she knows that. I'm not saying anything crazy, I just want her to let me say I love her and let us just tell people we're together. And she won't even let me do that." Alex grumbled, thrilled that he was finally voicing his frustrations about the situation like he was never able to do with Savannah and even if he did, it wouldn't have made a difference anyway. She always had this part of herself locked away and had she not reacted this way today, then he never would have noticed it. But he had and he couldn't let it go. "We've been involved for a while now. She and I have been friends for years and we've been sleeping together for the last half a year. That's not too fast to at least admit the truth."

"Well Savannah's always been the type of girl to do things at her own pace regardless of what other people think, so I wouldn't worry about it too much." Chris grinned at him and sat back with his arms crossed over him before a smirk appeared on his face. "You two are going to be annoyingly glued together for along time. So just give her the time she needs to get to that point."

"I guess I will have to." Alex groaned, turning his eyes to the window and hoped that by giving Savannah time, it will end up giving him all of her. He wanted an honest relationship with her and he wanted it to evolve, but that wouldn't happen until she was willing to admit to people that they were a couple. And hopefully that would happen some day.

* * *

><p><em><span>That night<span>_

"Hmmm, maybe Alex had a point." I mumbled to myself as I sat at my desk early that night with my laptop open in front of me and my hand moving the mouse over the links I had opened up on the web page. I tried not to dwell too much on Alex as I was still kind of annoyed that he had tried to pry further into my secret that I wanted him too but I also couldn't deny that maybe he was right about all this. It was a rare thing that brought the two parts of my life together like this and I shouldn't just ignore it like it was nothing. It was something and it could be something that maybe healed some parts of my past. I focused my eyes on the screen and clicked my tongue between my teeth. "Maybe it is time I put some effort into this."

I moved the mouse over the link of live events on the WWE page and double clicked it so I could see what the schedule was. As it was loading up, I felt my heart thudding wildly inside of me and I almost wanted to just get up and leave my seat. But I forced myself to stay there and watched as the page popped up with the listing of shows, including the one that was going on tonight. My eyes zeroed in on the line where it stated the time and location and I felt my muscles tighten even further. This is why I should have talked myself out of looking up where the show was going to be, I was already feeling nervous and I was only on the website. The arena where it was happening wasn't that far away from where I lived in Orlando, maybe 45 minutes without traffic and it was an arena I had been in many times before when I traveled with the company as I was growing up. I knew that building fairly well and knowing that the WWE was going to be doing a live show there made me feel both thrilled and terrified at the same time.

I sat back in my chair with my arms crossed as I stared at the time on the link, 7 o'clock. That was only a few hours from now. The wrestlers were most likely already there getting in a work out and going over there notes for the night. My mother was probably roaming the hallways with my brother and sister, directing the crew and backstage assistants as to what to fix or leave alone. My dad would be either holed up in his makeshift office yelling at people or traveling to the arena and yelling into his cell phone. That image actually made me smile and I sat up with my elbow on the edge of the desk and tapped my fingers against my chin, hardly believing I was actually contemplating what had just flashed through my head...

_2 hours later..._

"I can't believe I actually did this. I must have a need to make myself as miserable as possible." I mumbled to myself as I sat behind the wheel of my black jeep and stared across the street at the arena building that looked like it had grown even bigger in the last 10 minutes since I had arrived. I tucked my hands under my arms and twisted my body around so I was facing the building and I grimaced. "That place has a lot memories."

It was completely weird to be sitting here in my car, staring at the building with its long line of fans out in front and know that I was on the other side of it all. 2 years ago, I would have been inside that building getting ready for the show along with the others. I would have been laughing and smiling and enjoying the time I got spend working with my friends and family. It was some of the closest and tight knit group of people I had ever know and I never once thought that I wouldn't have that. It just didn't seem like a likely possibility that I would be sitting across the street from an arena that I should have been in and just watching it go on without me. I was suppose to have been apart of this, apart of it all and I wasn't. I was the outsider now, the outcast that would be treated the same as one of these random strangers out on the sidewalk. It didn't matter that I was a McMahon, I had hurt my family by leaving the company and therefore I was no longer welcome in their lives or any extension of it. Although I had a very good reason for hurting them, a reason that I know they would have understood if I had the nerve to tell them about it, it still wouldn't erase the pain I put on them over 2 years ago. And as much as it pained me to think about this, while staring at the arena, it didn't make me think it was a good idea to confess to what had happened that night. I just couldn't do it, no matter how much I wanted to be close to my family again.

"It wasn't all bad though." I said to myself, my voice sounding soft and slightly weak to my own ears as I pushed back my blonde hair with a small smile. "Most of the time it was pretty great."

The good times definitely outweighed the bad times, even I could admit that despite the horrific event that happened to me. That event should have shadowed everything else but it hadn't. I can still occasionally look back and smile at the once happy times I had in arenas like this one. Even before I had signed my WWE contract, I was always at the arena and walking along side the other wrestlers even though people thought I should have acted more privileged. But I saw no need to do that, I was happy to act like one of the normal people rather then the daughter of the company's owner. I made friends more easily because I didn't act like I was better then everyone else. I wanted to start at the beginning and work my way up just like everyone else had to do and I think it made the whole roster respect me more for it. Especially John Cena, who had once been one of my closest friends in those days. He would always make me laugh and smile and keep me company when everyone else was off doing their own thing. He reminded me of Alex and Chris in that sense and we had been very tight for a while. I still missed him from time to time and it was because of that close bond that made this morning's encounter even more awkward then if it had been anyone else. I could safely say that John had been my best friend when I was there and if things had been different, then we would still be friends. But times had changed everything and I could never go back to how I use to be.

It was the same way with my family.

We had never all gotten along being that we all had very big personalities that clashed pretty much all the time. But we were still a family and we all loved each other despite the disagreements and fights. My mom, although tough and stern, was probably the most emotional out of the others and would always be the first one to be on the scene if I got hurt during training or tripped backstage or anything like that. She was protective and maternal in the best sense of the word and I always knew I could go to her for comfort if I ever needed that. Shane and Stephanie were just always in constant battle for attention with me, trying to get the most of it in any way possible but that was typical with siblings and at the end of the day we had always had each others back. When I was a kid, it was always Shane and Stephanie going after the kids who pushed me off the swings on the playground, never hesitating to push back if necessary. They were never one to show emotions easily even back when we were younger, but they were protective in their own way. Even my father, who very rarely showed his softer side even when he wasn't around his employees, he still found some way to make sure we all knew he cared. I had never been afraid of my father growing up, but I was intimidated by the power he had over people so I was always more subdued when it came to being around him. But it was always his opinion I cared about the most, maybe it was because it took so much to get him impressed and I wanted to see that rare smile that came over his face when he was taken aback in a good way. Even up until the time I left the company, I was always trying to win my father's approval in everything I did. That was probably one of the tougher things that came out of me leaving, hurting my dad as bad as I did.

So maybe I should do something about it like Alex had suggested.

"I could just walk up to the door and ask to be let in. Those security guards would know who I was, and then I could maybe find my dad or Shane or Steph. Maybe I might actually get the courage to talk to them." I shrugged to myself, my arms unfolding and one of my hands going to the door handle to open it. I was seriously considering going through with it. What was the harm in it? I wouldn't get in trouble with TNA management because it was my family I was going to see and not in any way fraternizing with the enemy. And even if it didn't work out the way I was secretly hoping it would, at least then I could put it away in my mind knowing that I tried. I could do my part and hope that they would reciprocate. And I was on the verge of following through when my eyes caught the movement of something across the street and I was instantly stalled in my actions and just sat there, all the blood draining from my face.

The monster, my rapist, was standing there across the street in his wrestling gear taking in the sight all around him while I fought the urge to scream.

I saw him coming out of the doorway where the fans were waiting to enter, and the moment he appeared I could hear the screams and shouts even from inside my car. While everyone else was going crazy and jumping up and down with their arms waving wildly, I could only sit there like a frozen piece of rock and try not to vomit at seeing the face of the man who had ripped apart my life in the span of just a few minutes that one night 2 years ago. The security guards made sure the fans maintained their distance,but he still went right up to them to talk and sign a few autographs with that damn half smile/half smirk of his. The women of course swooned and giggled and that reaction only made me want to vomit just that much more. They ate that act up like it was the real thing, they had no idea what he was capable of or that he even had a bad bone in his body. They thought he was this perfect, chiseled man and I was the only one who knew this wasn't true. I stared at his handsome face as he spoke to the fans and I wondered if he ever thought about what he did. When he lied awake at night in his hotel rooms, did he ever relive what he had done to me? Or did he just forget about it like it was something less then what it was?

For some reason that I couldn't figure out, his face turned to the side and I saw him look across the street to where my car was and I visibly scooted down in my seat so he couldn't see my face. The last thing I needed was him coming over and causing a scene which would inevitably happen as that would have been the first time we had been in contact since the rape. And I was in no position to defend myself in any way. I luckily still had my seat belt on and once I had the car in drive, I took off down the street as safely and as fast as I could while trying to remember how to breathe properly.

* * *

><p><em><span>1 hour later<span>_

"Oh I hope he talks to me and doesn't slam the door in my face like I did to him." I said to myself as I nervously fidgeted from side to side on the front porch of the house Alex and Chris shared and debated whether or not to actually raise my hand and ring the doorbell. After I had left the arena and drove home, I realized that I just didn't feel like being alone right now and had gotten right back in my car and came here. But I wasn't sure that if I tried to talk to him whether he would actually talk to me back or just tell me to go home. Alex sometimes took things hard and if he was annoyed enough then he would take something as minor as our disagreement and hold a grudge. So I was extremely hesitant to put myself in the position to be turned down by him but I knew I had to make amends, so I ended up hitting the doorbell before I could talk myself out of it. I wrapped my arms around myself, my keys hanging from my fingers as I waited for the door to open. I heard the footsteps in the hallway and the light came on inside as the knob started turning. And lo and behold, it was the man in question who appeared before me. "Hey Alex."

"Savannah?" Alex's voice was full of surprise, not hiding the fact that he was more taken aback at the sight of me then I was at seeing him being the one to answer the door. So I guess he wasn't as annoyed as I was expecting him to be. He tucked his hands under his arms as he looked at me, his own weight moving form side to side. "What are you doing here? I thought you didn't want to see me..."

"I went to the arena where the show was, the WWE show. I was considering going in and trying to talk to my family like you said I should. But it was too hard and I couldn't bring myself to go in." I explained to him, carefully leaving out the part of seeing my rapist and just told him the rest. That was all he really needed to know anyway and maybe admitting that I tried to follow through on his suggestion it would keep him from being mad at me like he had a right to. He was only trying to help and I shut him out like that meant nothing. It had meant something and I was sorry I had been so mean to him before realizing that. I looked up at his face, seeing a small smile on his lips that gave me the guts to go on. "I was going to just go home,but I wanted to see you and tell you about it. And also that I'm sorry I made you leave."

"It's OK, you were having a bad day and I was pushing you. So I kind of deserved it." He said with that sheepish grin of his before he unfolded his arms and opened them to me. I went to him with no hesitation, curling my arms around him while he did the same and held him tight to me. For a minute neither of us said anything and I knew that our little fight had blown away and things would be alright. I was in the arms of the man who had healed me in ways that he didn't even know and that was all I needed right now. I felt Alex nudging me with his chin on my shoulder and when I looked at him, he said with a goofy smile. "Want to come in? Chris and I have beer and pizza in vast quantities, we could really use a third person to help polish it off."

"Sounds great." I replied with a grin of my own, taking his hand as he pulled me into the house and lead me towards the living room where he and Chris tended to eat most of their meals. And as I followed him I couldn't help but think that despite the cracks that came to the surface today, those cracks managed to get fix just in time.

Maybe over the long haul, the deeper scars would heal too.


	4. Going there to come back

**Chapter 4 Going there to come back**

_"You feel so nice. So young and soft, I picked good didn't I?" His mouth whispered into my ear as softly as if it had been a welcomed action and it wasn't. I twisted my head to the side, trying to get as far from the voice as I could manage. I didn't want to hear him anymore, it was already bad enough this moment. The last thing I wanted was to hear this sickly sweet voice speaking to me. But he wasn't going to be denied and his hand grasped my chin roughly to pull my face back to his. "Look at me, I want you to be looking at me..."_

_"No." I cried out softly, my hands reaching out in darkness for something or anything to use to knock him off me. But there was nothing. My fingers only met the cold, hard cement floor and nothing else. I was at the mercy of this man and he had made it very clear that there was no mercy to be found in his eyes. "Please let me go. Please..."_

_"Mmmm, begging is just so unattractive you know." He said jokingly as if we were old friends. His weight felt heavy on me and is breath fell cool on my face. He even smelled good and I hated that. He was violating me, hurting me. I wanted him to look and smell like a monster, not like this perfect looking man. His fingers held tightly to my wrists to keep me from throwing them around. "Come on, this is just a good..."_

_"Help me!" I screamed when I had the chance, knowing if I didn't take it now then I was as good as dead. But like most things, my actions came too late and I soon felt his hand clamp down across my mouth, successfully cutting off any sound. I squirmed, trying to get loose so I could yell out for help again but he was too strong. I cursed myself for being the tiniest one in my family just now, my small frame was working against me tonight. I still tried to scream,but my voice was muffled and didn't even reach my own ears. I was trapped now with an angry monster on top of me._

_"You shouldn't have done that." He told me, trying to sound like he pitied me but the gleam in his eyes said the exact opposite as he reached between us to unzip his pants..._

"No!" I gasped suddenly, shooting up out of a dead sleep as I bolted into a sitting position with my hands waving wildly out in front of me to push back my rapist. Only my hands met empty air. He wasn't there in front of me, he wasn't even in the room. It was just me alone with my racing heart and cold sweat springing up all across my skin. I clasped my hands to my chest as my focus started coming back to me and I was able to realize that I was alright and it was nothing more then a nightmarish flashback. He was only haunting my dreams, not my reality. I could breathe again, I could relax. I was OK, I was alone. Only I wasn't alone. It was only when I turned my head to the side that I noticed the familiar figure sitting up beside me looking worried. "Alex?"

"Savannah what the heck is wrong?" He didn't hesitate in reaching over and grabbing my arms in his large warm hands to hold me in place like he thought any minute I would start trying to hit him. His eyes stared down at me in frazzled concern. "I woke up and you were squirming around in your sleep like you were having a fight or something."

"It was...it was a nightmare. Just a nightmare." I told him, reaching up to wipe the remaining sleep from my eyes so I could see his face clearly in the early morning light that drifted in through the window. I could see the worry in his eyes, the tension felt in his touch as I looked at him. The images of the flashback were fading away but the fear I had felt 2 years ago was still very much there and there was no hiding that from Alex. I didn't have time to put up my defenses right out of sleep and pretend like it was nothing. He would see right through it. I would have to lie. I looked at him sadly. "I just had this flashback nightmare of when I told my dad I was leaving and it was replaying the conversation over and over again. He just looked so angry and hurt and..."

"Hey, hey, calm down. It's alright." He assured me, his hands going up to cup my face and his thumbs wiped away tears I hadn't even realized had fallen. He drew me closer to him, pulling me against his bare chest so he could wrap his arms around me before I heard him say. "You can tell me the truth you know, no matter what it is."

"That is the truth." I protested, feeling a sting come from his doubt and I pulled out of his embrace with a frown. "What? You think I'm lying about what I was dreaming about?"

"Yea, I do think you're lying." He said without a hint of shame in his voice,looking at me in that unflinching way of his when he knew in his heart that he was right about something. He had been inching closer to the truth a lot more these last few weeks and I knew eventually I would have to tell him. Or get better at hiding it. He wouldn't stop if he thought there was something else bothering me. He loved me too much to give up, that much I knew. "I think you want me to believe this lie so I won't see passed it to something else. Something that makes you too uncomfortable to talk about."

"You thinking I'm lying makes me uncomfortable." I snapped suddenly, feeling an unprovoked anger flare up just then and I was helpless to fight it back. "Maybe you just need to fucking trust me more. I'm not doing anything wrong."

"I never said you did." Alex exclaimed, looking like he was already weary of this conversation and it had barely begun. Alex never liked to get into arguments if he could avoid it, but I knew there was no letting this mood slide. I climbed out of bed, keeping distance between us even as he reached for me and failed. "Savannah come on, don't be like this.."

"I'm not being like anything." I hissed, grabbing my robe before stomping out of the room and leaving a bewildered looking Alex behind.

* * *

><p><em><span>Late that afternoon<span>_

"You seem to be distracted today...your focus just isn't here and it worries me."

"Normally you're so precise and on point, but today you seem like a different person entirely. Not that you're not allowed to be off once in a while, but you never are and to have it happen so randomly is a little bit of a concern to me..."

"Alex mentioned the slight altercation between you two this morning, he seems to think that there is..."

"Alex needs to mind his own business. I told him I was fine and I am fine. He doesn't need to be going to my boss and telling him everything that goes wrong in my life." I grumbled in response, lifting my eyes for the first time since this conversation had begun and met the frowning and surprised blue eyes of Jeff Jarrett. I immediately felt bad for talking to him like that, I never had before so I was sure that was the reason for the look of shock on his face. And he was like Alex in the sense that when he pulled me aside this afternoon in the arena, he was only trying to help in the only way he could by trying to make me talk to him. He had noticed I had been in a horrible mood when I came in 40 minutes earlier for the tv taping tonight,but it was only now when he had been able to catch up with my in the hallway to bring it up. And having to talk about my mood of course reminded me of the reason for it and I couldn't help but feel my attitude go sour even more. I looked at Jeff and frowned. "There is nothing else going on, no matter what Alex may have told you."

"It's not just what he told me or even your mood today, that has me raising a red flag in my head. I have this gut feeling that you're not telling me something." Jeff blatantly told me, replicating almost the same thing that Alex had said to me this morning and I felt my lips turn downward in response. Why did everyone have to freaking think the same thing? Why did Jeff of all people have to jump on the bandwagon? I could feel his concerned eyes on me again and I looked up and much to my chagrin, he had that damn paternal look of his that he used like I was one of his daughters. "Savannah, I have known you most of your life and I've gotten pretty good at knowing when you're hiding something deep inside of you. And I think that's the case now. It's been going on for a while hasn't it..."

"Jeff, please get a grip and stop reading into this. Can't we just chalk it up to me having a bad day?" I asked with a hard edge to my voice that I knew I was lucky to get away with without consequences. Yes Jeff was one of my closest friends and yes he sometimes acted like my second father, but that didn't give me any more leverage to get away with talking to him the way I was right now. No other wrestler would have been immune to it and neither was I. But I guess he was just as certain as Alex was that there was something else going on and he let it slide. I just shook my head. "I just haven't had a good night sleep and I'm tired. But I'm here to work and I can't do that if you and Alex are bugging me every 5 minutes about my mood."

"We're just worried, that's all. It's not our fault that you're so beloved around here that everyone picks up on your change in mood." Jeff replied with a slight upturn to his lips that was the closest he had gotten to smiling since we met up. I couldn't be mad at him for long or even just frustrated. How could I when this man had been more of a father to me then my own one was. I looked at his face and saw him watching me studiously before he spoke. "You know you can talk to me about anything right? No matter..."

"Yes, yes I know. No matter what it is, I got the same point from Alex, I don't need to hear it again." I said, rubbing my fingers into my temples in an attempt to ease the pain that was starting to build there. "If I want to talk then I will."

"Sometimes you are too stubborn for your own good." Jeff grumbled, showing the first signs of frustration but it wasn't this expression that had me frozen in place. It was his statement that touched on something deep inside of me that suddenly threw me backwards into a dark place that felt as familiar as the one I had been in this morning...

_"What are you doing? Get off me."_

_"Shhhh, be quiet, you don't want anyone to over hear us now do you?" His husky voice smirked into my face,staring at me in the dim light as he held me up against the cold wall where the hardness pressed into my back roughly. His hands gripped my hips, his fingers feeling as heavy as steel as they held me in place. "Stop moving so much and maybe I'll be gentle."_

_"Fuck off, you're not going to do anything to me." I tried to sound threatening, thinking that if I sounded stronger then I was then maybe it would convince him to let me go. But I wasn't strong, I never had been. I was a weak little girl and he knew that. That's why he had chosen me, there was no other reason besides that. And still I tried to fight back. "Get your damn hands off me."_

_"I tried to be nice but I guess that approach doesn't work with a bitch like you." He growled, his voice turning dark in the matter of second as his hands left my hips and grabbed the back of my head. I barely had a second to think before I found myself being flung on the cement floor, with all the air being knocked out of me on impact. I hadn't taken my first breath before I was turned over and found his eyes hovering over me again. He straddled my waist with his knee, his strength so apparent that I knew there was no hope for me as he leaned in close with a smirk on his lips. "You are too stubborn for your own good."_

_I didn't even have a chance to scream before I felt his hands slip under my clothes..._

"Savannah?" Jeff's voice came at me so suddenly that I had forgotten that we were standing in the hallway and he was only standing a few inches from me, and my hand immediately went up to push him as I shook my head nervously. He was quicker and grabbed hold of my wrist before I hit him and stepped back while still keeping a hold of me. "What the hell is wrong? You almost hit me for no reason."

"I'm...I'm sorry Jeff. I'm just, not myself today." I shook my head rapidly, clearing any images of the memories from my mind so it couldn't haunt me again. Jeff had inadvertently touched on something that triggered a flashback and in return I had almost hit him thinking I was still locked in that memory. But I wasn't, I was here with my friend and I was safe. Nothing was going to hurt me again. I had to remember that as I looked at my boss and tugged my arm away and tried to slip off without seeming like I was running away. "I have to go."

And as I was hurrying away down the hall, I passed by many open doors and most of them I didn't even look at twice, except for one. This doorway was filled with a tall broad figure that had been leaning against the frame and watching Jeff and I's interaction without me even realizing it at the time. I felt my cheeks flame red as I hurried passed Bobby Roode, barely noticing that he followed my steps with his eyes until I turned a corner.

* * *

><p><em><span>1 hour later<span>_

"So are you going to talk to me at all tonight or am I just going to stand here talking to myself like an idiot?"

"Oh my god, I'm sorry." I had to shake my head twice to clear the haze from my mind long enough to focus on Alex's face as he stood before me in the hallway and I almost flinched at the expression that was beginning to form on his features. He was getting annoyed with me,I could tell and he probably had a right to. Ever since we got to the arena, he had been trying to carry on a conversation with me and each time I got distracted by my own thoughts or I just didn't pay attention and missed half of what he said which forced him to repeat himself more then just a few times. I knew he was only trying to snap me out of the funk that I had been in since waking up and I appreciated his efforts but nothing seemed to work and even he was starting to lose steam. I looked at him with an apologetic smile and said. "I really am sorry. I can't seem to pay attention to you..."

"Yea I've noticed." Alex said sarcastically, his eyes rolling fast as he stuck his hands inside his pockets and leaned against the wall with his lips pressed tightly together like he was trying to keep his annoyance trapped inside his mouth. "I guess I'm not enough of a distraction for you..."

"Alex don't be like that, you know this isn't about you. If it was, I would have told you." I shot back, needing him to at least understand that my mood had nothing to do with him. But he was getting so fed up with me that he was turning irrational and automatically thinking my bad attitude had to do with something he did. And that wasn't the case at all. I reached out and touched his arm. "I'm having a bad day and..."

"And maybe you should talk to me about it instead of just closing it off like you think that will actually help." He interrupted again, having no qualms about cutting me off when he thought he had touched upon the reason why I was being so difficult. "Because this charming personality change is getting a little old."

"You have bad days all the time, I'm allowed to have one." I protested, feeling a flicker of anger come over me which I welcomed rather then the fear that accompanied the nightmare this morning and the flashback this afternoon. I glanced at Alex and shook my head. "I just wish you would be there for me..."

"I am." He insisted, standing up straight while pulling his hands out of his dress pants pockets.

"And I wish you would stop interrupting me all the time." I went on, ignoring the fact that I was now actually having a conversation with him after all his failed attempts. "I'm just not myself lately and especially not today. So give me a break."

"Does this have to do with all the mentions of WWE flying around lately? Is that why you are acting so weird?" Alex questioned, his eyes staring straight down at me as if daring me to try and look away. He had no idea how close he was to the truth and how far he really was. Yes the WWE brought back memories of the rape and my family, but the company itself was alright. It was on both sides of the spectrum and Alex didn't realize that. It would be a lot easier in moments like this if he knew the whole truth, then he would understand when I got like this. But that would involve saying those horrible words out loud and I couldn't do that, I don't think I could ever do that. So I was quite willing to let him go at me for the wrong reasons as long as I got to avoid having to have the one conversation I did not want to have. "I know it bothers you to hear that name, but you never acted like this before. Was I right the other day when I asked if..."

"Alex don't even go there. I already told you there is nothing else going on." I tried not groan when I saw where he was going with this but it was hard not to. The last time Alex got this close to knowing the real reason, we had ended up in a fight and I didn't want that to happen now. "You're making too much of this. It's just a bad day and that's it."

"No, I don't think that's it. I think there's something else going on that you're not telling me about. And I'm thinking it's been going on for a while now. You're just not as good at hiding it today." He pointed out, reaching up to ruffled his fingers through his hair and messing it up a bit before he shrugged. He had reached his limit, I could tell. And now he would leave so he didn't say anything out of line that he couldn't take back. He backed away and waved a hand at me. "I'll talk to you later."

"OK, bye." I watched him walk down the hallway and turn a corner without ever looking back over his shoulder at me. I sighed and rubbed my hands over my face, trying to revive my features before I had to head into the locker-room and get ready for the taping. I was just turning to head in the opposite direction when I was stopped short by the sight of a figure standing not too far away from. It was Bobby Roode and by the way he was standing, he had been watching the exchange between Alex and I for a while and we just hadn't noticed. I sent a glare at him as I walked by and said. "What the hell are you looking at?"

"Nothing at all." He replied with a raised eyebrow, meeting my eyes briefly like he wanted to say more but didn't and I just stomped passed him like I did earlier and left him behind.

* * *

><p><em><span>A few hours later<span>_

"Did you see that fall Savannah McMahon took to the outside floor? It looked pretty brutal. Let's just hope that young lady is alright."

"I sure hope so Mike, that kind of slip up could bring up some very serious injuries that could take months to come back from. We'll just hope that's not the case."

"As you can see on the reply, Savannah went to the top of the turnbuckle where not many Knockouts dare to go and she tried to pull off an aerial maneuver, but her foot slipped on the rope and she took a nasty tumble down to the floor. The medics are out here now to see if she needs medical attention but I think I can see some movement from her..."

I closed my eyes briefly as I laid there on the mats only feet away from the announcing table and tried not to grit my teeth in pain. I could hear the comments and murmurs that Mike Tenay and Taz were making both on air and in real time as they watched from behind the table as the medics approached me to make sure I wasn't knocked out. I could hear the vibrations through the floor as the fans stomped their feet nervously, wondering whether this was for real or just part of the show. Of course only I knew it was for real as I had just lived through it. I was suppose to have gone to the top of the turnbuckle to do a moonsault onto Madison Rayne as per the instructions for the match and then cover her for the finish. But with my mind being elsewhere today, I hadn't been paying as close attention as I normally did when I was doing high risk moves and in turn I wasn't as careful as I should have been. My hands had been gripping the ropes as I was preparing to stand up, but as my mind wandered, my legs shook hard and I lost my balance. It was like it was happening in slow motion as I fell back first onto the ring, my lower back catching the ring apron before I fell to the mats and my leg hit the edge of the ring steps before I came to a stop. And I was surprised when I was able to actually look up and stay conscious, that fall should have knocked me out but it hadn't. The match had been called to a stop and the ref immediately waved down the real paramedics as this was not part of the show.

"Savannah are you alright? Can you move your arms and legs? What about your neck?" An older man asked me from the myriad of faces hovering above me as I laid on the black mats outside the ring and looked up at the group of medics surrounding me looking more then just a little concerned. In fact, judging by the expressions on their faces I could tell some of them thought I had broken my neck or something else due to the severity of the fall I had just taken. But I was OK as far as I could tell. I had suffered a few broken bones and many injuries over the years, so I knew when something was wrong or just hurting. And luckily I knew my body well enough to know I was just going to be sore for a while, and I had gotten away from this slip up quite easily. But still, the medics had to do their job and make sure. "Is anything hurting you?"

"My left leg and my back. I think I bruised them when I fell." I told them, rolling over on my side to get a better look at my leg and I was dismayed to see a rather large bruise already starting to form on the upper part of my leg. It was ugly, but at least it wasn't broken. And neither was my back. If I hadn't fallen first onto the apron then I could have very well been paralyzed right now. I was going to be hurting still that was for sure, but I wasn't critically injured. I pushed myself up into a sitting position and chewed on the inside of my mouth as I felt the tug of pain in my lower back but I moved my other limbs to show I was OK. "I'm fine. I think I can walk out of here on my own."

"You really shouldn't do that." A younger medic warned me but I ignored him and pushed myself to my feet much to the delight of the crowds who began cheering, thinking this was just part of the show. The medics tried to offer me a shoulder to lean on as I limped back up the ramp to go backstage,but I shrugged them off, determined to get out of here on my own. It hurt to walk up that incline and I could have just bypassed it all and went around the stage, but I was way too stubborn to do that and just pushed through the aching until I got to the top of the stage and waved my hands at the fans to show I was alright. Their cheering lifted me up slightly as I turned to head down the tunnel with my hand at my lower back for support.

"Are you out of your ever loving mind? You should have let them take you out on a stretcher before you hurt yourself even more." Alex's frantic voice was the first to fill my ears the moment I stepped down from the tunnel to the backstage area and immediately I was swarmed, not only by him but by Jeff as well and the two of them looked both relieved and furious to see me standing there on my own two feet. "What if you broke something? Walking back on your own could have exacerbated it..."

"But it didn't, I'm fine." I replied with what I hoped was a smile but it turned into more of a grimace as I tried to stand up straight and found that the motion brought on a swift and sharp pain. I kept the noise inside my mouth as I looked at the two of them,feeling almost touched by the worry in their eyes. They always reacted this way when I took a spill so I should have expected it, but with the way this day had been going, I was just not in the mood to deal with it. It was too much. "Look I'm sorry for messing up the finish but..."

"Fuck the finish, who cares about that? You could have been seriously injured." Jeff exclaimed, looking furious that I would even dare to suggest that my mess up of the flow of the show was more important then my own safety. And in that instance, Jeff did not look like the founder of the company I worked for, he looked more like a concerned father. "I can't believe you would be worrying about that."

"And I can't believe you would be worrying about me right now. If I walked back here then obviously I'm fine. Yes I will be sore but I'm OK." I assured him, trying not to sound as annoyed as I felt. And truthfully I wasn't annoyed,not really. It was just their concern was a little more then I could handle on my plate right now and it was starting to boil over. "Look, I'm going to have a few bruises but that's it. So please just back off."

I saw the look of shock on both Alex and Jeff as I walked away from them towards the hallways that lead back to the locker-rooms. I knew they were stunned that I had talked back to them and I was even a little surprised at myself. I was never this mean or cold and I certainly never brushed off anyone's concern when it was warranted. But today I was just not in the mood for people to be nice to me. I just wanted to be left alone and stop having my behavior pointed out to me so obviously. Why couldn't everyone just let this go? So I made a mistake during the match and ended up hurting myself, at least I didn't hurt anyone else. That had to count for something. I was so busy fuming over this that I didn't even notice someone coming out of one of the locker-rooms in the hallway I was in and I ran smack right into them.

"Oh crap, I'm sorry. I wasn't looking...what the fuck!" I couldn't hide the upswing of fury in my voice as I looked up into the face of Bobby Roode for the 3rd time today. We had never had this many run ins before and now it was our third encounter in less then a few hours. What the hell was going on here today? Everywhere I turned, there he was. "Are you following me?"

"No, this was my locker-room and legally I am allowed to leave it at some point even if it means running into you again." He replied smartly, his dark eyes staring down at me almost knowingly like he knew something that I didn't. It was kind of creepy even though I had known him for 2 years. He watched me intently, his face growing with concern before saying. "I saw what happened just now, are you..."

"I'm fine for the last damn time." I snapped, finally feeling my patience reach its end as I sent him a glare and moved passed him while trying not to groan in pain. I looked over my shoulder at him and said. "Fuck off and stop watching me."

I could feel his eyes on me the entire time and it put an old fear back in my body as I left him behind.

* * *

><p><em><span>Later that night<span>_

"Can I talk to you?" I asked hesitantly, looking down at the table where Alex was sitting and tried not to grimace when I saw the frown that had appeared on his face the moment I had walked up to him. I knew when I found him again after our last encounter that it wasn't going to immediately be pleasant given that the last few times I had essentially brushed him off or annoyed him. In fact, I almost didn't want to even be here to talk to him because I knew he may have been holding a grudge based on my attitude this entire day. And I couldn't blame him for that, not really. Things had been going fine and then they started changing lately and I knew it had taken him by surprise. And while I couldn't bring myself to tell him the reason for the change, at least I could say I was sorry for being such a nightmare today. I twisted my hands around themselves and shifted from foot to foot while biting on my lip. "Can I sit down?"

"Only if you want to." He replied, sitting back in his chair and using the heel of his wrestling boot to push out another chair for me, which gave me a sense of relief that he wasn't entirely pissed at me. I had known Alex for a long time and when he was mad, he barely acknowledged the person he was mad at. So when I sat down next to him, I wasn't as nervous as I had been when I set out to find him. Alex tugged on the hem of his black t shirt before looking at me with a raised eyebrow. "You're not going to freak out and act weird again are you?"

"No, I won't. Trust me." I assured him, almost smiling at his response and feeling some relief at his attempt at easing the tension. It was another clue that he wasn't upset with me anymore because he wouldn't have been sounding slightly amused. I tucked my hands under my arms and jiggled my foot under the table as I tried to figure out how to fix this between us. "Look, I feel bad about how I was acting today with you and Jeff, but mostly with you. I didn't mean to be such a bitch, I just..."

"Just having a bad day?" He finished for me, his eyebrows drawn low and his lips in a tight thin line as he looked me over almost studiously like he wasn't sure whether to believe me when I nodded. Alex knew me so well, that he could pick up on the subtleties that no one else noticed. But even he couldn't quite pinpoint the reason behind what happened today and I think that is why he went with the bad day excuse. "Yea I could tell. It was just weird because you're never like that. I don't think I've ever seen you in that bad of a mood so it kind of took me by surprise."

"Yea, I feel horrible for just springing that side of me on you so randomly but I guess it was just bound to come out at some point." I shrugged, amazed at how easily the lie came out of my mouth but then again I had been keeping up this wall for years, so it wasn't hard to sound convincing. But it wasn't all a lie, I did feel bad about my behavior and I didn't want the night to end on a bad note. "I know its no excuse, but I didn't sleep well last night and that nightmare woke me up early and put me in a bad mood and I didn't want you to think I wasn't sorry for..."

"OK, you can relax and stop it with the apologies, I know you're sorry." Alex sent me a small grin just then and he finally relaxed his body language and I knew that the tension between us was going away just from that expression of his. He reached over and covered my hand with his and smiled again. "Everyone has a crappy day, and today was just one of yours. So I get it."

"Thank you for understanding." I smiled back, wishing beyond anything that letting go of the past was as easy as letting go of this near argument but I would have to accept this small victory for now until I could even think of facing the truth. I met his eyes and sighed happily. "You didn't have to be so nice about it and I wouldn't have blamed you for not wanting to talk to me, but I appreciate you being so wonderful and just letting it go."

"What kind of man would I be if I held a grudge over my girl just having an off day? Isn't it part of the requirement of being in a relationship, that I take your one bad day along with all the good ones?" He asked with a smirk, touching on the one subject that had always been the great unspoken between us, how we never confirmed our relationship officially even just between us. And despite my reluctance to talk about it, Alex did like to tease me and say we were a couple when it was just us in the room. I knew he would never tell anyone else without my permission and I was grateful for that, it was how I knew he was one of the good ones. Alex moved his chair closer to mine and reached over to flick my hair off my shoulder. "Alright, since you were having a dark day, lets end it on a good and light note."

"And how do you propose we do that?" I asked, smiling a little more brightly when it seemed like our problems for the day were behind us and I could just enjoy the time with him. "We're not going to go around pranking the other wrestlers are we?"

"Not what I had in mind but that's not a bad idea." He said, tapping his fingers against the side of his head as a familiar look twinkled in his eyes. Alex loved to cause mischief in the funniest type of way, he liked to have people laughing and wanting to get revenge on him for one of his pranks. It was this side of his personality that drew me to him in the first place. "Actually I was thinking we just keep it low key. We'll grab Chris after the show and go to your house to hang out and just have one of our old fashioned best friend movie nights like we use to have. What do you think?"

"I think it's just what I need to change my mood around." I shot back, leaning forward so I could kiss him and I could feel the smile on his lips as he responded, his arm going around me briefly before he pulled back and glanced at the clock on the wall. I followed his eyes and frowned. "Oh damn, you have to go out for your match now."

"Don't sound so disappointed, I'll be back soon enough." He declared, getting to his feet at the same time I did and he pulled me towards him again so I was back in his arms. It was a good thing there was no one else around or else I wouldn't have given in to the passionate kiss he laid on me. But then again it was so hard to resist that I probably wouldn't have stopped him even if there were people watching us. I thought I would have been apprehensive about him kissing me so intimately after the emotionally draining day that I had but it was nice to be close to someone who had made me so happy for so long after what happened. Alex had always made me feel safe and right now was no exception as we stood there wrapped up in that kiss. When he pulled away, he looked disappointed as he shot towards the doorway. "Hold those lips until I get back."

I watched him leave the room and then I just sat back down at the table with my elbows on the top and my chin in my hands. I had a smile on my face, an actual smile that remained in place even after the source of it had left me alone. It was amazing how quickly things could turn around and it was more due to Alex's grace in handling me for my behavior today then anything else. Any other guy would have held a grudge or been rude in response. But Alex was not just any other guy and I had learned that long ago. He and Chris were among the only people I really trusted besides Jeff nowadays and I didn't want to upset the balance by letting things end the way they began. But luckily Alex had taken care of that in his usual charming way and by the end of the night, it was going to be him and I hanging out with Chris like we use to when things were great between us. I was looking forward to it.

"Well, you look somewhat happy for the first time today. That's quite a change." A familiar sounding voice spoke up from behind me and I barely had a chance to grimace and drop my hands before the seat next to me was now filled with another body. But unlike with when it was Alex, I was not happy to see this person. Bobby shot me a slight upturned smile as he sat back in the metal chair, his ankle propped up on his left knee as he turned his eyes to me. "Are you going to curse me out again?"

"Only if you refuse to explain yourself." I snapped, my patience now reaching an all time low for the day and even more so due to this 4th run in him. I turned myself around in the chair and glared at him, I had never really interacted with him all that much in the years I had been with the company and to have this many moments with him was more then just a little disconcerting. I crossed my arms around myself and narrowed my eyes to near slits. "Why don't you tell me why the hell you have been watching me all day? What are you, a stalker?"

"Not a stalker, just a mildly curious man." He replied with a shrug of his broad shoulders, his long hair pulled back from his face so he couldn't hide his eyes from looking right at me. I shifted nervously, wishing that I had left the room with Alex when he had to go. But I made myself stay put when he leaned forward with a darkening look on his face. "Look, I'll tell you why I was looking at you but I can't tell you while we're here in the arena. We need to meet somewhere else."

"Why? So you can have me alone and attack me without any witnesses?" I questioned sarcastically, smiling smugly when Bobby sat back with a frown. I didn't really believe that he would do something like that, I may not have known him as well as the other wrestlers on the roster, but I knew enough to know he wasn't the type of guy to attack a woman. And yet, I still kept my guard up after the way the day had turned out. But I couldn't deny that I was a little curious, how could I not be after having him stare at me so many times in one day when he had never done it before. I frowned and said grudgingly. "Ok, humor me. Why do we need to meet somewhere else for you to tell me the reason for your creepiness?"

"I'm not creepy. And trust me when I say that you wouldn't like for me to talk about this in a place where any of our co-workers could possibly over hear." He told me in a no nonsense kind of tone that grabbed my attention and held me in the moment, if I wasn't already curious before then I definitely was now after that last statement. Once Bobby saw that he still had my focus, he went on. "You know that old playground 15 minutes from the arena? Meet me there at 11:30 and we'll talk. I promise I will explain myself."

"You better or else I'm going to be more pissed off then I already am." I grumbled, hardly believing that I was actually going to go through with this. It was more likely that it was going to bite me in the ass but I couldn't just ignore it. Something about the way Bobby was looking at me and the way he had spoken to me, had me thinking that I needed to meet with him after the show and find out the reason for why he was always just there. And that's why I said. "Fine, 11:30. I'll be there."

* * *

><p><em><span>45 Minutes later<span>_

"I can't freaking believe that I'm actually blowing off some of my time with Alex and Chris to meet up with this smug bastard. I must really want this night to end on a sucky note." I grumbled to myself as I pulled my black jeep into the parking-lot of the old playground Bobby had told me to meet him at and spotted only one other car parked right in the middle closest to the playground itself. Of course no one else would be here, this playground hadn't been used in years and no one even hung out there to do anything bad, so in that sense it would be the perfect place to talk without being overheard by anyone else. Although I still couldn't fathom what the hell Bobby wanted to talk about. When I said we hadn't interacted all that much in my time in TNA, I wasn't kidding. Sure we said hi in the hallways as all the wrestlers did, it was a small roster and everyone knew each other. He and I even were in a couple of mixed tag team matches a handful of times over the years. But that was it, our interaction had always been in the confines of the arena and now he was asking to see me outside of it for the first time and I had no idea why. It made me extremely nervous to think of meeting with someone in the parking-lot of a darkened playground where there was no one else around and sure I could have just ignored his request and went home. But if I did that then there was no guarantee that he wouldn't try and say something to me the next time we were at work. And if what he said was true about this not being something that should be overheard, then the best bet would be to just hear him out. I pulled up next to the car and looked through my window to see that it was indeed Bobby and he was alone so I breathed a little more easily when I rolled down my window. "I thought you were kidding with me, I didn't think you would actually be here."

"I thought the same thing about you. But I guess we were both very obviously mistaken." He replied back with the same sort of smirk he used when he was on camera as he slammed his door shut at the same time I climbed out of my car and stood between the two vehicles under a flickering old lamppost and crossed my arms as he looked down at me with his eyebrows raised. "So I guess I piked your interest huh?"

"Bobby come on, we've barely ever run into each other more then a few times over the last 2 years and now all of a sudden every time I turn a corner, there you are staring at me. So yea, I suppose I am a little interested." I answered back with what I knew was an annoyed tone under my breath as I leaned against the side of my car while trying not to roll my eyes. It was a little surreal to be here with a guy I worked with but hadn't really spent any significant amount of time and yet we were meeting undercover like we were hiding something. And I would like to understand why. I leveled him with another stare. "So I'm here and so are you. Not get to that explanation."

"You mean you don't want to carry on with this delightful conversation we have going on?" He asked teasingly, obviously trying to make things lighter in the air since it was becoming apparent that I was not in the mood to joke around tonight. He must have picked up on that because he changed his tone, let the smirk slid off his face and he stuffed his hands into his pockets. "Alright, tonight was weird I admit and I never intended to be that obvious about it. But this wasn't the first time I watched you, I've been doing it for a while now. I've been studying you."

"Studying me...OK, like that's any less weird." I wasn't comforted by this statement and if anything it made me move back towards my car door subconsciously. Bobby had been watching me long before tonight? What the hell? I looked up at his face and the expression that was there was one that said he didn't think his actions were odd even if I did. "And why were you doing this?"

"I needed to figure something out about you." He said with no shame, his arms looking strong underneath his black dress shirt that he must have been wearing when he came in as Jeff liked for the wrestlers to look nice when coming in for shows. His hair was down, curling over his collar as he looked at me. "I knew there was something about you that was different and I wanted to know what..."

"There is nothing different about me, you must have gotten your wires crossed or something because I'm just as normal as everyone else." I scoffed, finding his explanation more bizarre the longer it went on. Bobby didn't know what he was talking about, there was nothing that stood out about me except my looks and my last name. And if that was so worthy of his attention then we would have spoken more in the time since I had signed with TNA, but we hadn't. So what has changed about now? I eyed him suspiciously. "What the heck are you getting at? You don't like have a crush on me or something, do you? Because I'm already involved..."

"No, I do not have a crush on you. I'm a happily married man with 3 kids, this is most definitely not about something as trivial as a crush." Bobby told me, his eyes lighting up in such amusement that I felt ridiculous for even bringing it up. After all it sounded so conceited of me to automatically think that but Bobby seemed quite fine with brushing it off as he took control of the conversation again. "This is about something I have been wondering for a while now and I have never been able to confirm it until today."

"Why today?" I shifted back and forth on the balls of my feet, a sudden chill coming over me as I saw he was staring at me with what looked like pity in his eyes.

"The way you were acting, it was obvious you were in a bad mood. But what stood out was was how you reacted and your behaviors, it said something was wrong and it made my previous observation about you come back to me." He looked uncomfortable now as well and I couldn't imagine why that was. He was the one who had called for us to meet and he had the knowledge of where this was going, not me. What right did he have to get uncomfortable? "Your outbursts kind of solidified my suspicions."

"Your suspicions..." Now I was really beginning to feel not right about this. I thought this was going to end up being something stupid that made me want to punch him in the face before going home. But now I was just feeling a flicker of fear, like he was getting close to touching on something I didn't want him to get near. "What are you trying to say?"

"I'm trying to say that I know something is going on with you." He pushed ahead, his face turning even more pitiful and that made the rock of nervousness fall more deeply into my stomach. And then for a reason I couldn't fathom, he reached across the space separating us and placed his hands on my shoulders before I could protest. "Savannah, did something..."

"Bobby, don't." I warned him as strongly as I could which was not strong at all as it suddenly occurred to me what he was going to say and I immediately shook my head to keep him from going there. The second those words were spoken out loud then it was all over. I looked up at him pleadingly. "Bobby I mean it..."

"I know what happened to you." He said quietly, as if somehow decreasing the volume of his voice would make this easier to say but there was no sugarcoating this admission. It was what it was and no change in saying it would make it hurt any less. And I think he knew that because when he spoke again it was in a normal tone to say what I had thought had only been a secret to myself. I guess I was wrong. He looked me straight in the eye and said. "I know you were raped."

**A/N: dun dun dun! So it looks like Savannah's secret wasn't as well hidden as she thought. Bobby somehow figured it out,but how does he know? And more importantly, how will Savannah react to this admission? Stay tuned,things start getting really heavy.**

**please review!**


	5. Somebody listen please

**Chapter 5 Somebody listen please**

"Wait...what?" I stared at Bobby in horror, feeling my entire body go cold as if I had suddenly been thrown into a pool of ice water, the shock was that sudden and sharp. I looked at him face on, trying to see if I had actually heard him correctly without having to ask. The certainty was in every part of his features and the pity was reflected back at me just as strongly as the shock was. And for a moment I forgot the physical pain I was in from the match tonight and stood up straight as I moved back against my car. I leaned over with my hands on my knees and my eyes closed as my long blonde hair tumbled over my shoulders and hide my face from view. I needed a second just to remember how to breathe and a part of me was hoping that if I stayed hunched over long enough then somehow he would be gone the next time I looked up. But of course that didn't happen. I could see his shiny black dress shoes through the curtain of my hair and I felt my stomach clenched tightly when I saw that. I didn't want to look up at him, I didn't want to see what he looked like now that my secret had been discovered by him. It was too terrifying. But I would have no choice in the matter as I felt his hand reach over to cup my chin and draw my face back up so I was meeting his pity filled eyes. I shook myself free of him. "What?"

"Are you OK?" Was all he asked, his hand dropping back to his side as he maintained his distance but still kept his eyes on me like he had been doing all night. He looked like he was fighting back against reaching out for me again and I was relieved when he didn't. "You kind of look like you're in shock."

"I guess I am a little bit. I just wasn't expecting you to say what you said." I replied, blinking my eyes rapidly almost like I thought I was going to wake up from this dream like I had this morning. But in my heart of hearts I knew there was no waking up from this, this was the moment I knew had been in the making for 2 years now. It was the moment when I would be forced to confront the thing I had been running from this whole time. And it wasn't brought to the light by my own accord. I looked back at Bobby and managed to ask. "How did you know for sure? I mean...what gave it away?"

"Ok, remember when I said I had been watching you for a while? Well, this whole time I knew something was wrong, like my gut was telling me what the answer was but I couldn't see it. And I wasn't going to say anything until I knew for sure what it was. I didn't really know you in the beginning and I still don't know you. But out of respect, I was going to wait until I knew my suspicions were right or not." He explained, crossing his arms over his chest as he leaned back against his car and looked up at the sky for a second, seemingly lost in the star less black sky. I was grateful for the silence because I was still trying to regain my composure and talking made it a little harder to accomplish that. So I was glad when he fell silent for a few minutes and I took a second to be the one to study him. He didn't look as creepy as he had earlier when I found him watching me, in fact he wasn't all that creepy looking even then. I had never thought Bobby was a scary individual and actually if he wasn't so prone to bring his cocky on screen character into real life then I was certain I would have liked him and we might have even been friends. But now we were thrown together in the most unexpected of ways. He saw me watching him and he said. "Today when you kept acting weird and jumpy, that's when my guess turned out to be right."

"I still don't...hold on a second." I told him, my statement being interrupted by the buzzing of my cell phone in my back pocket. When I pulled it out and looked at the screen, I found myself flinching when I saw my own house number flashing up at me. Damn, it meant Alex and Chris were already at the house. I looked at Bobby. "It's Alex, he's probably wondering where the hell I am."

"Do you need to go? We can always talk another time if its going to be a problem." He raised his eyebrows in question, glancing down at the still buzzing phone in my hand that I ended up hitting the ignore button before tossing it through the open window of my car before finding Bobby staring at me curiously. "I guess that answers my question."

"I can't leave now, not after you drop this bomb on me." I explained, pushing my hair back behind my ears as I looked at him with my lips pressed together. I didn't know whether to feel relieved that I wasn't the only one who knew what happened to me or pissed that someone who didn't really know me had somehow figured it out. I thought I was being so careful about hiding it and never had I acted like anything was wrong until these last few weeks. But how had he gotten rape out of that? I frowned at his expectant face and asked the obvious. "How did you that I had been raped? I mean how did you suddenly pull that one out of nowhere?"

"It wasn't quite out of nowhere. You may not realize this but I understand your situation more then you know." He replied, his face suddenly darkening but not out of anger or frustration, it was out of sadness. Like this conversation had brought up something unpleasant for him. I felt the knot in my stomach tighten even more when he spoke again. "And I understand it because I know what to look for, I know the signs of someone who has been raped."

"And how do you know that?" I felt my lower lip start to quiver and then for a reason I couldn't figure out right now, my eyes started filling with tears and I had to drop my gaze to the ground before I spoke again. "How do you know the signs?"

"Because the same thing happened to my sister. She was raped too."

* * *

><p><em><span>10 minutes later<span>_

"Are you ok?" Bobby asked me the same question for what was probably the 3rd time in the last few minutes as we stood in the same position as before while he tried one more time to get my attention back on track. This time when he reached out and touched me I didn't shy away from him. I was still too much in shock after his second confession to focus on the fact that he was initiating contact again. I could hear my breath ringing loud in my ear and much like before, it took me a few minutes to regain my composure. But my ongoing silence seemed to worry him and I felt him shake my shoulders firmly. "Savannah? Come on, say something or hit me at least. Just react in some way."

"I don't know why I feel so thrown by that. It's like you said, we don't know each other. So I shouldn't have that much of a reaction to hearing about your sister's similar situation." I shook my head and pressed my lips together into a tight line. It was the strangest moment I had ever had and it just kept getting weirder. It was one thing to hear about my rape being picked up by a co-worker but to listen to him say he knew what was going on because he watched his sister go through it was another thing entirely. It wasn't just some random observation, it was an observation backed up by evidence that he had seen for himself. And that was what had me reacting so oddly. I could have been less affected if he had said it was just random. But this? This was way personal. "I never intended to have this conversation with anyone, let alone someone I wasn't friends with. And yet here I am doing just that."

"I don't have to go on, I can drop it right now if that makes you feel better. I know how my sister felt when she talked about it for the first time and I saw how hard it was for her. I won't force you to talk about it." He told me, looking at me in a more gentle way then I was ever expecting him to use. Bobby Roode just was not one of those guys that you looked at and thought he was gentle. But hearing talk about his sister and rape was sort of changing him in my eyes. And I wasn't prepared for that. "And I don't want you to think that if we part now that I will go and say something to someone else. I won't do that to you unless you ask me to."

"I wouldn't ask you to tell anyone because we don't know each other well enough for us to get to that point. So maybe we should try and get there." I said, breathing out heavily through my barely parted lips as it occurred to me there was no turning back now. There was no going back to pretending like he didn't know anything. It was just too late now. "Bobby, will you tell me what happened to your sister?"

"If you want me to, then I will." He nodded, looking almost sad at my request and it never even crossed my mind until this very second that this was just as hard for him to talk about as it was for me. It just goes to show that even the most unexpected of people could have ties to you in ways that you never knew. Bobby looked at me, this time his face was serious. "I don't know how rough it will be for you to hear because of your own situation, but I'll still tell you..."

"I don't know how it will be for me because I spent most of my time not talking about it or listening to anything like that. So I have no idea." I shrugged my thin shoulders, looking back through the open window of my hair at the sound of my phone buzzing on the passenger seat. I knew it was Alex again, or maybe Chris. It had to be one of them at this hour especially when I was suppose to be home and hanging out with them. But this was more important at the moment and I had to see it through. "But I think I need to hear it. It's out there now so I might as well hear something that might help. What happened to her?"

"She was at school one night to watch a basketball game with her girlfriends and they decided it would be fun to wander around the empty parts of the school for the ultimate game of hide and seek. They didn't think anything would come of it at least not in the way of getting in trouble. But trouble found my sister that night." Bobby looked so sad and angry at the same time that I felt almost bad for him. It was one thing to have it happen to you but it was just as bad to watch someone you love go through the same thing and he hadn't even touched on the horrible part yet. I found myself reaching out and squeezing his hand for the briefest of second to which he shot me a look of gratitude before he went on. "She was hiding in an old science lab when this guy approached her and dragged her into the corner of the room and raped her for 20 minutes behind the lab tables. After it was over, he left her there to crawl out of the room all beaten and bloodied. It took her weeks before she was able to say what had happened."

"That's so incredibly sad." I felt myself shrink into a smaller form then I already was, feeling like I didn't even have a right to listen to this story. His sister had been raped when she was just in high school, she had been a child. Yes I was only a few years older then that and still very young myself, but I was an adult when it happened. It felt so much worse when it happened to someone underage. I looked at Bobby's tightly drawn face and said. "I'm really sorry that your sister went through that..."

"Don't feel sorry for her, she came to terms with it a long time ago. She didn't think she was strong enough to deal with it but once she told our parents, it seemed to make her feel not as much alone. And that's why I'm telling you about it." He explained, looking at me in such a way that I knew I couldn't break that gaze for any reason. It may have been hard to stand here and listen to this, but I had a feeling that I needed to do just that. "It took her a long time to talk about it and even a longer amount of time before she could put her life back together. But the way she behaved and lashed out before she told us was very similar to the way you act without even realizing it. The change in moods so suddenly, the distant look in your eyes when you're probably reliving it, the short temper in someone who is normally so level headed. It became obvious to me, I was seeing the same signs in you that I saw in my sister. I just knew you had been raped as well."

"And you felt like it was your duty to confront me about it. That's just swell." I said sarcastically and the second I let it escape from my mouth I immediately regretted letting it slip. It sounded so bitchy and mean after he was trying to relate to me and I felt like a major asshole. "I'm sorry,that was really rude of me to say..."

"Actually it is a 'Roode' thing. It was what my sister said to me when we talked about it for the first time." He grinned for the first time after making a joke on the play of his name and the manner of my tone. "She said the same thing word for word. She didn't like I brought it up but watching her go through it made me feel like I needed to talk about it as well."

"Why?"

"Because when I was younger, I was sort of a dick with women and I never cared if I was a little rough or mean with them. And then after finding out that her rapist was a guy who acted like me, it made me more aware of my behavior and I wanted to change it." He lifted his shoulders upward before sinking them downward again, the tension evident in his face and body language. I had no clue what I looked like to him, but I was sure I looked just as small and weak as I was feeling right now. "And when I started seeing the same thing in you these last few days and especially today, it made want to know if the same happened to you. Even if I was wrong I had to at least put it to rest..."

"And you were right, I was raped. You're the first person to actually figure it out since it happened." I didn't see any need to try and deny it anymore, not when it had been confirmed from the beginning of this conversation by my reactions. And besides, I didn't have the energy to fight back against the obvious. It was just too much work to pretend it hadn't happened. It had happened and having someone know besides me made the tension in my chest loosen a bit as I looked at him. "It happened 2 years ago..."

* * *

><p><em><span>15 minutes later<span>_

"So can I ask you something?" Bobby quietly questioned after finally being the one to break the silence that had been in place for over 12 minutes. He had made a few noises like he was going to say something in the beginning but he chose to stay quiet and I did the same thing, not wanting to speaking after essentially admitting for the first time that I had been raped. That had taken more out of me then I thought it would and the idea of speaking again was just not thrilling to me. So when Bobby hadn't pushed the conversation to start again right away I was more then happy to just take the time to gather myself because I knew it wasn't going to end here, there was just no way that this encounter was over just yet. And lo and behold, 15 minutes after we last said something, Bobby picked right up where we left off and when I nodded that it was OK to ask me, he said. "Did you ever tell anyone about what happened to you?"

"No." I shook my head so hard my hair smacked me in the eyes and made them water again. I tucked the blond strands behind my ears and said. "I haven't told anyone."

"Not friends? Not even your family? When you say no one, you mean absolutely no one knows? Besides me?" Bobby's mouth fell open even before I had a chance to respond to his many questions. But then again, my answer would have been simple and would have invited the same reaction from him as he was showing now. "And it's been 2 years?"

"It was exactly 2 years last week." I muttered, hating that I remembered the exact time and date of the assault like it was some look forward to anniversary. Every year I would wake up out of a dead sleep, screaming and gasping for air at the same time the rape had occurred 2 years ago. It was a night when I made sure that I slept alone so Alex and Chris weren't subjected to my sudden fits. I didn't want them to know this side of me existed. I looked at Bobby's serious face and shrugged. "And I still haven't told anyone else. I hadn't planned on anyone knowing or ever finding out by accident."

"Why not?" He asked me with his dark eyebrows rising high up near his hair line as he crossed his arms over his chest and leveled me with those dark orbs of his. "Why would you keep something so heartbreaking all to yourself? Don't you think it would help if you talked about it?"

"No, I don't think it would help at all. Talking about it and admitting what had happened will just bring up a lot of old pain that I would rather not deal with now or ever." I confessed, knowing how stupid it sounded because even I knew I couldn't run from this forever. I knew that long ago when I left WWE that eventually the rape and the toll it had taken on me would catch up. And I suppose that was why I tried so hard to pretend to be normal, so none of that pain could reach me. "There's no help to be found in talking about it. Maybe for other people it helps but not for me."

"You wouldn't know until you at least tried. And I think 2 years is long enough to put off trying, don't you agree?" He said in such a way that I knew I couldn't argue and instead I just turned my head away in annoyance while he sighed in exasperation. "Well you have to talk to someone. Or at least tell the people closest to you."

"Oh no way, I'm not even doing that." I protested, my face going cold just at the thought of telling the truth to the three people I had closest to me right now. Alex, Chris and Jeff were my family down here. And trying to picture saying what I was saying to Bobby to them was as unfathomable as finding water in a desert. It was impossible and I wasn't even going to pretend like I could do it. "I'm sorry, I know you're only trying to help but there is no fucking way I will tell anyone..."

"What are you so afraid of?" His question came so out of left field that any annoyance I had started to build towards him had suddenly vanished and I found myself leaning back against my car again with a familiar prickling at my eyes. Bobby took notice of this opening and went for it. "You're scared of something involving talking about it..."

"I'm scared of being looked at differently. I'm scared that when people find out, even those close to me, that they will never see me just as me again. I will always be the girl who was raped in their eyes. I will never just be Savannah to them." I snapped, thinking I would feel a flash of rage judging by the way my voice came out at him. But instead I ended up nearly being chocked by tears and I had to look away before he saw it. He still did, I never was quick enough to hide myself and before I could put more distance between us, he did something that surprised us both. He reached out and pulled me into his arms and held me in a way that very keenly reminded me of the way Chris or Jeff would hug me, in that easy friendly way that comforted me. And with the tears rolling down my face, I just let him hold me, glad that no one else was around to witness my meltdown. I clung to him as the sob quietly made their up out of me and said quietly. "I'm scared to face talking about it."

"I understand, I really do." Bobby's voice came out softer and more gentle then I thought he was capable of. His arms looped around my small frame easily, holding on tight as if we had been friends for years rather then brought together by this similar situation. But right now, being held by anyone after talking about the rape was what I needed and the fact that it was Bobby made it all the more easier. Probably because he didn't know me as well as the other people in my life, maybe talking about it with him was the first step to something else. He squeezed me gently before pulling back and wiping the tears from my cheeks. "I get that it's scary to talk about,especially with the people that you love...but there are scarier things to face then a conversation. You know this more then anyone."

I could only bury my face in his chest again as another wave of tears threatened to take over.

* * *

><p><em><span>10 minutes later<span>_

"So I guess that is the real reason why you came to TNA huh?" Bobby asked me a few minutes later after I had managed to get a hold of myself enough to break the embrace and finally wipe the tears off my cheeks so I wasn't clinging to him like some weak little girl that needed a man to hold her up. It wasn't so bad considering that Bobby had been through this before with his sister and had it been and had it been anyone else right now then I'm sure I would have been mortified. At least he had the common courtesy not to draw attention to it. And I appreciated that more then I could express. So when he was digging more into the personal side of this, the side we hadn't even touched, I wasn't too jarred by it. "It was a wrestler who raped you wasn't it?"

"Yea, it was. After it happened I couldn't imagine walking those hallways and possibly seeing his face again any time I turned a corner. I knew I had to get out and that's why I told my dad I was leaving to go to TNA. Only he thought I was doing it out of spite, he had no idea what really happened. None of them did." I frowned in remembrance of that day when I walked into my father's office and told him I was jumping ship. Part of me was hoping that he would see beyond the bullshit and know that something else was going on. But he didn't. He was blinded by the lie I was putting in front of him of wanting to be on my own and he bought it hook, line and sinker. Once that happened, there was never going to be any going back. "I couldn't bare the thought of ever seeing his face again. And I would have rather lost my family then face telling them who had hurt me."

"Who did hurt you?" Bobby finally had the nerve to ask the one question he had been avoiding asking this whole time. I was surprised it took him this long to ask it. I would have thought it had been on the top of his list once I confirmed it. "Because so far you have avoided saying his name out loud."

"And I will continue to avoid saying it." I informed him with a slight upturn of my nose in the air as I sat down on the front bumper of my car when my bruised leg began hurting me after standing on it for so long. "I haven't said his name out loud in two years and I won't do it now."

"Why not?"

"I'm already mortified that I let so much slip to someone who is basically a stranger to me, there's no way I'm giving away the most important detail of all." I shook my head stubbornly, running my fingers through my hair that was blowing across my face from the warm wind that had kicked up and sighed. "It wouldn't matter anyway, telling who it was. It's not like anything can be done about it now. And saying his name is going to open up a huge can of worms, I know it will."

"Well, even if you told me, I wouldn't do anything with that information because it wouldn't be my place to do that. I just wanted you to know that you can confide in me if you need to, that's all." He answered in a no big deal kind of way but it was the exact opposite of that, it was a very big deal. It was very rare that I found myself opening up to people and even more rare that I would entertain the idea of opening up about this very subject. And I had done that with Bobby, so it had to mean something. Maybe it meant that he and I would be friends after this night. I got that sense by what he said next. "I know this is probably hard to believe, but you can trust me. I won't tell anyone anything you talk to me about. Whatever is said between us goes in the vault."

"I want to believe that and a part of me does which is even more surprising then anything else that has happened tonight. I honestly do think I trust you or at least I can once we get to know each other better." I explained as honestly as I could which wasn't as easy as I would like it to be. But given the circumstances, I thought I was doing ok. "Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful that you forced this meeting but there are just somethings that I need to keep to myself."

"You know you can't hide from it forever, don't you? It doesn't work like that. Life won't be ignored no matter how hard you try. It always has a way of pushing through." Bobby pointed out with such certainty behind his statement that it was almost amusing to me. He was not the type of person that I would take to be spouting off words of wisdom like this. But I had been proven wrong once before and I would continue to be wrong a lot. But this was a wrong I wasn't ashamed to confess to,even if the statement itself made me sad. "It will never be easy, but telling the truth can go a long way. And pretending like there isn't a problem is only going to hurt worse when it finally does catch up to you."

"Trust me, I'm just now beginning to realize that."

* * *

><p><em><span>30 minutes later<span>_

"Oh boy, they are still here. So much for getting into the house and hoping to be alone." I grumbled to myself as I stood on my front porch under the glaring light by the front door and and looked through the window where I could just make out the flicker of the TV on the wall, showing that the boys were indeed still awake and were waiting for me as I had feared. I didn't even bother pulling out my keys as I knew the door would be unlocked as it always was when I got here after them. They knew where the spare key was and had no qualms about entering without me there but they never locked it when they were inside which was a plus and negative at the same time. I tucked my hands into my pockets, feeling my purse slide down and catch on my wrist. "I can't believe I'm actually going to face them..."

After Bobby and I had come to finding common ground in our new found friendship, we had decided to part ways for the night. It had been an emotionally draining conversation and prolonging it wasn't going to be good for a lot of reasons. One, because I was not mentally capable of keeping it going with someone who didn't know me that well and I just needed to be around the people who loved me. And secondly, if I stayed out any longer then Alex and Chris would really begin to freak out and I had to get home before they went crazy and called the police. Bobby was the first to leave and as I watched him drive away, I sat in my car with my cell phone in my hand just staring at 5 missed calls I had received and debated whether or not to call them back to say I was alright. I ended up deciding to just drive back without a call and had pulled into my driveway only minutes ago expecting the sound of my car to be met with the front door opening but there was nothing. They must have had the tv up loud because even after slamming my car door shut, they didn't come out and was sort of glad for that. I needed just another few moments to myself before I faced them, knowing I was going to be bombarded with a crap load of questions and I had to be prepared. Not just for the anger that I knew was coming my way but also for the decision that I had come to on the drive home, a decision I never thought I would ever come to.

_"...there are scarier things to face then a conversation..."_

He was right when he said that. I had gone through things scarier then simply admitting to the rape. If I could go through that and still be standing here relatively sane then maybe I could even get through telling Alex and Chris about it as well. It didn't mean it wasn't gong to be hard, it was probably going to be 10 times harder then the conversation I had with Bobby and that was pretty hard. But I got through it, so maybe if I put trust in the people who had stood by me these last 2 years, then I could finally let go of the pain once and for all.

"Here goes nothing." I said to myself before reaching out and twisting the knob to open the door and slipping inside before I could talk myself out of running away. I felt my heart thud wildly inside my chest as the door slammed shut and brought about a loud slam from inside the living room suggesting that both of them had jumped up to their feet. I tossed my purse onto the table against the wall just as Alex and Chris came skidding into the hallways with their hair askew and the jaws open wide like they couldn't believe it was me standing there. "Uh...hi."

"That's all you can say? Hi? Are you freaking kidding me?" Alex was the first to say something as I knew he would be being that he had been the one responsible for almost all the missed calls on my phone. He stood next to Chris with his hands hanging down at his side and his feet shifting back and forth like he wanted to rush at me out of anger but was holding himself back. "You were suppose to be back here and you never showed up. You ignored all our calls and texts. For all we know you could have been in an accident."

"It's very possibly you could have been, after that fall you took tonight, it could have given you a concussion that impaired your ability to drive, you crazy girl." Chris snapped, looking serious and concerned for the first time in a long while and if there was anything that could touch my heart more then Alex right now then it was Chris. He didn't get mad often, but when he did, it was bad. "I mean seriously, where the heck has your head been at today?"

"No the more important question is where the hell were you coming from just now that was so important that you couldn't pick up the phone to tell us you were going to be late, huh?" Alex hissed, his normally carefree face turning dark and stormy like a sky right before a hurricane. I saw his hands clench up into tight fists, his anger evident in his body as he fought to understand. "What the hell is going on with you?"

"You can't just disappear without any notice,not after a day like today. Sorry but that's just not acceptable in this circle." Chris motioned between the three of us, accentuating the closeness we all shared without it having to be verbalized. Seeing the fierceness in his eyes and face made my lip quiver in response and he picked up on it right away. "Wait...are you crying?"

"No." I denied, turning my head to rub at my eyes and finding that he was indeed right, I had been crying. I didn't know if the tears just started rolling in response to their yelling or if they had been there all along. Either way, it made the two of them go quiet as I tried to speak. "I uh...um..."

"Savannah, what's wrong?" Alex's tone had changed drastically upon seeing the tears in my eyes. He had never been able to handle that and when it happened, he always immediately loosened his hold on his anger or annoyance and softened his expression which was what he was doing now as he made a move towards me. "Savannah,talk to me..."

"I have to tell you guys something..." I cut him off, knowing if I didn't say it now then I never would have the courage to do it again. "...Something I should have told you a long time ago."

**A/N: yes i know it was incredibly mean of me to end it there but at least it makes you want more of it right? well the time has come for savannah to finally face up to the truth of her rape to the two people cloest to her. And how will the reactions be? keep watch over the next few days, that chapter will be coming sometime early in the week**


	6. The cold within

**Chapter 6 The cold within**

"What do you mean you have something to tell us? What could you possibly have to tell us besides where you were just now?" Alex seemed to put aside my tears for the moment as his thirst for my whereabouts took over and the concern left his face for the briefest of seconds as he stepped closer to me with his arms crossed. He still looked worried, I could see that in the depths of his eyes. But right now he was more focused on getting answers to something that wasn't nearly as important as what I was trying to tell him. "Savannah you didn't show up here at your own house after you said you would and you never told us you would be late. So of course we're going to assume the worst and think something happened..."

"Alex, cool it would you? She's trying to talk." Chris snapped almost harshly, shocking all three of us with the sound as we weren't use to him of all people sounding so mean. Chris was the most laid back of the group and he tended not to get involved too heavily with emotions. But I suppose when you were down in the gutter, even someone like Chris could tell it was serious and I think that's why he sent a glare at Alex. "Go ahead Savannah."

"Something did happen, that's what I'm trying to tell you!" I exclaimed, my voice coming out in more of a strangle and the tone of it stopped Alex in his tracks as a frown appeared on his lips and he fell back beside Chris as I reached up to wipe my cheeks free of tears. I had to get a hold of myself if was going to say this and I had to say it. I was too far into the process to stop now, I had already let them know there was something else going on and there would be no backtracking. The moment had come for me to finally let go and I had to let go. No matter how hard it was for me to do. I looked up at him and Chris whose eyes had never wavered from my face and bit the inside of my mouth. I felt like I couldn't breathe, like something very heavy was sitting on my chest that I couldn't get off. That heavy thing? It was the truth that was about to come spilling out of my mouth without filter. I closed my eyes so I wouldn't have to see their faces and clenched my hands into fists. "I was raped OK? I was raped 2 years ago before I came to TNA. That's the real reason why I left WWE, because I couldn't bear the thought of running into that monster in the halls ever again. And I'm only telling you now because I can't hide from it anymore and you guys needed to know. So there. Are you happy now Alex? Are you happy that I finally told you the truth? Are you happy that you were right all along? That there was something else going on?"

"You...you were..you..." Alex couldn't even find the words to complete one full sentence when he finally had the courage to say something to my outburst. I opened my eyes slowly, their faces coming back into view and I saw the full extent of what my confession was doing to them. They both looked like all the blood had been drained from their faces and I had to actually look down at the floor to make sure it hadn't dropped out of their bodies. They were pale, almost deathly pale as if they had been suffering from some terminal disease. Alex looked to Chris for help, help on what to say to me but Chris was at a loss for words as well and could only shrug in return. Alex turned back to me, his eyes pools of darkness that I did not recognize. "Raped? You were raped?"

"Yes. 2 years ago, I was pulled into an empty storage room at an arena and I was beaten up a little bit before he raped me. He hurt me and then he was gone. And so was I. No one ever knew, at least until now." I sniffled a little bit, quickly covering my mouth so the sound was muffled. The last thing I needed was to cry when I had to get this all out. I had said the hardest part, I had actually said I had been raped. Those words were out there now and if I could say those horrible words then I could go through the rest of this. I dropped my hand back down to my side and struggled to maintain my eye contact with them. "It was why I suddenly left the WWE, I needed to be away from there but I couldn't stand the thought of telling my father that someone from his own company had raped me. He loved that company, sometimes more then me and I knew what this news would do to it. So I just told him I wanted to do things on my own for once. And once they all kicked me out of their lives, I vowed to never bring it up again and I attempted to start over with a normal life. I didn't want to remember, I wanted to be happy. So I never talked about it and until now I never showed any sign that I was carrying this around. But I just can't keep it inside anymore."

"Oh my God." Chris was the first to respond this time and he actually leaned over with his hands on his knees like he was light headed and about to pass out. I wanted to go to him and show him I was OK, that I was still standing despite what happened. But I was frozen in place over by the wall and could only watch as he remained like that for what was the longest 2 minutes of my life before he lifted his head up to stare at me and for the first time since I had known him, his hazel eyes were clouded over with water. "2 years and you never told us..."

"Mother fucker..." Alex growled, a hard tinge coming into his voice that brought both Chris's and my eyes on him in surprise. Alex gripped the back of his head with one fist and instead of taking Chris's approach of being emotional in response, Alex instead reacted by walking over to the wall closest to him and shoved his fist into it. He didn't break it but the action still made me jump as I had never seem him violently react to anything outside the ring. He continued to beat on the plaster until picture frames fell to the floor and I started seeing streaks of red on the wall and realized it was blood. Alex saw it too and finally stopped, looked at his bloodied fist before turning around to face us, and mostly me. Seeing him standing there with the blood appearing across his knuckles brought a fresh batch of tears to my eyes that I didn't even know were in the making. Alex saw this and his face went slack almost instantly as he dropped his hand to his side. "Oh shit, Savannah..."

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have told you." I sobbed, the first of the hot tears already rolling as I hid my face in my hands so neither of them had to look at me. I felt so bad, so heavy still from saying what I said but even more so for the reactions it brought out of the people I loved the most. If I had known that was how it was going to be then I never would have walked in here to ruin everything. I felt a hand on my wrist, trying to tug my hand down and I knew by touch that it was Alex. "No, don't. I'm sorry..."

"No, I'm the one who is sorry. Come here." Alex successfully pulled my hands away from my face easily, looking at me for only the fraction of a second before he pulled me in against his chest and wrapped his arms around my shaking form. I was too exhausted from emotion to fight it and just hid my face against his shoulder, feeling my tears soak his shirt quickly as I held on to him. I needed something solid, a lifeline of sorts. I wouldn't have been able to hold myself up otherwise and thankfully Alex's hands were there to steady me. The only time they left was for a second or two and I only understood for what when I felt Chris's arms go around me as well to lock the three of us together. It was strange, standing there crying into the shoulder of the man I loved while our best friend also stood nearby with his arms around us too but I didn't mind the oddness. It was comforting in a way that made me feel safe because of the strength I felt from both their bodies. I managed to unhook an arm from around Alex's waist and use it to reach out for Chris to draw him closer. I needed to hold onto him as well, he and Alex were my family, they now knew my secret. I wanted his comfort as well as Alex's. I knew that despite Chris's carefree attitude, he would feel my pain as strongly as I was feeling it now. Alex would too eventually. They would get me through this if they both stuck by me. I don't know how long the three of us stood there in that group hug but I know it must have been a while as I was finally forced to stand back as my leg started to hurt again. Chris quickly blinked his eyes and turned away for a second but Alex never dropped his hold on me as he remained in front of me and asked. "Does anyone else know?"

"No one except you guys. No one in my family knows, no friends from the company, no friends here. Absolutely no one knows. Except..." I hesitated for just a second, wondering whether it was a good idea to bring up the reason for why I hadn't come back right away. I didn't know how they would react to hearing about my encounter with Bobby,but at that point, I just wanted to release it all. "Except for Bobby, he knows. He figured it out today after I was freaking out on everyone and he just sort of guessed. I was with him just now so he could confirm it..."

"Wait. Bobby Roode? You talked about this with Bobby Roode before you came to us?" Alex's forehead wrinkled as he spoke, showing that he was mad for a reason that was unknown to me. But then it hit me and I felt more terrible. He was jealous, Alex was jealous that Bobby had been the one to hear it first rather then him. I could see it in his eyes as he spoke again. "I knew there was something else going on. And I thought when you finally were ready to talk about it, that I would be the one you came to first. Not him."

"It wasn't my first choice, believe me. And I didn't know I would end up talking about it. He just shocked me when he said he knew and I wasn't able to deny it." I explained, pushing back my tear soaked hair behind my ears and let out a heavy breath that I didn't know I had been holding. "Don't be mad at me Alex, please don't be mad..."

"I'm not mad, I'm just...i don't know. I'm just something." Alex was back to not being able to complete his thoughts and just looked at me with this mixture of anger and fury, pain and sadness, pity and love. All things heavy that meshed together so they became seamless. "I mean...Bobby Roode? You confided in him of all people..."

"Alex, this isn't the time for that." Chris said to him almost commandingly, sending him a serious look that said he knew where Alex was going with this and it was not right way to go. I shot Chris a small but grateful look that he returned with a nod. "Just be ok that she was able to tell us at all..."

"You're right, I'm sorry." Alex shook his head rapidly and looking apologetic as he did so. I had never heard him say he was sorry this much before and it was already a sign that things were never going to be the same between the three of us. Now that the truth was out, they were forever going to be looking at me differently. Just like Alex was now. "Savannah I …."

"You know what? I think I need a moment to myself." I pulled away from Alex, needing to get away from the concerned, pity looks he was giving me. It was suffocating, I never realized how much it would be until he was looking at me. That was how he was forever going to look at me now, I would never be the same in his eyes. Or Chris's eyes. And that wounded me almost as much as the rape did. I back away towards the kitchen, making sure to keep my face steady so they wouldn't think to follow me. "I'm just...I'm going to make coffee...Excuse me."

I turned and practically fled to the sanctuary of my kitchen just so I could remember how to breathe properly again.

* * *

><p><em><span>In the kitchen<span>_

"Damn it, damn it, damn it." I grumbled to myself once I had reached the emptiness of the kitchen and was able to finally breathe normally again. I practically tripped over my own two feet on my way to the cupboard to find the coffee filters, glad that I had slipped away from the heavy stares of Alex and Chris to get a minute alone. I couldn't just stand there anymore watching them look at me like I was some stranger. I knew it was a shock and maybe after that wore off then it wouldn't be like that, but something told me that it may not be normal ever again. Especially not with Alex, he would be the most affected and if I lost him because of this confession then I didn't know what I would do. I grabbed the box of filters and then shoved the pot under the faucet to filled, thankful that the sound of water broke up the silence in the house. I poured it into the machine and went to grab a filter out of the box but my hands were shaking so bad that my fingers couldn't get a grip well enough to pull it out from the rest. I tried to keep my composure from blowing up over nothing but when I continued to shake too much to do a simple task I got frustrated and slammed it down on the counter. "Fuck!"

"Frustrated much?" A level sounding voice spoke from the doorway only a few feet away and I didn't have to turn to know it was Chris standing there against the frame. I was glad I wasn't looking because I could the old buildup of water behind my eyes and if I looked at him then I knew I would cry and I didn't want to cry in front of him. I heard him walk up beside me and elbow me in the arm to get my attention. "Hey, why don't you let me do that..."

"I'm perfectly capable of making a fucking pot of coffee. I'm not that incompetent." I almost snapped in his face, feeling bad right afterward because I never talked to Chris like that ever and things had always been cordial between us even if we both had been annoyed with one another. But tonight had me walking on a tightrope and anything seemed to affect me in a big way even if it was small. So even Chris offering to just get the filter out blew up into making me feel incapable of such a small task. "Just because I was raped, it doesn't mean I can't do anything for myself..."

"Will you just shut up and let me help you? Or at least let me take out a damn coffee filter?" Chris shot right back in his normal sounding voice, shocking me so much with it's arrival that I didn't even fight back when he pushed my hands away and edged me out from the counter with his elbows. "Now I'm not going to be looking at you, so if you need to cry again, then I suggest you do it now."

I felt my jaw fall open at this statement but I couldn't argue against it since I did feel like I was about to burst into tears again. Even though he wasn't looking at me, I still turned my back on him and walked over to the other counter so I would have something to hold me in case I needed it. I had barely covered my mouth to muffle the sounds before the tears fell and my vision was clouded over, rendering me frozen in place. It was so like Chris to pick up on my emotions and act like it was no big deal when I was crying into my hands in the same room as he was. He pretended like he didn't notice as he stood at the coffee machine and filled it up, he was one of the rare guys who could stand it when a girl cried in front of him. Not that it didn't bother because I knew it did, but he didn't get uncomfortable about it like most people I knew. I didn't know if I would have been able to do the same thing, but Chris was a different type of person and if there was anyone I wanted in the kitchen with me, then it was him. I knew Alex needed a second to gather himself as I did,and Chris seemed ok to stand in his place.

"Just so you know..." Chris began to say as he left the counter and his footsteps came across the floor to where I stood his fingers wrapping around my wrists to pull my hands down away from my face. He didn't hesitate before pulling me into his arms, curling me into his chest and setting his chin on top of my head as his arms tightened around me. I could feel his chest rise and fall against my cheek as he spoke, saying something that touched the cold within my heart. "Nothing has changed. You telling us about your rape...that doesn't make me look at you any differently. You're still my best friend, that's what I see when I look at you."

"Damn it, I hate you for being so sweet." I grumbled, feeling touched by his sentiment that reached out to me in his own unique way. I pulled back from him, looking him in the eyes for the first time and upon seeing my tear streaked face, he cupped my cheeks in his hands and wiped the tears away with his thumbs before he smiled at me. I felt warmth spread down to my toes and I realized just how lucky I was to have a friend like Chris. He was really more like my brother then anything and I knew I would always have a family with him. He would never betray me or leave me in the lurch, he was going to be there for the long run and if there was ever a time I needed to remember that then this was it. I tried to smile back but I couldn't quite manage it. "Thank you. Your friendship is something I'm really going to need from now on."

"Well you have it...Always." He shot me another grin, reaching his hand up to ruffle my blonde hair as if I was still a kid before turning back to the coffee machine. "Now let's find some mugs because I don't know about you, but I really need some coffee right about now."

"Sounds good."

* * *

><p><em><span>40 minutes later<span>_

"...So I've been thinking..." I began to say, breaking the silence in the air and looking on either side of me where Alex and Chris were seated, who upon hearing me speak both sat up straight after abandoning their cups of coffee on the table in front of us. It had really been the first time anyone had said anything since I came out of the kitchen with Chris and we had all gathered in the living room to sit together on the couch but the silence had been so heavy and with no one knowing what to say, the tension grew until Chris finally just turned on the tv for the sole purpose of having background noise. But even that didn't really calm anyone down, especially Alex. Alex although sitting next to me for almost the past hour, hadn't made any attempt to reach out and touch me again after that first initial hug. It was like he was afraid of touching me and that in turn gave me nothing to be distracted by when my thoughts took over. Of course they went everywhere on the spectrum but the one thing that kept on popping up in my head was one very important parental figure that I knew I had to speak about. I looked at Alex first and then Chris before sighing. "I want Jeff to know about this."

"What?" Alex was visibly taken aback and even Chris was looking a little surprised but not nearly as much as Alex was as he stared at me full on for the first time since I told them the truth. "Why would you want to tell Jeff?"

"Jeff's known me most of my life, he gave me a job when I needed to escape, and more importantly he acted more like my father then my real one did. He's family, he should know." I felt my lower lip tremble a bit as I thought about how Jeff Jarrett might react to the news and all I could see was a reaction that was 10 times worse then the one Alex had. Jeff tended to forget I was an adult and treated me like I was his daughter and I just feared that when he heard this then all hell would break loose. But what I had said about our relationship was the truth. He was like my father and if there was only one other person I wanted to know about this then it was him. But the thought of having to say those words to him of all people was enough to send me sitting back against the cushions. "I can't do it. I mean...i want him to know, but I can't imagine having to say all this again. It's just too hard."

"I'll do it." Alex said suddenly, sitting up even straighter as he spoke. He looked down at me with a shrug, despite the looks Chris and I were both giving him. He reached behind him to his back pocket and yanked out his cell phone with more force then I thought was necessary, but I think he was just desperate for a break from me. He stood up and headed over to the sliding glass door and flipped on the back porch light before stepping out. "I'll be right back."

I watched him walk to the middle of the porch and take a seat on the edge of the steps before he started punching the buttons on his phone. Even from back here in the living room I could see the tension in his shoulders and that only made my own shoulders drop even further. I watched him sit hunched over as he put the phone to his ear and his back muscles were bunched up tight under his black shirt. He was hurting, that was obvious. And I was the reason for that hurt. Not that it was my fault because I didn't ask to be raped, but I decided to reveal that truth and now he was hurting because of my secret. I could have ignored it and kept it locked up but I didn't and now I had burst the happy bubble we had all been in. Things were different, things were changing. All because of me. If it were possible at this point, I felt even more low.

"Hey..." Chris nudged me with his elbow, pulling my attention to the right where I found him watching much in the same way Bobby had been watching me tonight, in that brotherly and protective manner. He crossed his arms over his chest and propped his feet up on the coffee table. "Why do you look so much sadder now then you did before?"

"Because I'm just beginning to realize that Alex will never look at me the same way again." I sighed heavily, expressing my deepest fear when I had made the choice to come clean. There was no possibly way that things would ever be like they were once I said that I had been raped, just no way. I ran my fingers through my hair, wincing when it caught on knots before I went on. "All he's ever going to see now when he looks at me is the girl who got raped. It will never just be me that he's seeing..."

"You know that's not true. Alex would never treat you like that. He loves you, he's been in love with you for years. That's not going to change just because of him finding out you were raped. It will all go back to normal once we've all had time to process this." Chris tried to assure me, his lips turning upward in an attempt to smile. It was nice to see that he had so much confidence that the friendship the three of us shared would bounce back as well as the dynamic with Alex and me. I wish I had that confidence. "We just found out tonight, of course things will change a little bit after hearing something like that. But it will get better.."

"I don't want things to change at all. I like how things are with the three of us and I love how things are with Alex and me. I don't want it to change." I insisted, rubbing the side of my head with my knuckles, trying to get the ache to go away. The overload of emotion was making me dizzy as well as giving me a migraine. I just wanted it to be over. "If I had known this would put distance between us, then I never would have said anything."

"No, don't talk like that. I'm glad you told us, no matter how hard it is to deal with." Chris shook his head, unwilling to accept my attempt to take back the truth of my rape and he reached over to take me by the shoulders. "This won't pull us apart, it will bring us closer because you're not hiding it anymore. I promise you it will be ok. It's only the first night, you just need to be patient."

"I want to believe that, but I'm afraid that I'm losing him already." I bit down on my lower lip as I swallowed hard and stood up, looking down at Chris and then through the sliding glass door where I could see Alex with his head in his hand and the phone still against his ear. I felt my eyes water again and I started moving away from the living room and towards the basement door. "I'm sorry, I need to be alone right now."

I could hear Chris calling after me but I ignored him and made the descent down the basement stairs before he had to see me cry again.

* * *

><p><em><span>10 minutes later<span>_

Chris was finally taking the last sip of his now cold coffee when Alex came back in from the porch and slid the door closed with a loud thud before just standing there with his arms crossed. Chris had never been the one to hold back from saying anything in any situation, but for once in his life he remained quiet, knowing Alex did not need any back talk when he was trying to process what they had heard tonight. And then having to relay that to someone else and Chris was sure his best friend was ready to break. So he just sat there in silence until Alex was ready to speak, thinking over his own thoughts and feelings about what Savannah had told them. Sure he was shocked, as he had never once suspected that was what was really going on. But once it sunk in, his logical side took over and it occurred to him that despite this incredibly sad new development,nothing had changed in the way he looked at her. He still saw his best friend. But deep down he knew it wasn't really his opinion she was worried about...

"Hey, where's Savannah?" Alex's voice broke him out of his thoughts suddenly and he turned his head to find the guy in question looking around the empty room with a frown on his face. "You didn't let her run off did you?"

"Relax, she's down in the basement." Chris stopped short of rolling his eyes and just settled for hiding his reaction behind his tight lipped mouth. Alex was showing his worries through the cracks and once again Chris had enough sense not to respond in his usual sarcastic way. But he did have something important to say. He ran his fingers through his messed up hair and said. "Alex, we need to talk ..."

"Oh no, no more talk. I've had enough talk for one night. That call with Jeff just about wiped me out." Alex replied as he dropped down onto the couch with his legs sprawled out in front of him and his hand at his temple. "Can we forgo the talk for once?"

"Not this time, this time I can't just let you be. Not when Savannah is so worried about losing you." Chris plowed ahead, knowing that despite Alex's insistence that they don't talk that they needed to more then ever. If they didn't get this all out now when it was fresh then it would get locked away and they would have to drag it up. That would hurt more. "Dude, she thinks she's that you're going to throw your hands up and be done with her now that you know."

"What? That's crazy!" Alex exclaimed, his mouth falling open in protest that he would even suggest that. "Why would she think that?"

"Because of the rape. She thinks you'll look at her differently now that you know she was raped. She thinks that's all you'll ever see when you look at her. She's scared that things will never be the same again." Chris relayed his conversation with Savannah right back to Alex and hoped it got through to him. Chris knew that for him personally it would be ok once this all sunk in, but Alex was intimately involved with Savannah and she had more to lose with him. He looked at his best friend and sighed. "I think she's scared you won't want her anymore after this."

"That is complete bullshit!" Alex snapped, his face getting dark and stormy as he sat up and put his feet back on the floor with a thud that he was Savannah could hear downstairs. "I would never look at her differently. And I could never not want her. I've waited years for her, I'm not giving her up now."

"Maybe you should mention that to her." Chris nodded towards the basement door in the hallway, knowing she needed to hear it more then him. "Because I think hearing it from you will give her one less thing to worry about."

"Yea, you're probably right." Alex nodded with his lips pressed together before he got to his feet and started heading towards the door. He had his hands stuck in his pockets but when he actually got to the top of the stairs that led down to the basement he just stopped and stood there with an unreadable expression on his face. "I can't believe this is happening."

"Yea its pretty much out of left field." Chris agreed, watching his friend stand there and feeling bad for the look on his face. "Alex..."

"How did I not know about this? I've known her for years, I've loved her for years. How did I not know?" Alex seemed to be talking to himself more then anything right now or more accurately he was beating himself up for not seeing this coming. "How could I not have noticed that she was going through something so horrible?"

"Neither of us knew and we've known her for over 5 years. Hell, her own family didn't know. So how could we have?" Chris shot back with a shrug, not willing to let Alex blame himself for not knowing what was going on. It wasn't his fault for not realizing it and it wasn't Chris's fault. No one was at fault in this equation. He leveled Alex with a stare. "Dude, she was very good at hiding it from us. We never even thought there was something else going on until recently. So don't be so hard on yourself. I think she was just scared of admitting it, that's why she held on to it for so long."

"Well I'm scared too now." Alex grumbled, pulling his hands out of his pocket and clasping them behind his head. " I'm scared of not being myself around her, but I'm more scared of scaring her."

"You're willing to talk about it and now she's not hiding it. That has to count for something." Chris smiled and got up to go join his friend by the door for the sole purpose of patting him on the shoulder for encouragement. "At least now you both can share your fears with each other."

* * *

><p><em><span>10 minutes later<span>_

"Can I ask what you're doing?" Alex's voice came at my back and made me pause for a second in surprise even though I had heard the door open at the top of the stairs. But I had been so caught up in looking through boxes that I never really paid attention to the noise in the first place. But now I could sense that he was standing not too far away behind me and was watching me as intently as he had been upstairs and maybe that was the reason I didn't want to turn around. "Savannah?"

"I'm looking for my God damn tennis racquet so I can hit something with it." I grumbled, throwing aside a smaller box to get at the one underneath it. I don't know where this sudden rage came from or this desire to get violent but I would rather feel that the sorrow I had felt when I first came down here. "I feel a need to lash out and release this...tension I've had stored up"

"You've never been one to get like that." He pointed out with a slightly wavering voice and I could picture that he was leaning against the wall with his hands tucked under his arms and his lips bunched together with his cheeks sucked in. He always looked like that when he didn't know what to say and I was fairly certain that he didn't know what to say right now. And neither did I. So I just settled for ripping through box after box while he stood behind me, rubbing his feet across the carpet. "Why won't you look at me?"

"Because I'm busy... I'm mad...I'm scared...I'm..." I couldn't even finish what I was going to say because I didn't know what else I was feeling. All I could see was a huge black void and that made me want to jump back. But I couldn't as Alex had come up behind me and wrapped his hands around my arms to turn me around. But even with me facing him, I wouldn't look him in the eye. "I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to act around you or what to say, or even if..."

"Hey, it's ok because I don't know how to do any of that stuff either. You're not alone in this anymore." He told me, his finger going under my chin to lift my face up so our eyes met. I was surprised when I didn't see a pitying look in his warm orbs, he still looked worried and uncomfortable, but it was no longer a look that made it seem like he was in front of a stranger. "Chris told me about your conversation and I just want you to know that I'm not going anywhere."

"I wouldn't blame you if you did, it's not exactly what you thought you would take on when you got involved with me. But I am scared of you not being around." I admitted since there was no reason not to, looking down again only for him to place his hands on either side of my face and lift it back up again. "I'm scared of you not seeing the same girl you've always known just because I revealed this secret. It's not everything I am, it's just a part of me. But I'm scared that's all you see now..."

"Right now, it is because you just told me. The shock has to wear off before things go back to normal..." Alex explained, his fingers brushing against my cheeks softly. "But it will be like it was before. I'm still going to look at you the same way I've always had. It won't be easy, because we all have our own fears..."

"You? You have fears?" I was taken aback. I never thought Alex was one to be scared of anything so when he said that I was a little floored. "What are you scared of?"

"Scaring you." He said simply with a little shrug of his shoulders, his hands going down to my waist to hold me steady as I was shaking a little. "I'm scared that I won't be able to act like myself with you or that somehow my behavior will remind you even more of the rape...and I don't want you to be..."

"Alex, don't even go there. I won't ever be scared of you. The way you have always been with me was what kept me happy this whole time. I don't want that to change just because you know I was raped." I wanted to cry just then, hearing Alex say he thought I would be scared of him was so heartbreaking. Alex was not my rapist, he was nothing like him. There was no possible way that I could be scared of him. He was the only thing that made me feel at peace. I touched my hands to his chest. "I want you to be the way you were before you knew. It's what I want..."

"I can't promise to be perfect but I'll try..." Alex began to say but he was cut off by the muffled sound of the doorbell ringing on the floor above us. Even from down here we could hear it as well as Chris's footsteps going across the floor. Alex frowned and pulled back slightly. "That must be Jeff."

"Wait, what?" I fell back from him, feeling my face go cold all of a sudden at the arrival of the man who had been like my father these past few years. "You told him to come here?"

"No, in fact I told him he didn't have to. When I called him I just told him what you told us and he insisted on coming over. So I guess that must be him making his grand entrance." Alex said almost sarcastically as I moved passed him towards the staircase and he followed closely at my heels. "If you don't want to deal with it then I can send him a..."

"No, it's ok. I have to face him." I said over my shoulder, climbing the stairs two steps at a time just I could get to the first floor quicker. I almost fell backwards in my haste but Alex was there to catch me and set me back on my feet. I couldn't even thank him as my mind was laser focused on what I would see in just seconds. I burst through the doorway and skidded to a stop so suddenly that Alex ran right in to me before moving off to the side with a stagger. My eyes fell on the two figures standing in the front hallway and sure enough Alex had been right about Jeff's arrival. It wasn't the sight of Jeff in sweatpants and a black shirt that made me pause nor was it the way his hair was messed up and sticking up in places all over his head suggesting he had been going to sleep when he got Alex's call. It was when our eyes met and I saw the fury and sadness in his blue orbs that made me freeze in place and just stare at him. He was looking at me in the same way a father would look at his daughter who had been hurt, the way my father should have looked at me if I had the courage to tell hi. But in Jeff's eyes I was his daughter and he was not holding back his fury over what had been done to me. Say what you want about Jeff Jarrett, but at the end of the day he was one of the most caring and paternal people I knew and remembering that made me tear up worse then any time before and I could only manage the most stupid of greetings. "Hey Jeff."

"Do not start crying in front of me..." Jeff warned me with his voice wobbling,his face contorted so quickly that I knew he too was seconds away from falling apart as I was. He closed his eyes for a second and then opened them before moving toward me at a quick pace. He folded me into his arms in the same manner that Chris had, holding me close to him as if he thought it would somehow erase the pain and anguish of what happened 2 years ago. But even Jeff, my second father, couldn't do that. And feeling his shaking arms around me made me bury my face in his shoulder just as the tears spilled over. I could hear footsteps moving across the floor and knew Alex and Chris were going into the other room to give us some privacy. And with good timing too because I sensed that Jeff was on the verge of crying too. I felt his arms tighten slightly around me. "You're going to be ok, it's all going to be ok."

* * *

><p><em><span>The next morning<span>_

"If I could just lay here and not move for the next three days that would be just perfect."

I adjusted my position on the lawn chair out on my back porch and stared up at the sky that was just beginning to lighten up in the early morning hour. It was quiet right now, a peaceful quiet that was quite different from the quiet that had been in the house hours earlier. I laid back and brought my legs up to my chest and set my chin on my knees with a sigh. This was the first time I had been alone all night. After Jeff had come over and we had gotten a hold of ourselves, we went to sit with the boys in the living room to finally calm down and just be quiet. But it was a heavy, tense kind of quiet that left everyone so exhausted that we all ended up falling asleep on the couches within minutes of each other. But I was the first one to wake up, opening my eyes at around 6:30 this morning and was unable to fall back asleep. I instead got up and stepped around Chris's body that had rolled off the couch and onto the carpet and came out here to watch the sun rise. And this is where I had been sitting for the past 30 minutes, wondering how this day was going to be begin and end. I hoped it ended better then yesterday.

"So this is where you escaped to..." Jeff's southern accent called out to me from behind and I glanced over my shoulder just in time to see him sliding the door closed behind him before making his way over to the chair next to me and dropping down onto the edge of it. He leaned forward with his arm on his knee and his other hand running his fingers through his tangled mess of blonde curly hair before looking at me with a small smile. "So...interesting night."

"Oh yea, it was the best. I hope I have more just like it." I said with a roll of my eyes, turning to look at the calm water of the pool and sighed heavily. I was tired, I was in pain from my injuries from last night and I just didn't have the energy to hold on to my composure for long. "I need like a day or two to get myself together."

"Take all the time you need, if you don't feel up to doing the show on Tuesday then just let me know and I won't schedule you for it." Jeff told me, reaching out to pat my knee gently. I was grateful for his gesture, knowing not many bosses would be that keen to let me out of work for anything less then a death in the family. But Jeff was different and he prided himself on it. He may have been an asshole on screen at times, but behind the scenes he was the greatest man I knew. "So I just wanted to let you know that before I headed on home..."

"Oh my God I'm sorry for keeping you here all night, that wasn't right." I almost hit myself in the middle of my forehead with the heel of my hand. I felt horrible for not ordering him to go home. Jeff was so busy wrestling and running TNA that he didn't have all that much time to spare with his wife and kids. And here I was not fighting him when he had insisted on staying at the house. "I'm really sorry for not letting you go home to your family."

"Hey, you're family too and you needed me last night." Jeff waved off my apology like it was no big deal and I guess to him it was no big deal. "Besides, Karen will understand. She knows I think of you as my daughter too."

"Still, I didn't mean to have you come over. I just thought that since I was finally coming clean about the rape, I should tell the three people closest to me and that meant you. And I would have been fine if you hadn't come over." I assured him, trying to keep a neutral look on my face but the truth was that I was so glad he was here. Alex and Chris were great but there were times I needed a dad and last night was one of them. And only Jeff could fit that role. But I would never let him think that he had an obligation to do it. I was going to tell him just that but when I turned my head to look at him, I found him looking at me with a frown. "What?"

"Who did it?" He asked simply and I knew right away what he was referring to and I immediately shook my head but that didn't stop him. "Savannah, tell me who raped you."

"Why? So you can go hunt him down and beat his ass to a pulp? We both know that's what you're thinking." I sent him a look, essentially telling him it wasn't ok to go and do that. First off, that would only land him in jail for assault and secondly it would invite the truth out in the open which might bring up possibility of trial that would never work in my favor because there was no evidence. So no, I couldn't reveal the name of my rapist."Jeff, I love you for wanting to protect me but I won't let you get yourself arrested on my account."

"You are just like your father sometimes, stubborn beyond all hell." Jeff shook his head after pointing out the one trait shared between my father and I. I wasn't nearly as stubborn as my dad was but I did get like that sometimes and Jeff knew that. "And sometimes that's not good..."

"It wouldn't do any good to say his name anyway, it's been 2 years and there's no evidence. Saying anything now would just cause trouble that I don't need." I ran my fingers through my long hair, feeling oddly amazed that I was the only McMahon sibling that had gotten our mother's blonde hair before saying. "Jeff, just so we're clear, I don't want anyone else..."

"Don't worry, I won't say anything to anyone about what you told me. That stays between us until you say differently." Jeff replied so strongly that I believed in his conviction and knew he would never betray my trust. Jeff was a firm believer in loyalty in his friends, family and employees and I was an example of all three of those things. So I knew I could trust him but Jeff always had to have the last word. "You have to tell your family, you know. If anyone should know, it's them."

"That's too big a leap for me right now Jeff. I barely had the strength to talk about it with you, Alex and Chris. I can't imagine facing them anytime soon." I sighed heavily, feeling my heart thud painfully inside my chest at the thought of standing in front of my parents and brother and sister for the first time in years only to tell them I had been raped. I couldn't even imagine what that would be like and I didn't want to. It was too hard, too much time had passed. I looked at Jeff, seeing his face still looking at me seriously and I realized that maybe he had a point. They were still my family, at some point they should know the truth. I fell back against the chair. "You're right, they should know. And maybe one day I'll have the courage to tell them. But that day isn't today and I don't know when I will be able to do it."

"Whenever that is...I'll be there for you."


	7. Naming the monster

**Chapter 7 Naming the monster**

"Alex I told you I was fine. I don't need you to hover over me all day." I tried to say without a hint of annoyance under my breath which I failed at as I looked up at Alex, who had been at my beck and call all morning and sighed. I knew he was only trying to be helpful but sometimes his brand of helping including never being more then a few feet away and that was starting to irk me. After Jeff had left earlier this morning I went back inside to get some more sleep and when I woke up for good, Chris was gone and Alex was there on the couch next to me. It was then I felt how sore I really was from the bruising I had received in my fall and I could barely move without hissing in pain. And of course upon hearing that, Alex wouldn't leave me alone and insisted that I stay sitting down and he would get me whatever I needed. He was acting like I had broken something rather then just got normal bruises but I think he was taking this protective thing to a whole new level because of learning the truth and he didn't know how else to help me. So for a while I let him have his way just so he could have something to occupy his mind, but now even I was starting to get agitated. I grabbed him by the wrist and held him down on the couch with me. "Look, I appreciate you trying to take care of me but I really don't need it."

"But you're hurting." Alex protested, his frown never leaving his face and I knew it was only in place to keep me from seeing the sorrow behind it and that made my frustration with him loosen and go slack as he struggled to stay strong I think more for his sake then mine. "You need to rest."

"I am resting and I am taking it easy. But you hovering over me all damn day is just not working for me." I said, keeping my fingers around his arm so he would know I was seriously and wouldn't jump up to get me something else he thought I needed. "This isn't really about the injuries which are minor and you know that. This is about you not knowing how to act around me and thinking I'm a wreck now that you know about the rape.."

"I just think that it took a lot out of the both of us and we just should be relaxing, that's all." He tried to insist but when I sent him a look, I saw his face start to crumble and he finally just fell back against the couch cushions with a heavy sigh. He was breaking, I could see that happening in front of me and he was trying to hide it but I think even he knew that there wasn't much he could do to keep it from me. That was the problem when you knew someone as well as Alex and I knew each other. Besides the rape, there had been nothing else I kept from him this whole time we were friends. And he couldn't hide his real emotions from me. "It's not that I regret you telling me, but I saw how much it broke you down and I worry that maybe I pushed you too much to tell me before you were really ready..."

"And that's why you're hanging over me all day, because you think you have to make up for me revealing the truth. Alex, that's crazy. I wanted to tell you the truth and I wouldn't have done it if I didn't think it was right." I explained to him, feeling bad for him for taking on this burden of worrying so deeply about me to the point where he went overboard. I understood it and I probably would have done the same, but I didn't want him to suffer like this. And he was hurting because he thought I was. He didn't push me to do this, I pushed me to do it. Bobby had been right, I did need to tell the people closest to me or else I could never truly move on. And even though it had been the toughest thing I had to do, I wouldn't have changed it. I moved my hand to the side of his face and said. "I won't lie, it was tough and painful and heartbreaking. It was almost as painful as the rape itself. But I had been carrying it around for 2 years and I was finally able to get the courage to say it out loud to the people who mattered the most. And I don't regret it. And I don't resent you for trying to get me to talk."

"Are you sure? Because I feel kind of like an asshole for being so pushy." Alex scratched the back of his head with a grimace before he looked at me like he was half expecting me to reach out and slap him or at least for me to say I hate him. "I mean, I know I'm not as go with the flow as Chris is, but I didn't have to be such a hard ass..."

"Stop blaming yourself for something that's not an issue. You never pushed me too far or did anything to hurt me. If anything, you gave me relief when you never left my side after hearing the truth." I could feel myself almost smile as I said this, knowing I wouldn't be feeling quite like myself if he hadn't of still been there. I would have been ok being that I had been getting along fine on my own for these past few years. But with the truth coming out just last night, I needed him to be there with me and he had been. And the relief I felt from that was more then I could describe, even if he didn't think he was doing anything. "You're helping me even if you don't think you are. I know it makes you uncomfortable and you don't know what to say to me..."

"I'm just...not sure what I'm suppose to be doing for you. You know?" He asked with one eyebrow raised as he hesitantly reached over and curled his fingers over mine. "I mean, how the hell can I help?"

"You just being here helps a lot, it makes me feel like I'm not alone in this anymore." I told him, seeing that it actually brought a smile to his face for the first time in over 24 hours and his lips parted like he was going to say something touching. I could see it in his eyes that he wanted to say he loved me,but he held back and I was glad for it. I was just too sensitive to hear it right now after everything and he seemed to realize that because he ended up not saying anything at all. I held on to his hand tightly and said. "Just be here with me, that's all I need."

"You got it."

* * *

><p><em><span>That afternoon<span>_

"Savannah I specifically told you not to get off that couch!"

"And I told you that I'm not paralyzed and I'll do whatever the hell I want." I yelled out my open bedroom door in the direction of the stair case where I could hear Alex moving around on the first floor and I grinned before moving across the carpet towards the bathroom. Alex had been trying to insist I move as little as possible even after we had our conversation but the moment he had gone down to the basement to look for something, I had made my escape to the second floor and now he was pissed that I had even dared to get off the couch let alone climb the stairs. Alex was way over protective sometimes and I needed to prove I could do something for my self so he would lay off already. I rolled my eyes when I heard him growl in response and then proceeded into the bathroom, flipping on the light before heading for the closet. "Now where is that heating pad?"

I tried not to feel the soreness in my back as much and attempted to block it out but it was next to impossible. The pain was throbbing and sometimes it got so bad that I was amazed that I really hadn't broken anything. But Alex had gotten me in to see a doctor earlier this morning who gave me a clean bill of health despite the massive bruise across my lower back. All I was required to do was rest if I needed it and to take some Advil for the pain, I was pretty damn lucky and knew that extremely well. I would never mess that up again and as I yanked out my heating pad on top of a stack of towels, I vowed never to be distracted like that for a second time. Next time, my back may not be that lucky.

I spun around on my heels, ready to go back downstairs to join Alex when I suddenly stopped. I had barely gone across the floor when my eyes landed on the counter where one of Alex's razors sat on the edge of the sink as innocently as it always had. But for some reason, on this day it grabbed hold of my attention and held on tightly, bringing me to lower myself down onto the closed toilet and clutching the heating pad to my chest as I felt my skin break out into a cold sweat...

_"Fuck!" My small voice whispered out into the heavy silence in the bathroom as my hand shook almost uncontrollably, clutching the small piece of sharp metal between my fingers as I watched a small droplet of blood roll down the smoothness of my skin and disappear over my palm and through my fingers. The throbbing rose up from the thin cut stretched across my wrist, startling in how much blood it was pushing out from that small cut. I dropped the razor down into the sink and covered my arm with my still shaking hand. "Shit! What was I thinking?"_

_I hadn't been thinking, that was the problem. I had been sad and empty and I saw the razor on the counter and just for a second I thought that it might make me feel better. So I grabbed it and slid it across my wrist before I could talk myself out of it, but in the end when I saw the blood, it didn't make me feel better. I felt worse, worse because I had stooped down to this level to deal with my pain and I never wanted to be that kind of..._

"Savannah? Are you ok?" Alex's voice broke through the silent air and I shook my head just in time to see him standing in the doorway watching me with a concerned frown on his lips. I don't know how long he had been standing there watching me, but judging by the look in his eyes he had been trying to get my attention more then just a few times. I looked down and saw my hands curled into fists around the heating pad so tightly that it was beginning to hurt. I forced my hands to relax and the pad fell to the floor with a small thud before I looked back up at Alex again. There must have been something in my face that alarmed him because he was suddenly on his knees in front of me with his hands on my face. "Babe, what is it?"

"I uh...I haven't...I haven't told you...about something." I managed to get out despite the haze in my head from remembering cutting my own arm and I nearly shuddered when that image flashed across my eyes. I probably should have something about this last night when all this emotional baggage was coming out. But at the time it just didn't seem as important as telling him about the rape. But now when I was looking at that damn razor, it occurred to me that the rape wasn't the only thing I had to come clean about. I looked down at Alex's face touching my hands to his wrists and then shutting my eyes before speaking. "After the rape, there was one night I was really sad and in a bad place and the way I dealt with it was...I sort of cut my wrist with a razor."

"You did what?" Alex tugged his hands away and immediately grabbed my wrists to pull them right up to his face to check them for any invisible scarring. Only I knew he wouldn't find it because the cut hadn't been deep and had healed completely with almost no evidence to what I had done. When he didn't see it, he sat back on the floor, his arms propped up on his knees and his hands still holding on to my arms before his head snapped up. "Wait, was this that time I saw those cuts on your arm and you told me that you fell into a bush and that's how you got them? You lied to me?"

"I didn't want to worry you. It was a one time thing and it was never to try and kill myself. I just was very low and I thought it would make me feel better. I haven't done it since then. I just was having a flashback and I wanted to tell you." I explained, trying to make sure he knew he had nothing to worry about. I wasn't going to go crazy and start trying to commit suicide. I didn't want to die then and I certainly didn't want to die now, I had so much good in my life despite the memory of the rape. The good outweighed the bad. But I wasn't going to pretend like I hadn't been in a dark place once before. "Please don't be upset, I didn't mean to upset you."

"I'm not upset..." Alex grumbled in such a way that said that was exactly what he was but he was obviously not willing to say it out loud. He sat there on the tile for a second without saying a word before he tugged me off the toilet and into his arms where he held me against his chest in an almost iron like grip. "You're not allowed to leave me, do you understand? Not in any way. I don't care if it was a one time thing, you don't get to leave me alone. I don't give a fuck how sad you are, you stay with me. Are we clear?"

"It's ok Alex, I'm not going anywhere." I wrapped my arms around his neck, holding him to me as tightly as my body would allow. "I promise you."

* * *

><p><em><span>A few hours later<span>_

_"You are so pretty, do you know that?" He whispered into my ear, his breathing moving back the hair on my shoulder so I felt him on my skin. His weight was heavy on top of me, his hands clasped so tightly to my wrists that I knew there would be a bruise there by the time he was finished. I felt one hand leave my arm and reach down to grasp my chin before yanking my head straight forward so I had no choice but to have his face hovering over mine. "Why don't you look at me?"_

_"Because I prefer not to look into the eyes of the man who is raping me." I stumbled over my words, my voice wobbling so much that I thought I would be incoherent but I still was able to feel enough to know I was taken aback by the audacity of my next statement. "But then again, if you have to resort to rape then you're not much of a man are you?"_

_"Bitch!" His hand came across my face so quickly I couldn't even prepare myself for the sting that came with it. My head snapped to the side as the taste of blood filled my mouth right before he grabbed my chin again. "What makes you think you can talk to me like that and I won't hurt you again? Huh?"_

_"Stop it." I felt my breath get sucked back down my throat with a gasp when he suddenly thrust into me again in response for my remark and I bit down on my bottom lip to stop the painful scream that built up in my mouth. He felt horrible, painful between my legs. He wasn't gentle in any sense of the word and every time he moved against me I felt like I was being rammed with a metal rod. He was rough and I knew I would be hurting for a long time after he finally left me alone. "Get the hell off me."_

_"Not until you learn your lesson," His voice was sickly sweet and I felt the role of vomit rising up in my throat before dying down as he yanked on my hair harshly. "Look at me...I SAID LOOK AT ME!"_

"Savannah, snap out of it. Look at me." Alex's voice was what ended the flashback before it could go any further and I turned my head to find him still sitting next to me on the couch like he had been when the memory had started. I saw the drawn, tense look on his face and judging by the way his hands were moving over mine, he had been watching me the entire time I had been distracted. I felt the sound of blood rushing in my ears and it took me another second before I realized that my hands were quivering in fists in my lap and there was tears staining my cheeks again like they had last night. I swallowed hard, trying to shake the images of that dark memory out of my mind while Alex's hands went to my face. "Savannah? Talk to me please. Where were you just now?"

"I was...I was having a flashback of the rape." I said quietly, looking away from him too late and caught the drop in his features when I said this. It was different from earlier when I told him about the night I cut my arm, this was much worse because he looked like he was going to be sick. I pulled myself out of his touch and moved backwards until my spine hit the arm of the couch. "I'm sorry, I don't want to burden you with this but it just hit me so suddenly and I..."

"No it's ok, you can talk about it with me. It won't bother me." He insisted, not moving over to take me in his arms again but he did reach out and touched his hand to mine which were placed on top of my knees. His face was a mask of calm even though his eyes were stormy. "It won't scare me away if you talk about it."

"He was just so mean. And harsh, like he needed to inflict so much pain on me just so he could feel powerful for a few minutes. I can still sometimes remember the ache from he hit me, when he..." I couldn't even say those words, it was more difficult then I thought and I just shook my head at Alex before dropping my chin down to my chest. "He hurt me so much, I just wanted him to stop..."

"Savannah, who did it? Tell me who raped you." Alex's hand went under my chin and lifted my face up to find his determined looking eyes practically staring a hole through me as he yet again fished for the last part of the puzzle. I shook my head again, knowing he wanted me to say it more then anything but I couldn't. I couldn't tell him who it was, it would ruin everything. But Alex was more stubborn then I ever could be and his fingers held on to me gently and yet still firmly. "I need you to tell me.."

"Alex, I can't do that. It will just make things worse." I scrunched up my face so I wouldn't cry again and pulled myself away from him. I could feel myself sliding closer to the edge of truly letting go of the rape, the more Alex pushed at it the more I knew I was going to end up telling him who it was. But yet I still resisted, I dug my heels in so hard. Because if I gave him the name, then there truly would be no going back after this. "I'm afraid that if you have a name to put to the face of my rapist then it will just ruin things even more."

"I don't want to know just because you haven't told me yet. I want to know because you holding on to it and keeping it in is just another way of keeping yourself from dealing with it. I want you to deal with it so you can be happy." He told me earnestly, grabbing my hand before I could yank it away and as soon as he touched me, I felt myself starting to shake apart at the seams. Damn Alex and his ability to always reach inside of me and touch me in a way that made me want to spill everything. I held on to his hand tightly, needing the strength of his hand on mine while I contemplated what he said. If I truly wanted to be happy, and not half happy like I was these last few years, then I needed to deal with this. Yes it was hard and terrifying but I had been through worse things then this. And I still survived, so maybe I could survive this. Alex tapped his thumb across my knuckles. "I promise you it won't ruin any thing. But for God sakes, just tell me."

"It...it was Randy Orton." I whispered, my voice coming out so quietly that I wasn't sure Alex had heard me. But then his hand left mine so quickly and I knew he had indeed heard that name slip from my mouth. I dared to look up at him, finding his eyes wide with shock and his mouth pressed together so tightly it was like he had no lips. He was stunned and he just sat there staring at me so intensely that it felt like I was under a spotlight. He was so quiet that I could hear the branches on the trees outside blowing in the wind and the slamming of a neighbor's door from almost half a mile away. And while one minute he was just sitting there, the next he was on his feet with his hands down by his side in fists. He moved so quickly that I was startled,but still stood up as well despite the soreness in my back. He looked tense, teetering on the edge like he was ready to blow up. It made my stomach clench. "Alex..."

But he was darting across the room and out the door almost before I could blink. It wasn't until I heard the door slam shut and his car roar to life that I came to again and got the feeling that I was about to be sick. This...was not good.

Not good at all.

* * *

><p><em><span>That night<span>_

"Savannah! Are you here?" Alex's voice erupted through the front door before he even actually entered the house and I turned away from the counter in the kitchen feeling startled and ready to jump out of my skin. After I watched him run out after telling him it had been Randy who raped me, I hadn't heard from him for the rest of the afternoon. I had tried calling him and texting him, but he never answered. I even tried Chris who hadn't seen or heard from him either. And that's when the worry had set in, the worry that Alex was out and possibly doing something stupid. And when I started making myself dinner, I was feeling the old flickers of regret hit me the longer Alex went without contact. But now I could hear his footsteps stomping across the carpet as he came towards the kitchen and I set down the knife I had been using to cut onions and turned to face the doorway just as he appeared in it with his hair askew and his eyes wild with rage. "I'm going to kill him."

"No you're not. You're not going to kill anyone." I told him not needing to question who he meant, wiping my hands on a towel before debating whether or not to approach him and ended up deciding to just stay where I was. Alex was in rare form right now and it would be best not to fan the flames by getting too close. "You're upset, I get that. But you don't really want to..."

"You don't know what I want. Only I do and I want to kill him, I want to rip his head off. He deserves to suffer." Alex snapped, walking into the kitchen and kicking at the trashcan under the end part of the counter. I briefly said a silent thanks that I had emptied it just minutes before as it now went skidding across the floor and banged against the cabinet doors. "If I can't kill him, then at least let me make him pay for what he did."

"You're not doing anything to him and you better not talk like that. It scares me." I confessed, taking a chance and approached him with my hands held out in front of me. I needed him to calm down, I couldn't take this anger he had spilling out of his mouth. This situation was already terrifying enough and Alex threatening to kill Randy was enough to make me scared of him and I didn't want to be scared of Alex. He stayed still long enough for my fingers to brush against his shoulder and hold on to them before I said. "I want you to promise me that you will not go after Randy. Or do anything to draw attention to it. This is my problem and if I say..."

"It's not just your problem anymore, it's mine too." He frowned, his eyes darkening but he didn't move away. He leaned back against the counter and looked down at me with his head shaking. "I can't believe you don't want me to..."

"Alex you think I haven't thought about it once or twice since it happened? Of course I have. I hate him, I want vengeance for what he did to me. But I'm smart enough to know that won't happen now that a few years have passed. And if one of us did act, then we would be facing legal action and not the other way around..." I explained, placing my hands on either side of his face because I knew it would keep his attention on me as it always had in the past. I needed Alex to hear me out because if he let this anger take him over and he went out and did something, then I would lose him. And that would devastate me. "Please Alex, I can't bear the thought of you going to jail and leaving me alone. Don't put me through that, promise me you won't do anything to him."

"Alright, alright. I promise to behave myself." He replied sarcastically, rolling his eyes like he hated the thought of being serious but I knew he would keep his word once he used the word promise. He had never broken a promise to me and I was trusting that history would prove me right this time. But then again, we had never faced something like this before. Alex set his eyes on me and sighed. "I don't understand why you're trying to protect him."

"I'm not trying to protect him, I'm protecting myself." I felt my throat constrict heavily just then. Of course I wasn't protecting Randy, but keeping Alex from hunting him down and creating a scene was more about me. If Alex just attacked Randy out of nowhere, everyone would want to know why and my secret would be out. I didn't want that and I needed Alex to understand. "Please just back me up on this."

"If that's what you want, then I'll do whatever you say." Alex sighed heavily, looking resentful that I was forcing him to stop his rage and he reached up to place his hands on my hips to pull me forward and he leaned his forehead against mine. "But if I ever meet him out on the streets then I swear to God, he better watch out."

**A/N: So there you have it, the rapist has been revealed. What are your thoughts?**


	8. We wait,we change

**Chapter 8 We wait,we change**

_A few days later_

"We don't have to do this you know, or more accurately you don't have to do this. Jeff will understand if you didn't want to work the show tonight." Alex said from his spot behind me as we both hurried across the parking-lot in the back of the arena while he tried to get me to turn around at every step we made. He had been doing it the whole ride here and I knew it wouldn't let up until I stepped through the door into the building. And he knew it too but it didn't stop him from trying. It was sort of sweet to see him go so overboard into convincing me to go home because he thought it was for the best and it was for that reason that I hadn't gotten annoyed at him just yet. Alex reached my side and pulled me to a stop right before I reached the door. "Savannah come on, do you really think you're up for the taping tonight? Especially with everything that happened in the last few days?"

"I know where you're going with this and I'm going to stop you before you get more worked up then you already are." I placed my hand against his shoulder to keep him from tugging me in the other direction toward the car. "I am fine with wrestling tonight. I'm not going to mess up like I did the last time because I'm not distracted. In fact, I feel better then I have in a long time because I'm not holding it in anymore. Now I can actually be more focused on work then before. So this is a good thing."

"I'm glad you think that but I'm still concerned that you're jumping back in before you're ready. You just divulged a secret you've been keeping to yourself for 2 years and I watched the toll it took on you these last few days. After seeing you like that, it's hard for me to accept that you can just jump back into work without any ill effects." He explained, his forehead wrinkling into a frown as he looked down at me. It was a look that had taken place over the pitying look he had been wearing that first night and I was glad for the change. At least this look of concern meant it hadn't changed how he looked at me which had been one of my biggest fears. Alex's fingers squeezed my arm to get my attention back on him. "Look, just go back to the house and relax and I'll talk to Jeff. He was the one who said you could take tonight off and I …."

"Alex, you're sweet for being so worried but I am fine. And I want to be here." I placed my hands on either side of his face so he knew I was serious and he would stop questioning me on this. "I can't sit around the house anymore like I did this weekend. I need to get out and start my life again. And TNA is my life, so please just let it go."

"I guess I don't have a choice in the matter do I?" He asked with a slight smirk before he rolled his eyes and nodded to the door behind us. "Alright, let's go get this show started."

"That's the spirit." I kissed him quickly on the cheek before rushing through the doorway before he could take back his submission and entered the dimly lit back hallway of the backstage area. Alex let the door slam shut behind him before he reached my side and we started walking again. I glanced at him to see that he was still studying me curiously. "Alex, relax already. I swear you're more worked up about this then I am."

"I just can't believe that you can be so ok. I mean, I've never seen you that low before and..." Alex didn't finish his thought but I knew what he meant. I had been to the lowest depths I had ever been at and he had been witness to it. So it was probably impossible to him that I would be bale to get back up again to where I was before and come into work like nothing had happened. "I just don't want you to feel pressured or anything."

"I've learned how to put my pain behind me so I can get back to living my life. It's how I operated so well for the past two years, by keeping myself moving forward so it wouldn't catch up to me." I told him with a tiny shrug as I thought of my behavior since the rape. It wasn't that I never thought about it since then, but I refused to dwell on it so much that I became depressed all the time. I had wanted as normal a life as possible with everything that everyone else had. And the only way to do that was to keep pushing through so the bad things couldn't catch up. And I was still trying to apply that to now. "It's a habit for me, I was sad enough the first few days after the rape. I don't want to feel that way anymore."

"I guess I understand that but...Oh great." Alex stopped in mid step and I watched as his eyes suddenly narrowed as if in annoyance and when I followed the direction of his gaze, I saw the reason for his sudden mood swing. Bobby Roode had come in to the hallway in front of us and I saw his eyes dart over to where we were standing, a look of concern in his normally stern face that Alex obviously did not appreciate judging by his response. "Move along why don't you."

"Alex, don't be rude." I said under my breath, feeling my face burn from his sudden flare of jealousy that was as obvious as the sky being blue. I smiled apologetically at Bobby, seeing that he had no idea what was going on. "Ignore him, he's had a rough few days."

"Apparently so." Bobby replied a little testily, being the one who was irked when he got an unwarranted look from someone. He fortunately chose to move along and forgo any further interaction with us. He nodded his head at me. "Nice seeing you Savannah."

"Yea, you too." I waved at him, watching him head down the hallway before turning to face Alex with a raised eyebrow. "You want to tell me what that was about?"

"Not really."

* * *

><p><em><span>20 minutes later<span>_

"OK Jeff, what the hell is your problem?" Savannah's slightly annoyed tone filled his ears as he pushed the young blonde girl into his office and closed the door behind him. He watched as she crossed her arms around herself, looking almost like an older version of his eldest daughter with her blonde hair and blue eyes. But there was also a trace of weariness in her eyes that would have gone unnoticed by anyone else except for him. It had been the reason why he had intercepted her in the hallway just minutes ago and asked to speak to her in the privacy of his office and she had come willingly even though he hadn't told her the reason why he wanted to talk to her. It was a delicate subject that couldn't be spoken out loud in the openness of the backstage area and he knew if he even hinted at it, then she would never forgive him. But now that they were alone, she was sending him a look that said she was quickly losing her patience. "Are you going to tell me why you dragged me into your office or are you going to make me guess?"

"First off, I have to say I'm surprised that you showed up today. I was sure that after the last few days,you would have taken my suggestion and just stayed at home." He admitted to her as they both sat down on the sofa set against the wall across from his desk. He observed the way her face twitched slightly and he was once again overcome with a wave of harnessed raged when he thought about what she had gone through but he had to hold it back or else it would take over. And that wasn't even taken into account the reserve rage he had built up over finding something else out. He laid his arm across the back of the couch and watched her. "No one would have thought anything of it if you had, I would have come up with something to tell the rest of the team."

"Look, I appreciate what you were trying to do but I'm going to tell you what I told Alex when he brought this up." She cut in, running her hands through her hair with an expression of quiet frustration that made her resemble her father almost. She didn't realize it, but Savannah was more like Vince then anyone could see. Granted he would never say that to her since it was obvious that any mention of her family was painful for her, but he often just sat back in amazement of how this little girl had grown up so very different from her crazy family but still developed her own version of their traits. She stared at him with intense eyes before she said. "I am fine to be working here tonight. I am more focused then I have been in a while, thanks to all the unloading I did these past few days. So please stop second guessing my choice to be here."

"Alright if that's what you want." He relented, knowing there was no point in prolonging this concern since it was so apparent that she didn't want to hear it anymore. He wasn't surprised that Alex had been the first to question her about it, that kid cared for her more then she wanted to acknowledge and of course he wouldn't not bring it up today. Savannah was lucky to have him at her side, especially now that her secret was out. But there was something even she didn't know, something that had been between him and Alex since last night. "Savannah, I feel the need to mention something to you and I'm not sure how you are going to react."

"Oh boy that means its something that I'm really not going to like to hear." She rolled her eyes into the back of her head and rubbed her small hand down her face. "Just tell me and get it over with."

"I talked to Alex last night and he uh...he told me about...Randy." Jeff felt his hands clench when he said that name, feeling the same fury and rage he felt when Alex had told him who the rapist had been. But this time, he was able to keep it from showing on his face when Savannah's eyes snapped open to stare at him in shock. He couldn't look away from her even despite the storm that was raging inside his chest that begged him to go hunt down that asshole and beat him to a bloody pulp. He wanted to do that so badly and it had been all he dreamed about all night. He knew that kid, heard about the way he was behind the scenes but knowing that he had been the one to rape Savannah, it just made him more of an asshole then he had been before. Savannah was like his daughter, he felt like her second father her entire life. And he wanted to hurt the bastard who hurt her. But he knew he couldn't. He looked at her angry face and said. "I'm sorry, he just thought I should know..."

"That wasn't his place to say anything. I told him not to say anything." Savannah's hands curled into tight balls in her lap, her bright blue eyes turning dark and stormy but she didn't let her anger come out. "And just so we're clear, you're not going to say a word about this to anyone..."

"I won't I promise." He held up his hands to show his sincerity even though he wanted nothing more then to kill Randy as he was sure Alex wanted to do as well. But the last thing Savannah needed was either of them in jail for assault. He watched her study him and he was once again struck by the sense of how much he felt like she was one of his children. But she wasn't, she may have felt like it but she had her own family that she needed to reconnect with more then ever. "Savannah, you really should tell your family about this. Randy needs to be punished for what he did..."

"You think I don't know that? You think I haven't thought about wanting to get revenge on him for raping me? Of course I want him to pay for what he did. He's the fucking lowest form of scum on this planet, he should have repercussions for his actions." She snapped, the fire flaring up in her eyes in a way it never had before. It was the first time in the last few days that he had seen her look angry rather then sad when talking about the rape. It was an odd but refreshing change, he wasn't sure he could handle seeing her sad one more time. "Jeff, I know Randy deserves to be punished but I also know that it will never happen. There's no evidence of the rape and too much time has passed to prove the truth. So there's no point in trying, nothing can be done and it will only cause unneeded trouble."

"You should still tell your parents, they may be hard asses but they would believe you if you said something." Jeff tried to point out but Savannah was already shaking her head no. He knew how stubborn her parents were and how unreasonable they could be about everything. But this was their daughter, their youngest child. They wouldn't just let this go without consequence. Savannah had to know that. "Hun look, I know its..."

"Jeff, I'm not discussing this with you or anyone. It's done and over with and talking about it won't change anything." She stood up with her arms crossed over her chest and moved towards the door just as he got to his feet. "Look, I have to go get ready for my match. I'll see you later."

Jeff watched her leave the room with the sense that just because she said it was over, that it meant it indeed wasn't over. Not by a very long shot.

* * *

><p><em><span>55 minutes later<span>_

"Nice match Savannah...You were great out there."

"That was awesome, good to see you back on your game."

"Entertaining, pure and simple as that."

"Thanks guys, that's really nice of you to say." I waved at a group of male wrestlers as they passed by my spot in front of the monitor and smiled gratefully for their compliments on my match with Velvet Sky which had ended without any mishaps or mistakes on my part. I didn't win, but I didn't end up hurting myself like I did the last time and that could only count as a victory for a week like this one. After I had gotten backstage, I didn't even bother going back to the locker-room to change as Alex and Chris had their match right after mine and I didn't want to miss it. So I went to the nearest monitor backstage and stood in front of it to watch them walk down the ramp to the ring with smirking, charming looks of theirs that only made me shake my head with a small smile. "You guys are one of a kind."

I had always enjoyed watching Alex and Chris wrestle together, not just because they were my friends and I was involved with Alex, but also because they were just honestly a great tag team together. I guess when you have a friend just like those two then its impossible not to be good in the ring together. Alex and Chris had been working with each other for so long throughout their careers that they knew each others next move before the other even executed it. It was truly fascinating to watch, not to mention it made their victories all the more awesome because of their close friendship. They really were more like brothers then just best friends and it amazed me even to this day that I had been accepted into their twosome as easily as I had. Most of the time a friendship like that is unwilling to change for new people, but it must have been fate because I blended into their goofy and crazy world as if I had been there all along instead of just the past few years. And as I watched them both dive over the rope onto their opponents, it struck me just how much the three of us had become a family. It hadn't occurred to me until lately just how much I leaned on them for support and it was apparent after this week that I needed them more then ever. Even when I wasn't totally ready to face the past.

I focused my eyes on the screen just as the camera caught the devious look Chris and Alex were sending each other and it was obvious to everyone looking at the both right now that there had been no other team lately that was as close as these two were. I don't think I ever met two guys who were this comfortable with one another, they had a bond that was as tight as if they had been family. There were no two people like this.

Except for the two that I hadn't thought about in the same thought in a very long time. John and Randy.

I nearly cringed when that thought passed through my head but once it was there, it was stuck and I had no choice but to see it through. John and Randy. Yea, those two were exactly like Alex and Chris and I couldn't believe I hadn't been reminded of that fact until now. But it was so appallingly obvious that I felt like a moron for not remembering it, even though I couldn't be blamed for not wanting to think of Randy. But John on the other hand had always been my friend and I had barely thought of him at all in the last 2 years. Except for when I ran into him at the gym, that was the most contact we had since before the rape. We weren't the best of friends,but we were close enough that he had tried to contact me a dozen times that first year I was gone and I had always ignored every attempt.

But now that I was watching Alex and Chris wrestle together and being as close as they were, I couldn't help but remember that John and Randy were exactly the same way. So close that they were more brothers then friends. John had befriended Randy years before he came to the WWE and it was often commented on by the other wrestlers how close they were. I didn't like to think of someone as nice as John being best friends with a guy like Randy but John had no idea what his supposed friend had done to me. He was still under the impression that Randy was a good guy and I hated to think how devastated he would be if he ever knew about this. But then again, it just occurred to me that even though John had been my friend and I had never lied to him before, if he ever knew the truth then he would more likely believe Randy over me any day. Simply because Randy was his best friend and he had probably never had any reason to doubt his word. And knowing that I would already have one person not believing me about the rape made me fill up with an overwhelming sadness that kept me cold for a few minutes as I tried to gather my composure again.

"Hey, what's with the sad look?" Bobby's voice came from the space behind me and I turned my head just in time to see him step up beside me with his arms crossed and his chin motioning to the monitor. "Your boys just won, shouldn't you be like jumping for joy?"

"Oh shit, I totally missed the ending." I slapped my hand to my forehead and returned my eyes back to the monitor just to see Alex and Chris climb to opposite turnbuckles with their arms raised. They had won just like Bobby said and I had been so consumed with my thoughts that I had missed their ending. There would be replays but it was very rare that I missed a victory of theirs the first time around. I turned to look at Bobby with a frown. "This has just not been the greatest week for me."

"Yea, I kind of figured that." He replied in a semi heavy tone as he kept his eyes trailed on the monitor but I could tell he really wanted to say something that was unrelated to the match that had just ended. "So..since you brought it up,how have you been doing since...everything.."

"Um, it's been tough and really sad. And I'm, not going to pretend like it's not still an issue. But I'm ok." I said quickly, not wanting to get too into it like I had with Alex and Jeff. Not that it mattered since I had basically fallen apart in Bobby's arms only days ago, but it still didn't make it any more comfortable to be talking about it again. And still I was painfully aware of how much he had been there for me and I wanted to show my gratitude. "Look, I don't think I ever said thank you for talking to me that night, so I'm going to say it now..."

"There's no need to, I already knew what you meant." Bobby shook his head at me, cutting me off from going on with my thank you which I appreciated it more because any mention of why I had to be thankful in the first place was tough for me. But I was holding it together pretty well in front of him. He reached over and pat my shoulder with a grin. "You'll be fine. I have a good feeling..."

"What the heck is this?" Alex's voice called out from the opening of the tunnel and both Bobby and I turned to see Alex and Chris stepping down to the backstage area and walking towards us. And while Chris just looked indifferent at the sight of Bobby, Alex looked pissed.

"Alex, calm down. We were just talking." I said before either of them reached us because I knew if Alex got the first word then it would turn into an argument and I wanted to avoid that if possible. Chris stood back from the three of us, not wanting to get involved unless I asked him too but Alex came right up to and sent Bobby a glare so dark that the Canadian frowned and stepped back in confusion. This was not good. "Uh Bobby, maybe you should go."

"Yea, I think that's a good idea." Alex practically snapped, causing me to look at him sharply for his tone. He never spoke to anyone like that unless he had a reason to. And as far as I could tell, Bobby had done nothing to him to warrant this. But still the taller man took notice of Alex's attitude towards him and left us alone to disappear down another hallway before Alex turned his eyes back on me. "And what the hell was that about?"

"Oh Alex, shut up."

* * *

><p><em><span>1 hour later<span>_

"I'm just saying that I don't like how much Bobby has been popping up in your life that's all." Alex said to me later that night as we were pulling out of the parking-lot on our way home after the show and he continued his tirade on Bobby like he had been since he had walked away from us just over an hour ago. I thought he would give it a rest once we had left the building and were alone in the car together but not once did he stop to take a breather. He just went on and on about how Bobby never had crossed paths with me all that much in the two years I had been here and now just because he was the first to know my secret that it gave him some sort of right to try and be around me more. Alex was off on a tangent and I knew there would be no getting a word in until he stopped, so I just sat in the passenger seat with my elbow on the window ledge and stared at him as he sent me a wild look. "He's just become friendlier and I don't like it."

"Oh for God sakes Alex, he is not trying to pick me up or anything so just stop it already." I exclaimed, rolling my eyes at this ridiculous claim he had come up with today just like I had thought when I first found Bobby staring at me. But unlike Alex, I was open enough to talk to Bobby to find out that he wasn't interested in me that way. "Yes, Bobby and I haven't exactly interacted all that much while I've been here but he was able to reach out to me in way that neither you or Chris could have done. His sister was raped just like I was and he is only trying to be a good friend because he knows what I'm going through. And your jealousy is starting to get on my nerves..."

"I'm not jealous!" Alex snapped a little too harshly and only solidified my claim that he was, but I knew he would never admit it. His hands gripped the wheel tightly as if holding on to it would control his rage. "And even if I was, I wouldn't be jealous over him. He's not that impressive."

"Actually he is impressive, at least to me." I said smartly, knowing it would get under his skin and I was right when his eyes left the road for a moment and widened in anger at me. "Just kidding. But seriously, he's not that bad. He's actually a nice guy."

"He seems more like a dick to me." Alex grumbled, turning back to the highway and leaned back in the seat with more force then was needed. He was silent for a few seconds before he said. "I'm not jealous."

"OK fine, you're not jealous." I agreed with him only for the sole purpose to get him to calm down for the first time all day and just sat there watching him out of the corner of my eye. I knew without him even saying it that he was jealous of Bobby, he was just too proud to admit. But it did show in his face and he wasn't afraid to let it out in that way. I couldn't be entirely annoyed by this because deep down I knew he was only acting like this because he loved me and hated the idea of me being paid attention by any man besides him, Chris or Jeff. He cared so deeply for me and it didn't matter if he made a fool out of himself in the process as long as he knew he still had me. And it dawned on me right then and there that despite the heaviness of the last few days from remembering the rape and all the pain I had suffered in the years after it, I had still managed to fall in love with this crazy jealous man in the car next to me. The thought filled me up with warmth and put a bright smile on my face.

"You think this is funny? My thoughts and opinions about this are funny to you?" He growled when he caught sight of my smile and it only seemed to irk him further. "How can you think this is funny?"

"I don't think it's funny...I'm just happy to be going home." I told him, trying to dim my upturned lips and turned my attention forward so he wouldn't sense my stare on him as we headed towards home. "Just drive."

**A/N: So Alex is somewhat jealous of Bobby...how cute is that even if it is nothing to be worried about...but his jealousy continnues into the next chapter which leads him to making a confession that is 2 yeaars in the making...stay tuned for more, this fic is only starting to get heavy**


	9. I'm wide awake and breathing

**Chapter 9 I'm wide awake and breathing**

_The next morning_

"Well, look who finally decided to wake up and grace me with her presence."

"Alex, how long have you been awake and watching me?" I demanded as I sat up in bed, my hands rubbing into my eyes to clear the haze from my vision as I turned to see Alex lying beside me with his elbow keeping him upright as he watched me. And judging by the relaxed tension in his body, he had been awake long before me even though it was only 8 in the morning. There was the tiniest of smiles on his face and I became keenly aware of how I looked after a night of sleep and my hands immediately went to my hair to pat it down just in case. Alex started to chuckle as he sat up against the headboards, his arms crossing over his bare chest just as I shot him a glare. "Do you actually get amusement out of this?"

"I do actually, but mostly because I just genuinely like to watch you sleep. It's the calmest you have been in a while." He pointed out, raising his eyebrows at me as he reached out to tuck a stray piece of hair over my shoulder. "And you look especially beautiful when you sleep, peaceful too. I like to see you like that."

"You're being very charming for it being so early in the morning. What gives?" I asked curiously, not that I didn't like that he was being sweet because I totally did. But it wasn't his normal behavior, especially not recently. After telling him about the rape and confessing it was Randy, I figured he would be a little more distant. And yet here he was saying the sweetest little things out of no where. I had to wonder where it was coming from. "Seriously, why are you being so sweet all of a sudden?"

"I don't know, maybe it's because I love you." Alex stared right at me as he said that, his sudden confession causing my eyes to widen as he shrugged and turned his back on me as he moved to the edge of the bed to pull his sweatpants over his boxers. I just sat there with the sheets pooling around my knees as I tried to not feel as shocked as I was feeling right now,but it was hard not to. Alex and I had been involved for months and the feelings we had developed for each other had been in the making for years. But never had he actually come close to admitting the extent of his feelings and now he was and I didn't know how to feel about that. I knew he loved me and I knew eventually he would end up saying it, but now? I had told him he wasn't allowed to say those words to me and for a long time he had complied without fighting it. And now things had suddenly taken a turn in this early morning hour. Alex looked over his shoulder at me with a grimace. "I know you told me I couldn't say that to you, but I never understood why not. So I took a chance, because I didn't want to hold back anymore. Are you mad?"

"No, of course I'm not mad. I'm just surprised that's all." I replied, running my fingers nervously through my hair as I kicked the sheets off my legs. "I wasn't expecting you to say that for a long time, and especially not so soon after...revealing my secret."

"I've been wanting to say it for a while,but I always held back because I knew you were uncomfortable with it. And I guess I know the reason for that now." He leaned forward with his arms folded across his knees as a heavy sigh emitted from his lips. "I just want you to know I care."

"You're so good to me. You're sweet and kind and the most protective guy I know. You're perfect and I love that you just went ahead and said you loved me. And I want to say those words back to you, trust me I do..." I said quietly, feeling an urge to reach out and touch him, so I moved forward behind him with my arms wrapped around waist and my cheek laying on the warm bare skin of his back as I inhaled the faint scent of his body. It was one of those rare times that I actually felt safe, hence the reason why I had no intention of letting go. "I feel the same way for you too, I just can't seem to get the words out. I've never been in love before and now that I am, it's sort of scary."

"I can understand that. After all, it took me 2 years to say it so its only fair that you have more time then me to say it. You've been through more, you deserve to take as long as you need before you feel comfortable enough to say it back to me." Alex answered back, his hands going to my arms and removing them from his waist so he could turn around and face me. He brought his hand to the side of my face, moving his thumb across my cheek before shooting me a smile. "Look, I know you care about me. So it doesn't really matter if you ever say it to me."

"I want to say it, I really do. I want all the same things as everyone else who has a normal life. And I am determined to have it. It just might take a little longer for me." I felt bad for saying that because I knew how hard it must have been for Alex to finally gather up the courage to confess his real feelings only for me to not have the same thing to say in response. But luckily for me Alex was not like any other guy, he was kind and compassionate and more importantly he was understanding. He would get why I couldn't say it back. I smiled at him and leaned my forehead against his. "Don't worry, you'll hear me say it."

"I hope I do."

* * *

><p><em><span>A few hours later<span>_

"So remind me again why I agreed to come to the gym with you guys?" I asked the two men standing in front of me who were grinning the same similar smirk that had been present on both their faces since we had gotten out of the car a few minutes earlier. I put my hands on my hips, looking between Alex and Chris and getting a bad feeling about what lay ahead of us this morning. I had worked out with Alex plenty of times before and he was enough of a hard ass to deal with. But add Chris into the mix and that was a mixture of pure craziness and unrelenting energy. I would be exhausted at the end of the next 2 hours with these two. I shook my head at them. "Oh this is not going to be fun?"

"What are you talking about? This is going to be great!" Chris exclaimed, elbowing me in the side and pretending to look offended that I would suggest he was anything less then fun to be around. "You said you wanted a real good work out and that's what you're going to get."

"Yea, but your idea of a good workout and my idea of one are completely different." I shot back with my eyebrows raised as I faced down my best friend. Chris and I had always had a playful sort of banter going between us and I was glad to still have that now after recent events. "No offense, but you both are like dictators in the gym."

"I do take offense at that. I am simply just very focused when it comes to working out." Alex frowned but there was an underlining smirk hidden under that supposed serious expression and it took all I had not to laugh in his face. "You're just not as energetic as us."

"Babe, no one is quite like you and Chris. You guys are completely one of a kind." I couldn't help but smile as I took note once again of the close bond these two shared. If I had just met them then it would have made me think they really were brothers, their closeness was just so strong and obvious. And I still marveled that I was apart of their group, that we were all so close that I considered them my family. They were even on my emergency medical contacts along with Jeff if I ever needed to go to the hospital. My real family wasn't even listed, but Alex and Chris were and I was reminded why as I stood there in front of them. "Alright, so should we just get this thing started?"

"I guess so...oh fuck!" Alex suddenly grumbled, his voice trailing off as his eyes shot across the room to the area somewhere behind me and I saw the fire of anger starting to flicker as an old look appeared on his face. "The devil himself just walked in."

"What are...Jesus Christ Alex, its just Bobby." I rolled my eyes after I had looked over my shoulder to find the source of his annoyance and sighed in relief that it was nothing more then just the dark haired Canadian who was approaching us. I watched Alex's face darken into what could only be considered a death glare as Bobby walked up and I turned around to greet him. "Hey Bobby."

"Hey Savannah..." Bobby said to me, looking over my shoulder and nodding his chin at the guys. "Alex, Chris..."

"Hey man, what's up?" Chris had the common courtesy to at least respond in kind, he didn't have a problem with Bobby at all. But Alex was his best friend and if Alex didn't like Bobby then Chris was obviously going to side with Alex. But at least he wasn't going to be rude about it. Or give Bobby glares like Alex was doing right now. "I don't think I've ever seen you in this gym before..."

"It's good to change up things once in a while." Bobby replied, glancing at Alex to see if he would respond and then choosing to break his gaze away which was the smart thing to do I think. Any prolonged eye contact might invite Alex to say something bad and the last thing I wanted to deal with was these two causing a scene. Bobby turned towards me hesitantly. "Um, I actually wanted to talk to you. Do you have a minute?"

"Sure. Uh,let's go outside for some privacy." I replied before Alex could butt in and tell me no which I know he so desperately wanted to do. Even as I was moving away from him and Chris, I could see out of the corner of my eye that his hands were raised like he was going to tug me back to him. I sent him a smile and said. "I'll be right back."

As I was following Bobby out the door, I could feel Alex's jealous eyes staring a hole through my back.

* * *

><p><em><span>2 minutes later<span>_

"Soooo..." Bobby began to say once we had left the noise of the gym behind us and entered the empty and peacefully quiet hallways where we began to walk side by side just so we would have something to do as we talked. I could see by the tension in his face that he was nervous but I think it was more due to the after effect of the looks Alex was giving him when he asked to speak to me. But maybe it was also because this would be the first time we had really talked alone since he had confronted me about the rape. And even though we were still relative strangers, I felt like I had a friend in him now. After all, he was the first one to guess my secret and get me to talk about it, he couldn't do all that and not be considered my friend by now. I watched him cross his arms tightly over his broad chest before he went on with what he had been trying to ask. "So, how have you been doing?"

"That's why you pulled away from Alex and Chris and suffered Alex's death glares? To ask how I'm doing?" I questioned with one of my eyebrows raised curiously. Yes it was nice of him to ask me that, but I didn't think it warranted him asking to speak to me in private. But nonetheless, he was trying to be a nice guy and I had to appreciate his efforts. I tucked my hands under my arms and shrugged. "I guess I'm ok, some days and nights are better then others. But even when I'm having a bad time of things, it still isn't all that bad. Not like it was before."

"What changed between then and now?" He asked, coming to a stop by the wall and leaned his shoulder against it as he looked down at me with his dark eyes. "Is it because you're actually talking about what's bothering you?"

"That's exactly it. Ever since the truth came out, I feel no need to pretend like I don't understand why my mood is up and down. Nor do I feel like trying to hide it. There's no point anymore since the people closest to me know." I explained, playing with the end of my long blonde ponytail like I always did when I wasn't entirely comfortable with a conversation or where it was going. But I had spent enough time not feeling the things I should have, so I was trying to embrace the emotions that came and went these days. "I'm not saying that it's easier now that my loved ones know because talking about it is always going to be hard. But at least I'm not dealing with it alone anymore."

"See, that's kind of why I wanted to pull you side.." He replied with a slight frown to his stern features almost like he thought that whatever was about to come out of his mouth I was going to be offended by. And that sort of made me nervous, but I did my best to maintain an expression of neutrality when he spoke again. "I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but I've been thinking that maybe you could benefit...from group therapy."

"Are you serious?" I felt my face pull back in surprise, whatever I was expecting him to say it certainly wasn't that. Therapy? Now that was an idea that had never been considered appropriate in my family growing up. My parents were the sort of people who didn't approve of the idea of telling their problems to a total stranger. Going to rehab for an addiction? Oh they completely supported that. But talking to a therapist was out of the question for them and my brother and sister. They were all just too proud to admit they could need that kind of help. So maybe that's why I didn't embrace the idea right off the bat. I looked at Bobby's expectant face. "Uh...to be honest, I never even entertained the idea."

"I guess that's to be expected. After all it did take you this long to open up to the people closest to you..." He nodded like he was having another conversation in his head. The expression in his eyes said that he was looking at me like I reminded him of his sister and with our similar situations, I guess that was to be expected. He felt a pull to do something, which I suppose was what he was doing now. "Savannah, I just think it might be helpful for you to be around other victims..."

"Look, I appreciate you coming to talk to me and I promise you I'm not offended by what you just said. But I really don't want to have this conversation right now." I tried my hardest to keep the harshness out of my tone as I spoke to him. But the truth was that I wasn't mad at all, just annoyed more at the situation. I felt like every day was bringing up these memories and reminders of the rape and I was getting tired of it. I was thankful for him keeping me in his thoughts, but I needed to halt this talk in its place. "I'm not dismissing you or anything. But I just want one day where I don't have to think about the rape or think about dealing with it. And its been like that every day since I told and the guys about it. And I just..need one day without it. One day where I can deal with normal things."

" I guess I need to respect that." Bobby nodded, holding up his hands to show he was indeed backing off this with out trying to push it even further. "I won't say anything more about it. But at least take my cell phone number in case you change your mind."

"It's a good thing you pulled me aside before you gave this to me..." I said with a smile as I took the small piece of paper and stuck it in the pocket of my hoodie. "If Alex saw this then he would flip his shit. He's majorly jealous of you, you know."

"But I'm only trying to be a friend..." Bobby exclaimed, looking confused like he had never heard of anyone being jealous of him before. "And I'm happily married with kids..."

"I'm guessing that Alex thinks that doesn't matter to you." I pointed out as we started walking back towards the gym door, my steps feeling lighter then before now that the seriousness was over and I could relax. "But just ignore him, he gets a little over reactive when it comes to me..."

"Sounds like the guy is madly in love.." Bobby said with a sly smile as we came to the doorway and prepared to part ways and I couldn't help but grin at his statement.

"I think that sounds about right."

* * *

><p><em><span>40 minutes later<span>_

"Sooo, I guess he's still mad at me huh?"

"He's not mad, he's..." Chris tore his eyes away from the screen of the treadmill he was running on and followed my gaze across the gym to the opposite corner where Alex was violently hitting a punching bag with heavily taped fists as he had been doing since I walked back in here with Bobby. I thought we could just let it go and move about our morning like we always did when the three of us worked out together. But Alex apparently did not feel like letting it go, because once I rejoined him and Chris, he took off to the other side of the gym to do his own thing while Chris and I wandered over to the treadmills to get a good long run in. And for over the last half hour, we had been separated from each other because I didn't see any point in trying to talk to him when he was in this kind of mood. He would remain distant until it had passed and he was himself again. At least Chris was here with us, because if it had just been Alex and I then I probably would have been gone long ago. Chris lowered the speed he was running at so he could look over at me and I saw in his eyes that he knew I wasn't going to believe his claim that Alex wasn't sort of upset with me. "Ok, he's not mad. He's just jealous. And threatened..."

"By Bobby? Who I have barely spoken to over the course of the last two years? Who I have no history with?" I raised my eyebrows as I wiped the sweat off my forehead. I was still finding it hard to grasp that Alex was so jealous of Bobby for what seemed like no reason to me. Until recently, Bobby and I had hardly interacted. I didn't have the years of friendship with Bobby like I did with Alex and Chris. And more importantly, I had zero interest in Bobby. I returned Chris's look and said. "Alex is crazy if he thinks there is anything to be worried about."

"I've been saying Alex is crazy for years, he's just showing it a lot more these days. And I blame that on you." Chris smirked deviously at me, but more in playful attempt to lighten the mood which I did appreciate. "You did something to that boy and now he is off his rocker and getting jealous at everything even if it doesn't make sense."

"But we've all known each other for years, even before I came to TNA. Alex knows that if I'm with him then I wouldn't look at any one else..." My voice trailed off as I realized that was my first mistake in bringing out Alex's jealousy. Maybe it was my own reluctance to officially say we were a couple that was the problem. Yes, I had never expressed interest in anyone else, but perhaps Alex needed the title given to our relationship to make him more secure. "This is just ridiculous, Alex is being unreasonable."

"You're just noticing that now? You obviously don't know just how unreasonable that kid can be." Chris chided with a laugh that ended up bringing one out of me and nearly sent me stumbling on the treadmill. "Besides, it doesn't matter how crazy he seems in these short spurts. Because he'll get over it eventually. He knows you don't want anyone else."

"You sure he knows that? Because the way he stared at me when I walked back in makes me think that's not entirely true." I let my eyes drift back over to Alex who was removing the tape from his hands on his way over to a weight bench without even once looking over at us. I sighed and shook my head. "He told me he loved me this morning, did he tell you that?"

"No actually but I can't say I'm surprised. He's been wanting to say it to you for a while now and he just never felt like it was the right moment." Chris said knowingly like he had anticipated this moment once before. "He's been in love with you for years, I'm more surprised it took him this long to actually say the words."

"I was surprised too, but I guess I should have seen it coming. I knew how he felt about me, I just never let him say it." I reached over and turned my treadmill off before hoping down and turning to look at my friend. "So maybe that's why he gets so jealous without reason. He loves me and he's afraid of losing me."

"What did you say when he said it?" Chris asked, jumping down to the floor with his fingers combing through his messy hair. "Because I know you love him too..."

"I do, but its just not as easy for me to say those words." I knew Chris got where I was going with this because I saw comical smile slip a little bit. "And he knows that and understands why I can't say it right away. But I know he wants to hear it."

"It will happen, in it's own time." Chris said gently, sending a smile my way before he pat my shoulder with the edge of his fingers and I was once again grateful for my friendship with Chris. Our relationship ran so deep that I knew I would always have him as my best friend no matter what popped up. He always made things clearer for me when I couldn't do it for myself, just like now. "It's obvious to anyone who looks at you two together that you love him. And more importantly, Alex knows it. He wouldn't get so jealous if he didn't know that."

"You may have a point there..."

* * *

><p><em><span>90 minutes later<span>_

"I'm just saying that he has no business trying to get closer to you. That's all I'm trying to say."

"For Chris sakes Alex, will you just give it a rest already and let it go?" I nearly snapped as I walked through the front door of my house and nearly threw my gym bag down on the floor before whirling around to face him as he shut the door with a thud. He had been ranting and raving the entire time we had been alone in the car after dropping Chris off at their house and despite my many,many attempts to get him to shut up, Alex just would not be quiet. He kept going on and on about how Bobby had some sort of hidden agenda, that his concern for me went beyond the boundaries of friendship and all sorts of shit like that. And I was really starting to get on my last nerve having being forced to listen to this. Hence why I was glaring at him this very instant. "I told you that all he wanted to do was suggest that I try group therapy. I said thanks but no thanks and that was the end of it. Why can't you let this just die already?"

"Because..." Alex snapped back like a toddler having a tantrum who was determined to have the last word. "Because I don't trust him. He wants you as more then a friend."

"Not this shit again." I exclaimed, throwing my hands up in the air before turning to stomp into the kitchen to get a drink. Alex was hot on my heels, not letting this go despite my quickly diminishing patience. I slammed the refrigerator door shut and twisted the cap off a bottle of water before taking a long drink. After I was done I lowered the bottle so I could see Alex. "You're crazy if you think we're discussing this again."

"No you're crazy if you think there's nothing to worry about." Alex hissed, moving across the floor towards me and took the water out of my hand and practically slammed it on the counter behind me. "Look at the facts, Bobby has never had a reason to talk to you this much before. And now he feels like its ok to just walk up to you any time you're in the same place to talk to you privately..."

"Because he understands what I'm going through, that's all there is to it. He is just trying to be a friend. Why don't you want to believe that?" I asked, never seeing this side of Alex's personality before and now that it was coming out so irrationally, I wasn't prepared to deal with it. There was no reason for his jealousy, I wanted him and only him. Just like I told Chris earlier. "Your jealousy is getting to be way too ridiculous..."

"I told you I'm not..." Alex began to protest, his face getting worked up for an argument but I had enough of it and went to shut him up. I grabbed his face in between my small palms and pressed my lips against his surprised mouth before he could think to pull away. It was the first time we had really kissed since I told him the truth and I had forgotten just how much it filled me with joy to be this close to him. He wasn't so surprised that he didn't kiss me back but he did end it rather quickly and pulled back with a frown. "What the hell..."

"That was to shut you up so I could get through to you. You can't be jealous of Bobby because he doesn't want me and I don't want him. You're the only one I want. You're the only one I will ever want. We're a couple aren't we?" I smirked when I saw the light bulb go off in his head at my statement and I knew I had scored a major point. So far I had been reluctant to say that we were a couple because the label terrified me. But then I remembered I had been through scarier things and saying Alex was my boyfriend was not even close to it. And after his confession this morning in bed, I guess it was what was considered a turning point and I no longer cared to not put an official title on us. I wanted this relationship no matter how hard I had to fight at it or how crazy Alex got. I looked at his still surprised face and shook my head as I moved past him. "I want you Alex, just you. So can we just drop this jealousy thing and move the fuck on already?"

"Uh...ok." Alex mumbled as I pat his shoulder on my way out the door and that seemed to snap him back into his original mood as he yelled. "But I still don't like Bobby!"

"And I still don't care."


	10. There's no point

**Chapter 10 There's no point**

_"...you need to start dealing with it..."_

_"Talking about it will help...you can't hide from it forever."_

_"You might want to consider trying group therapy, being around other victims might help.."_

I laid in bed the next morning replaying snippets of my last few conversations with Bobby in my head as I stared out the window at the early morning sky and debated whether or not to do something about it. I stretched out across the large empty bed, which for once wasn't filled with Alex's warm body as we always said it was good to spend some nights apart. And on this particular morning I was glad to be alone. Because I'm sure all this thinking about Bobby and our talks was putting a weird look on my face and if Alex had been there beside me then he would have questioned me about it. And to be honest, I just needed time to myself without Alex around. Don't get me wrong, he was great to have to lean on and I was so glad he hadn't run off screaming when he found out the truth. But I knew there were times when this was a little intense for him and he needed breathing room as did I. So as I laid there looking out the window, I felt a moment of peace that rarely came when I was alone these days. Maybe it was because I was seriously thinking of taking Bobby's advice and the act of tryign to move forward could only be positive, right?

"I might as well give him a call and ask him about it." I said to myself as my eyes landed on my cell phone and the folded piece of paper beside it. I grabbed both before I could talk myself out of it and dialed the number just as I was sitting up against the headboard with my long hair tumbling down my shoulder. I listened to the ringing on the other end and closed my eyes to avoid being distracted by anything that might make me want to hang up. I didn't have time to debate it long anyway as I heard a click and I nearly jumped. "Bobby? Hi it's me Savannah.."

"I had a feeling you would be calling sooner or later." Bobby said in such a tone of voice that it was obvious he was grinning in triumph despite the early hour. But he didn't seem annoyed or agitated and that I took as my first good sign of the day. "So...should I assume you called for a specific reason or just to chat with an extremely intelligent co-worker?"

"You're so modest and humble, but to be honest it is the former. I needed to ask you something." I held back from laughing at Bobby's cheesy attempt to be funny. He was normally so serious that when he did crack a joke, it tended to be out of left field and not go over well. But this wasn't about Bobby's humor, it was something much more serious. "Um, yesterday when we were talking at the gym, you might have mentioned group therapy and I..."

"Ah, I should have guessed that when you called me out of the blue. I'm just surprised you came around so quickly." Bobby replied with a click of his tongue and I could hear in the background the sound of shouting voices that meant his sons were running around somewhere close by him. And just for the slightest of seconds I had an image of seeing my nephews running towards me, the last time I had seen them, they were just toddlers. I had to shake that thought out of my head when Bobby started speaking again. "But since you asked, I do happen to know that there is a small church not too far from the arena that has a group meeting every Sunday afternoon for rape victims. I go to it with my sister whenever she is in town, so if you want to go then I would go with you."

"I don't want to ask you to do that, but I don't feel like I can ask Alex or Chris to come with me. I just think it would be less weird if it were with you, you know since you kind of know what its like..." I bit my bottom lip, almost mortified at the way I sounded like some stupid damsel in distress but I couldn't exactly hide the fact that I was nervous about this. It would be the first time I ever tried anything like this and I didn't know what to expect. And bringing either Alex or Chris would be awkward since they only had experience on the subject through me. At least Bobby had seen in his sister go through it and knew how it felt. "It's ok if you have to say no, I know you're probably busy with your family..."

"Not really, my wife is taking the kids out for the day and she would understand if I needed to help a friend. So it's cool." Bobby said it like it was no big deal but it was just that, a big deal. He may not know it but I certainly did. No one in my family ever did anything like therapy and here I was about to do just that. And with the person who had first discovered my secret. That meant a lot. "So we'll meet up at like 1:30? You know what church I'm talking about?"

"Yea,I know it. I'll see you then. Bye Bobby." I hung up the phone and tossed it onto the night stand before swinging my feet down to the floor. I felt the coolness from the open window across my skin and for a second I just sat there with my eyes closed and felt it. I had to gather myself for a few seconds before I could think of moving. Now that I had made the choice to do something about dealing with the rape, it had quickly made me shaky and I had to pull myself together if I intended to be at all productive today until I had to meet up with Bobby. I opened my eyes and let out a heavy breath.

"OK, I can do this. I just have to keep moving..."

* * *

><p><em><span>That afternoon<span>_

"Alright, you said you wanted to talk, so talk." Alex Shelley's already agitated voice filled Bobby's ears as he noted the way the other wrestler dropped down into the seat across from him with a heaviness that said he was opposed to this conversation even though he had shown up like Bobby had asked him too. But now, looking at the glare the other man was giving him, Bobby was beginning to regret ever calling Alex Shelley to ask if they could sit down and talk before he went to meet with Savannah. He knew this guy hated him, hated him for something that he had conjured up in his own head but Bobby didn't feel right about going to that meeting with Savannah unless Alex knew about it. And more importantly, not before they had made peace with each other. Alex looked him over with dark eyes before sitting back with his arms crossed. "Well, speak! I don't have all day."

"Neither do I, so shut up and give me a second before you annoy me so much I get up and leave you here." Bobby couldn't help but snap back as he lost his contained composure for a minute. He saw Alex's brow raised high and even he couldn't deny the shock that was on his face. Bobby had spent a lot of effort trying to keep his emotions in check but with this guy, his resolve was wearing thin. He clenched his hands under the table and breathed through his nose. "I asked you to show up because I had something to mention to you that might irk you and it couldn't be said over the phone."

"And you think it will be safer in public so I won't throw a fit." Alex smirked triumphantly, his face clearly guarded in an irritating way because it seemed like no matter what was said, he was still going to hate him. "And the only thing that would make me cause a scene when it comes out of your mouth is if it has to do with Savannah. That's why I'm here isn't it?"

"Not to piss you off but yes it is. She might have told you about our conversation in the gym yesterday when I suggested group therapy to her and that's sort of the reason why I wanted to meet with you. She called me this morning..." Bobby watched as Alex's eyes flared up almost instantly towards the end of his statement but he was prepared for that. He knew just how much this kid was jealous of him despite the fact that he had no interest at all in Alex's girlfriend except to help her. And he was hoping to get through to Alex for once. "Look, before you get mad, let me just tell you that she was only calling about taking me up on my offer about the therapy thing. And she felt weird about going alone, so I said I would go with her."

"Yea, I'm definitely mad now. Even though I do agree she needs to talk about it more." Alex practically growled, sitting up in his chair with his folded up hands on the table top looking like he wanted to pounce across it and tackled Bobby to the floor. Bobby tensed up, thinking he might actually do it but Alex just sat there unmoving with his eyes narrowed. "But I cannot fucking believe that she would ask you for help instead of..."

"I know where this is going and I'm going to stop you right now." Bobby cut in, holding up his hand to let Alex know he wasn't going to be interrupting him back. "She felt weird about asking you, she feels more at ease with me going because I know what she's..."

"Oh because you know what she's going through and not because you're trying to make a move on her? Well bullshit!" Alex snapped loudly, gaining the attention of employees behind the counter who stared at their table with frowns and Alex sank back in his chair looking almost wilted but not enough to stop with his tirade. He leaned across the table and said. "I know you want her, or else you wouldn't have suddenly just started to pop up out of your supposed concern for..."

"Will you fucking let that go? How many times do you need to hear it before it gets through your damn head that I don't want to steal your girlfriend from you?" Bobby had had about enough of Alex's accusations and he was finally prepared to fire back and put the younger man in his place. It would be justified if there had been a truth to it but there wasn't. He didn't want Savannah, he never had and he never would. And having the opposite thrown in his face so much was getting on his last nerve. He glared back into Alex's face. "I'm married, I have three sons and I am madly in love with my wife. And you're so fucking that you can't even see that I don't want Savannah, your jealousy is clouding your judgment."

"It just seems odd to me that you keep coming around. You could have just said you knew about her secret and then left it alone. But you had to keep going to her, offering her help. That's my job." Alex said fiercely and it seemed to dawn on the both of them that this was the reason behind Alex's fired up emotions. Bobby was doing what Alex wanted to be doing for Savannah and Bobby kept on taking that away from him. Alex wasn't getting the opportunity to shoulder some of the burden because of Bobby and if there was anything to take away his frustration, it was this realization. It seemed to have had the same effect on Alex because when he spoke again, the jealous tinge was gone. "I'm suppose to be the one doing this for her..."

"She just thinks I will make it less hard then it already is. It's nothing against you, trust me." Bobby assured him even though he knew next to nothing about the relationship between those two. He knew how Savannah felt about Alex but she seemed to not want to involve him in this for fear of scaring him away. Bobby looked at Alex and sighed. "Look, my sister was raped when she was in high school and I saw how hard it was for her. And Savannah reminds me of her, that's why I'm trying to help her. I'm not trying to edge you out or anything. And that's the truth."

Alex went silent for a few seconds and just stared at him like he was debating whether or not to believe this. Bobby knew he couldn't force Alex to take his word at face value but he was hoping it would happen. If only for Savannah's sake, the last thing she needed was feuding men in her life when she was trying to take a step forward.

"You might have a point, ok? I'm willing to admit that I might have been in the wrong for how much I over reacted..." Alex grumbled like it caused him a lot of pain to say that he was in the wrong but at least he was doing it so that had to count for something. But Alex being Alex wasn't entirely letting it go as he leaned in close with a smirk. "But I still don't like you."

"That's ok, because I don't like you either. But I will deal with you for her sake." Bobby replied back with his own smirk and crossed his arms over his chest. "We don't have to be friends or like each other. But we have to attempt to get along. Savannah needs as many people supporting her as possible and the only way for her to get through this is if we are all on the same page. Deal?"

"Deal."

* * *

><p><em><span>1 hour later<span>_

"Alright, so are you ready to do this or what?" Bobby's voice came at me so suddenly that I nearly stumbled over my own feet from where I had been leaning against the edge of my car for the past 10 minutes waiting for him. I saw him hanging halfway out the door of his car in a parking spot beside me and I had been so caught up in day dreaming that I hadn't been aware of his arrival and judging by the way he was silent laughing at me, he had been trying to get my attention for quite a while. I felt my cheeks flame up as he turned his car off and got out, slamming his door shut as he shook his keys around his finger. "How long have you been waiting?"

"About 10 minutes. I thought we were meeting up at 1:30." I said, running my fingers through my hair as I laid eyes on the small church across the parking lot where this group therapy meeting today and I tried my hardest not to cringe as I spoke again. "I guess you were running late for some reason."

"You could say that. I was actually talking to Alex, we decided to meet up before I came to join you." Bobby said this so casually as if it were no more a big deal then remembering to take out the trash. But this was a very big deal. It was only yesterday when Alex was expressing his insane jealousy over Bobby and now they were meeting up? Oh that wasn't crazy at all. Bobby must have sensed that's what I was thinking because he quickly added. "It turned out alright I think. I just let him know that I was coming with you to this meeting and that it was in no ways a trick to try and take you away from him."

"He actually sat there and listened to you and didn't throw a punch? Oh I wish I could have seen that." I pressed my lips together in a smirk at the thought of Alex and Bobby having a civilized conversation. The image of it was so comical that I momentarily forgot my nervousness and giggled. "Alex was so badmouthing you after we got home from the gym so I find it hard to believe that you two talked things out."

"Well we did and I think it went just swell." Bobby rolled his eyes, showing he knew just how ridiculous he sounded. "We'll never be best friends but I think we found common ground. Enough where we can walk by each other at the arena and not send death glares. That's progress right?"

"It's the best I can hope for with you two." I shrugged, more then thrilled that finally this whole ordeal could be put in the past. It would be one less thing for me to worry about right now. I sighed in contentment and tucked my hands under my arms. "Well, since that is over, should we..."

"After you." Bobby waved his hand in front of him,signaling that I should lead the way so I did with him coming up behind me. We walked in silence for a few seconds, my eyes trailed on the church as it got bigger the closer we got to it. I didn't take notice of it before when I got here but I noticed it now as I felt my heart thudding almost painfully against the inside of my chest every time I took a step forward. In just a few moments I was going to be walking through those doors and facing a group of people who shared the same horrible experience as me, something I had never come across in the past few years. I never took into account how nerve-wrecking it would be to do that and now I wasn't so sure I should be doing this. I came to a stop so suddenly that Bobby crashed into me hard and almost sent me flying to the ground but his hand grabbed my arm and held me upright. "Savannah? What's wrong?"

"I'm sorry, I uh, I don't think I want to do this." I fell over my words as they came spilling out and I felt the blood rushing in my ears as I took a step back and looked at Bobby's surprised expression. "I can't go in there. There's no point in it."

"No point? I don't understand how you can say that." Bobby let go of my arm and scratched the back of his head in confusion. "I thought you agreed it would be helpful to be around other victims and that talking about it would help."

"I thought it would be helpful, but then it just hit me right now. What is the point in talking about it when nothing can be done?" I asked, surprised that this dawned on me so quickly and out of where when it hadn't occurred to me at all today. "I mean think about it. Talking about it is great and all, but only if something can be done about it."

"Ok..."

"But what about my situation? I waited too long to say anything, I washed away any evidence there might have been to put that asshole behind bars. And I regret doing that every single day because now, even if I speak up, he will still get away with it. So why put myself through the agony of reliving it when I know he will never be punished for it?" I asked, hearing my voice getting chocked up with emotion the more I went on with releasing these thoughts from a dark place I never knew I had. I knew that I would always come to a point where I would have to face this particular fact. The fact that if I had just gone to the police that night or gone to a hospital to have a rape kit done, then maybe Randy would be in jail right now and I wouldn't have gone on the run away from everything I knew. That if I hadn't given myself over to the darkness of my sadness then maybe I would have said something to the police instead of sitting in that shower and washing away any physical evidence that was on me. But I had and I couldn't change it no matter how much I wanted to. Holding on to that regret was just going to destroy me from the inside out. It would be a reminder that Randy was getting away with a crime. Just like going into this meeting would be a reminder. I looked up at Bobby and shook my head. "There's no point in going in there. Talking about what happened won't change it and it will just be torture for me because the outcome is still the same. He raped me and got away with it. End of story."

"I still think you should at least give it a try. You don't know it won't help you unless you give it a shot." Bobby tried to tell me, his eyes turning sympathetic and I knew he thought I was going to burst into tears any second now. "Come on, I'll be in there with you..."

"I'm sorry, I can't. If I can't see the outcome that I want then I don't even want to try." I shook my head and turned back to head for my car. "I'm sorry for dragging you out for nothing, but this was a mistake."

"Savannah wait!" Bobby called after me, but I was already hurrying away without looking back.

* * *

><p><em><span>A few hours later<span>_

"Savannah Lillian McMahon, where in the hell have you been?" Alex's voice practically shouted at me the second I climbed out of my car and found him jumping up from the porch steps where he had apparently been waiting for me and we walked towards each other at the same pace with him looking both worried and relieved at my arrival. I knew the reason for that look, he had probably been thinking I would come home right after the meeting and I hadn't done that at all. After I walked away from Bobby, I had gotten in my car and just drove around for a while for the sole purpose of avoiding having to face him. After learning that Alex and Bobby had a meeting of their own, it made me apprehensive to think of dealing with him. I knew he would want to know what happened, especially since it involved Bobby and I just did not have the energy to have that conversation. I was just grabbing my house key when Alex reached my side. "You were suppose to be home like hours ago.."

"Thanks for the concern Dad, but I'm fine." I rolled my eyes at the protective edge to his voice and the wild way his eyes looked over me as if he were expecting me to be hurt in some way. I sent him a slight smile as we headed back to the house. "I didn't come home right away because I wanted time alone and I knew you would be waiting for me."

"Of course I would be, you were hanging around with Bobby for part of the day. I would want to know about what went on the second you got home." Alex didn't even bother trying to hide his darkening look for the other man but at least he kept his tone and words reigned in for the moment. Maybe he and Bobby would never truly get along but they could at least be civil. Alex was hot on my heels as I walked up the porch steps and put my key in the door. "So how did it go?"

"It didn't go. I got back in my car before I was even half way across the parking lot." I shrugged my shoulders as I let myself into the house, allowing Alex to be the one to close the door as I tossed my bag on the hallways table and headed for the kitchen. I felt Alex's eyes practically staring a hole through me so I turned around to find his eyebrows knitted in confusion. I placed my hands on my hips and frowned. "What?"

"You walked out? You didn't even try?" Alex's mouth fell open and I don't know why but I felt like he was really disappointed in me for this. Now that was way out of left field. I can't remember the last time Alex looked at me like this and I certainly didn't think it would be over something like this. He crossed his arms and pressed his lips together. "Why would you do that?"

"Because I didn't want to do it." I almost snapped in his face, feeling my face get warm when I was on the verge of losing my temper. This talk had just started and already I felt the bottom falling out of it. "So sorry if you're bothered by that. I didn't realize I needed your permission to walk away."

"Don't be like that, you know I didn't it mean it the way it came out." Alex sighed, seeming to be walking on a rope as tight as I was. He uncrossed his arms so he could run his fingers through his dark hair before saying. "Why didn't go through with it? Bobby said you seemed like you really wanted to do it and I actually agreed with him on that.."

"Oh so now you're on Bobby's side? Are you two the ones who are in this relationship now?" I hissed sarcastically, seeing the twinge in Alex's face when I said this and I knew I had struck a nerve. "You both get to decide what you think I need to be doing?"

"Don't be like that." Alex rolled his eyes this time, sticking his tongue out between his teeth. "You're being way too sensitive about this."

"Says the guy who jumped into a rage every time Bobby came around me. And now you two are on the same page." I wasn't mad at Alex, not at all. This was more about me and the anguish that was building inside of me that was now being taken out on him. "Look, this isn't about what you and Bobby want, it's what I want. And I decided I wasn't ready to deal with this."

"Were you just not ready? Or were just trying to avoid it again like you do everything?" Alex shot back, his patience obviously gone as his comment shot through me like a knife. I actually felt my face fall when he said this but I couldn't deny that he had a point. I did avoid things. Avoiding calling us a couple for years, avoiding telling anyone about the rape and now avoiding dealing with it. But to have him outright say it to my face was just harsh. "Savannah, I'm not trying to be mean, but ..."

"That was kind of mean though and right now, I'm going to walk away before I say something mean back." I informed him before walking past him towards the porch door and letting myself out into the back yard.

* * *

><p><em><span>2 hours later<span>_

I was still sitting on a lounge chair by the pool when I heard Alex come out of the house onto the porch but I didn't bother turning around to look at him. I remained curled up with my elbow on the chair's arm and my knees pulled up close to my chest as I stared at the darkening sky above me. I had been switching between fuming over Alex's comments and feeling sad that he was right that I hadn't even thought about getting up to go back inside. I listened to his footsteps coming across the grass and then hitting cement around the pool as he came around the side of the lounge chair and sat right down on the end of it with his arms across his knees and his head turned to look at me. I stared back at him for a second, my chin resting in my hand as my elbow still rested on the chair arm for support. There was a small wind blowing through the yard, brushing my hair into my eyes and blocking my view of him. I went to push it back but found Alex's hand doing it instead.

"Thanks." I said quietly, leaning back with my legs stretched out in front of me and my ankles brushing against his back as I sighed. "So, you finally decided to come after me?"

"I was too chicken shit to face you after what I said. So I hid inside the house like the ass hole that I am." He said in explanation, turning to face me completely and I could see the ashamed look in his eyes. "I didn't mean to make you mad."

"I know you didn't and I didn't mean to take it so personally. We were both just frustrated and took it out on each other. No one is completely to blame." I replied with a small shrug, tucking my hands under my arms as I drew my eyes away from the sky and focused solely on his face. "It just seems like we're fighting a lot these days. And I didn't think it would be over something like this."

"Trust me I didn't expect to get so up in arms about it, it just sort of took over, you know?" Alex looked adorable in his shame as he hung his head low and hunched his shoulders deeply that meant he just needed distance right now. Alex needed to go through his emotions completely and feel the brunt of it before he could let go. So I knew to not reach out and touch him even though I wanted to. "I'm just worried"

"About what?"

"It's not just about you not going through with the meeting, its about the whole way you're approaching the situation since you told us about the rape." Alex answered back, tilting his head backwards to look up at the sky and I could tell by the tension in his neck that he was thinking about everything that had happened since that night. He turned his face towards me. "I worry that if you don't start to really talk about it, then it will build up and really end up hurting you in the end."

"I'm going to tell you what I told Bobby and I hope it gets through to you better then it did him." I sat up and crossed my legs under me, curling my toes instinctively when I was nervous and went on. "There was no point in going into that meeting and talking about when it won't help. Talking about it won't undo what happened to me and it certainly won't help me now. So why bother?"

"Why bother? Because then you wouldn't have to hold on to all that pain, that's why you bother." Alex shot back, his face tightening up like he was prepared for another go around like he had in the house. "You should really go back and try it again..."

"Alex, please just let it go for now. I don't want to fight with you again. I haven't had the best of days and I just want to attempt to end it better then it ended this afternoon." I heard my voice wobble and I quickly went silence to regain my composure so I wouldn't burst into tears. I had cried enough and I didn't want to shed any more tears. "I was pushing myself before I was ready and I felt suffocated because of it. And now I just want some peace and calmness. I will deal with it in my own time, but not right now."

"I guess I have to accept that." Alex nodded and while I could tell he didn't like my answer, he had the courtesy not to say anything about it and just sat there with me in silence for a while. The only sound came from the wind rustling the trees in the yard and the sound of cars going by on the street in the distance. Alex's eyes didn't leave my face as he got up the nerve to speak again. "I love you, you know that right? I only want you to be happy."

"I know..." I wanted to say I loved him too, I've been wanting to say it for a while even before he first said it to me. But I couldn't get the words to come out, maybe I just wasn't ready for it like I wasn't ready to go to therapy about the rape. It would come in its own time, but I wished it would hurry up. Alex didn't seem to care though as he sat back on the end of the chair with his hands behind him gripping the edge. I just smiled and sat back again. "I want us both to be happy."

**A/N: So another crisis averted between Alex and Savannah. But can't say the same for the next chapter**


	11. Every touch felt cold

**Chapter 11 Every touch felt cold**

_A few days later_

So Alex and I managed to keep to our word of not fighting anymore with each other and the last few days had been void of any arguments or mentions of his jealousy. It had been peaceful and quiet and to an outsider it would seem like things were back to normal. But that wasn't the case at all. Just because we weren't fighting, it didn't mean things were ok,because they really weren't ok and I was only now starting to wake up to it.

It all came to a head one day when we were in the car together, that's when it became blatantly obvious that we weren't as ok as either of us would like to think.

It was time for another T.V. Taping and we were heading to the arena with Alex behind the wheel of his car and me sitting beside him trying to think up things to say to fill the silence. This was a struggle for me because I had never once had to over think about anything to say to Alex, I just normally said it. But lately he and I had been distant with each other and things weren't as smooth as they had been just a few weeks ago back before he knew my secret. I tried to ignore that little fact, hoping beyond all hell that I was wrong and that the truth wasn't the reason behind us feeling off. But the more the days went by, it seemed to get that much more louder that our relationship wasn't what it use to be. Yes Alex had proclaimed his lover for me and I had finally relented and agreed to call us a couple officially for the first time, but those things didn't make up for the gaping hole between us that I couldn't quite figure out. It wasn't the fighting because Alex and I had fought before and had gotten over it and not had these lasting effects like we did now. And it wasn't the jealousy that still flared up from time to time because I knew it was really just rooted in love. None of that was the issue.

But like I said, the truth came at me so glaringly today when we were driving to work that I was surprised I never even called attention to it before. But now I knew I had to.

"Alex, I need to ask you something." I began slowly, keeping my eyes straight ahead so I wouldn't chicken out because of a look on his face. Sometimes if Alex looked at me a certain way then I would clam up and not say what was on my mind because I feared it would open up a can of worms. So keeping my face on the road was the best option. "And it's sort of serious..."

"I had a feeling it would be since this is the first time you have said anything since we left the house." He pointed out and from the corner of my vision I could see his hands tighten slightly over the wheel, showing he was still carrying the same tension he had all week. "So what's up?"

"It's probably stupid and just in my head..." I began to say but immediately stopped when it sounded like I was apologizing for what I was feeling. There was no reason to be sorry, I was allowed to feel whatever I was feeling and I just knew deep down that none of this was just in my head. It was just the unspoken between us. I cocked my head to the side and twisted my hands around my long ponytail before asking. "Why don't you touch me anymore?"

"What are you talking about?" Alex's mouth opened slightly like he had been prepared to say something else but had backtracked and went in another direction. "I touch you all the time."

"No you don't actually. You use to put your arm around me whenever we walk together and now you barely even hold my hand. We use to sleep almost on top of each other and for the past week we stay on opposite sides of the bed. If anything, its like you're trying to avoiding touching me and I don't understand why." I explained, seeing the images of everything I had just said flash before my eyes. It was true what I said, Alex and I use to be all over each other and now we acted like we didn't know each other. Correct that, I wanted to be all over Alex and usually I never had to ask him but now it was like I was in a relationship with someone completely different. I saw him looking at me, so I turned my eyes on him fully for the first time and struggled to keep my emotions in check. "Did I do something wrong?"

"No, of course you didn't do anything. Don't be ridiculous." Alex scoffed like that was the stupidest thing he had heard in his life, but I saw the muscles twitching in his neck and knew he was holding back something. He was lying about something. There was something he was edging away from and refusing to talk about. But he was trying to cover it up. "I'm just stressed with work and everything that has happened lately. And I'm struggling with trying to be there for you and I don't always know what I'm suppose to be doing. But I promise you that you don't have to worry. Everything is fine."

"Alright, if you say so." I sighed with a shrug and sank back in the seat for the rest of the drive that I knew would be in silence. Alex clearly did not want to touch on the real reason why there was a rift between us and I didn't feel like fighting him for the truth, so I was willing to just let it go for the moment. But I knew I wasn't wrong, not at all.

Because for the rest of the ride to the arena, I noticed that Alex purposely kept his hands out of reach of mine so we wouldn't accidentally brush against each other. If that wasn't a sign that things were amiss, then I didn't know what was.

* * *

><p><em><span>40 minutes later<span>_

"Chris, I need to talk to you ..." Savannah's voice popped out of nowhere as she dropped down into the chair across the table from him in the nearly empty catering area and leaned forward with her elbows on the top of it, looking as frenzied and forlorn as he had ever seen her. He had been just ready to pop his head phones in and relax before he had to start getting ready for his part in the show tonight, but the second Savannah showed up looking up the way she did, he immediately dropped his iPod down to the table and sat back to look at her. She stared back at him with those expressive blue eyes of hers and narrowed them slightly. "And I need you to be serious for once..."

"Hey, I can be serious when the situation calls for it. Don't doubt my abilities." He teased back, thinking that she just needed to be cheered up with his usual brand of banter. But when he saw the unmoving expression on her face, he felt his own features drop. "Oh, ok. You weren't kidding."

"No I'm not. Not today." She shook her head, her fingers yanking through her loose hair that looked perfectly combed but this was more of a nervous tick as she kept on doing it even as she talked. "I just..I need to talk to someone about Alex...he's just, and I'm just..."

"OK, calm down and use your words." Chris sat up after seeing the frustration flare in her eyes and he knew something must have happened before she got to the arena to make her look so frazzled. He reached over and squeezed her fingers in encouragement. "Now tell me. What exactly has Alex done now?"

"That's just it, he's not doing anything. So that is the problem." She hissed under her breath even though there was no one around to hear her if she spoke in a normal voice. "He won't touch me!"

"He...won't...touch...you. That's the reason for the freak out?" Chris asked, trying not to crack a smile at her annoyance that she turned on him but it was hard not to. Her statement just sounded so comical and not serious in the slightest with the way it came out. But she obvious was seriously because just like before, her face never wavered, so he knew he had to stick to his promise. "Sorry, it just sounded so ridiculous..."

"Well, it's not. It may sound minor but its actually pretty serious and I'm worried." Savannah's voice wobbled and the moment he heard that dip in her tone, all the humor left him at the sight of her clasping her hands together and leaning her forehead against them so he couldn't see her face. When she looked up at him a second later, she was biting her lower lip. "Ever since I told you guys about the rape, it seems like he goes out of his way to avoid touching me. And before all this happened, we were happy and intimate and now...now I don't know what we are."

"You guys are still together, you're just going through a tough time that's all." Chris offered to her as an explanation even though he wasn't entirely sure that was it but she at least needed some kind of reason. "You just revealed a secret that you kept to yourself for 2 years. And now Alex has to learn how to deal with it as well trying to keep his relationship with you going despite knowing what he knows."

"But you said he wouldn't look at me differently, you said he would never treat me any differently. You said that and now he doesn't touch me when that's all he ever wanted to do before. So your word was shit, to be be perfectly honest." She snapped, her eyes blurring across the surface and she sat back with her hand going over her face for a moment as if to gather herself before she spoke again. "Something has to be wrong if he doesn't want to be close to me."

"Maybe he just needs more time to adjust, we all do. Remember, its only been a few weeks since you told us. Things won't just go back to normal right away." He pointed out, partly because he knew it was the truth and partly because he knew she really needed to hear it, if only to distract herself from reading too much into it. "I wouldn't worry about it as much as I know you are. Give it some more time and Alex will be back to jumping you all the time."

"That sounds so comforting coming from you." She shook her head but there was the smallest hint of a smile on her lips and Chris couldn't help but count it as a silent victory. "But you might be right."

"I usually am." He said with a smirk, watching the way some of the tension left her face as she brought her legs up to her chest and set her chin on her knees with a thoughtful look on her face. She didn't look as upset as she had been when she first sat down, but she didn't look entirely happy and that's what irked Chris. He didn't like it when things weren't right between his two best friends and after knowing what Savannah had gone through already in her life, he was even more worried about her. He didn't want her to be sad over anything more then she had to be. And that's when he decided he might need to intervene and speak to Alex himself about this and see what was going on. But for now he just reached over and took her hand in comfort. "It will be ok, just have a little faith."

"I'll try, but it seems harder and harder to do these days..."

* * *

><p><em><span>10 minutes later<span>_

_Slam!_

"Dude, what is your problem?" Alex looked up from his gym bag the moment Chris walked into the soon and harshly slammed the door behind him , looking confused as well as annoyed as he dropped the laces he was trying to un-knot from his wrestling boots before he pushed them aside and turned in his seat to look at him. "You're obviously in a seriously bad mood today if you walk in like that."

"Yea, I guess you could say that." Chris said back through his tightly pressed lips as he crossed the room to his own spot next to Alex and dropped down on to the bench in front of the lockers and stared at his best friend with studious eyes. He had kept to his silent promise he had made to come talk to Alex to see if he could find anything out about his supposed weird behavior but now that he was here, he felt a momentary flash of annoyance come over him because he just knew from walking in the room that not all was right with Savannah's boyfriend. He just had that immediate instinct because of their long standing friendship and it never took much effort to get to the root of the problem. But this time might be the exception. He glanced at Alex with his tongue between his teeth and decided to just jump right on in. "I need to talk to you. I just came from talking to Savannah and I think we need to have a serious sit down."

"Oh dear god, what is with everyone wanting to have a serious conversation with me today?" Alex almost snapped, his dark eyes flaring with a black anger that showed he was teetering on the edge of something that was sucking up all his patience. And Alex was a guy that normally had a high level of patience and that had changed very obviously in this moment. Never had his mood changed with such a flip of the switch, it was beyond weird. Alex kicked at his bag before saying. "Fine, go ahead and speak."

"Thanks for the permission, I was just waiting for that." Chris replied sarcastically, rolling his eyes very obviously at his friend while sitting back against the closed locker with his arms crossed. "But enough with the tip toeing. What's going on with you?"

"What do you mean?" Alex obviously wasn't in the mood to directly acknowledge the situation and much preferred to side stepping the problem. "Nothing is going on with me."

"Then why does it seem like Savannah thinks there is something seriously wrong because you no longer seem to be all over her like you use to be?" Chris shot back, raising his eyebrows out of discomfort slightly as he found it odd to be discussing the intimacy between his best guy friend and his best girl friend. But he knew he had to put that aside for Savannah's sake. "That's what she was talking to me about. She said that you never want to touch her anymore and she thinks that means something is wrong."

"Well its not and I told her that when we were driving here. But I guess she is just not as quick to believe it as I was." Alex shrugged, picking up hiss boot again to pick at the laces. "I'm just stressed that's all with everything that's going on. But it doesn't mean that things are changed between her and I."

"She seems to think it means just that. Especially when she was under the impression that you would never look at her differently or treat her differently after you found out about the rape..." Chris felt his voice trail off when he saw the tension tighten in Alex's face the moment he mentioned the rape and he knew he was edging closer to something, so he latched on to it. "That's it isn't it? Its not work stress, its the rape. You're letting it put a wedge between you and Savannah."

"There is no wedge and you're just reading too much into it." Alex shook his head, his face a hard mask that went behind his usual level of stubbornness. This was on another field entirely. "It's just been a weird few weeks, I need time to get use to it. But more importantly, I need you and Savannah to get off my back about how I'm acting and just leave me alone."

"Yea and you say nothing is wrong..." Chris grumbled under his breath, not bothering to hide the frown that suddenly appeared. "I'm just trying to be there for you guys, you don't have to jump all over me."

"I wouldn't have to if you would just back off." Alex snapped, looking at him with something almost akin to hatred in his eyes, a look Alex had never used on him in the entirely time they had been friends. "Look, I'm not trying to be a jackass. I'm just tired of being confronted today over nothing. I'm fine and soon you and Savannah will see that too."

"Yea, I hope so."

* * *

><p><em><span>90 minutes later<span>_

"Well you look pretty distracted for someone watching a pretty good match unfolding right before their eyes." Jeff's amused voice came at me from the side and I turned my unfocused eyes away from the monitor to see him walking up to me with his hands in his pockets and his curly blonde hair flopping over his forehead the way it usually did when he was running around a lot before a show. But as he came to stand by my side to watch the match progress on the screen, I could tell that he wasn't interested in the match, but rather the reason for why I wasn't interested in it. He nudged me with his elbow before asking. "Is everything ok? Normally you're all about watching Alex wrestle and now you just seem like you could care less."

"It's not that. I wanted to be into this match, I really did but I just can't seem to focus on it tonight." I sighed, shaking my head to clear my unfocus but I couldn't quite manage it and I knew exactly why. It was the same reason why I had asked Jeff not to schedule me for the show tonight. Because with my distracted state of mind, I was bound to screw something up, so it was better to keep me off the show so I wouldn't call attention to myself. But Jeff always had a knack of never letting up on me when he knew something was wrong and I knew he would continue to press the matter until I spilled the truth. So I figured why not just do it now. I turned to face him and said. "It's Alex...ever since I told him the truth, I just feel this distance between us and I'm not sure what to do about it."

"Didn't he say he loved you not that long ago?" Jeff asked with a confused frown as he tried to push his messy hair back into place with his fingers. "I find it hard to believe there could be that great of a distance between you if he just said that."

"You can say that because you don't know all the details of our relationship." I grumbled, looking back at the screen to see Alex perched on top of a turnbuckle with a look of determination on his face as he prepared to fly off and land on James Storm who was sprawled out on the mats outside the ring. For a second, everything seemed ok and he seemed like the old Alex. But then I was reminded of the fact that things had changed and Alex wasn't the same guy that he use to be. I had to turn my eyes away from the monitor again. "Alex and I use to be close, very close. He and I use to..."

"Ok, I think I know where there is going." Jeff interrupted me with his hands flying up to his ears to ward off anything else he didn't want to hear. "Spare me the details and just give me the gist..."

"We just use to be more affectionate with each other and now we're not. Even when we had trouble before, we were still always very intimate. But after telling him about...the rape, he doesn't ever want to touch me. And I know that means something bad." I explained, keeping my voice low to avoid anyone else hearing us as the backstage area was swarming with all sorts of technicians and wrestlers moving about. Alex. Chris, Jeff and Bobby were still the only ones who knew my secret and I was certainly not ready for anyone else to know. "If he was all over me before and now he's not, what does that mean for us?"

"Maybe its not as bad as you think it is. He might just feel weird about being close to you after hearing about what you went through." Jeff said in explanation, saying almost the exact same thing that Chris had alluded to earlier when we talked. And maybe there was a truth to what they were saying but deep down I knew I wasn't buying. "Alex may just need some more time to let this all sink in and then he can learn how to reincorporate the way you guys use to be with each other. Just..."

"Just give it time?" I suggested, picking up exactly what he was going to say and I frowned. "Yea, that's what everyone says when I talk to them about this."

"Come on, even you have to admit a secret this big is going to take more time to get use to then just a few weeks." Jeff leveled me with his father like stare that always came when I talked to him about a problem. And while I appreciated his attempt at comfort, I really just needed someone to agree with me that this wasn't normal. "Give the guy a break and just let him be. He's just trying to figure out how to let this go..."

"Yea, maybe. Or maybe..." I bit my bottom lip as a sudden thought filled my mind that I had been trying my hardest not to acknowledge these past few days because it was something I never even wanted to consider. It was a dark thought, a thought that filled me with sadness now that I had allowed it to take shape in my head and I could already feel the cold settling in my chest as my voice went almost to a whisper. "Or maybe he doesn't want me anymore and he just doesn't want to say it."

* * *

><p><em><span>Later that night<span>_

I was determined to prove myself wrong. That the statement I had made to Jeff during Alex's match tonight was nothing more then self doubt and an overreaction. There was no way it could be true. I was just reading too much into it like Jeff and Chris said. Alex had just said he loved me only days ago and we had finally settled our issues involving his jealousy over Bobby. Things were use to be ok now. And maybe I was just making too much of one little thing. Maybe I just needed to give him more time or at least put effort in more on my part to speed it along. I couldn't just expect him to do all the work, I had to be willing to do my part as well. Hence why I was so sure that I could change things before the night ended.

We had just walked into my house after a car ride of near silence but it was mostly in part because I was going over things in my head about how to do this and I couldn't be bothered with trying to have a conversation. Alex seemed ok with this as he too stayed silent all the way home which I guess was a good thing because I was sort of worried any talk might end in an argument. But now we were in the house, finally alone for the night and I was hoping that what I was about to do was going to get me the results I wanted. Alex had already gone into the living room and dropped down onto the couch with his head leaning against his closed fist like he had too much on his mind to even try to pay attention to me. But that was ok, it was my turn to do something and if he couldn't pay attention to me, then I was going to pay him some real attention.

"Whoa! What are you doing?" Alex came alive when I dropped down into his lap without any warning and straddled him for the first time in weeks. I saw the shock on his face flicker up to his eyes and for a second I considered stopping right now. But I knew if I did then I might regret it and if it could get me what I wanted, then why not try to push it further. I grabbed the bottom of my top and drew up over my head before he could stop my and tossed it on the couch next to us just as Alex grabbed my upper arms and held me in place. "Are you completely losing it?"

"No! Why would you think that?" I asked, laughing slightly at the shocked expression in his eyes and experienced a moment of triumph when he didn't let me go right away. I reached out to wrap my hands around his neck while trying to move closer. "If anything, I feel more clear headed then I have been in a while. And I just figured we should have a little fun now that we are alone."

"We almost had a fight today and now you're practically assaulting me on the couch. You don't think that's too weird of a turn around?" He asked,not fighting me back when I ran my fingers down his chest and across his stomach. He didn't give in and touch me back but he didn't fight me off and I took that as a good thing. I leaned forward with my hair falling over my shoulders as I went to kiss his neck, something he had always loved me doing when we were being intimate. I could feel the tension in his body lessen as I moved my lips across his skin, kissing him lightly everywhere I could while seeing how far I would have to take it before he would respond. I moved my hands down further between us, my fingers brushing against the inside of his thighs as I went to reach for the buckle of his belt. But before I could even grab a hold of it, he seemed to snap back into reality and grabbed my arms and pulled me back. "Savannah will you stop it? I can't do this..."

"Why? Do you want to be on top? Because that's no problem." I knew Alex like being in the dominant position and if that's what it took to get him to be intimate with me like he use to be then that's what I would do. I climbed off him onto the empty couch and then grabbed his wrist to pull him on top of me. "Ok, now let's go back to..."

"No, Savannah you're not getting it." Alex almost snapped, surprising me so much with his short tone that I ended up letting go of him and watched as he got up off the couch and walked over to the sliding glass door with his hands on his hips. I pushed myself up into a sitting position, feeling a chill come over my skin that had nothing to do with the air conditioner. Alex turned around to face me, his eyes guarded and his features expressionless which did nothing to ease the fear that suddenly hit me in the face. "I can't...i can't do this with you..."

"I don't understand. You can't have sex with me? But you love having sex with me, you use to never be able to get enough. So what's the problem?" I asked, hating that my voice came out so small. Alex just stared at me without saying word before walking over to the couch and pulling the blanket on the back of it off and tucked it around me to cover me up. With him within reaching distance, I went to take his hand but he quickly pulled away and I felt a cold stab hit me in the chest and I actually felt my eyes water up. The realization was tightening in my chest as our eyes met. "Alex? You said you can't have sex with me? But did you really mean you just won't?"

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have come back here with you. I'm just going to go." Alex walked passed the couch and back to the front hallway, giving me just enough of a shock to jump up and follow him. I just reached the doorway when he grabbed his bag from where he dropped it by the wall and reached for the front door simultaneously. He looked back over his shoulder at me, something flickering in his eyes before he said. "I'm sorry."

He left after that, closing the door on me without another word and left me in silence. I stared at the door, thinking he would come to his sense and come back. But then I heard his car door open and close and the engine roared to life. I saw the headlights flash across the walls as he left down the driveway and took off for the road leading to the highway. The blood rushed loudly in my ears and for a second I couldn't hear anything else. Then I head a chocking watery sound and found myself on the floor in tears with what felt like my heart ripping apart in my chest.

My suspicions had been right, Alex didn't want me anymore.


	12. On sleepless roads

**Chapter 12 On sleepless roads**

I sat there on the floor for what was probably only a few minutes but it really felt like a few hours, just staring at the front door and waiting for Alex to come back through it even though I knew he had driven away. But I couldn't help but think that it would change, the universe couldn't just let things end the way they had. Not when I had finally started opening up to the possibility that he and I could have a normal, loving relationship. Not when I was just started to get use to the idea of having someone love me the way he did. Not now when he and I had fought tooth and nail to get to this point over the course of two years, the universe wouldn't just be so cruel as to have Alex walk out on me after I made myself so vulnerable.

But that was exactly what happened.

And I as I sat up with the blanket falling from my shoulders and touched my fingers to my face, I was reminded of the tears that had just fallen and were still present there on my cheek. It was then that I was nearly knocked over by the overwhelming feeling of rejection and sadness and I had to immediately jump to my feet and hurry out of the hallway before I started crying again. I didn't want to be alone with this feeling, I felt so down and heavy that I worried about what I would do if I was left alone with just myself. Not that I thought I would automatically think to cut myself again, but I guess that would always be at the back of my mind for the rest of my life. And this was how it started the last time, I felt lower then I ever had been before and when I saw that razor it seemed like the only thing that could get rid of this feeling. I did not want a repeat of that, that was not how I wanted to deal with my pain.

I ran into the living room and after some searching I was able to find my shirt and pulled it on before reaching for my cell phone and hitting and old number that was always at the top of my contact lists right behind Alex and Chris. Jeff had always been there for me in the past and I knew he would be there for me now. It was late and he was probably just on his way home from the arena to be with his family and for a moment I wanted to hang up. Jeff didn't need to be burdened with my drama, he had dealt with it enough and he should have some time with his family. But I needed my family too and he was more of a father to me then my real dad was. I needed my family desperately and that's why I didn't hang up when I heard his voice come on the other line.

"Savannah? Are you alright?" It was the first thing Jeff said as soon as the lines connected and I knew immediately why that was. It was very rare when Jeff got a call from me this late at night and the last time he had it had been from Alex when the truth about the rape had come out. So I could understand why he would think to first ask me if I was ok. "What's going on? Is something wrong?"

"Um...yeah, I guess you could put it like that." I cringed at the way my voice wavered in and out, making me sound like I was chocking on water and I knew that would only up Jeff's already instilled concern for me. "Look I'm sorry to bother to. I know you're probably on your way home and I shouldn't be bugging you..."

"No, it's no problem. Don't even worry about it." Jeff had a tendency to shrug off this kind of thing even despite the late hour when he knew it was serious and that spoke wonders to his true nature. "Just talk to me and tell me what happened."

"It's just that...i thought I could prove myself wrong, you know? About Alex not wanting me. I thought that if I just pushed things along then he would give in to me." I had to suck in my lower lip as I felt it start to tremble as I spoke. I hated sounding like a weak little girl, I had avoided that feeling when I had forced my self to not deal with the rape and just pretend to be happy. But I couldn't pretend like my heart wasn't breaking right now, I couldn't ignore that Alex had ripped it out of my chest and stomped on it right in front of me. That cavernous feeling wouldn't leave me for a while. "And...he didn't. I was there, ready to give myself to him and he just didn't want it. And he walked out."

"That little shit, I could kill him." Jeff growled, sounding more like his on screen persona then his real life one and that only happened when he was seriously mad about something. It momentarily amazed me that he could work up that sort of level of anger for something happening to someone who wasn't one of his daughters. But as Jeff constantly reminded me, I was the only McMahon he actually liked and as far as he was concerned I was his daughter and not Vince's. And for just a second, that made me smile. Jeff would always fight like hell for me, that was a given. "Are you alone right now?"

"Yea, I just haven't gotten up the energy to go anywhere. But I do not want to stay in this house right now..."

"So come to my house." Jeff cut in, the idea obviously just hitting him and I could hear the sound of an engine turning off and a door opening and slamming shut. Jeff was home right now and back came that guilt I had for running to him with my problems. "You shouldn't be alone right now..."

"No I can't do that. You should be with your family, not dealing with my shit." I shook my head even though he couldn't see me. I knew how little time Jeff got to spend with his wife and kids and he shouldn't waste it on me. "I'll be fine, I promise. I just..."

"No, you are going to be coming over here or...or else you're fired." Jeff said with what I knew was a smirking tone in his voice. He obviously wasn't serious and it was more to just break up the tension, so I did appreciate it. "Are we clear? Get your ass over here right now. I'll tell Karen about it. She'll probably force feed you cake or something. She does that when the kids are upset."

"That's sweet, thank you." I smiled at the image, grateful that I was close to such good people who would jump up at the chance to help me when I needed it. "I'll be there in like 20 minutes or so. I just need to make one more call."

"Alright, I'll see you in a little bit. Love you, little girl." Jeff said before hanging up and leaving me in silence once more.

I held the phone in my hand and just sat on the couch for a second, feeling the heaviness of the empty house press in on me before I jumped up I headed towards the staircase. I would make the call when I got to my room, but first I needed to change. These clothes smelled too much like Alex.

* * *

><p><em><span>5 minutes later<span>_

Chris was just getting ready to fall into the couch cushions for a night by himself when he heard the front door crash open and then slam shut. He looked over the back of the couch just in time to see Alex stomp through the hallway and toss his gym bag on the floor like the object had personally offended him and he was on the verge of asking his best friend what was wrong when he caught the look on Alex's face and stayed silent. He knew Alex so well by this point that when he came in with an expression like that, he could accurately predict what the reasoning was behind it. And there was only one thing that could irk him the way he was looking, only one thing that had been going on these last few weeks that stressed him out this much. Savannah.

"Damn it!" Alex exclaimed, hitting the wall in front of him with such force that Chris was brought out of his cloud of thoughts to see his best friend staring at him like he had just realized he was home and watching him. "Oh...you're here."

"Uh yea, its my house too. Now I would ask you what's going...Hold on." Chris held up his hand just as his cell phone started ringing and he leaned over to pull it out of his pocket. He saw Savannah's name flashing across the screen and he looked across the room back to Alex and raised his hand to his mouth to stay quiet as he picked up the call. "Hey Savannah, what's up?"

"Um...nothing really." She replied, sounding anything less then fine as her voice wavered like it always did when she was majorly upset. Chris looked at Alex, whose eyes had grown wide when he heard his girlfriend's name and looked like he wanted to slip out of the room but Chris shook his head, having a feeling that he needed to stay. "Uh Chris, are you alone? Alex isn't there is he? Cause I really need to talk to you privately."

"No, no he is definitely not here." Chris frowned as the lie slipped from his mouth and he pulled the phone away from his ear to put it on speakerphone so Alex could hear the conversation too. Something just told him that this needed to happen and even though Alex looked uncomfortable, he moved closer to the phone as Chris spoke again. "Why? What happened? Did you guys fight again?"

"It wasn't so much of a fight as it was a...rejection of sorts." Her voice wavered again but she didn't cry. Chris glanced at Alex who was looking very stony faced and uncomfortable, a look he always wore when he had done something wrong. "Remember when I said he wouldn't touch me anymore since I told you guys about the rape?"

"Yea, I remember." Chris frowned again, reliving the conversation in his head just as a sinking feeling hit him in the stomach. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"Well I thought maybe it was all in my head and that if I maybe I forced it a little then he would give in. But not only did he not do that, but he walked out on me. I threw myself at him like a pathetic piece of shit and he basically was like 'thanks but no thanks.' And he left and I have just been sitting here since." She explained, her response filling Chris up with more anger then he thought he was capable of. He shot his eyes towards Alex who had turned away but not before he could see the look of shame and guilt that filled his eyes. Chris wanted to reach out and punch him, but then Savannah would know Alex was there and he didn't want to add more pain to her night. He turned off the speakerphone just as she spoke again. "Look, I just wanted to call you and tell you what was going on in case he came home and was in a bad mood. And also to let you know that I won't be at my house if he decides to come back, I just didn't want you to worry."

"Where are you going?" Chris questioned, his fingers running through his short hair so he wouldn't accidentally reach out and punch Alex in the neck for his stupidity. "You're not like skipping town are you?"

"No, of course not. I'm going to Jeff's for a little bit and then I might be home." She sounded sad, and nothing like the high spirited girl she had been before any of this happened and it made him sad for her. "Bye Chris, thanks for listening."

"Any time. Feel better." He muttered before flipping his phone shut and tossing it down onto the table in front of the couch before getting to his feet to face Alex who was still half way turned away from him. It took everything in Chris's patience not to march over and tackle him to the ground. Yes Alex was his best friend, but so was Savannah and Alex had hurt her and he wanted to know why. "You want to say anything about this?"

"Not really." Alex shot back almost sarcastically, but there was a certain edge to his voice that said he was feeling guilty already without the added pressure from Chris. "I obviously messed up..."

"That is a major fucking understatement. So you better explain to me why you did this." Chris managed to maintain his cool, something he had perfected over the years from dealing with all the quirks of his best friend's personality. And had Savannah not been part of the picture then Chris would have let this go as nothing more then another one of Alex's weird behaviors. But Savannah was in their group and she meant as much to him as Alex did and he couldn't bear the thought of her being in pain without trying to help. He looked at Alex, still turned away and narrowed his eyes. "What? You're not going to say anything?"

"You'll just throw a fit at me if I do." Alex sighed, turning around with his hands tucked under his arms. "I know I was in the wrong ok? I know that..."

"But I want to hear you say it." Chris cut back in, not about to let Alex off the hook so easily. He had done that too many times in the past and this had to change. Alex was use to getting his way when he dug his heels in too deeply and it was usually only Chris who could stand up to him. "Ok, are you going to explain your behavior on your own terms? Or am I going to have to beat it out of you? Your choice."

"I fucked up ok? I walked out on her when she was already to give herself to me and I know that wasn't right of me to do. I know that, ok? I know I was an asshole, but I couldn't help it." Alex snapped, his eyes flaring up with pent up frustration that Chris had a feeling needed to be let out more so now then at any time before. Alex looked like he wanted to tear his own hair out, he was that on edge. "I was scared ok?"

""Oh yea, it's so terrifying when your beautiful and kind girlfriend wants to have sex with you. That's just so damn scary." Chris rolled his eyes, not seeing what the problem was but then again Alex never gave a straight answer when he was upset. It was like pulling teeth trying to get him to talk. "What were you thinking?"

"I was thinking too much and then not at all." Alex admitted, his shoulders sinking low for a moment as their eyes met and despite the tightness in his face, Alex's eyes held the true extent of his misery. "Look, I was scared that if I allowed myself to be the way I use to be with her before I knew about the rape, then it would make her remember it more then she already does. I was scared that if I was affectionate towards her, then it might scare her now that the truth was out and I didn't want to scare her..."

"So you walked away to protect her in your own way." Chris finished for him, nodding his head in understanding. It made sense now. Only Savannah had to think about the rape and she could push it aside and control how much she thought about it and then go on with her life. But now that they knew, she couldn't control their feelings about it or how Alex might try and protect her in his own weird way. It did make sense but no one liked rejection and for a victim like Savannah to put herself out there only top be shot down was like getting slapped in the face. He glared at Alex. "I get that you were only trying to do what you thought was right, but pushing her away won't make her feel better either."

"I know, it occurred to me that walking out on her was worse but I never stopped to think about that until I was already in the car." Alex sighed, covering his face with his hands and groaning heavily out of shame and regret. He wasn't a bad guy and he didn't purposely set out to hurt Savannah. But it didn't change the fact that he did and now he had to fix it. Alex looked up with a grimace. "Do you think she'll hate me forever."

"Not forever...a couple of years maybe, but not forever."

* * *

><p><em><span>20 minutes later<span>_

"Well look who finally decided to show up." Jeff's voice greeted me before I even made it half way up the walkway to his front door but when I looked up to see his face beaming at me from the front porch, I couldn't help but smile in return. And that in itself was a hard thing to do since I was still feeling so hurt and tormented over Alex's rejection and more then once on the drive here I just wanted to turn around and come home. But I knew I needed to be around other people, so I had forced myself to drive over to his house and now that I was standing before him, I was glad I had come. When I was within reaching distance, Jeff closed the space between us by pulling me into his embrace with one arm while bringing me into the house and closing the door behind us with the other. He hugged me fully, not saying a word for a few seconds and just allowed me to bask in the comfort of his arms like he knew I needed to. I wouldn't have come here if I didn't need this and I was grateful once again for having Jeff in my life. When he pulled away, he tucked my hair behind my ears and asked. "So it's probably stupid of me to ask,but how are you feeling?"

"Like shit." I grumbled, rubbing my fingers into the sides of my head before slapping my hands across my mouth. "Oh man, I shouldn't have said that, what if one of the girls had walked in and repeated that?"

"It's ok, they're all asleep. And even if they weren't, they know the punishment for cursing." He assured me with that paternal grin of his as he motioned me to follow him into the living room to sit down. I had been in Jeff's house plenty of times before and knew the way through the expansive house like it was my own. I dropped down on to one of the dark brown leather couches with a sigh as he sat down next to me with his elbow on the back of it. "But since I consider you one of my kids, I can punish you for cursing."

"Now you're sounding like a father, that's just what I needed to hear." I said with a small smile, feeling some of the ache in my chest lessen as I ran my fingers through my hair while I said thoughtfully. "I would never be able to go to my dad about this kind of stuff. If it wasn't about the business then it would be just one big ball of awkwardness."

"I think you're exaggerating but ok." Jeff let it go as he usually did when any mention of my father came up. "I'm just glad you came here. I would have hated to think of you being alone when you're upset."

"I just didn't know where else to go. If I went to hang out with Chris then Alex could have walked in and I don't want to face him just yet. And I'm not close with anyone else besides you." I shrugged, hating my lack of close friends here in Orlando. But I was just one of those people who kept a few choice group of friends close to me and that's all I needed. At least up until now, on a night like this I was wishing I was closer to more people. I looked at Jeff and sighed. "I'm so pathetic."

"No you're not, you're just very selective when it comes to letting people in. It takes you a while to trust and when it happens, you hold on to those people tightly. That's why it hurts so much when they do something to upset you." He explained, reaching over to pat my hand when I felt my face contort like I was going to tear up. "It's the same thing with me. And when I see someone close to me get hurt, it makes me want to hurt the person who hurt them."

"Now you can't do that Jeffery." The cool sounding voice of Jeff's wife came around the corner of the doorway and both he and I turned our heads to see Karen entering the room with a small smile on her face as she came over to kiss Jeff quickly on the lips before sitting on the arm of the couch with her eyes on me. "How are you doing Savannah?"

"I'm ok." I sent her a smile, knowing she wasn't just referring to the reason why I was here right now but also because of my secret that I knew Jeff had told her about. I didn't mind that because she was his wife and I knew her well enough to know she wouldn't talk about it with anyone. "I'm sorry for showing up here..."

"Jeff said you would say that so just stop it. You know you're always welcome here." She cut in in the same way he would have and shook her head vehemently at me before saying. "I just made a pot of coffee, why don't you come to the kitchen with me.."

"Yea, good idea. You girls talk while I make a phone call." Jeff stated with a knowing expression in his eyes and I just knew that meant he was going to call Alex up and yell at him. But I didn't really care at this point and just got up to follow Karen in to the kitchen. As I was passing by Jeff, he grabbed my wrist and with a smirk said. "Remember that I warned you she might force feed you cake..."

"Hey I heard that." Karen snapped before tugging me away.

* * *

><p><em><span>35 minutes later<span>_

"Men are stupid."

"What?" I looked up from my half filled cup of coffee at Karen's announcement and felt the corners of my mouth start to tip upward at the expression on her face. It was a sort of quiet determination in her features that said she was fiercely trying her hardest to do and say anything to cheer me up and this was what she had come up with. It was sort of funny considering we had been sitting here at the kitchen table for the past 30 minutes without really saying much at all. I had tried to talk about Alex but every time I did I felt myself getting chocked up and I had to stop. So a lot of the time we had these semi-awkward moments of silence and I suppose she was just trying to get rid of them by saying something outrageous. "That was sort of random."

"Maybe a little but you sort of have to admit that I have a point." She said knowing, drinking the last of her coffee and refilling her cup as well as mine as she spoke. "I mean, you came here because of your problems with Alex and after Jeff explained it to me, it doesn't make sense why he would do this. Case in point my statement of men being stupid."

"Alex is not stupid, he's crazy and outrageous but not stupid." I shook my head, trying to fight the smile that was threatening to take over when I thought of his more charming qualities. I loved that Alex wasn't like any other guy. I loved that he had this limitless energy and this quirky sense of humor. He was different and he kept me on my toes. But that didn't mean he didn't have his faults and this was one of them. "But you're right, what he did was stupid. And even if he has a good reason, it doesn't excuse what he did."

"I don't think he reacted like that to hurt you. Alex's crazy about you, any one can see it. He just made a serious error in judgment." Karen pointed out with her eyebrows raised as she took a sip of coffee. I didn't know her that well but I was glad that she was here trying to offer me her own brand of comfort. Sometimes a person didn't always need the hugging type of comfort, sometimes all it took was someone not so close to you saying something out of left field that got through to you. "You're not a little girl despite how Jeff sees you, you know how men are. And as women, we need to remember that guys act and react weirdly for reasons that don't always make sense."

"Yea, I'll try to remember that the next time Alex does something hurtful." I sighed, leaning back in my seat with my fingers combing through my hair. "It's just been rough on me, on him. I don't think he can handle this. This wasn't what he signed up for when got involved with me..."

"No relationship is perfect and even if it starts out pretty well, it rarely tends to stay that way. Every couple has their ups and downs." Jeff spoke up from the doorway, gaining both of our focus when he walked across the white tiled floor to come sit by his wife, his hand immediately reaching over to take hers. It reminded me of how Alex use to do the same thing. "Yes Alex didn't see this coming and it will take time to get use to and strike a balance but it will settle down eventually. He just has to realize pushing you away is not the way to deal with it. And trust me when I say that he will understand that."

"You called him didn't you?" I asked, rolling my eyes when Jeff's face went guilty but I found that I wasn't mad about it at all. In fact, at the back of my mind I should have expected he would do just that. And when Karen and I had been talking, I could just pick up the muffled sounds of Jeff's raised voice a few rooms over. He must have been giving Alex a piece of his mind. "And you yelled at him, didn't you?"

"He hurt your feelings, and if I can't kill him then the least I can do is yell at the little punk." Jeff frowned, but both Karen and I smiled at the tone he used as he was obviously still in that parental mode judging by what he said next. "And I don't know what he's thinking because I didn't let him really talk, but if you don't want to go back to your house then you are more then welcome to stay here..."

"No, that's too much of an offer and I can't accept it. It's sweet of you guys to be that kind but I'm a big girl, I don't need to be hiding out at someone's house. So thank you but no thanks." I had to smile at their generosity, not expecting anything less from them. Karen was just as nice and gracious as Jeff was and I knew I always had them to lean on if I needed it. But staying overnight at their house when they had their kids there was just too much. I wouldn't intrude on them like that. I looked at both their faces and stood up. "Actually I'm getting kind of tired, so I think I might..."

I didn't get a chance to say goodbye because the three of us heard the front door open and close before a set of heavy footsteps came towards the kitchen. It obviously wasn't an intruder since this person knew exactly where to go but it still made me tense up when the figure rounded the corner and came into view and of course it ended up being Alex that stood there before us. Why wouldn't it be Alex? As if the universe wasn't mean enough, it had to send him here to Jeff's house for what I knew was going to be a confrontation and there was no way in hell I was going to let that happen in Jeff's house.

"I told you not to show up here." Jeff said warningly, eying Alex with a glare even though he had to have known that Alex would come over after he had spoken to him on the phone. But it didn't stop Jeff from being annoyed. "Look this isn't the..."

"It's ok Jeff, it's not a big deal." I assured the protective looking man across the table from me. I shot him a look to show I could handle it even though I just wanted to fall apart on the inside but I held it together. I couldn't lose my shit in Jeff's house even though I didn't want to be facing Alex this soon after his rejection. It took all I had I force myself to walk across the room toward him. "What do you want?"

"We need to talk. Like seriously talk." He said in a low voice, his hands raising like he wanted to grab me away but he held back, probably sensing that I didn't want him to touch me right now. "Can we go outside or something?"

"Jeff, Karen? I'm leaving, thanks for everything." I called over my shoulder at them and waved before walking past Alex towards the door and I could hear him following practically at my heels. I didn't say anything to him until we were both outside and had the door closed behind us. "I'm not talking to you here, meet me back at the house."

"Savannah I'm sorr..." Alex began to say but I covered his mouth with my hand to cut him off.

"At the house." I repeated, taking back my hand with a shake of my head and then headed to my car, not knowing how this was going to end.

* * *

><p><em><span>Back at the house<span>_

"I don't know how many times I have to say I'm sorry to get you to forgive me and you're probably sick of hearing it, but I really am sorry..."

I sat back against the cushions of my couch with my arms crossed over me and my eyes following Alex as he paced back and forth across the carpet in front of me, apologizing over and over again for his actions earlier tonight and as much as I didn't want to hear it I just let him go on as he had been doing since we came back to my house. I was unsure of whether I could handle facing him alone after what he did but nonetheless I allowed him to sit me down while he went off on a wild tangent of different ways to say he was sorry. And while I was amused slightly at the dozen of words he was able to come up with, I still wasn't satisfied since I still didn't understand why he had done it in the first place and he had yet to give it. He must have realized I was losing my patience because he stopped apologizing and sat down on the couch next to me, with his arm stretched out across the back of it like he wanted to be able to grab me quick if he chose to.

"Ok, I should have probably talked to you about this a long time ago but I was too chicken to admit to it and now it all dissolved into shit and I'm trying to fix it. And I guess I should have done that rather then walk out on you." He said, looking uncomfortable as he always did when it came to discussing his feelings even to me but with out encounter earlier, this was all the more hard for him. And I couldn't help but take a little pity on him for that. He settled me with a stare so intense, but not as intense as what he said. "I was scared."

"You were scared?" I asked, frowning at his words and feeling more confused then I was before he started talking. "You were scared of having sex with me?"

"No, no it wasn't like that at all. Trust me, I wanted to have sex with you. A lot more then I showed you before." He pressed his lips together tightly but I could see the smallest traces of a smirk there. "I was scared of scaring you."

"I don't understand." I was getting more puzzled by the second. Alex was scared of scaring me? What was that suppose to mean? What was he worried about scaring me? I looked at him fully for the first time since we entered the house and said. "I was the one trying to initiate it, so I don't understand how you think that you would be scaring me."

"I'm just going to be completely honest here. The reason I haven't wanted to be intimate with you was not because I didn't want you or wasn't attracted to you. It was because I was terrified of making you remember the rape. I thought that being the same way I was with you before you told me was going to make you think of the rape even more then you already do. I didn't want to put you through that." He explained in a low voice, his words slicing through me like cold knives and something about his tone hit a nerve inside of me and I felt my eyes water up for the second time that night in his presence. Alex moved closer to me, the first time he had voluntarily done that since I let my secret out and I felt his hands reach out to unfold my arms so he could take my hands. "Savannah, you have no idea how much I want you every day and night of my life. But you've been hurt so badly and in ways that I can't heal you from. I wasn't going to be selfish by behaving like my old self now that you were finally being honest about what was wrong."

"I get that, I really do. But you should have just told me that, not pushed me away." I had to swallow back the tears that threatened to spill over as I looked into his eyes. I wasn't going to lie, I was touched that he would worry that deeply about me. And it did make a lot of sense, Alex had always been sensitive to what bothered me and it guess it was only natural to assume the act of sex would bother me after talking about the rape for the first time in years. I allowed him to keep holding on to me but I wasn't about to let him off the hook so easily. "I opened myself up to you, I made myself vulnerable to the deepest degree and that was something I haven't done since the rape. I wanted to be with you and you just pushing me away like that was like you saying that you didn't want me any more. Do you have any idea how much that hurt me?"

"I know, I know. And I'm a sorry..."

"I'm not done yet, this needs to all come out in the open so we have our cards straight. And I want to be clear with you, sex with you has never reminded me of the rape. Not once in the all the times we have been together over the past 2 years have I ever thought about it when we slept together. If anything, it made me happy. And that was not something I thought was possible after the rape, but it was with you. You made me happy..." I felt the first of the tears roll down from my eyes but instead of wiping them away, Alex just pulled my into his lap and wrapped his arms around me as I cried into his shoulder. I missed having him hold me like this, comforting me with his embrace as I cried. It hadn't happened in so long and I was reminded of that fact now as we sat locked together in each others arms. "Alex, sex with you has always been one of the things that has kept me going this long, and in some ways it has even healed me. But mostly it has made me forget just for a few hours during those times that I was raped, I felt normal when I was with you. And it proved that not every guy was like Randy, that you would never hurt me the way he did. But then you make me feel almost as horrible as he did that night when you walked away from me..."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I never wanted to make you feel like that. I thought I was doing the right thing but I guess I was really mistaken." He answered back in a near whisper, his voice tickling my ear and blowing my hair back as I pulled away to look at him in the eye and he brought his hand to my face and asked me pleadingly. "What can I do? Tell me what yo need from me to make this right..."

"I need to be close to you like before so I know thing won't change." I replied through a heavy sigh that I could no longer hold back. It was crazy to say that because things had changed. How could they not after what I revealed? But I didn't want them to change anymore then they had. I touched my fingers to his hand that was still on my face. "If I didn't want that or I was afraid to be close to you then I wouldn't try and have sex with you. I don't want distance with you, I'm trying to hold on to for dear life but I need you to want me still..."

"Trust me, I want you. I will always want you." He whispered, grabbing my chin in his hand and bringing his lips against mine before I felt him press me against the couch cushions with his hands at the hem of my shirt...

_60 minutes later_

"Are you scared at all?" Alex asked me an hour later as we laid naked under the blanket on the couch with my cheek against his bare chest and his fingers lightly tracing the curvature of my spine as I laid against him in happy contentment. Alex had given in to me just like I had been wanting him to do for weeks now and even though it wasn't the same lovemaking that we were use to, it still fulfilled me with an empowering feeling that I drank up like the most delicious wine. He was more gentle then I was use to, treating my body as if it were our first time together and I was a virgin. It was sweet and nice and even though it wasn't like before, I knew it was a start. The past hour had been about reconnecting with each other and reconnect we did. I couldn't be happier, so when Alex asked me what I was scared of, I propped my chin up on his chest to look at him as he went on. "I mean, I told you what I was scared of and I just wanted to know what you were scared of."

"Well besides the obvious of ever coming into contact with Randy Orton again, I have to say my biggest fear would be not being with you." I answered honestly, sitting up as best as I could with my legs draped over his body and the blanket edges tucked under my arms. "I know this wasn't what you thought you would have to deal with when you got involved with me and it was a lot harder to take on then I think any of us thought. And the truth is it will probably get harder at times and that will take a toll on both of us. And I guess what I'm saying is that I know that. So if you want an out, then I ask that you take it now..."

"You're saying that if I can't handle this then we should just end it now?" Alex frowned like the thought had never even occurred to him until I said and he too sat up, his hands coming over to cup my crossed knees. "If I couldn't handle it then I would have walked away a long time ago. But I didn't and even though I don't always react well, I will get better at figuring our how to deal."

"I'm just saying if you're ever thinking that this is too much then I would rather you leave now instead of waiting 6 months down the road to do it. Prolonging it would just make it hurt more..."I squeezed my eyes shut because the thought of not having Alex in my life the way he was now was just too much to bear. But at least if I knew it now then I could get over over rather then having him stay only to find out he didn't really want to be with me. "I don't want you to force yourself to stay with me because you feel like you have to..."

"I'm with you because I want to be, not because I feel obligated. I want to be with you, I always have and I always will. And just because I mess up and do stupid things from time to time, it doesn't change the fact that I want you. I will never walk away no matter what gets thrown in front of us. Do you understand me?" Alex's hand brushed against my face and I opened my eyes to find his face nearly against mine as he took me in his arms again and kissed me sweetly on the lips. "I love you and I'm not ever going to leave you. You're stuck with me forever so deal with it."

"You're such a goofball." I laughed for what felt like the first time in forever as I laid my forehead against his and held on to him tightly. "Do you think we can move on from this and try to be happy?"

"It's possible if we make a pact to be honest from now on." He nodded, his lips brushing against my nose as he spoke. "And by dealing with our problems, not avoiding them."

"What do you mean?"

"We've both been avoiding things and that's why our relationship hasn't been going smoothly for a long time. I've been avoiding sex with you and voiding explaining why. That was my mistake." He explained, kissing me one last time before laying against the arm of the couch with his hands behind his head. "And you've been avoiding dealing with the rape since it happened, even after you told us, you still did nothing and that was your mistake. I confronted my avoidance and now you have to do the same. So you actually have a shot at being happy."

"And how am I suppose to do that?" I asked, running my hands through my messy hair and looked at him even though I had a feeling I knew what the answer would be.

"Well to start with...You need to tell your family."

**A/N: Man this chapter was tough to right but it was also one of my favorites. Now the crisis has passed and they are back on the same page and i will tell you that the next chapter is just awesome because it is more light-hearted then anything else in this fic. And its hilarious. PLease review!**


	13. I'll drink to that

**Chapter 13 I'll drink to that**

_You should tell your family_...

I was thinking about this a week later as I sat on a chair in Jeff's backyard at his BBQ that he had invited me to along with Alex and Chris and even though a full week had passed since Alex had spoken those words to me, I still couldn't get them out of my mind. Mostly because I knew he had point, no matter how much I had wanted to disagree in the beginning when he first said it. He hadn't talked about it since then because things were finally starting to get better between us and not the fake kind of good we had been putting on for a while. It was generally great with us, like it had been before he knew about the rape but better because we were being honest with each other and not hiding anything. Yea, we still fought and disagreed but we got over it and things were happy and calm and I liked it like that. He did too and I think that's why he didn't bring up the topic of telling my family again even though I knew he probably wanted to.

"Daddy!" A small girl's voice called across the yard and I recognized it as Jeryn, Jeff's youngest daughter and I turned my head to see her running across the yard towards him looking like all she wanted to do was be in his arms. And the moment Jeff turned around and saw her coming, he scooped her right up in her arms even though she was no longer a little girl but he still did it anyway. I watched as the little blonde wrapped her arms around him and simply said. "I love you Daddy."

I felt the corners of my mouth turn up at this open display of affection from daughter to father, finding it so sweet and so rare that kids would say this to their parents. It also reminded me of how I had done the exact same thing with my father, back when I was fighting so hard to win his approval and affection and there had been a very rare moment when my father actually let down the stern outer wall he so often had up and let me see the softer side of him. I wasn't a kid at the time but I wasn't an adult. I was just in the middle of my teenage years and had come late one night and walked in to find my dad at the dining room table doing paper work and I felt my face light up in shock. Not because he was doing paperwork, but because he was actually home from the road and it had been the first time I had seen him in weeks. I had run up to him in a way I hadn't done since I was a child and hugged him and said I loved him. He had been so taken aback since none of us had done anything like that in years, but I could tell he was touched because I saw the rare and real smile of Vince McMahon and I don't think I ever saw it again since. But that moment I still cherished to this day...

"Oh boy, she's smiling again. Alert the media." Jeff's teasing voice came at me just now and I looked up to see him dropping down into the empty chair next to me with a beer in his hand and a smile on his face. "What's with the happiness all of a sudden?"

"It's just been a good week that's all." I replied, taking a sip of my ice tea and then looked around the area before asking. "Where's Goldilocks?"

"Running off to play with her sisters. I swear, sometimes it's like I have three sons rather then three daughters." He chuckled, sitting back with his legs stretched out in front of him and a bright smile on his lips like the proud father that he was. No matter how crazy his home life got and despite all the struggles he had since the passing of his first wife, Jeff always remained first and foremost a good dad. He adored those three girls like nothing else and would do anything for them. That was the epitome of a good man in my eyes, if he can put his kids ahead of his own needs each and every time without fail then he was a real man. Jeff saw me smiling at him and asked. "What?"

"Nothing, it's just...I saw you with Jeryn just now and it was so sweet. It reminded me of how I once was with my own dad but it was more of a reminder of how much more you have been a dad to me then he was." I grinned, reaching over to squeeze his hand gently. I loved my dad of course, even to this day I loved him despite him out casting me from the family. But even before that, he wasn't the father I had always hoped to have. It was always a struggle with Vince to make him proud and keep up appearances and it all became too much, another reason why I couldn't stay in the WWE after the rape. The pressure to be perfect for my dad was just too much. But when I came here to Orlando and was reunited with Jeff for the first time in years, I found that father that I was looking for, which was ironic since he detested everyone in my family for the multitude of things that had happened to him and his friends over the years. But Jeff never hated me. Maybe it was because I was the youngest, maybe it was because I had such a radically different personality from everyone in my family. Either reason, he became the paternal figure I had always been seeking and even if things were ever patched up with my family, Jeff would always remain my true father in my eyes. I shook my head and smiled again. "You're a good father, you know that right? Not just to your girls,but to me too..."

"Trust me I know that. You make it very obvious to me every time we're together." Jeff replied with a happy sigh, patting my hand in response. "And I do feel like you are my daughter, which is funny because I hate your family. But I don't hate you, you don't even act like a McMahon.."

"Hmm, maybe it's the blonde hair. Maybe you keep mistaken me for a Jarrett." I giggled, flicking my hair off my shoulder, once again amazed that I was the only McMahon sibling born with our mom's hair color. I always thought of how odd it looked in pictures of me with Shane and Stephanie being blonde while they had brunette hair, we didn't even look like siblings. I looked at Jeff with a grin. "Can you imagine how pissed my father would be if he heard this conversation right now?"

"The old man would blow a hair plug after two seconds and then try to beat my ass, so yea it is easy to imagine." Jeff shot back with a chuckle as we both leaned back in our chairs and stared at the lowering sun with sighs in unison. The sounds of the small party going on behind us was muffled and everything was peaceful. Jeff turned his head towards me. "Still happy?"

"Very happy."

* * *

><p><em><span>An hour later<span>_

"Ok, drinks all around!"

"Oh shit, the got to the alcohol first." I grumbled after coming out of the bathroom and finding the boys already grabbing their second round of beer and heading for the living room to drink the night away. We had only been back at my house for 30 minutes after leaving Jeff's house and already they were letting the alcohol flow. They had only had 2 beers at the BBQ because they didn't want to drink too much around Jeff's daughters, but as we were leaving and I was driving home, I said we could drink at my place and they cheered like children at that announcement. So when we finally got inside and I slipped away to use the bathroom, they had already pulled out the beer and brought up two bottles of wine from the basement. This I knew was going to be the start of a long night and I just hoped I was prepared for it. I went to grab a glass and poured myself a glass of wine before I went to join the boys. "This is going to be a wild time."

"You said it." Chris stated when I walked in and as I passed by him o n the way to the couch, he clinked his bottle against my glass. "Now let's toast to a good time."

"I'll drink to that." I replied with a smirk, rolling my eyes at Chris's tendency to always make it a good time when the three of us were together but I appreciated his energy. If there was every a period in my life when I needed something like this, then it was now. I went to go sit next to Alex who had a beer in each hand and shook my head. "You look like you're ready for tonight."

"You're damn right I am." He wiggled his eyebrows at me, reminding me just how carefree he was when we first met all those years ago. He was still that guy now even though this side of him didn't always come out nowadays. But we had struck a balance finally in our lives and I was glad to see him having a normal carefree time with me and our best friend. "Are you ready for tonight?"

"We'll see in a few hours if I catch up to to you two." I nodded to him and then to Chris who was sprawled out on the floor with a mouthful of alcohol, already ahead of everyone on having a good time. Alex wasn't far behind him and as I watched the two of them knock back their beers and laugh, I was reminded of another night I had with two people that had been just like this.

It was my birthday, I had just turned 21 and my parents had taken me out to dinner that night to celebrate. But when they decided to go home afterward, my brother and sister took it upon themselves to to drag me out to a bar for the next few hours to properly celebrate my new found legality to drink alcohol. I don't know how much money they spent on booze but it was enough to probably put a nice dent in our parents credit card. It was the first time I had ever gotten drunk and I didn't remember much after my first 4 drinks but from what Stephanie told me, I was a very loud and hyper drunk which I never would have thought of. Before I blacked out, I did remember sitting at a table with her and Shane and thinking this was probably one of the only times when we were all actually having a good times and weren't fighting each other for the spotlight in our family. That was something that had never gone away even after we were all in adulthood, so I remember cherishing that night of drinking with my siblings since we most likely wouldn't have all that much time to spend together after that. So I vowed to have a good time and they did too. Although I was the only one to actually get completely wasted, they stayed sober enough to get me into the car with our driver and get me home where I passed out in the front hallway of our house. When I woke up, Stephanie had put a damp washcloth on my forehead to cool me down and I remember her smiling at me and saying she was proud that I could knock my drinks back like a champ. I had said thank you before proceeding to throw up in her lap and thoroughly disgusting her. It was a great night.

"What are you smiling at?" Alex asked me, bringing me back to the present where I saw him and Chris had replaced their empty bottles with new ones. Alex was still beside me but judging by the look in his eyes, I could tell he was on his way to getting buzzed. He nudged me with his elbow. "Thinking of something funny?"

"Oh yea...something very funny."

* * *

><p><em><span>A few hours later<span>_

"Ok, this was a very bad idea to let them get this wasted." I murmured to myself as I stood in the doorway of the living room with a bottle of water in my hand and watched the two men flailing around my living room like children in front of me. I should have held back on letting the alcohol flow so freely as it had been since we came back here but the boys were insistent on having a good time and I wasn't going to spoil their fun. So as they drank up the two bottles of wine I had brought up from the basement and the case of beer in my fridge and knocked back the bottle of tequila I had in the back of the cabinet, I just had my one glass of wine and stuck to water and watched the two of them get drunker and more out of character then I had ever seen them. They had been drunk in front of me before plenty of times but never to this degree and knowing the killer hangovers they would have in the morning, that kept me from indulging in their fun play. I would just be the sober and innocent bystander. I was brought out of my head by the sound of something hitting the floor and when I focused my eyes in front of me, I had to choke back a laugh. "Chris! What the fuck are you doing?"

"TEBOWING!" He shouted, falling to his knees and proceeded to slam his closed fist into his forehead. But he misjudged the force and knocked himself sideways into the bookshelves and was rained on by a pile of books, one of which hit him in the head. Luckily it was just a paperback and when it was calm and he was looking at me, he shot me a goofy grin. "I guess not."

"Oh dear sweet God." I hit myself in the forehead with the heel of my hand, wondering if I should have called for back up. But the truth was that while they were tough to handle, they weren't so much of a problem that I couldn't handle it on my own. It would just take a lot of patience. "Chris, you need to just stay down there for a while before you hurt yourself."

"Who?" He asked, looking up at me through his dazed vision before shaking his head and fell over on to the carpet with a laugh.

I had to laugh at how clumsy Chris was getting because his behavior reminded me so much of my brother when I saw him drunk for the first time. Shane was normally so in control of himself and he rarely ever let loose, that much I remember about him. Except for one night when Stephanie and I took him to dinner and he ended up bowing to our pressure and drank an entire bottle of wine that he purposely charged to our father's credit card. Now Shane wasn't much of a drinker at the time, so when he sucked back that entire bottle of Pinot Grigio, it hit him fairly hard and he ended stumbling out of the restaurant at the end of the night. His balance was off so much that he fell into a parking meter and ended up needing 5 stitches in his head. Shane was a clumsy drunk and seeing Chris act the same way right now was reminding me of my brother and I couldn't help but smile at the thought. Shane would always get mad when we brought it up to him but I knew he secretly thought it was funny too even though he would pretend to get annoyed.

"Hey! Don't laugh at me, I am a very entertaining drunk." Chris frowned as he got back to his feet, looking mad when I laughed at him and went to take a shaky step forward but he tripped over his feet and went flying down to the floor. He didn't seem all that fazed by his sudden spill because when he looked up, he cheered. "Face plant!"

"As if this night could get any better." I whispered, turning away from Chris to look for Alex and my eyes landed on the corner of the living room where Alex was standing on wobbly legs in front of a plant. "Uh Alex..."

"Savannah! You're finally speaking to me, I thought you were still mad." He yelled in to the branch of the small tree and his drunken features lit up so much that it occurred to me that he thought I was tree and it was talking. And I though I couldn't laugh any harder then I already had. But I did when Alex began having a conversation with the tree version of me. "Oh my God baby I love you so much. I know I fuck up but I love you like a mother fucker."

"You tell her Alex." Chris yelled up from the floor, rolling over and right into the coffee table. "Ow, you cheeky bastard."

"Oh so you're British now?" I asked even though he probably wouldn't even hear me and of course he didn't. This would go on for a while so I wasn't even going to bother cleaning up until I knew for sure that they were down for the night. So I just settled down at one end of the sofa and watched them in amusement from a safe distance away. They would eventually tire out and I could get them into bed but until then I was just going to stay right where I was and get a kick out of this. I was watching Alex and Chris both trying and failing to put each other in a headlock before they rolled away from each other and into the wall and I just smiled.

Life for the moment wasn't sad or angry or regretful or full of pain. Life right now was full of happy drunk boys in my house doing crazy things to make me laugh. And I couldn't be more grateful for it.

* * *

><p><em><span>An hour later<span>_

"OK you guys really need to calm down and sit still. Drink some coffee and sober up a little bit will you?" I rolled my eyes as Alex and Chris continued to run around amok in my living room and occasionally ran into this things that I knew would be a chore to clean up in the morning due to the sounds of things hitting the floor. It sounded like books were being dropped and in my house that mean that it was a lot. But that didn't bother me as it would other people and I had seen Alex and Chris do worse then this when they were less drunk. So as long as they didn't hurt themselves or each other then it was all good. But what was not all good was what they were doing now. They had so far remained in one part of the house but not they were stumbling over to the sliding glass door that lead out on to the porch. I left my spot by the kitchen doorway and went after them. "What the hell are you guys doing? Get back here, it's raining out side."

They didn't listen to me of course, they were far too gone to listen to reason. So by the time I went out after them and stood under the shelter of the porch, they were already out in the rain getting soaked. It wasn't a bad storm but they were already hard enough to deal with inside and now that they were out here, it was going to take a lot of effort to get them back inside. I should have gone right out there to grab them but they looked like there were having far too much fun sliding on the grass like it was a slip n slide, dancing exactly how would you imagine drunk people would dance and just laughing like they had never had this much fun before in their life. They wouldn't remember it with how much they had been drinking but for the moment, they were enjoying themselves and I didn't have the heart to tell them to stop. They just look like two goofy kids.

And before I could even think to stop, I found myself thinking about how I did this very thing with my brother and sister back when we were younger. Back when we were all close and time hadn't had a chance to ruin everything.

It was the summer after I had graduated from high-school, we were all spending the week at our childhood home in Stanford while our parents were out on the road with the company. Stephanie and Shane were suppose to be setting a good example for me but instead broke into the liquor cabinet and we all got a little buzzed on our mom's favorite white wine. Not enough to get fully drunk, because my parents would kill them if they found out Steph and Shane had given me alcohol, but it was enough so that when a small storm hit that afternoon we all ran outside to dance in the back yard. It was stupid and silly and none of us had done anything that childish since we were actually kids but we didn't care. That was one of the rare times the three of us actually got along and weren't fighting each other for our parents attention. That day were were just siblings hanging out and having fun together and I couldn't remember a time after that when we were that happy. Because after that things got more complicated. Shane and Steph focused on work and their families and I went off to college and started my wrestling training. But even before our lives changed that drastically, we had never spent all that much time together. Of course I knew they loved me and I loved them, but in our family there was a lot of pride and selfishness and attention seeking. I could always count on them when I was younger and in trouble. But now I was an adult and we had grown too far apart to ever have the relationship we should have had.

And watching Alex and Chris drunkenly play in the rain reminded me of that sobering fact, but it also reminded me of that day in the rain with my brother and sister. And I smiled, feeling that brief happiness fill me from my head all the way down to my toes.

"OK guys, that's enough. Come inside before you get sick." I yelled out to their soaked forms after catching sight of them slipping on the grass in a particularly dangerous way and now was more worried about them breaking an arm or leg then I was about them being sick. Luckily for me they seemed to have grown tired of this and were started to move back towards the house and me. I saw Alex stumbling up the steps and I automatically reached out to keep him from falling. He grabbed on to me just as I grabbed a hold of him. "Jeez Alex, get a hold of yourself."

"Why should I? You're doing the job for me. Or at least you might, later in bed..." Alex started snickering in such a juvenile way that I couldn't even say anything in response and just started dragging him towards the back door. Chris was sprawled out on his back on the porch near the stairs with his eyes wide open. I would have to come back for him but first Alex needed to be pushed inside the house. I kept my arm around his waist as we walked but just as I was grabbing the door handle, he spoke again. "Can I...uh ask you a serious question.."

"Yea alright but don't breathe on me, your breath is horrible right now." I turned my face away as I yanked the door open and started pulling him inside. As long as he stayed inside then I would consider this a victory. I had to practically shove him down to the floor just to get him through the doorway and still he looked at me with those wide drunken eyes of his that went unblinking for so long that I sat back with a frown. "What?"

"Will you let me impregnate you?" He asked as simply as a child would asking for a cookie. But Alex's words came out wobbly and slurring and yet I could understand him loud and clear. His statement went right through me, touching on a tiny but still flaming desire I never given much thought to before until he mentioned it. He grabbed my wrist clumsily and pulled me close to him. "Will you please have my babies?"

"Alex, you're drunk. When you're sober and thinking straight, then we'll talk." I replied, pulling my arm away and watched as he fell to the floor with a goofy dazed look in his eyes. He wasn't going to be going anywhere for a while and I as I turned back to go out side and grab Chris, I couldn't help but look at Alex again and just wonder.

Even in his drunken state, was there any truth to Alex's statement? One day down the road, would he want to have kids with me?

* * *

><p><em><span>The next morning<span>_

"Oh man, those two boys really did a number on my living room." I said with a cringe, clutching my mug of steaming hot coffee as I looked around with wide eyes at the messy destruction that had been taken out on the room and vowed never to let those guys get that drunk in my house ever again. I stepped on the remote to my flat screen television on my way to the bookshelves where nearly every book had been thrown to the floor at some point during the night and set my mug down on the table with a shake of my head. "I would kill them if they weren't so funny last night."

It was early in the morning, probably only around 7:30 which meant that both Alex and Chris were still in bed and would continue to be for at least another few hours. When those two guys got drunk together they went all out and it wrecked havoc on their systems so it took until about mid morning before they could drag themselves out of bed and be productive. I on the other hand had just stuck to the one glass of wine and then water or coffee after that so I was able to get up at a normal hour to access the damage. And luckily it was more of a mess rather then actual destruction and with Alex and Chris still snoring away upstairs, I would be able to get most of this cleaned up before they saw the extent of their drunkenness and felt guilty.

I left the bookcase for the moment and went to put the cushions back on the couch which had gone flying off all over the place when Alex and Chris came back in from dancing in the rain and decided it would be fun to build a fort in the living room. I tossed the pillows back into place and picked up the remote and found the batteries lying somewhere over by the front door. I set the potted plants back in the corners of the room by the doors and swept up the dirt on the wood floor. Then I went back and tackled the bookshelves which ended up being the longer task since I had so many books and I had arranged them in a specific order and it would take a while to put them in place again. 20 minutes later I was just putting the last of the books on the shelf when I heard a door open upstairs and a pair of footsteps come down the stairs and I was going to guess that it was Chris since he had passed out first and might have been the one just a little less drunk even though they both were on the same high buzz. But when the guy turned the corner into the living room, I was wrong. It was actually Alex, with his dark hair askew, his black t shirt hanging off one shoulder, and his sweatpants hanging low on his hips. A look in his eyes said that he was aware of things more clearly then he was last night, but he was nursing a pretty serious hangover as he came in and dropped himself down on the just fixed couch.

"I feel like shit, don't ever let me drink that much ever again." He groaned, covering his eyes with his arm to block out what little light there was in the room as he propped his feet up on the coffee table and asked. "And why did I wake up just now in the guest room, spooning Chris?"

"Because you decided you two didn't spend enough time together and you needed to reclaim your closeness." I said with a snicker, remembering how I had woken up without Alex in the bed next to me and had ended up finding him in the guest room down the hall where he was cuddled up behind Chris with his arm over his waist. It was quite possibly the cutest thing ever and I of course took pictures of it to use as blackmail for a time down the road. But Alex obviously didn't remember sneaking in there judging by the bewildered expression on his face. " I have pictures if you want to jog your memory."

"Uh, no thanks. I think I'm better off not knowing how that all went down." He fell over on to his side and hid his face in a pillow as I grabbed my coffee cup and sat down on the couch next to his head and waited for him to look up at me. And when he did, he asked. "So...just how crazy did it get last night?"

"Well, let's just say that you and Chris were in rare form. I don't think I have ever seen anyone get as drunk as you two did. If it wasn't the constant yelling and tripping and falling face first on the carpet then it was your antics that upped the ante." I shook my head, trying to suppress a laugh butt it was nearly impossible. Despite the mess I had just had to clean up, the way Alex and Chris acted was just so hilarious that I couldn't get mad or annoyed at them. I looked at Alex's expectant face and went on. "Ok, when you and Chris weren't throwing cushions around and destroying my bookshelves, you were talking to a plant that you thought was me and kept on confessing your love. Chris was blasted and kept on falling down but luckily he didn't hurt himself. And then when I was trying to force you both to drink coffee, you ran outside and went sliding on the grass in the rain like a bunch of children. But then after that I was able to get you both upstairs and sometime during the night you left me and crawled into bed with Chris."

"Oh shit, that was a whirlwind. And I barely remember any of it." Alex dropped his face back down in the pillow while I drank half of my coffee in one big gulp, trying not to laugh again. As crazy and as long as the night was, I don't remember the last time I laughed that hard. It was a moment far too rare. Alex lifted his head again and said apologetically. "I'm sorry you had to deal with us being such nutcases."

"Oh no, trust me. You shouldn't be sorry at all. I haven't been that amused in months." I assured him, reaching over to run my fingers through his dark hair and smiled when he sighed in contentment. He loved when I played with his hair, just as I loved it when he did it to me. I continued to ruffle my fingers through it before I said. "There's one more amusing antidote I might have forgotten to mention."

"And what would that be? I didn't like..try to make out with Chris did I?" He asked, sounding horrified as his face shot up to look at me but I was already shaking my head and he practically sank back down to the couch in relief. "Well thank God. But if it wasn't something crazy like that then why didn't you say it already?"

"I saved the best for last, that's why." I replied gleefully, sitting up with my legs tucked under me as Alex rolled over on his back and laid his head in my lap. I grinned at him and touch my hand to his head. "This is great, because you my darling Alex asked me to have your babies."

"Oh shit, I am completely and utterly mortified right now." Alex covered his face with his hands and let out a loud groan that was only muffled by his fingers. I smirked at this reaction, finding amusement in this side of him which was quite a change from how he was just days ago. He dropped his hands and looked at me with a tense but slightly interested look on his face. "Sorry about that. But just out of curiosity...Did you reciprocate?"

"Don't you wish you could remember?" I said teasingly rolling my eyes down at him but internally I was thinking that it opened up a thought I knew we would end up discussing some time down the road if things worked out with us. It's not like I hadn't thought about my future but after the rape it was very hard for me to imagine what I wanted in 2-5 years time. But then after I got involved with Alex, slowly but surely thoughts of the future came up and I guess I always thought that if I ever had kids then it would be with him. The idea of having Alex's babies filled me with a more feeling of being alive then I ever thought possible. But it just wasn't our time to do that. Not just because of things coming out about the rape or how I would have to eventually tell my family, but it also because we were both still very young and busy with our careers and I wasn't ready to just take time off yet. But when the right time came, then yea. I would absolutely love to have kids with this man. I smiled down at him. "I think I have my hands full with you and Chris. You both are like kids and I think that's enough for now."

"Fine be vague." He pretended to look offended but he was laughing along with me before the act of it made his head hurt and he curled up next to me with a groan as I pat his shoulder in silence. The guest room door opened again and a second pair of feet came down the hall way and stopped at the top of the stairs before a groggy voice called out.

"Did Alex spoon me last night?"

**A/N: I have to say this chapter was the most fun to write. Mostly because everything in this chapter actually happened. I was in savannah's place watching my two guy friends get drunk off their ass and that is a true life account of what happened that night. Hope you enjoy it, please review !**


	14. Can't find my way home

**Chapter 14 Can't find my way home**

"So I've been thinking..." I stopped talking for a second and looked around at the three men surrounding me to see if they were paying attention to me. And just as I suspected Alex and Chris and Jeff had their focus entirely on me and I think it was based on the tone of my voice. When I had even the slightest edge of seriousness in my voice, they snapped to attention quicker then anyone because they knew whatever I had to say was something big. And right now was no exception, it was quite possibly the most serious thing I had to talk about besides revealing the rape. But this was on another level because it involved doing something I should have done 2 years ago. It involved the very thing that Alex had told me to do over a week ago when we finally found common ground and that was to talk to my family. I looked around at their faces and sat back in my seat with my arms crossed. "I'm thinking that I might tell my family about the rape."

"Are you serious?" Alex was the first to speak just like I knew he would and I saw his face light up in shock that I was actually going to take his advice and follow through on his suggestion. There was a sense of triumph in his features that I knew wasn't there to be rubbed in my face. It was more that he was thrilled that I was taking charge of my life for once and not sitting back anymore. "You're going to do it? You're actually going to tell your family?"

"Yea, I am. I just wanted to know what you guys thought about it." I stated, running my fingers through my hair and directing the conversation at them so I wasn't under such a microscope, I hated that feeling more then anything. "Do you think its crazy that I'm doing this after over 2 years of no contact?"

"Not at all, it would be crazy if you never did it. At least you're trying." Jeff pointed out with a smile that I only saw when he was feeling proud of something I was doing in my personal life and this was a big thing. Jeff knew I wasn't the type to put myself out there in this type of situation because it was so scary after so much time had gone by and normally I would have just said no way. But I was attempting to bridge the gap in my life and I knew Jeff of all people would be happy. "So how do you plan on doing this? I don't think you'll get much of a response if you just call them up."

"Yea I think that too which is why I decided I'm going to do it in person, so they are forced to talk to me..." I felt my heart flutter at the thought that the first time I see my parents and brother and sister, that it would be to tell them I had been raped and that they had no clue it had even happened. It was going to be difficult and tough on everyone but despite the discomfort, I knew I had to push through it. Alex had been right, if I wanted a shot at being really happy then I had to do this. "I found out through a lot of phone calls last night that they're in the state for a tour and I found out where their hotel is..."

"That's good, that's really good. Confronting them in person is the best way to go." Chris piped up, sitting up at the edge of his lawn chair and leaning over with his arms across his knees. "They may have been dicks and just hung up on you if you called."

"Especially my dad, he's the most stubborn of all." I grimaced, looking at Jeff as I said this and saw a similar expression on his face. He was the only one out of the other two who knew how horrible my father was to deal with and I knew he shared my sentiment about how bad the reaction would be. "But I have to go through with it and it's better that I do it now and get it over with. So I'm going to go, but I think I want to go alone..."

"Oh hell no, no way." Alex shook his head rapidly, his face becoming a blur as he moved. "You're not going there alone. Are you crazy?"

"No, I just think I need to do this by myself." I frowned, sending him a look of disbelief. This was quite a turnabout from how he was being just days ago. He had been so encouraging for me to do this and now he was saying I was nuts for wanting to go alone? "Why is that so wrong?"

"It's not wrong, not at all." Jeff said, shaking his head in an effort to show that he was on my side in this matter and not so much on Alex's side. Jeff was always pushing me to be more independent and to take charge more so when he said this, I sent him a smile. "I think it's great. Alex is just being ridiculous..."

" And I don't think he meant it the way it sounded..." Chris jumped in, probably sensing that this was on its way to disintegrating into an argument. "He probably just is concerned that..."

"Don't sugarcoat it, I think she is crazy for thinking it's ok to go to a hotel full of her ex co-workers without at least one of us there. It's just not going to happen." Alex hissed, his voice coming out more harsh then concerned. But I knew he truly was worried , it just was masked by his automatic feeling to express his worry in a more mean sounding way. "She's not going there alone, not when there is an extreme possibility of her running into Randy."

"You think I haven't thought about that? I think about that all the time." I frowned, feeling stung that he would think I hadn't considered this possibility when I made the choice to go see my family. How could I not think about that? It was the first thing that went through my mind when I thought about going to the hotel. That that was where all the wrestlers would be staying and of course I had to prepare mentally that I might see Randy, but I couldn't just say I wouldn't go just because I might see him. And Alex needed to understand that. "I can't keep hiding. You're the one that said I need to start dealing."

"I didn't say you should face this on your own. I never once said you're dealing with this alone. And you're not going to that hotel without me. And you don't have a say in it." Alex was mad, that was obvious in the way he jumped up from his chair and started stomping away back towards the house. He barely got 5 feet away before he turned back around and snapped. "You're not the only one in this relationship damn it!"

We all watched him storm into the house and slam the door shut, leaving the three of us feeling shocked and thrown at his sudden change in attitude. The conversation had started off so calmly and it quickly fell apart the second I said something he didn't agree with. I knew it wasn't so much that he was angry as he was just worried. But it had to involve a little frustration because I'm sure he wasn't use to me wanting to do these things without him, he probably was more use to me needing him at my side for everything. And while it was sweet of him to want to be my protector, I knew it wasn't realistic. I had to strike out on my own once in a while.

"Well...that went...smoothly." Chris said through tightly pressed lips, being the first to break the silence and I turned my face to look at him and saw him shrug. "It's typical Alex, you couldn't expect him to take that lightly."

"I'll go talk some sense into him." Jeff offered, looking a little annoyed as he stared after Alex. "Or better yet, how about I smack him around a little bit?"

"No that's ok, I will deal with him myself." I told him, sending him a grateful smile before motioning him to sit back down while I got to my feet and started walking across the yard. I knew if I had let Jeff talk to Alex then it might have made things worse. And Alex's issues were with me and not Jeff, there was no reason for my surrogate father to get involved in this if he didn't have to. Alex and I would work it out, we always did. I just knew that this particular situation was more sensitive then anything else we dealt with.

* * *

><p><em><span>Inside the house<span>_

I slammed the door shut behind me a little harder then I intended to but I didn't mind too much since Alex had done the same when he stomped away like a toddler throwing a tantrum. I stood just inside the door, allowing the silence to sweep over me before I made a move to truly go after him. My eyes drifted across the house and I could just barely make out the sight of the basement door hanging open slightly and the light from the staircase coming out of the door onto the carpet. Of course Alex would go hide in my basement when we had a disagreement, probably because it was the farthest room he could go to to get away from me. Well that sucked for him because I wasn't just going to leave him alone to sulk, I was done with kind of behavior and although I hated confrontation of any kind, I knew I had to do this if I wanted things calm between us before I went to the hotel.

"This is going to be so much fun." I grumbled to myself as I slipped my shoes off my feet and left them by the back door as I padded across the carpet in my sock and headed for the basement door. I pulled it open and looked down the carpeted staircase. "Alex? Are you down there? We need to talk."

He didn't answer but then again I didn't really expect him to. When Alex was in a bad mood, he tended to prefer to sulk in silence and right now was no different. I shut the door and took the steps down two at a time, thankful again that I had them carpeted or else I would have slipped and broken my neck. I got to the bottom and subconsciously started pulling my hair out of its loose braid, I always played with my hair when I was nervous and when I turned the corner and spotted Alex on the other side of the room I definitely felt a surge of nerves hit me. I saw him turn his head slightly to acknowledge that he knew I was there but he didn't turn around. He just kept his back towards me and I knew then that that he wasn't going to just let this go right away. Alex was more stubborn then even he realized so if I was hoping to get things back to normal between us, I had to be prepared to hear him out.

"Can we please discuss this?" I asked, making sure to keep my voice calm as I walked across the carpet towards one of the chair set against the wall and sat down in it, knowing that Alex probably wouldn't welcome my touch at the moment. I sat there for a second, just listening to him shift back and forth on the balls of his feet. When it became obvious that he wasn't going to say anything, I had to try again. "So what? You're not talking to me now? I thought we were over this shit?"

"We were suppose to be. Until you had to introduce a totally whack idea, then it all went to hell." He grumbled, tucking his hands under his arm as he stared at a picture on the wall in front of him. I knew which one it was, it was of the two of us back in the beginning before we really started getting heavily involved with each other. In it he had scooped me up in his arms and was preparing to run away with me when Chris had snapped the picture. It was a picture that I had always loved and it always made me smile. But it seemed to only annoy Alex now. "Do you get some sort of pleasure from saying things that you know will piss me off?"

"How can you think that? This isn't about you, this about me finally dealing with things and there is nothing wrong with me wanting to do it on my own. What the hell is your problem?" I asked, surprised when I wasn't yelling or even snapping at him even though everything inside of me wanted to. But I had a feeling that giving in to the heat of the moment wasn't going to solve anything. And even though it was tough, holding on to my composure was going to get me farther then yelling. I kept my eyes on his still turned back and asked. "Why are you making this so hard for me?"

"Because I'm afraid of what may happen if you go there alone." He hissed, his shoulders sinking as he finally turned around to look at me. His face was a mask of emptiness but it was his eyes that were flaring with anger and concern and love. He wasn't mad with me, I knew that. I always could tell just by looking in his eyes. He was scared and it wasn't always easy for him to tell me that. He dropped his arms down to his side and stared at me through hooded eyes. "I'm scared of what could go wrong if you come across Randy."

"Alex, I'm going to be fine. It's a public place, Randy won't try and attack me in a public place." I assured him, moving off the chair and over to him where I placed my hands on his waist and drew him close. He was tense but when I touched him I felt some of that tension leave his body and I moved both my arms around him. "Please don't worry so much, I'll be safe."

"Don't tell me not to worry. The rape happened in an arena, that's also a public place and it didn't stop him then." Alex pointed out and his statement cut through me so much that I shivered. He did have a good point. I never thought a rape could happen anywhere that had that many people running around backstage like the arena, but it did happen. So I guess I could understand where Alex was coming from. I felt his hands on my face and I looked up at him. "How do you know it won't happen again?"

"I guess I can't guarantee anything, but it's a different time and I'm painfully aware of his presence. I would be off and running if I saw him coming from a mile away. And it will be in the middle of the day and no one knows I will be there, least of all him. So please relax, history will not be repeating itself." I assured him, tilting my head back so I was looking at him full on in the face and he could see I wasn't worried. Ok, that was a lie. I was worried, terrified even. But if Alex saw that then he would never agree to let me go alone. And I needed to do this alone. It was important to me. "Alex, I need to do this."

"I'm still not convinced that it's a good idea, that's all." He was unrelenting, I would give him that. He moved his hands down to my back and pressed me closer to him so my cheek was lying against his chest and his chin was resting on my head as he sighed. "I want to go with you. I just want to make sure you're safe."

"You're sweet but I can't use you as a crutch for everything that's hard for me." I told him, even though deep down I wished I could take him with me. But the truth was that Alex had been with me through a lot already and it took enough of a toll on him and if I could avoid bringing him even more into this then I would. Besides, I had to learn to do things on my own. Or else I would be dependant on him and everyone else for the rest of my life. I pulled back to look at him. "You can't protect me from everything.."

"I can try." He protested with a frown, his hands moving back up to my arms and he held me in place for a second and just looked at me before sighing again. "Alright, I will let you do this alone. But if he comes anywhere near you, then punch him in the face and run."

"Thanks for that." I couldn't help but laugh at his semi-serious statement but that didn't mean I didn't take it seriously either. He did make a valid point and that's probably exactly what I would do if I was caught off guard. But believe it or not Randy wasn't the only thing I was scared of running in to. I looked at Alex's tense face and said. "But for once, the thought of being in the same building as Randy Orton isn't the most terrifying thing to face. Seeing my family for the first time in over 2 years is scarier."

"Hey, you're stronger then you think. And maybe it's time I start mentioning that to you more often." He said, moving me back into his arms for a hug where I felt the sense of security that had always been present come back to me when ever I was with him and I curled my body into his more closely. "You'll get through this, we'll just take it one step at a time."

"Thank you Alex." I said quietly, before closing my eyes and tightening my arms around his waist...

* * *

><p><em><span>2 hours later<span>_

_"You're stronger then you realize...You'll get through this."_

"You sure about that Alex? Because right now I'm not." I muttered out loud in the empty car as I stared straight ahead of me up at the hotel and willed myself to stop repeating Alex's words in my head and finally get out of the car. But this had been going on since I got here, which was over 30 minutes ago and still I hadn't made a move. The only thing I did was lower the windows and turn the car off. Other then that I just sat here staring at the building, sometimes only hearing the sound of my racing heart as it dawned on me that inside those four walls was my family as well as various other people that I had known growing up. Walking in there wasn't going to be as easy as I thought. I figured that if I could actually go through with getting in the car and making the drive then walking in would be easier. It was always the first step that was the hardest and I had made the drive alone, forcing myself to walk across the parking lot shouldn't be this difficult. But it was and now I was beginning to wonder if maybe Alex had a point when he said I shouldn't be here alone. "Oh he would love knowing I was thinking that."

Even after our talk, Alex wasn't quite ready to let me go just yet. He kept on coming up with things to distract me that were more outrageous then the last. Like emptying the dishwasher, doing my laundry, mowing the lawn, cleaning my room. All things that could be pushed aside until after I got back to do but he was trying to push on me so I wouldn't have time to go to the hotel. It was frustrating but I let him go on with it as I changed and pulled my shoes back on. It was only when I was heading towards the door that I finally told him to shut up or else I would slap him. Chris and Jeff backed me up and even grabbed a hold of Alex as I grabbed my keys and wallet and slipped out to my car. I couldn't look back at him or else I know I would run back into his arms and never go. So I climbed in and turned on the radio to distract me as I backed out of the driveway and headed for the highway with the window down and my hair blowing in front of my eyes. I made good time and managed to avoid the afternoon traffic by the time I arrived. But now that I was here and there was no more traveling to do, my nerves spilled right back into me and froze me in place for the last half hour and it was only now when I was pulling myself together to get out. I opened my door, gripping my keys in my hand and jumped down to the hot pavement and slammed and locked my car before I jump back in out of anxious fear. I only allowed myself a second of pause before I began walking. If I didn't force myself to move after that pause then I would surely turn around and never go in.

I felt the heat of the Florida sun come clean through my shirt and heat up my skin and yet I still felt a chill in my body. It took every ounce of energy in me to put one foot in front of the other, and I felt the vibrations of my walking go through me like an earthquake. I slipped my keys into my pocket, wishing I had more of them to grip like a stress ball. I kept my head down and was glad that my hair was loose, it hid my face which was good because if anyone recognized me then they might give my parents a head up and I would never get close enough to talk to...

"Savannah? Is that really you?" John Cena's voice came from the left of the car I was just passing and I wasn't expecting to be addressed so suddenly that I nearly jumped out of my own skin as I whipped around just in time to see him come around the front of a black rental S.U.V., with his bag over his shoulder and the sleeves of his dress shirt rolled up to his elbows, showing that my father still enforced the dress code for his talent. I felt my heart quicken as painfully as it had the last time I had been surprised like this and it seemed like I wasn't the only feeling the effects of shock. John's blue eyes stared down at me in wonder like he was trying to decide if I was really there in front of him or just that he was hallucinating. "Uh...wha...what are you doing here? I haven't seen you since that day in the gym."

"Hi John." I was stunned that I even had the guts to speak, not just because I had run into an ex co-worker within two seconds of getting out of my car, but mostly because the first person I ran into from the WWE had to be Randy's best friend. But luckily, a quick glance around the area showed that John had arrived here alone and Randy was no where in sight. That at least took away some of the anxiety I was experiencing. I looked back at his face, amazed that he hadn't changed all that much in two years. "I didn't think I would run into you again... This randomly."

"Yea, I wasn't expecting this either but I'm glad I did. I haven't been able to stop thinking about our last run in. It ended really weird." John pointed out, still looking down at me in shock. He dropped his bag down on the pavement by his feet and I could tell by the tension in his face that he was reliving that day in the gym in his head just like I was. He actually looked around like he expected someone else to be with me. "So...no Alex this time?"

"No I'm here alone." I nodded, biting down on my bottom lip, never thinking it would be this nerve-wrecking to be in front of John again. He and I had always had a pretty decent friendship before the rape. He was always cracking jokes and making me laugh and just generally was a good guy and I would be lying through my teeth if I said I didn't miss him. But he was also Randy's best friend and if things went ok with my family and I was able to mend some relationships, being friends with John again would put me around Randy and I was not going to do that. I would have to keep my distance from John even though he had done nothing wrong. I nervously toyed with my hair before saying "I actually came to see my parents."

"Really? That's great, it's about time that you guys got back together and fixed things. It's wonderful." John was so happy about this that he actually moved forward and hugged me tightly before I could pull away. It felt weird to be in his arms again as I hadn't been hugged by a guy friend besides Chris and Jeff and John was on another because of where he worked. It felt foreign and awkward, but also familiar at the same time. Like I was being hugged by my brother, it had an underlining feel of comfort to it. John pulled back and grinned. "Do they know you're here?"

"No I just decided to show up. I saw where the shows were going to be and just called around to find out where the hotel would be that you guys were staying at and here I am. They have no clue." I shook my head, breathing out heavily through my nose. I felt my foot tapping the pavement nervously. "I just have no idea where exactly they are in there. I thought I would figure it out when I got here but..."

"Give me a second, I'll find out for you." John said suddenly, slipping his phone out of his pocket and dialing a number before walking a little bit away from me to talk. I watched him for a minute, not hearing what he was muttering as I pulled my phone out to check my messages. I smiled when I saw I had three text messages from three different people...

_Babe, you better be keeping your wits about you or else Alex is going to flip a lid on your ass when you come back. Hope it goes well. Call if you need someone to vent to, you know I'm better at it then Alex. ~Chris_

_Hey, when you see your dad again, give him a slap upside the head and tell him it was from me. OK? I still haven't stopped holding a grudge for all the shit he did. Good luck~ Jeff_

_I know you said you were going to be fine, but I just had to make sure you're ok. You know how I am and I will be freaking out until you yell at me to stop. Love you ~Alex_

"Damn you Alex for being so adorable." I smiled, hitting the reply button so I could send him a quick text so he would know I was ok. If I was in his position I would be finding it very hard to stay calm knowing we were separated so I had to ease his worry a little bit. Once it was sent off, I leaned against a nearby car, hoping that he was still with Chris and Jeff at my house. At least they could keep him calm for a while.

"Good news..." John's voice grabbed my attention and I whipped my face to the side to see him coming back over to me with his phone clutched in his hand and a triumphant smile on his lips. "Turns out your parents are in a meeting with your brother and sister in the second floor conference room. You get off the elevator and it's all the way at the end of the hall."

"You found that out in one phone call? Since when do the wrestlers know where the McMahons meet up unless their invited?" I eyed him with a raised eyebrow, only John Cena would be able to pull this off. "What, did you use your charm and dashing personality to get what you want?"

"That's exactly it. I am the cream of the crop as you know." He said teasingly, shooting me that oh so famous grin of his that always made me smile back even when I didn't want to. He came over and put his hand on my shoulder. "I can walk in with you if you want..."

"No that's ok, that would just attract more attention to me and I kind of want to avoid that. If they know I'm here then they would just move their meeting somewhere else to avoid dealing with me. So thanks but no thanks." I shook my head, thinking it was sweet that he was trying to be nice but like I said to Alex earlier, I couldn't use a crutch for everything. And I especially couldn't use John, that would essentially be asking to be put in Randy Orton's radar. I looked up at his frowning face and tried to smile. "I just need to do this on my own. Without being detained. And walking in with the company's biggest star is going to get me noticed."

"You may have a point. So take these, they will at least hide your face a little bit." John reached into his back pocket and pulled out his black sunglasses and set them on my face and pulled my hair over my shoulders on either side of my cheeks before smiling. "There, that should at least get you through the hotel without being too recognizable."

"Oh yea, a blonde with oversized sunglasses isn't going to attract attention at all." I rolled my eyes but smiled gratefully at him anyway before willing my feet to start moving. I nodded at him over my shoulder. "Thanks John."

"Anytime." He raised his hand at me as I hurried away and for just a second, it was like the way it use to be between us. Back when we were friends, back before a whole lot of awful shit happened. But I couldn't think about that right now. I had more pressing matters to attend to.

* * *

><p><em><span>5 minutes later<span>_

"Oh of course the elevator would come within 2 seconds when I have to do something I am scared out of my mind to do." I grumbled to myself as I stood alone in the elevator with my arms crossed and John's sunglasses hooked in my back pocket as I traveled up to the second floor, wondering what else could happen today. "Because God knows I can't walk into this building without something else going wrong."

To say I was on edge was an understatement. After I left John behind in the parking lot, I headed right for the automatic doors of the hotel and passed through them with no problem. It was when I entered the lobby that I felt like I was walking into a war zone. Because at the reception desk I spotted Eve Torres standing with the Bella twins and behind them were Beth Phoenix and Nattie Neidhart, both of whom I had trained with before I left the company. I had to stick to the farthest parts of the lobby to avoid being seen by the 4 of them. I was in sight of the elevators when who walked off it other then my brother in law Paul and I had to duck down a nearby hallway to stay out of sight of him. Now he would be the worse person to be spotted by, not because he was an asshole not truly anyway. But if he saw me lurking about the hotel, he would immediately tell my sister and this whole process would have been for nothing. So I waited around the corner until he was across the lobby and then I slipped away and ran for the elevators, feeling lucky when one arrived and it was empty. Good thing it was going right to the second floor and when the doors slid open, my heart thudded in relief when there was no one I knew waiting for me on the other side.

I stepped off and listened to the sound of the elevator as it went away to the floors above and I felt my breath catch as I stared down the long hallway in front of me, just making out the door to what had to be the conference room. This was it, I was actually going to do this. It was just like some epic scene in a movie where I as the title character was about to confront someone from her past. Or in my case, 4 someones. I could practically hear the cheesy music playing as I started walking down the hallway, my footsteps taking me closer to the door a lot fast then I thought. It was like I had no control over my own body because I definitely wanted to slow down, I wasn't ready for this. I needed more time. But my feet didn't think so as they brought me right up to the door and finally came to a stop. I could hear muffled voices on the inside, 4 separate ones and all distinctive. That was my family in there, and I was here on the outside trying to muster the courage to go in.

I looked back over my shoulder at the long hallway, it was now looking a mile long from this end and I wanted to just turn and run back down it to the elevators. Or take the stairs, I really didn't care. Anything to get me away from this door and away from having to do what I knew I had to do. If Alex had been here with me, then it would have been so easy to turn and run, he would have encouraged it. Hell Alex would have been the one running ahead of me. He knew this would be hard but I hadn't listened and now here I was. But I had gotten this far. All I had to do now was just go in there. My hand curled up into a fist and had a life of its own like my feet did as it knocked rapidly on the door.

"Come in, this better be good..."It was my dad, sounding as stern and business like as he always had been. I guess nothing had changed but that didn't make me feel any less freaked out. This was real, all too real now that one of them had spoken. "Well are you coming in or not?"

"Fuck it." I whispered, swallowing hard and reached down to grab the cool metal handle in my palm and twisted it. My heart beat quicker and quicker, getting louder and louder as the door swung open and I forced myself to walk into the small room and look up at the 4 shocked faces sitting at the table in front of me. Then the noise of my racing heart died down and the cheesy confrontation movie music came to a crashing halt as the door fell shut with a resounding thud. I felt myself rocking back and forth on the heels of my feet as I looked around at the group of people I hadn't seen in years. "Hi."

All that met my ears was a wall of silence.

**A/N: And there you have it, the first contct has been made. How will this reunion go? Well...use your imagination to fill inthe gaps until i update again. PLease review**


	15. Reaching out, placing blame

**Chapter 15 Reaching out, placing blame**

This was worse then I thought it would be and then some.

I figured that when I was standing in front of my family again for the first time in years that it would feel as awkward as standing in front of strangers and saying I was their family. At least if they felt like strangers then it wouldn't feel as heart stopping as it did. I thought there would be less silence, less heavy air if they felt like strangers. If it was like we were meeting for the first time then maybe I wouldn't feel like I had a need to bolt from the room. Because damn it, I wanted them to look like strangers, it would just make this easier. But it wasn't suppose to be easy. Because when I looked at these four faces, they were all startlingly familiar, this was my family after all even if I hadn't seen them in years. And the unresolved issues and anger rolled off them and hit me square in the face even when they didn't say a word. Yea, this was worse then standing in a room of strangers to tell them that I had been raped and had kept it a secret for the past 2 years. These were four of the most stubborn and prideful people in the world who weren't afraid to get nasty. And I was feeling like I was 5 years old again and facing the wrath of my father when I was blamed for tearing apart his office. I swear I had changed right back to that little tiny girl right now under the glaring eyes of my father.

"What...What are you doing here?" My mother was the first to speak and even though she didn't sound at all happy to see me, when I turned to look at here, I saw something in her eyes that said the exact opposite and that gave me a little bit of hope. She had always been the softer of my parents even though she was still just as formidable as my dad was, but she couldn't deny the happiness that she was showing out in her eyes at my appearance. But it seemed to disappear just as quickly as it came as she remembered that I hadn't been part of the family in a long time. "It's been years and now you show up? Why?"

"I just wanted to see you guys. All of you." I dared to look at my dad as I said this, but I soon regretted it as I saw the boiling anger and near hatred shooting out from every part of his face. I knew he was mad but I never thought the anger would be this strong 2 years later or it would flare up at the sight of me. "I thought it was time..to..to you know, mend thin..."

"You need to leave, you're not wanted here." My father spoke in an eerily calm voice which was such a contrast from the expression on his face and the sound of it made me look at him again. I guess I thought if he saw I was still his daughter then maybe it would make the ice around his heart melt a little bit but it didn't. He looked at me like I was just scum or trash or a bug on the windshield of one of his priceless cars. He looked at me like I was nothing. He pointed toward the door with one distinguished finger. "Get out."

"I..I.. I can't. I have to talk to you guys. It's important." I heard my voice wobble and come out quieter then usual, a true testament that nothing had changed when I was in front of my family. I was always more subdued when I was talking to them in the past and I didn't suspect that would change ever. But I couldn't dwell on something like that. I had to focus my attention on what I had come here for. "I have to tell you the real reason why I left..."

"Trust me, we already know. It's not a mystery Savannah." My father practically growled at me, his eyes narrowing and making him look even more menacing then he already was. I think I actually took a step back from him when he looked at me like that. "Don't pretend to be innocent in this, we know you only wanted to hurt us by jumping ship to TNA. You did what you wanted without regard for anyone else's..."

"That was not my intention. I never wanted to hurt any of you. That's not why I left." My voice came out in a shudder and my hand immediately went to my eyes when I felt a prick there. "You are my family..."

"No, we stopped being family when you betrayed us. You lost the right to call us family when you walked out and turned your back on this company. We are not family and we haven't been for years." My dad wasn't afraid to sound harsh or that his words might wound someone else, he just said them without filter. And they cut through me like knives and took away any hope I had of rekindling my bonds with these 4 people. "Savannah, I made myself clear the night you came into my office and said you were leaving. If you wanted out of the company, then you were out of the family."

"It is kind of like the same thing, you know." Shane spoke up from his seat at the other end of the table next to our sister. He didn't look at me and even though he sounded less harsh then dad was being, his hurt and anger over my actions was still there. He too hadn't let it go. "We all were in this together, and when you walked away, you walked away from us..."

"Yea, I think you did it for the sole purpose of pushing us away. You had to have hated us if you left like that." Stephanie didn't look at me either, she kept her eyes firmly on her folded arms on the table. But like Shane, she didn't sound nearly as mean as dad was. But she also wasn't relenting in her pain. "What did we ever do to deserve you hating us like this?"

"I don't hate you, I never did. That's not what this is about." I really started tearing up at this point, not mentally prepared for this kind of onslaught. I knew they were hurt, but I never imagined it would come out like this. And it was only because they were under the assumption that I did it out of spite. They didn't know what had really happened to me. "I didn't leave because I hated anyone, I left because I was..."

"I don't care what you have to say anymore. We know why you walked out on this family, your hatred for this family was apparent when you jumped ship to that shit company and you never looked back. You mean nothing to us Savannah, not anymore." My dad said without remorse and he was unmoved by the tears that started rolling down my face. In the past my dad had only been unsettled a few times at the sight of me crying, but now he had built up an immunity to it and he just did not care. Not anymore. I watched him point toward the door again. "Leave now or else I will call security."

I barely remember turning on my heels and leaving the room without looking back again. I noticed the flash of the carpet and walls pass by my eyes as I practically ran for the elevator. When it arrived, I sank against the side of it, glad to be out of that suffocating room and I closed my eyes for the short ride down to the first floor. The ding of the doors opening didn't register with me as I walked out and this time I didn't bother to take precautions to hide myself as I went across the large lobby. I didn't care who saw me this time, the damage had been done already. My family had seen me and they just didn't care to hear me out. SO it didn't really matter if I was spotted by a WWE wrestler., nothing really mattered right now. I was so focused on putting my feet in front of me that I barely even heard my name being called and by the time it got through to me, the caller of that voice had already caught up to me and was turning me around. It was John, looking hopeful at first but when he saw the look on my face, it soon turned to sorrow.

"Oh shit, things didn't go well did they?" He asked more as clarification then an actual question as he reached up to place his hands on my shoulders in an attempt to comfort me but I think even he knew that nothing would work now. John knew how my family was when they were mad, heck everyone knew how they were. "Savannah, I'm sorry..."

"Just don't ok? I really don't want to hear that right now. It's too much." I shook my head vehemently at him,, warding off any further apologies from hims for the pathetic mess I was right now. I shrugged his hands off me and reached into my pocket for his sunglasses and handed them to him. "Here, I wanted to give these back to you before I left."

"Savannah, just stay for a while. Hang out with me and we'll catch up and maybe when they've gotten over the shock of seeing you then you can try again." He suggested after taking the glasses from me and tucking them in his pocket and looking like he wanted to hug me but he didn't after I sent him a look and he backed off. "You shouldn't give up right away after one attempt. You need to keep trying."

"You think I don't want to do that..." I started to shoot back, annoyed that he would think I was just giving up so easily. But the ding of the elevators caught my attention and for some reason my eyes were drawn to the opening doors and when the person stepped out I was glad to have this slight warning. Because I saw Randy's eyes turn towards John and then to myself and they grew wide and for the first time, Randy was the one to look afraid. I was momentarily frozen in place as I looked at him, our first eye contact since the rape and all noise died away as he stared right back at me just as hard. I knew he was thinking about what happened, I could see it practically play out across the surface of his face before he frowned and started moving towards us. That's when I came to and started backing away, remembering Alex's statement about running. "I have to go. Good bye John.."

"Savannah wait!" John called after me, sounding like he was following after me as I fled out the doors at a full on sprint. But I didn't hear him get any closer and I didn't slow down. I never stopped running until I reached my car and jumped in, not even putting on my seat belt as I turned the engine on and sped out of the parking lot with a squeal of my tires.

* * *

><p><em><span>2 minutes later<span>_

"So what the hell was that about?"

"What do you mean?" John turned his eyes away from the parking lot exit to find his best friend walking up next to him with his arms crossed and a serious sliver to his eyes as he too looked at the spot where Savannah had left from and John was fairly certain that he had seen something pass through Randy's eyes when he spotted Savannah. "Are you talking about Savannah?"

"Uh yea, what the heck was she doing here?" Randy asked, his forehead furrowing deeply in a wrinkle like he was irked by her presence in the hotel. It was a reaction that John couldn't quite understand because he couldn't remember those two ever having any kind of interaction. Randy pressed his lips together in a tight line. "I mean, it's been a few years since she was here. Why would she just suddenly turn up now?"

"It's been 2 years and she wanted to see her family. I ran into her before she went up to find them and she just left now like a bat out of hell." John replied, finding it strange that Savannah would just take off so quickly like something had spooked her. And she didn't even look back at him when she left, she just ran like her life depended on it and it made John think that he had done something wrong. But then he remembered Randy's tense expression and it made him frown. "Why do you seem to care that she was here?"

"I don't care, I just think it's weird and slightly unacceptable." Randy hurriedly said, his mouth getting tighter in a way that said what he was saying wasn't the whole truth. Randy tended to be withdrawn when it came to certain things, so it was entirely possible that he and Savannah had some kind of involvement and John wouldn't have even known. "And her showing up could throw things off balance. We were supposed to be put in the running for the titles again and if Vince and the others are distracted, then they might not put their all into our story lines..."

"That's all you care about? Some stupid story line?" John asked, not liking that Randy was caring about something so petty as this instead of the well being of this young girl's life. He settled his friend with another frown. "She has had this rift for years with her family. I would hope that you would be the kind of person that would care about that being fixed then anything else."

"Why do you care what happens to her?" Randy asked curiously, biting the inside of his lip. "Why does it seem you're so invested in her happiness?"

"She was one of my really good friends until she left and if she makes peace with her family then maybe she would be around more. That's why I care." John shot back, angered that his own best friend didn't seem to care about what was important to him. John knew Randy was focused on his career but there were more important things in life then wrestling and title belts. But for some reason, Randy just was really thrown by the mention of Savannah this whole conversation. "Does it bother you to think that she might be around? Because you look really annoyed ever since you saw her."

"Don't be stupid, I don't care if she is around." Randy protested, his arms crossing again with tension showing in his muscles as well as his face. He couldn't true hide the fact that Savannah's presence had struck a nerve in him somewhere, it was all over his face despite his attempts to deny it. "She means nothing to me. I don't care."

"Are you sure about that? Because you look really off right now." John pointed out, knowing his best friend so well that he could tell when there was something tormenting him and it was certainly that way right now. John raised his eyebrows. "You guys didn't...i mean, were you and her like involved somehow?"

"Are you serious? Me and the boss's daughter? That's insane." Randy's mouth fell open so wide that John could tell he was genuinely shocked at this statement and there was a look of betrayal in his eyes that made John feel like an ass for even bringing it up. "Dude, I had already been married for a year when she left the company and I had eyes only for my wife. That hasn't changed. I can't believe you would even think I would cheat on Samantha."

"Sorry, I don't know what I was thinking. Of course you would never do something like that." John shook his head to clear that ridiculous notion from his head. Randy was his best friend and had been for years, there was no way he would ever do anything to hurt his relationship with his wife and now his daughter by doing something as crazy as having an affair with Savannah. That was insane the more he thought about it. He smiled apologetically at Randy. "Sorry man, I guess I was just thrown by her turning up out of nowhere. I wasn't prepared for that."

"That's ok, we can just forget it ever happened and put it behind us. It's not like anything will come of it now." Randy seemed quite fine with bypassing an argument and just getting along with things as he nodded behind him towards the lobby. "We should really go get our stuff and head for the gym. We need a workout before the show tonight."

"Yea, you're right." John agreed, turning to follow his friend back inside. But as he watched Randy's back on the way to the elevators, he couldn't help but still see the tension there and think he wasn't getting the whole story.

* * *

><p><em><span>40 minutes later<span>_

Alex, Chris and Jeff were waiting outside the house when I returned home but I barely noticed them sitting there when I walked towards the front door with my cell phone and wallet in one hand and my keys swinging from the other hand. I didn't even say anything as I approached them and I must have had a weird look on my face because they didn't say anything either, they just stared at me. 3 pairs of eyes locked on my face as I squeezed in between Jeff and Alex and sat down on the edge of the steps and laid my head on my knees while my hand gripped my ankles. I had done this every time I felt like I was on the verge of a panic attack and the curled up position somehow calmed me down so I didn't fall apart. Maybe it was from years of practice of keeping things in and hiding my true emotions, maybe it was just being so close by the three closest people in my life. I don't know, but I didn't fall apart. I didn't even cry, I had cried enough on the drive home, I would not cry again.

"They hate me." I said without lifting my face to look at the others, I just kept my forehead on my knees and tucked my arms around my legs to keep myself tight and compact. I felt more secure that way and at least now I could have the courage to tell them what happened, because a prolonged silence would really start to scare them. "I tried to tell them what happened but they didn't want to hear it. And then my dad told me to leave or else he was going to call security."

"Wait, what?" Alex of course was the first to speak and I felt his hand go in between my arm and leg to grasp my wrist. "Start at the beginning."

"I got there and I ran into John in the parking lot, he was the one who found out they were in a conference room on the 2nd floor. So I went there and walked in and they just stared at me. I tried to tell them about the rape but they wouldn't let me say it. Especially my dad, he just kept telling me to leave. And they said I only left because I hated them and wanted to purposely hurt them, that there was no other reason. My dad said I meant nothing to them anymore because of how I turned my back on them. And that's when I left." I explained, my voice choking up as I spoke and I could hear all three guys moving around uncomfortably, signifying they had heard the waver in my tone and knew I was going to end up crying despite my stubborn refusal to do so. I still didn't lift my head, I didn't want to see them watching me as I talked about this awful confrontation. "They weren't interested in the truth. They were just too caught up in what they thought was the real reason for me leaving. They couldn't even let me get it out."

"I blame that on Vince, he always was the ring leader and everyone else just follows him. Although I'm sure that Shane and Stephanie didn't need much convincing to be harsh. They always were more like your father." Jeff sighed, his hand rubbing circles on my back to comfort me even though I could feel the angered tension in his fingers. "I'm sorry, I thought they would be more open to seeing you. Or at least not as harsh."

"This was a bad idea, I never should have gone there. I knew they would never accept seeing me again and even if I had told them about the rape, they wouldn't have believed me anyway. They just think I'm this cruel, bad person." I muttered, lifting my head slightly so I was staring straight ahead at my long driveway where all our cars were parked and felt an urge to jump up and run away from here. But I couldn't, I was too tired and couldn't will my limbs to move. I was stuck here. "Maybe I am for not saying something sooner..."

"This is bullshit!" Alex suddenly shouted, his upswing in the volume of his voice made my jump and drop my arms from around my legs as I watched him get to his feet and promptly kicked at a potted plant on the ground below the steps so it smashed across the walkway. "They're your family, they shouldn't treat you like this."

"Alex, it's ok. It's over now and at least I know what the reunion was going to be like. I don't have to think about it anymore." I told him, my voice barely rising above a whisper as I watched him clench his fists tightly on his hips and knew he was only moments away from exploding. "Alex..."

"So they don't know? They have no idea you were raped? They wouldn't even let you speak?" He asked me directly, ignoring Jeff and Chris when they looked at him in concern. Alex was only addressing me and when I nodded in response to his question, it seemed to strike a chord in him and before I could stop him, he reached in his pocket and yanked out his keys and then looked at the others. "Chris, Jeff...you guys stay with her until I get back. I have something to do."

"Alex. I know what you're thinking and I'm telling you not to do it." I should have sounded stronger, not weaker like I had just been put through hell. Because it was the tone in my voice that made Alex turn away and stomp down the walkway towards his car. "Alex! Don't do it."

But of course Alex didn't listen to me and a part of me didn't want him to listen. I knew he was enraged and more then just a little pissed off and now he was off to do God only knows what. In his mind he was going to take care of business and that meant confronting my family in a way I hadn't been able to do. I watched him back out of the driveway and take off down the road and while I didn't know what was going to happen, I knew that the truth was going to come out in some way.

* * *

><p><em><span>30 minutes later<span>_

"This is bullshit, such bullshit." Alex muttered to himself as he stepped off the elevator and faced down the long hallway on the second floor where he could see the door of the conference room sitting slightly open. He felt the fire in his chest burn hotter when he saw it, knowing Savannah's family sat in that room, the same family who had just crushed her by not hearing her out. It took a lot of guts for her to come here to face them and for them to just send her away was inexcusable. Well that was fine, because he was going to make them hear him out. They may be able to push Savannah around but not him. They may not have anyone who had the balls to stand up to them, especially not Vince McMahon, but they hadn't met Alex Shelley yet. And boy was he about turn their world upside down. He had tried to stay calm on the drive here and he had even tried to tell himself to not blow his lid when he got on the elevator, but it was no use. He kept on seeing Savannah's crushed expression and he was furious that she was in more pain that He started down the hall at a pace just short of a run. He didn't care if anyone saw him and knew that there was TNA wrestler in a hotel the WWE was occupying, he didn't care about any of that. The only thing that matter was making those smug bastards called the McMahons feel as bad as they had made Savannah feel. So when he reached the doorway, he didn't stop and just plowed his way through the semi open door, smiling in satisfaction when it hit the wall and made the 4 people jump in their seat when he slammed it shut again. They all glared at him, showing they knew exactly who he was and how much they hated him. But he wasn't afraid of them, he was far from being scared. He was vengeful. "So this is Savannah's family?"

"Oh look, they're sending more TNA trash to throw tantrums. How nice." Vince scoffed, rolling his eyes and he swirled around in his chair to face him with a smug and unrelenting smirk. If Alex didn't already share the same opinion about Vince as the rest of the wrestling world did, then it certainly was heightened up by his comment. "As if Savannah wasn't already enough to deal with, now she has to send her little punk of a boyfriend to fight her battles for her..."

"Oh shut up, you're such dick. I'm surprised she even put up with you idiots for as long as she did." Alex had no qualms about saying this to the father of the girl he loved, it was a far cry from how he imagined this meeting going when they got involved over 2 years ago. He thought it would be so different when he met her family for the first time. But after they treated her the way they had, any niceness on his part had gone straight out of him. "And I'm not here to fight her battles for her. I'm here to say what assholes all of you were for treating her like shit. Especially you Vince, you're the worst of them all."

"You have no right to speak to me like this. I'm Vincent Kennedy McMahon, I could have your ass if I wanted to." The McMahon patriarch said, sounding as tough as an angered rhino that probably would have scared off plenty of his employees. But Alex would never be one of his employees and even if he was, he was not about to stand down from this jerk no matter how harsh he was. Alex could withstand more then most people. And he was sure Vince was not use to that. "Get the hell out of here, before I have you arrested."

"Not until you hear me out. Which I don't have faith that you will let me do since you didn't even let your own daughter speak." He said said sarcastically, looking around the room at the others and seeing how Savannah had gotten her mother's hair and eye color and how neither Shane or Stephanie looked anything like her. This was her family? They all looked stuck up and privileged. Savannah was nothing like them. He turned his eyes back to Vince who had stood up by now and asked. "Do you even have any clue as to the real reason why she left?"

"I'm not interested in hearing why she left, I know why she left. She hated us, hated this company and wanted out. That's the only reason." Vince shot back, his eyes turning to slits, almost like he was surprised that anyone had the audacity to speak to him like this. But Alex wasn't like most people and Vince was probably beginning to get that. "I'm not going to tell you again, get out. I don't care about anything you have to say about Savannah. She is an ungrateful, horrible girl who walked out on her own family for no other reason other then..."

"She was raped you ass hole! That's why she left, she didn't want to be in the same company as the dick who raped so she went to TNA. She didn't do it to hurt anyone. She did it to save herself." Alex snapped, feeling the truth spill over his lips and he didn't even bother trying to reign it back in. Why should he? This prick of a family needed to hear the truth, they needed to feel bad for pushing away their own flesh and blood for no reason. He watched as a break in Vince's expression, seeing something flood in his stormy eyes and Alex smirked. "Didn't expect to hear that did you?"

"It's not true. That's the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard." Vince essentially laughed at this and although the others were no longer looking angry, they didn't exactly look like they believed him. Vince shook his head. "Don't you think I would know if my own daughter had been raped? I don't know what lies she told you but..."

"Think about it ass hole. Why don't you stop and really look at the facts surrounding her leaving. Then maybe you won't be so quick to think that she's lying." Alex hissed, even more furious that her own father was saying to his face that he thought she was lying. But it wasn't the point to think about that. The point was to prove to them that what he was saying wasn't a lie. It was the truth, the horrible truth. He held up his hands and began counting off. "Think about it, she never wanted to leave before this happened and her leaving came out of nowhere. Don't you think as her family you should have thought that was weird? That something had to be wrong for her to want to leave so randomly?"

"Wait just a second..." Vince began but Alex quickly cut him off.

"She never thought about or mentioned TNA until the day she left. And you never thought it was crazy that she just suddenly decided to jump ship to a company that she never thought about before?" Alex stared right at Vince as he said these things, knowing it was him who needed to be convinced most of all. "How stupid are you if you didn't pick up on that?"

"Who do you think you are for talking to me like that..."

"She always intended to have her career in the WWE, and if any of you cared about her then you would know that. So why would she suddenly change that intention unless something happened to her?" Alex knew he was getting to them, or at least her mother and Shane and Stephanie because they were starting to look horrified as the facts began sinking in and registering to them. He wasn't as quick to want to hurt them as he was Vince. The others didn't seem nearly as bad as Vince, but they still needed just as much of a wake up call. "She's your daughter and she is your sister. How could you not know something was wrong when all the signs were there? How could you turn her away when she needed you the most?"

"Oh God." Stephanie was the first to have a break and react first, her hand covering her mouth shakily as she gasped and turned her eyes to look at Alex for the first time. He saw the horror and guilt and pain in her eyes, the truth hitting her so strongly that she looked like she wanted to pass out. She believed him, Shane did too In fact, all four McMahons were now wearing the same expression. It was only Stephanie who had the courage to speak as she dropped her hand to the table top. "She was raped, my baby sister was raped? That's why she left?"

"We outcast her for no reason?" Shane looked stunned, guilty even as an older brother should for not being there for his sister the way he should have been. "She's been dealing with this alone for the past 2 years? Why didn't she say anything?"

"Gee, maybe you should have let her say that earlier instead of telling her to leave." Alex said sarcastically, defending the woman he loved to the point of telling her whole family to go to hell if he needed to. He was not on their side, he was on Savannah's side and always would be. "She wanted to tell you, but you all scared her off before she could and now..."

"Who was it?" Vince demanded, finally being the one to interrupt him and Alex turned back to face the formidable man who was now looking like he was waging an inner battle inside of himself. He looked like he was being yanked in two different directions but both directions said they believed this horrible truth. "Tell me who did it."

"No way, you barely even believe me. Why would I tell you this?" Alex shot back, knowing he might have been playing with fire right now but he could care less. It was about torturing Vince and making him feel just one ounce of the pain and suffering Savannah had felt all these years. "I don't think you care enough about her to really care who it was."

"That's not your call." Vince insisted, looking like he thought if he sounded stern enough then Alex would bow under the pressure and confess. Vince crossed his arms tightly over his chest and frowned. "Tell me right now."

"No. I won't do it."

"Yes you will."

"No, I'm going to tell you."

"Why not?"

"Because you're an asshole.." Alex spat out, the disgust dripping from every word and he didn't regret one iota of it as he turned on his heels and started walking towards the door. "This is point less. I'm leaving."

"Alex please..." Vince begged, a sound Alex was sure no one else besides the family had ever heard in their lifetime and it just didn't seem right coming out of Vince McMahon's mouth. Alex actually stopped halfway to the door and turned back around, Vince staring at him. "As her father, I have a right to know..."

"So now you're her father? Where the fuck were you for the past 2 years?" Alex snapped, cutting in as his anger reared its head. He had been harboring this unaddressed rage for almost a month now, ever since Savannah had told them about the rape. He had been pissed that he never realized it but this was her family and Vince was her dad. A father should have picked up on this kind of thing and Vince looked like he knew it and he looked like he felt horrible. That was good. Mission accomplished. Alex threw up his hands and went to walk out. "I'm done with this."

"Alex I'm begging you, if you have any feelings for my daughter like I think you do then do her a favor and tell me the truth..." Vince pleaded one last time, his eyebrows drawn low like he was going through a list in his head of possible suspects but couldn't decide on one. "Who raped her?"

"You want to fucking know that badly" Alex snapped, reaching the door and grabbing the door handle and twisted it so the door opened and he was on the verge of stepping out into the hallway. He had better places to be then to deal with this group of heartless idiots. But something made him look back at Vince and frown before saying "It was Randy Orton."

He just made out the sound of gasps erupting from all four of them as well as Vince sinking back down to his chair before Alex closed the door on them and walked away.

* * *

><p><em><span>45 minutes later<span>_

It was dark out by the time Alex came home, and the sky above nearly matched the darkness in my heart.

I was sitting out in the backyard by the pool and true to their word, Chris and Jeff hadn't left me alone. After Alex had left, we had gone inside for a while but I felt too suffocated to stay in for long so we took to sitting on the lounge chair by the pool while we waited for him to return. And for most of that time, we didn't even really say anything. Mostly because I think they both knew I wasn't up to it and also because there really wasn't anything to say. My family had refused to listen to me and kicked me out for the second time, nothing any of us could say would change that. So they said nothing and I was quite fine with sitting in silence and staring up at the dark sky. At least until I heard Alex's car pull into the driveway and I sat up and looked over the back of the chair to see him coming around the side of the house and into the backyard with his hands stuck in his pockets. I found myself getting up for the first time in over an hour and making my way over towards him, feeling the warm grass under my bare feet as I walked. As I got closer, I was able to clearly see his face and when I was within reaching distance of him, I just knew what he had done.

"You told them didn't you? You told them about the rape." I asked him before he could even speak. I knew that was the truth before he had even responded, I knew it when he had left the house to go confront my family. I had to have known it then that he was going to tell them even before it became obvious to me now. And as I looked into his eyes, I knew there was more. "And that it was Randy."

"Well first I called you dad an asshole and a dick and a lot of other things. And then I told them." Alex replied, raising his eyebrows like he found calling my father names a lot of fun. And actually it was funny to think about. My dad was a scary man and having him put in his place by someone like Alex, must have been great to see. But I wasn't nearly as preoccupied with that as I was about what else he had told them. I felt his hands on my face and looked at his conflicted expression. "You're not mad that I was the one to tell them are you? Because I only said it because I knew you couldn't..."

"No, I'm not mad at all. I'm glad you said it. Because after what happened, I wouldn't have been able to go back and say it myself. At least you had the guts to do it." I said quietly, moving forward so I could hug him and when his arms were around me, I felt my body relax in a way it hadn't all day. Things had changed over the course of the afternoon, things that should have taken me years to do I had done in just a few hours. Deciding to tell my family, then driving to the hotel, then confronting them even though I wasn't the one to say it. They knew my secret now, it was out there and there was no taking it back. I felt a slight panic rise up within me but there was no changing that now. So it was a good thing Alex had been the one to say it, if it had been me then I would have chickened out majorly. I tilted my head back and smiled. "Thank you."

"Any time." He grinned back, leaning forward to kiss me softly for only a few seconds since Chris and Jeff were still there but it was enough to make the smile stay on my face after he ended it. "The truth is out, and whatever happens will happen. At least you have your real family to back you up."

"He's right you know, we are your family and we will defend you no matter what." Jeff spoke up from behind me and I turned my head to see him and Chris walking up to us with similar expressions on their faces. "You know you can lean on us if you need to."

"We love you, all of us love you." Chris backed up this sentiment with one of his carefree smiles that spoke more deeply then his words ever could. He reached out and squeezed my should gently. "You never have to worry about us throwing you out in the cold ever."

"I know. I'm grateful to have you guys by my side." I told them, never feeling more honest about anything as I left the sanctuary of Alex's embrace to hug Chris and Jeff. They were truly my family now and in some ways, our bonds were stronger then the blood bonds I shared with my actual relatives. And while I didn't know what was going to happen now that my family knew the truth, at least I could count on Alex and Jeff and Chris standing by me. As well as all of TNA. It wasn't just these three that cared for me. The company I had fled to had embraced me from the beginning, they were the shield that kept me upright and going for these past 2 years. They had offered me a home and a job and a way to heal by not having me walk away from what I loved doing. Those people had all helped me in way that they didn't even know and I was so grateful for everyone I worked with. But the three men standing with me in the middle of my backyard were the most important of all. They would forever be at the core of my heart, no matter what happened in the near future and that's all I could ask for. They would never leave me alone to deal with this, that was a true testament to their love for me. I looked them in the eyes and said. "I'm so lucky to have you guys."

They didn't have to say anything in response, their unison embrace said all that needed to be said.


	16. A little bit stronger

**Chapter 16 A little bit stronger**

"Savannah, Savannah wait up. I need to talk to you." I turned my head over my shoulder and spotted Jeff coming towards me from the exit door at the end of the long hallway I had just walked through. I hadn't even noticed him when I got to the door after walking through parking lot but I definitely heard him when he yelled out for me. I stopped moving and waited for him to catch up and while I waited, I thought about how insane it was that I was actually showing up for this show tonight.

It's not that I didn't want want to work, I did. But with how badly things had gone with my family just a few days ago, I knew my focus wasn't going to be one hundred percent. And the crazy thing was that it actually didn't turn out that way. I woke up this morning feeling surprisingly lighthearted after the emotional toll of revealing the truth to my family and I felt ready to actually come to the arena tonight. I guess it might be due to the fact that I knew I couldn't just avoid work every time something bad happened to me, if that was the case then I would never wrestle again. But I forced myself to push through these moments and I was glad I was able to do it because otherwise I would be seriously stunted and stuck. I also think it was because I knew I had done all I can and the only thing left to do was move on knowing that they at least knew the truth and it was on them now.

"Ok Jeff, slow down and take a breath before you have a heart attack." I said to the frantically excited looking blonde man who rushed up to me looking like he was ready to jump out of his skin and go running away from it. It was Jeff's typical state of mind when a show was going on since he had so many duties to perform in addition to wrestling and I always told him he needed to chill out and spread the workload around a little bit more but he never listened. Kind of like now. "Alright, fine. Then at least tell me what has you so excited."

"Trust me, you will be excited too." He replied, his blue eyes sparkling at me like they use to long before he knew about the rape and it made me smile to see that old look, I had thought it was long gone. He ran his fingers through his messy hair and said. "So I just got word before you got here that your role in the show has changed. Instead of a one on one match, you're going to be in a three way match for the number one contender's spot for the Knockout's title."

"Wow, that is exciting. And pretty unexpected but..." I bit on the inside of my cheek, feeling an old flicker of uneasiness come over me at this opportunity being handed to me. I looked at Jeff and saw him frowning and I knew he was wondering why I wasn't jumping up and down and acting thrilled like any other girl on the roster would have. It wasn't that I wasn't excited because I definitely was. But something didn't jive well with me at this announcement and I knew he was waiting for me to explain why. "I just...I worry that this only happened because of our relationship and I don't want to move up in the ranks because of my connections. And if that's the case then I want to say no."

"Don't worry, this wasn't just my idea. It was something the whole creative team voted on and approved, they just allowed me to be the one to tell you." Jeff explained, his face still holding on to its previous excitement as he clasped his hands together. "You got this opportunity because you are one of the best, not because any one is playing favorites. So are you in?"

"Hell yea I am!" I almost cheered now that I was certain I wasn't being held to a certain standard and I was actually allowed to be happy about this. I was going to get the opportunity to fight for the Knockout's title, this is what all of us women were working towards. I sent a grin at Jeff. "I'm so thrilled, thank you."

"Like I said, you deserved it, but you are very welcome." Jeff smiled proudly like he always did when I was doing something like this at work but especially when I was taking a step up like now. It had happened once before near the beginning of my career in TNA when I was in a tournament for the title, I had lost in the semi-finals but Jeff had been looking at me the same way he was now. Like he couldn't have been prouder that I was near that top tier in the company even though I had lost out on it. He was proud like any father would be of his daughter for anything, the way my father should have been right now. "You're going to do great things, this is the beginning of something insanely good."

"I think you're right." I nodded, adjusting the strap of my bag on my shoulder and tucked a stray piece of hair behind my ear as I looked up at him. This was going to end up being one of those good night in a sea of really bad ones, and maybe that's what made them all the more worthwhile. Because they were few and far between. This was good, I needed this. But what I didn't need was the look Jeff was now giving me. I eyed him suspiciously. "What?"

"How are you doing?" He questioned, that look combined with the tone in his voice told me exactly what he was referring to. But he still clarified it anyway. "I mean with...everything that happened..."

"I'm not going to lie, I'm still thinking about it. And wishing it had gone better. But I know better and I'm not a little girl anymore, I don't believe that there is a happy ending after so much shit has happened. At least not right away." I shrugged, knowing Jeff would understand what I was saying without me actually having to say it. Jeff himself had seen plenty of bad stuff in his lifetime both in my father's company and then here in TNA. He of all people knew what I meant by this and I could always count on him to understand if no one else could. "But I guess the good thing out of this is that they know the truth and it's done and over with. And I don't have to worry about it anymore."

"That's a very good thing." Jeff agreed, reaching out to hug me tight and returned his embrace, feeling better then I thought I could after the disastrous reunion with my family. Jeff kissed the top of my head like I was actually one of his little girls and said. "The ball's in their court now and all you have to do is move on. You did all you could and no one can ask for anything more."

* * *

><p><em><span>45 minutes later<span>_

"Well well well, if we didn't still occasionally see each other here at work then I would think you're trying to avoid me. We haven't spoken in a while."

"Well Bobby, when you talk like that, it makes me want to have hour long conversations with you so don't assume I don't." I rolled my eyes, pausing in the doorway of the catering area and looking behind me to where Bobby was just coming up to my side and I smiled at his appearance. Even though he had been joking, he was right when he said we hadn't talked in a while and it just occurred to me just now how long it had indeed been. With everything going on with Alex and telling my family and trying to deal with things, I hadn't really been paying attention to my new-found friendship with Bobby. And I felt bad because he had been the one to first discover my secret and push me to tell those closest to me and after things started happening all around me I hadn't put much effort into keeping up a friendship with him. So when he caught up to me just as I was about to walk into the catering area to meet Alex and Chris, I stopped for a while to catch up with him. "Hey Bobby, how are you?"

"I think the better question would be how are you." He directed the focus right back to me like we were playing tether ball, not about to let me throw it away from myself. He crossed his arms over his dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up and raised his dark eyebrows at me. "I sense that something big happened to you."

"I guess you could phrase it like that in a way." I shrugged, pulling my loose hair over my shoulder so it partially covered the hoodie I wore over my ring clothes and looked at him. Bobby would feel triumphant when I told him this. "So I made a huge choice and decided to confront my family a few days ago. They were in the area so I went to go see them, but they didn't really allow me to get a word in and I was forced to leave. But when Alex found out how they treated me, he stormed the hotel and yelled the truth at them, so now they know."

"That's a very Alex thing to do, so I can't say I'm surprised." Bobby chuckled, shaking his head to show he indeed was not caught off guard by what Alex had done. He seemed amused by what I'm sure was an awesome outburst on Alex's part to my family but his amusement fell away rather quickly within a few seconds as he turned his eyes back on me. "But this is a good thing, it was something that had to be done. And now the truth is out. You can't go wrong with that."

"You're right." I nodded but I didn't sound that convincing and he could tell because I saw his lips turn downward into a frown at the tone in my voice. I didn't regret my family knowing the truth because releasing that made me feel just a little bit more stronger then I had in recent years. But it also brought up some apprehension. "I'm just worried about what the fall out could be. People can't just learn something like this and not do anything about it."

"Do you think your father will fire him?" Bobby questioned but I shook my head in earnest. I don't think my father would do anything about it, or any other member of my family. I don't know if I even trusted that they believed what Alex told them, I hadn't heard anything from them or on the internet of any repercussions. So I was assuming nothing would come of it. But I could never be certain, it might just take longer to come to light and I guess Bobby realized that because he said. "Well, whatever happens you will deal with it better then you have dealt with anything. At least now the people around you know the truth and they can support if anything does come of it."

"Thanks Bobby, that actually helps a lot." I smiled, feeling a flush of gratitude for his words which I hadn't felt from anything anyone else said other then Alex. I reached out and squeezed his wrist before nodding behind me to the open room. "I need to go, but uh, I'll make sure it's not too long until our next conversation."

"Good to know." He replied, sending me a lighthearted grin before walking away down the hallway in the direction he was originally going in before he stopped to talk to me. I watched him go, thinking how odd it was that he and I had never even really talked all that much until the last month since he picked up on my secret. But I always believed things like this happened for a reason and maybe it meant that Bobby and I were suppose to be friends. I thought about this as I went across the catering room floor to the table where I spotted Alex and Chris sitting and as I approached them, I felt my heart skip a beat when Alex looked up at me and smiled.

"Hey, what were you...what the..." Alex had started to ask me what I was talking to Bobby about but his question quickly changed when I reached him and dropped down into his lap without even saying anything in greeting. And then before he could even finish his next question, I leaned forward and full on kissed him in full view of everyone in the room. It was the first display of real affection between us even though everyone knew we were together but this was the first time they were seeing us kiss and of course it caused a ripple reaction as everyone cheered loudly. Alex pulled back looking surprised and exhilarated. "Are you high or something?"

"No, just in a surprisingly good mood. Oh hey Chris." I nodded to the other man sitting at the table looking more surprised then Alex was except Chris was also looking like he wanted to run for the hills. He always found it weird when Alex and I were affectionate in front of him. I turned away back to Alex and noted the still stunned look in his eyes. "What?"

"Nothing, I'm just surprised that you would be this affectionate in public. You were never like this before." He pointed out, speaking to the one thing that had been a sore subject in the past for us. Where I had been unwilling to admit that we were a couple or show it around our co-workers. But now there were other things to worry about, more important things then people seeing us together. And this was not something I had to hide, I wasn't ashamed of our relationship, hence why I chose to just forget about my previous stance and just let whoever saw us see us. Alex was thrilled about this obviously. "I have to say I'm beyond ecstatic that we aren't hiding this anymore."

"Well I'm not thrilled." Chris spoke up in mock disgust and we both turned to look at him. "This just gives you two an excuse to be more nauseating then you already are."

"We are not nauseating." I protested, wrapping my arms around Alex's shoulders protectively and holding him close to me. "And it was just time to stop caring about who knew about him and I."

"Now that's what I like to hear." Alex smirked, cupping my chin in his hand and directing my face back to his so he could be the one who kissed me. I heard Chris snort sarcastically in the background but neither Alex or I cared, this was a turning point for us and I was going to enjoy every second of it. It was very rare when I had a second or moment in time when I felt stronger then I actually was, especially with what had been happening lately. But this was one of those times, and I felt more then just strong. I felt exhilarated.

"Oh God, must you guys do that here? Around the food?" Chris asked before jumping up from his seat and rushing away in disgust while Alex and I kept on kissing.

* * *

><p><em><span>30 minutes later<span>_

"Come on you stupid little barbie doll, is that all you got?" Madison Rayne screamed in my face, grabbing on to my long hair tightly before tossing me down to the mats outside the ring and kicking me in the side of the ribcage and causing me to curl up in a ball while fighting the urge to hiss out in pain. It was all part of the show and she really wasn't trying to hurt me or insult me by her comments. But there were microphones everywhere at ringside to pick up on anything the wrestlers said and the creative team wanted the Knockouts to talk smack to each other to push the feud along. And being that I was blonde and had blue eyes, the worse kind of insult to be said to a girl like me was being called a barbie doll. The fans at ringside picked up on it and booed to show their displeasure as Madison rolled back into the ring to take care of Mickie James who was the other woman in our three way match. I stayed down on the mats for a few seconds before I got back up to my feet and climbed under the ropes to rejoin the fight.

The three of us had been battling each other for almost 20 minutes since the opening bell and had it been any other two women in this three way match with me, then I would have had been done sooner then 20 minutes. But both Mickie and Madison were tough women and one on one they were hard enough to deal with, and putting us together in the ring was going to be a long drawn out battle that we all felt for days afterward. And I thought Mickie kicking me in the back of the head at the beginning was going to be the most painful impact of the match but I was so wrong. As the minutes went on and the fans got more interested, the brutality seemed to intensify, a rare quality seen in women's wrestling these days and especially not seen in the WWE in many years. But TNA was so different and didn't hinder us in what we did in our matches which was both good and bad. Because the women sometimes went just as hard as the guys did, and it came across worse because we are women and are often thought not capable of behaving like that. But we were definitely capable of kicking the shit out of each other, which was what we had been doing for the last few minutes.

Mickie was the more powerhouse of the three of us and she didn't need to distract us before she landed a vicious blow which happened far too often for my liking. Now Madison was the more stealth one and she would wait until Mickie and I were fighting amongst ourselves and weren't paying attention before she attacked us from behind. I on the other hand was the more extreme of the group and wasn't afraid to do anything and everything in order to get the upper hand. So it often involved me flying off turnbuckles and jumping off the apron onto one or both of them if I had to. And luckily for me in the course of my career, I had never been seriously injured from my high flying nature except for the occasional bumps and bruises that came when I wasn't on my game. But that wasn't the case for tonight, tonight I was completely on my game.

I got back into the ring just in time to break up a pin attempt and dragged Madison off Mickie and threw her into the ropes only for her to bounce back quicker then I thought only to ram me down to the mat with her forearm. The back of my head hit the ring floor and caused a spasm of pain to overcome me as I felt her weight settle on me to grab the pin. But as tired as I was, I wasn't nearly as beaten down as I could be to warrant not kicking out. Once I got my arm up, Madison smacked me across the face out of annoyance and grabbed my hair again to drag me to my feet. I shoved her backwards away from me and moved back to the ropes on the other side of the ring. Madison came at me like I knew she would and as soon as she got close enough, I ducked and grabbed her ankles and tossed her overhead to the floor where I knew she would be remaining for the rest of the match. I turned back to Mickie to see her getting to her feet and upon realizing she was on the verge of regaining her composure, I had to seize the opportunity to take her out now. But she was ready for me and took me down in snap mare that nearly stole the breath from my lungs from the harsh impact. But as she was getting on top of me for the pin, I was able to think quick and twist my body so I could lock her behind her and get her shoulders to the mat for the 3 count.

"Here is your winner and the number one contender to the Knockout's title...Savannah McMahon..." It felt weird to hear my name called in victory like this, not that I hadn't heard it before but it was different now because of result of my victory. This would push me farther then I had been in the last 2 years and give me a real shot at a title belt. I hadn't been this close to a title reign in TNA since the beginning when I lost in the tournament. But I had won this, I was the victor and soon enough I would be fighting for the belt against Gail Kim, who coincidentally enough use to wrestle for my family's company.

I got to my feet with what I knew was the brightest smile ever on my face and raised both hands in the air as I listened to the packed stands cheer for me. I never understood how TNA fans could embrace a McMahon since the whole point of TNA was to rebel against WWE. But nevertheless, since my induction into this company I had been greeted with open arms as if my last name wasn't McMahon and I felt such warmth and love from these people. If they had booed me and hated me then I never would have the strength to keep on working here. Things affected me easily but luckily for me that wasn't the case and every time I stepped out here and earned their approval, I got just a little bit more stronger.

Maybe TNA really could heal me. Or at least a shot at the title could.

* * *

><p><em><span>Backstage<span>_

"Holy crap you were amazing !"

"Easy with the compliments Jeff, you don't want everyone to think you're playing favorites now do you?" I asked with a smile as I was greeted by Jeff within seconds of stepping backstage after walking up the ramp and my eyes found him easily in the chaos of the area surrounding the tunnel entrance. He was standing off the side by one of the monitors, dressed in his own wrestling gear as his match was coming up fairly soon and as soon as he called out to me, I made my way over him with a grin while tugging my fingers through the knots in my hair. "So I guess you weren't entirely bored by my performance."

"Uh not at all. I do believe the word amazing was used." He replied, pressing his lips together tightly but there was no way of hiding the smile I knew that had probably been in place long before I got back here. He crossed his arms over his chest and shook his head, almost in disbelief. "It's crazy."

"What is?" I asked, tilting my head to the side as I watched his face. There were many times when I could accurately predict what was going on in Jeff's head but right now I couldn't quite pinpoint what it was. It wasn't anything negative, that I knew but there was something else there. "Jeff, what are you thinking?"

"It's crazy to think of how far you've come. I watched you grow up and you were this tiny little girl, and I always knew you were going to be something great. But I never imagined you would go above and beyond what I even thought." Jeff explained, his voice full of approval and pride, two things I had always hoped to evoke in my father but had never quite managed it. But Jeff was far from being anything like Vince McMahon, Jeff may not always sound it, but he was a kinder and much gentler man then people gave him credit for. And he had always been the one to bolster my spirits since I was a kid and give me the confidence to step out from my family's shadows in a way no one else ever had. I was the only McMahon he kept in touch with after he left the WWE and he had been the one to get things rolling with my TNA contract. If there was anyone's approval I sought out, it was his. He reached out to hug me quickly and I heard him say in a low voice. "I'm proud of you kid."

"Well thank you...Dad." I saw the flush of happiness at this title and I knew no matter what happened in the future with my family, Jeff Jarrett would forever remain the man that I really considered my father. He had been there for me when I needed him the most and I had complete faith that he would never turn me away. It took a lot for me to admit to this kind of thing as I did not have that kind of faith in most people. But Jeff was definitely included in those select few. "Thanks again for..."

"Oh dear God, what did you say to her Jeff? She looks like she is going to cry." Alex joined us just now, coming up behind me without me even realizing it and I felt his arm snake around my waist to pull me to his side. I grinned when I could smell the freshness on his skin, showing that he had just gotten out of the shower after going through his own grueling match and I fought the urge to run my fingers through his damp hair right in front of Jeff. "You just had to say something nice to her didn't you?"

"Of course I did, she was at the top of her game if you didn't notice." Jeff shot back playfully, always up for a quick banter with Alex who he had really grown close to through me. He nodded in approval and I knew that was more for how Alex and I were with each other right now. "Now you on the other hand..."

"Ok, I see where this is going and I'm going to separate you two before you through tantrums." I grabbed Alex's arm and pulled him after me down the hall back towards the locker rooms. I knew they obviously weren't going to fight and were just being playful, but I still pulled them apart because now that both Alex and I were done for the night, we could head home and I had an idea of what we could get up once we were alone. I barely got 15 feet away when I turned back around to look at Jeff who had turned to face the monitor again and I said to Alex. "I'll be right back."

I quickly walked back over to Jeff who didn't see me coming as his focus was now back on the filler match taking place before his own. So when I reached him and placed my hand on his shoulder, he turned around expectantly only for his eyes to widen.

"Back so soon?" He asked when we were facing each other again and I couldn't stop myself from reaching out and hugging him full on, taking him by surprise completely. "What was that for?"

"For giving me the match and for being the best stand in father I could have asked for." I told him, feeling like I didn't say it enough but he seemed to get it as he hugged me back too and when we pulled away he was smiling. Just like I was. "Thanks Jeff, I love you."

"Love you too kid."

* * *

><p><em><span>25 minutes later<span>_

"So that was definitely a good end to the night."

"I agree, it was a fantastic end." I replied with a grin, turning in my seat to look at Alex as he sat behind the wheel of his car and drove towards my house and I couldn't help but smile even brighter. It wasn't because I was glad that we were almost home and could finally be alone, it was also because I had just had one of the better days and nights that I had ever had in my life and I was relishing in the glory of it all. I couldn't remember a time when I had felt more on top of the world then I did right now. I crossed my legs at the knee and pulled my slightly damp hair over my shoulder as I looked at Alex. "I'm glad we were on the same page tonight. We just went through a lot lately and I didn't think we would find the right balance again but we did and I couldn't be happier."

"Same here, it feels good to feel the peace again." Alex agreed, slowing the car down as we approached an intersection that the traffic light was just turning yellow at and came to a stop as the car in front of us forced us to. Alex turned to look at me and I felt a flutter in my stomach at the look he was giving me. "I've always been happy with you, I think I always will be."

I could only smile in return as we both turned our eyes back towards the traffic light. It was one of those that took a long time to turn green again and as we watched the cars on the other side of the road go by, I couldn't help but find Alex more interesting to look at. He was still staring straight ahead so I only got his profile but that was ok, that was more then enough for me right now with the thoughts floating around in my head at the moment. I felt the same flutter in my stomach as I watched him, feeling the sensation grow bigger and bigger the more I looked at him. It never occurred to me until now just how incredibly lucky I was to have him in my life. I mean if I really thought about it, not many guys our age would be quite as patient and understanding as Alex was about my personal situation. Almost every other guy would have taken off long ago because this was a lot to take on, even for people who have known each other as long as Alex and I had. But add in the intimacy factor and sometimes that was all a guy was after and even that wouldn't keep him around with this much anguish on a constant basis. But like I said many times before, Alex was no ordinary guy and no matter how many bad things popped up and despite all the arguments we had over every conceivable thing, nothing seemed bad enough to send him packing. I could be the most difficult person to deal with and at times I knew I was, but that didn't ever seem to bother him enough to get him to throw his hands up and say it was over. He was in it for the long haul as he had promised. There had been many times where he could have walked away and he never decided to. Hell I had even given him the opportunity to end it and he didn't take me up on it. He wanted me despite all my imperfections and issues. If we could get through everything we already got through then I don't think anything could ruin what we had. Alex wasn't going to hurt me, Alex was no Randy.

"Hello! Are you still in there?" Alex waved his hand in front of my eyes, bringing me out of my haze of thinking to find him now looking at me full on in mild amused confusion. "You were just staring at me with this weird look on your face."

"Alex I..." I felt myself smile before I even said the words. I heard them echo inside my head like they had a million times before only this time I didn't feel any urge to keep them inside of me. I didn't shrink back from this feeling that had started to build up and I didn't try to hide from it. What was the point when it was only delaying the inevitable? I looked at Alex again, seeing his sweet face watching me and my heart swelled again. I heard my voice come out quietly but still audible. "Alex I...I love you."

"Did you just..." Alex didn't even bother finishing his question as he leaned right on over and grabbed my face in between his hands. I felt the smile on his lips against mine before they consumed my mouth and began kissing me all over almost feverishly. I felt the passion in his touch as he kissed me as well as his excitement over me finally saying the three words he had always wanted to hear me say and I couldn't believe it took me this long to finally utter those words. But I did and as I kissed him, I knew there was nothing else I was more certain of other then my love for him. I had loved him long before we ever got together for the first time. I think I may have even loved him when we first started to become friends. It just had never been as apparent as it was now. And I wanted to keep saying it over and over again but the sound of a car horn blaring broke us apart just as we saw the light was green and about to change again. Alex grabbed the wheel and growled. "Shit."

"So romantic." I rolled my eyes, giggling a little as he hit the accelerator and zoomed through the intersection before we were stuck there again and good thing it was the last light before we turned on the street to go to my house, because after that kiss and still feeling the rush of emotions in my veins, I needed to be close to him again. Things were silent as we drove passed the dark houses on my block but I knew the silence was only because he was thinking the same thing that I was and that he too couldn't wait until we were in my house and behind closed doors. I breathed a sigh of relief as we pulled in my driveway and finally came to stop with a lurch that made us both jump forward in our seats. "Smooth."

"What can I say? You caught me off guard." He smirked, pulling the keys out of the ignition and turning towards me with his eyebrows raised. There was something in his eyes that I hadn't seen before, something mixed in with the lust and desire he had for me that I couldn't wait to find out about. He motioned to the house. "Shall we?"

"Oh yes, I think so." I replied eagerly, grabbing my bag from the backseat and opening my door to jump down to the driveway perhaps a little too enthusiastically as I nearly tripped over my own feet. I practically skipped around the front of the car only to meet Alex on the other side with a smile as big as my own. I didn't think it was possible for my heart to feel any bigger then it already did but that changed when Alex pulled me against him and I wrapped my arm around his neck just as my outside lights that were on a timer came on and allowed me to see his face in the dark. I smiled and pressed my lips against his lightly. "I meant it you know. I do love you."

"I know. And I love..." Alex's declaration of his loved was cut short as we were both found our attention pulled away from each other and to a dark car that was parked on the street that neither of us had noticed as we were driving to the house. And at first I didn't think anything of and was already pulling Alex towards the front door when I felt him pull me to a stop. "Oh shit. You better look at this right now."

"What..." I followed his gaze back to the car and watched with slight interest as a back door opened and wondered what could possibly have grabbed his attention so much that his grip on me tightened. But when the light on the street landed on the faces of the figures who had emerged from that car, I felt the same statement fall from my lips. "Oh shit."

Oh shit was right. Because right now I was staring into the faces of my mother, brother and sister who were staring back me with the most guilty of looks on their faces. Perhaps this night wasn't going to end well at all.

**A/N: Dun dun dun! The McMahons have come for a confrontation. God only knows what will come of this now**


	17. Not standing alone

**Chapter 17 Not standing alone**

"Oh...my...God. This is not happening." I told myself quietly, feeling my arms drop down to my side and my bag fall to the ground with a soft thud as I started blinking my eyes rapidly. Maybe I thought I was hallucinating, maybe it was the stress of the last few weeks that was getting to me and I thought I was actually seeing my family in front of me. Maybe Alex was hallucinating too. I stopped blinking and they were still there, waiting for me to speak. This was not an illusion, this was way too real. My heart skidded to a painful stop before it started up again and I actually looked at their faces full on for the first time in the past 10 minutes. After their dismissal of me a few days ago and their outcast of me from 2 years ago, I was not prepared to be facing them right now. I didn't know what to say. I looked at Alex, who was staring at my brother and sister with a frown and I bent to grab my bag again. As I straightened up, I shook my head. "I'm not dealing with this right now..."

"Savannah wait!" My mother was the first to call out, and the sadness in her voice was what froze me in place before forcing me to turn back around. They had all taken a step forward when I had and my mother's hands were paused in mid air like she had been prepared to reach out and grab me. "Please talk to us..."

"Oh, now you want to talk? You want to talk now that you know the truth? You couldn't even give me the respect to tell you myself. You only listened because Alex wasn't going to take your shit and he yelled it at you. Otherwise you would still be in the dark." I hissed, hearing the venom in my voice and even I was shocked at how mean I could sound. I wasn't normally like this, but I was human and there were times when I was ruled by emotion and now was one of those times. All I could see was how they had looked at me when I went to talk to them, how harsh they had sounded. If Alex hadn't confronted them, then they would still think I ran away to hurt them. This wasn't about me as much as it was about lessening their guilt. I looked at my mother and shook my head again. "And I'm going to take a wild guess and say that you're here to apologize..."

"Of course we need to apologize, we were so harsh to you. We didn't even let you explain it yourself. We just pushed you away." Stephanie spoke up next, her normally composed and stern face that so often mirrored our father, was crumbling down into an expression I had never seen before. In my whole life I had never seen my sister look so vulnerable aside from the birth of her first daughter. She was so good at holding it together and keeping her emotions to herself. But now it was all showing in her eyes. "But that doesn't account for how sorry we all are that you had to deal with this alone..."

"But I wasn't alone, I had my real family to help me when you guys weren't there." I frowned, wishing I could feel the bond that sisters were suppose to feel between each other but nothing was there. We might as well have been strangers for how much there was a lack of connection right now. I looked at Shane and then at my mother, it was the same broken attachment with all of them. I didn't even feel like I belonged in this family. "So if you only came to apologize then you can turn back around and leave. I've heard your apologies before and they mean nothing to me right now."

"Look, we know you're angry and hurt. You have every right to be. But we want to fix..." Shane began to step forward as he spoke, his hand rising like our mom's had to reach for me. But the moment I saw him move, I felt my legs jump backwards to put more space between us. I saw the hurt flash across his eyes but I knew this still wasn't about me as much as it was still about his own personal feelings. "Savannah..."

"No, do not say it like that. Not like you're going to make me feel bad for not hearing you out. You don't get that right." I snapped, feeling my own composure starting to slip away. This was going to be tougher then I thought to get through, so I just wasn't going to do it. "And you don't get to make yourselves feel better about this."

"We're not trying to make ourselves feel better. We're trying to be here for you like we were suppose to be. But you have to let us try." Stephanie insisted, moving forward next to Shane like she thought that the sight of the two of them would make my wall crumble. But if anything it only made me more upset and frustrated. They couldn't just come here and expect me to listen to them after how they tossed me out like trash. And in fact, I had been called trash by my father according to Alex's recap of their conversation. So I wasn't interested in hearing anything my so called family had to say. "Savannah just give us a chance..."

"That's funny, you wanting a chance to talk. Maybe you should have let me talk and then I would have been more willing to talk to you." I was done with this, there was nothing left to say to these people and I wasn't staying out here a minute longer. I didn't even look at Alex as I turned around and stomped towards my front door.

* * *

><p><em><span>60 minutes later<span>_

"I can't believe they're still here in that damn car. They should have given up by now." I mumbled to myself as I stood near the wall off to the side of the front hallway and looked out the window towards the street. The car my family had arrived in was still there, it hadn't moved a bit since I came inside with Alex and I figured that if they got the message that I wasn't going to come out again then maybe they would leave. After all, they had more important things to do then sit around waiting to talk to me. They had never been interested in bonding with me before and the only reason they were now was because they felt guilty. And I had no desire to deal with them so I hadn't even attempted to make contact. I just went about my routine and made dinner and changed into a pair of sweat pants and a blue tank top and intended to relax on the couch with Alex. But I had been drawn back to the window when I hadn't heard the car start up again and I was annoyed and slightly impressed that they were still here. I shook my head. "This is crazy."

"Those are the McMahons, of course they are crazy." Alex's teasing voice joined me as he came over to the window and looked with me out to the street were my brother and sister were standing outside the car and staring at my house with matching expressions of debate on their face. I knew they were probably trying to decide if it would make a difference if they came and knocked on the door but they must have decided against it because they never moved from their spot. Alex sighed and turned to look at me before leaning against the wall with his arms crossed and a curious look in his eyes. "But as crazy as they are, they're still your family.."

"Yea, and your point?" I turned away from the window with my eyes narrowed at him. "Are you suggesting something?"

"Actually I am. I think you should go back out there and talk to them." He said with a shrug, his hand rising up to cup my face gently and for just a second I forgot that a car full of my family members were out on the street and all I could think about was him and how our night should have taken a different turn after I had finally gotten the courage to say the words I had been dying to say for over a year now. It made me hate my family's arrival even more. If they hadn't been here then Alex and I would be wrapped up in each others arms instead of standing at the window like we were. "You need to talk to them and put this behind you for good."

"I'm not so sure that talking to them will do any good. In fact, I don't want to." I replied stubbornly, thinking it was ironic that having my family so close by was what was bringing out the old McMahon stubbornness that had been lying dormant in me forever. "You want to know why I won't talk to them? Because talking to them would be giving them what they want and I have no intention of giving them what they want. They don't deserve my forgiveness."

"I'm not saying they do because I'm just as mad as you are at what they did. They are stubborn, mean, and harsh. They shouldn't be given in to so easily." Alex pointed out, tucking my hair behind my ear and smiling down at me in a way that made me want to return it but I couldn't. I may not look it, but I was extremely stubborn when I wanted to hold on to a grudge. "But this doesn't have to be about them. If it makes you feel better to talk to them, then you need to do it."

"I hate it when you have a point." I rolled my eyes in annoyance, looking back out the window where I could see my brother and sister talking to each other and I bit my bottom lip. "You're so smug when you know you're right."

"I am not. I merely look like a satisfied man who knows every one around him has acknowledged his correctness." He replied smartly, his face looking very much triumphant as his hands rested on top of my shoulders. "Come on, even you have to admit that I have never been more right."

"And you wonder why I held off from telling you about the rape. You will never give up on pushing me to do what will make me happy." I had to smile right now, there as no way I couldn't. Alex was only trying to help and he wasn't going to let me slide back to avoiding things, not if he could stop me. He would throw me out the door in front of my family if he had to, I wouldn't put it passed him. He was that kind of guy. "I hate you. You know that right?"

"Of course I do, but I also know that you love me too. So that cancels out your annoyance for me." He smirked brightly down at me before he turned me around and directed me towards the door. "I love you too. Now go out there and talk to them."

"I am going to slap you when I get a chance. So I would prepare yourself now." I warned him with a small smile before I let out the breath I had been holding back for the past hour and sighed before heading for the door. Here goes nothing.

* * *

><p><em><span>Outside<span>_

"OK look..." I stated when I stepped out my front door and immediately felt their eyes snap to me. I saw my mother get back out of the car when I started coming across the grass and it took all the strength in me to keep placing my feet in front of the other. But I did it until I was across the lawn and standing within just a few feet of them. I felt my heart thudding wildly inside my chest like it had torn itself loose and was just creating chaos inside my body cavity. My hands came up to my shoulder where my hair was pulled over it and I instantly started twisting it around my fingers nervously. I may have been mad and upset and freaked out but I was most of all nervous. I didn't know what I was going to say or do now that the moment had finally arrived when they had shown up willingly. There was over 2 years of no contact between us and now we were brought back together because they about the terrible event that had separated us in the first place. How could I not be nervous? I looked at the ground as I spoke. "I'll be the first to admit that I have thought about what this moment would be like if we ever tried to talk to each other but now that you guys are here, I have no idea what I'm suppose to be saying."

"It's really us that need to be saying something, not you." Shane replied, the first to speak as I knew he would being that he was the most like our father and always had to be the one in control. But despite that, he looked more like a nervous, scared little boy even though he was 18 years older then I was. I had never seen my brother like this and to be honest, it kind of freaked me out. "We're not going to pretend like we're not the people that we are. But we wouldn't have acted like that if we knew what you were going through. And we're all so sorry that it happened to you."

"Are you actually sorry? Or are you just saying that because you feel guilty and feel like that is what you need to say to make this right?" I heard myself ask quietly, hating that my voice broke because once they heard that I knew it would be over and we would be diving headlong into a deep, intense conversation. But it was what I needed to do. Alex had been right, I had to go through this so I could put it behind me for good. But it didn't mean that I was going to make it easy on them. I stared at Shane. "Because nothing any of you say is going to make this right, nothing is going to erase what happened or what you did..."

"We know that, we know we can't take it back. We can't fix it and we will have to live with it the rest of our lives. We made that choice when we let you leave without questioning you about the real reason. That's on us, not you." Stephanie insisted, her lips pressed into a thin line that suggesting she was fighting back against some overwhelming emotion and recognizing that made something break inside of me. She may have been harsh just like they all were,but she was my sister and no matter what any of them did, I hated to see people in pain. Stephanie looked up at me almost pleadingly. "I'm so sorry we weren't there."

"Yea, I'm sorry too. Sorry that I lost my family when I did nothing and only ran because I was scared. That's what I'm sorry for." I turned away from them and covered my face with my hands. It was with good timing too because I felt the tears prick at my eyes the second I looked away and I did not want to see them see me cry. I could feel my shoulders shake despite my attempts to muffle the sobs rising up in my throat and I pressed my fingers into my eyes to ward off the tears but they fell anyway. I should have walked away right then and there but before I could think about moving I felt Shane's hands on my arms, turning me around and folding me into his arms for a tight hug. I could have fought him off but there was something so oddly familiar about being hugged by my brother, like I could remember it from a very long time ago when I had been upset and he was comforting me. None of us had ever been very affectionate with each other so when we did get emotional, the moments were rare and far between. And there was just something about having your older brother holding you that somehow shut out the bad things in the world, even when he was responsible for some of the things that had hurt me. "I hate you Shane, I really hate you."

"I know, I know you do. Because I hate myself for not being there for you." Shane just had to agree with me, saying the one thing that made me cry even harder. I felt another pair of arms come around me and knew it was Stephanie, even after all this time I still knew their touch. And I knew that she was crying too. That in itself was odd enough, but this whole situation was odd. Shane's hand was still at the back of my head, holding me against him. " I'm sorry for being a bad big brother. I should have protected you and I didn't. I failed you."

"We all failed you and in the biggest possible way. I have never felt more shame over my own actions then I do now." My mother spoke up quietly from behind the three of us and I lifted my head to look at her. For such a proud and strong woman, she looked very distraught and weakened. It was a way I was not use to seeing my mother in and I had to close my mouth so I wouldn't let a sob escape. She looked me at me like she was seeing me for the first time. "I should have seen that something was wrong. You're my daughter, I should have known..."

"It wouldn't have mattered if you did know something was wrong. It took me 2 years to tell Alex and he's easier to talk to then you guys are..." I muttered, pulling away from my brother and wiping my eyes before looking back towards the house. Alex was passing by the window but I saw him stop and wave at me almost out of encouragement before he left my sight. I looked back at my family and reluctantly said. "I guess if we plan on rehashing this tonight then we should move it inside so the neighbors don't have a show.."

"Probably a good idea." Shane nodded, looking towards the front door where Alex already had it open and was standing in the doorway waiting. Shane paused and frowned. "He's not going to yell at us again is he?"

"Just go." I rolled my eyes but didn't say anything more as I motioned for the three of them to walk ahead of me and go in first. As we went across the lawn, I felt a pull to look back at the car for some reason and I stopped moving to look at the closed door. I don't know why I was staring at it like I expected someone else to come out of it but...

"He's not coming." It was my mother who had spoken and I looked over my shoulder to find that she had rejoined me in the middle of the yard and was also looking at the car like she knew what I had been thinking. "Your father...he just couldn't face you yet. But it's not because he doesn't believe you..."

"I wasn't thinking he was still in the car. And I knew he wouldn't come, this is dad we're talking about. I just thought I heard something, that's all." I almost cringed at how pathetic that lie was but it was the best I could do at the moment. There was no way that I was actually going to admit that for just a second that I thought my dad had actually put aside his pride long enough to show up to make things right. And I felt embarrassed enough that I allowed myself to think this, even if I was the only one who knew I had thought it. I looked back at my mother. "We should go inside."

As we were closing the distance to the front door, I couldn't help but feel a small sting in my chest upon realizing that my father was missing. I may have hated him right at the moment for what he had done but he was my dad. If my siblings were here and so was my mother, then he should have here too. It didn't feel right without him. But he wasn't here and he wouldn't be here any time soon. And I had to stop thinking that my dad was ever going to change his ways and admit to his own mistakes. Maybe some people just couldn't change.

* * *

><p><em><span>10 minutes later<span>_

"What do you mean you're leaving? You can't leave." I felt my mouth fall open as I stared up at Alex, shocked at what he had just told me and I immediately wanted to grab a hold of him so he couldn't walk out the door. After I had invited my family inside and we had all struggled to find something to say, Alex had taken it upon himself to point them towards the living room before informing me that he was going to take off and leave me to talk with my family. As soon as he said this, I felt an overwhelming upswing of nerves hit me and I felt panicked at having to deal with these people on my own. What made him think it was ok to abandon me? "Alex, I can't do this without you. What the hell am I suppose to say?"

"You're just suppose to talk to them, that's it. They're your family and this is a family matter now. You can face this alone, you'll be fine." He assured me, his hand going up to my face to push the hair out of my eyes as he smiled at me. His expression said that he had more faith in my abilities to handle this then I did. At least one of us was sure. "I'll only be a phone call away. If you need me, then all you have to do is call and I will come running. But you need to at least try to talk to them on your own."

"Keep your phone in your pocket, just in case." I muttered, looking down at my crossed arms but Alex's hand on my cheek brought my face up again as he leaned forward to kiss me lightly on the lips. When he pulled back, the look on his face was enough to make me smile slightly. "Alright, you better go before I attach myself to your legs."

"I'm going, I'm going." He rolled his eyes as he grabbed his bag and opened the door with his other hand while looking at me with those wonderfully dark eyes of his. "But then again, having you attached to me doesn't sound so bad..."

"Goodbye Alex." I shook my head, watching him grin as he stepped off the porch and down to the stone walkway to head toward his car. I stood in the doorway for a second and watched him go, almost wishing that I could run after him and avoid this all together. But I ended up closing the door before the urge became too much and turned to go into the living room where I could hear the low murmurs of my family talking to each other. I hesitated for a second before walking in, their voices instantly going silent when I dropped down to one end of the set of couches and leveled them with a stare. If I was going to do this, then I might as well just jump right into it. "So I guess we start with the obvious. How did you know where to find me? I know Alex never told you my address..."

"After he essentially put us in our place, it took a while for the shock to wear off before we could think about what to do next. And when we finally came to our senses, we knew we had to come talk to you in person. So we hired a private investigator to do some snooping around and after a few days, he came back with your address and here we are." My mother explained, sitting on the edge of the couch with her legs crossed and her hands clasped together around her knees as she looked at me with those big eyes of hers. "We wanted to talk to you in person because we believe you. We don't doubt what happened to you."

"Well that's nice to know after 2 years of wondering what would happen if we ever talked face to face. I can check that off my list." I replied with an edge to my tone that I was sure they had never expected to hear from me judging by the looks on their faces and I couldn't help but feel slightly smug about that. Not that I liked being nasty or anything like that, but it was very rare that these three people were caught off guard by anything and after what I had been through, any kind of thrill was good for me. Even if it came at their expense. "It's good to know my own family believes me, even though it took my boyfriend yelling at them to finally wake them up to the truth."

"We're not proud of that you know, so don't think we relish the fact that we had to hear the truth from some stranger instead of you. After Alex left that day, we felt terrible from not letting you tell us yourself. Especially after we knew how hard it was for you to come forward. We'll never let ourselves forget this." Shane told me looking straight in the face with no apprehension even though he didn't look entirely confident. "We don't expect to be forgiven right away..."

"Well no shit. There's no way in hell you get my forgiveness just because you said you're sorry. You don't get everything you want." I hissed through clenched teeth, fighting my initial instinct to get up and leave the room. I shouldn't have to listen to them when they didn't listen to me. But I said I would see this through and I would do just that no matter how hard it was on me. I had been through harder things then this. "I can't just say it's ok. You guys out cast me for years because of something you assumed was the truth. I can't just get over that in two seconds."

"We don't expect you to, we are very well aware of how harsh our reactions were 2 years ago as well as just recently. Of course you shouldn't forgive us right off the bat. But at least give us the chance to get to the point where you can forgive us." Stephanie stated, lifting her head to look at me and she quickly ran her fingers through her hair from her forehead and all the way back through the ends. She still had her natural brown hair even though she sometimes dyed in blonde, but I thought she looked better as a brunette. "We acknowledge that it won't change right away just because we now know the truth. And also it will take more then just one visit to fix things and many, many hours of apologizing. But we're willing to do that if it means helping you heal. Because this is more about you then anything else."

"I have to say I am very surprised to hear you say that. You guys have never been willing to accept blame or the fact that you won't get your way so easily. And I don't know if I believe it entirely but I guess it shows change of some sort..." I had to admit that they did sound sort of sincere. Or at least they were not so proud where they couldn't say the right words to make themselves sound better. And seeing that change in them when it had never happened before,made the wall I had up come down a little bit as I looked at the three of them with new eyes. "And I won't lie about this, but I have missed you guys over the past few years. But I knew I couldn't think to reach out until I felt strong enough to deal with the rape first..."

"Speaking of which, we need to seriously talk about that." My mother interjected, her eyes getting both stormy and misty as she looked over me as if expecting to see some kind of evidence of the rape. "What happened that..."

"I'm not talking about that night, so you can forget it. I've relived it enough this past month and I'm not going to give details to you the first time we are all together." I shook my head, closing off that part of the conversation before my mother could draw more attention to it. This was the first honest conversation I was having with my family in years and that included even before the rape, I didn't feel comfortable talking about the night I was assaulted. I barely even felt comfortable talking to Alex about it and I had known him for years. But my family and I had always had issues and I could barely talk to them about the simplest of things, never mind something like this. So I had to keep that closed off until we had gotten to know each other again. They needed to know the boundaries. "And I will not speak about Randy..."

"You have to press charges against him Savannah, he has to be punished for what he did." My brother suddenly piped in, looking angry all of a sudden as well as determined as he always did when he was suddenly struck with an idea. "But you have to agree to it because..."

"No, I'm not doing that. There's no evidence left and too much time has passed to prove anything. And I'm not putting myself through that when I know nothing can happen. It will be torturous and painful for me,not Randy. So absolutely not." I had this answer all planned out whenever someone said I needed to press charges and I was glad I was able to say it without getting emotional. I did want Randy to pay, I wanted him to hurt more then anything. But if I went through with it then it was just going to hurt me more because I can't prove that he raped me. So why should I waste everyone's time as well as torturing myself when nothing would come of it? It's simple, I wouldn't put myself in that position. And no one would force it on me. I looked at their faces, feeling more serious then anything. "And not one of you is going to retaliate against him either."

"Are you out of your mind? It's one thing to say you won't do anything about it yourself. But telling us that we can't do anything is crazy." Shane had never had a problem saying what was on his mind so I wasn't entirely shocked to hear him react like this but I still found myself sitting up in surprise at his tone. We had only been back in each others presence for half an hour and already he was trying to sound like a protective big brother. "Savannah, there's no way we can work with him everyday and not do something."

"Shane's right, I can't see Randy in the hallways at the arenas or be in meeting with him and know what he did but not be able to do something to him." Steph was already shaking her head, refusing to go along with this even though it wasn't her decision. But I was the baby of the family, they were always going to think they knew better. "You can't ask us to not do anything."

"Well that's exactly what you're going to do. Or you can kiss ever speaking to me again good bye and we end this conversation now. So sure, you can try and stir up trouble or your own brand of retribution. But keep in mind if you do then I have no reason to be on speaking terms with any of you." I wasn't being a hard ass but I had to maintain a sense of control when dealing with my family. It was so easy to get lost in their power hungry personalities but I had been walked over enough in my life and I had to take a stand even if they didn't agree. I couldn't go through with pressing charges or allowing them to punish Randy in their own way. It would just circle back and bite me in the ass. So no, this was not happening. "What would you rather put your energy into? Destroying Randy's life? Or fixing our relationships? What's more important?"

"Of course we're going to chose you above anything else, that's not the problem. Randy is the problem, I can't believe you won't let us kick his ass." Shane frowned, his forehead furrowing and making him look just like our father. He was the second hardest person to get along with in the family and when he thought he was on the right track, any opposition was a blow to his ego and he hated it. "But unless you are on board with it, then anything we do will just reflect badly on us. It would be kind of hard to press charges if the person he hurt is not ok with it."

"I want him to pay but if there's no way to prove what he did then there's no point going through the process only to be disappointed." I shrugged, knowing it wasn't the answer they wanted. In their world, their first instinct was to strike back at an offender and then think about it afterward. But that wasn't how I operated, I was more level headed then they were. And as long as Randy maintained his distance, then I wouldn't ever have to take legal action. "I would rather put the time and energy into getting to know you guys again. I don't want us to be brought back together because of a vengeance thing. Randy has ruined enough, don't put me in a position where I have to deal with him anymore."

"If that's what you want then...ok, we won't do anything." My mother reluctantly agreed and looking at my brother and sister real quick showed they were having the same reaction. They didn't want to agree but they did because its what I wanted. And to me that counted for a lot. "But what I do want to do is find out what you've been up to for the past few years. We have a lot of catching up to do."

"Yes we do..."

* * *

><p><em><span>20 minutes later<span>_

"...And that's been my life up until now." I finished with a sigh, coming to a close about what had happened since the time I left the WWE and I looked at the faces of my family to see that they had gone from looking sort of sad and down to more upbeat and surprising proud, something I wasn't expecting. I knew how they felt about TNA long before I left to come here, so I wasn't sure how they would feel about hearing me talk about my career there. But they wanted to know what I had been up to and TNA was a huge chunk of my life and it would be stupid to pretend like that wasn't the case. I talked about my highs and lows in the company, including my recent number one contender's spot as well as the fun and freedom I felt working there. That they didn't like to hear but they said nothing about it and just listened in silence. I told them briefly how I dealt with things after the rape and the few select people I allowed in my life and my relationship with Alex and our friendship with Chris. So they were pretty caught up. "Any comments?"

"Just one little thing..." Shane held up his hand to get my attention and I was surprised to hear him speak since he had been pretty quiet about my life when I started relaying it to them, so when he was the one who had a comment to make, I was kind of taken aback. "These are the people you considered your real family? Alex Shelley and Chris Sabin? That punky,emo tag team..."

"Yea, you have a problem with that?" I frowned, feeling a sting come over me at what looked like a disapproving look from my older brother about who I chose to surround myself with. What right did he have to give me that look? He didn't know either of them well enough to comment on who they were to me. "Alex and Chris are great. And you would know that, if you weren't such a snob..."

"I didn't say anything! All I implied was that they don't seem like the greatest people you would consider for the title of family. That's all." Shane quickly held up his hands defensively before trying to backtrack. "It wasn't meant as a jab..."

"Well to me it was, so back the fuck off. Chris is my best friend and he has been more of a brother to me then you have. And I love Alex, which is kind of amazing considering I was raped two years ago and didn't think I could ever love anyone. So respect them or get the fuck out of my house." I couldn't even believe that I actually spoke to my brother like that, I never was this forthright and outspoken about anything growing up. I would still consider myself meek compared to the rest of my family. But not when it came to those who I loved. And I loved Alex and Chris, I wouldn't let anyone make them less then what they were to me. Not even my own brother. I glared at him. "But since you seem to have a disapproving tone for whose in my life, I should probably mention that I am very close to Jeff Jarrett as well."

"Are you kidding me?" This time it was Stephanie and her pretty face quickly reverted back to its stern expression the moment I touched on Jeff's name. "Savannah, come on. Jeff Jarrett? Seriously? What the hell..."

"Not you too. You guys only knew him and how he was from when he worked for you. He's different now and he's always been good to me. And he was great when I needed to get out of the WWE, in fact he as acted like the father I wish I had had growing up. He's been there for me just like Alex and Chris are and he deserves respect for that. He means something to me, so do not talk shit about him." I sounded like an angry tiger when I was forced to defend the people I loved. It was easy for Stephanie and Shane to look down on these three people I considered family all because they were in TNA and my biological family looked down on that company. But they weren't just random TNA wrestlers, they were my family. The McMahons were the ones who I considered out of line and the ones who I didn't want around me. But I was willing to give them a chance before I threw my hands up. If they knew the boundaries then maybe it could work. "Yes, I am aware of the bad blood Jeff has with the WWE over the years, that hasn't escaped my intelligence. But he has changed and he is a good guy. I'm not asking you to be buddies with him, but respect that he is my friend and someone I consider a father figure to me..."

"Oh dad will love that." Shane said sarcastically, his eyes showing the extent of his disgust before he reigned it in and just shrugged, seeming subdued for now. "But you have a point, we can't exactly say crap about TNA since you work there now and we're sort of getting back on the same page. And it would be kind of hypocritical of me to say when..."

"When what?" I asked, raising my eyebrow at the sudden, embarrassed expression on my brother's face.

"It would be hypocritical of me because...I have been secretly following your career in TNA from the beginning." Shane admitted and at first I thought I heard him wrong. Shane had been keeping tabs on my wrestling career since I left? And he was actually sounding sincere when just a second ago he was bashing the people I cared about. This was a weird turn about and I guess he could tell because he surprised me again. "And...I might have bought a ticket to a house show over a year ago to watch you wrestle..."

"Wait, are you for real?" Stephanie drew her eyes away from me and to Shane with just as much shock and surprise as I was now feeling. "Was that the weekend you told your wife you had a business trip? But you went to a TNA show?"

"It was a little white lie, it's not like I was doing anything bad." Shane said defensively, running his fingers through his slightly graying dark hair and looked to me for help. "Was I?"

"I'm too shocked to say anything right now. I can't believe you came to see me wrestle. A McMahon in the audience at TNA event. And just before you were giving me hell because I was close to the people in TNA. Kind of a weird turn, don't you think?" I toyed with the ends of my hair, expecting to be not at all moved by this statement but the truth was that I was actually quite touched. Shane may not have actually contacted me and I hadn't known about his presence there until now, but he had tried and that was something. I couldn't help but smile. "But that was kind of nice to hear. Shocking, but nice."

"Nice enough to be forgiven?" He asked partially hopeful and partially teasing, so when I shook my head he wasn't completely disappointed. "Yea, I didn't think so. But I guess it doesn't hurt to try."

"That's all I'm asking is for you to try, all of you." I looked around at my family and as fractured as it was at the moment, they had made their apologies and even though it didn't fix things, it was a start. I had to be ok with that. "If we can agree on that, then I will be open to keeping in touch with you guys when you leave. And we'll see what happens."

"Deal."

"Agreed."

"It's settled..."

* * *

><p><em><span>40 minutes later<span>_

"So you promise to keep in touch right? You won't hang up when we call?" My mom asked me later that night as I stood at the end of the driveway to say good bye to her and my siblings as we finally decided it was time to end the reunion while it was on a semi good note. It wasn't perfect because we hadn't fallen into each others arms and cried and forgiven each other for the mistakes made over the past 2 years. But we at least found some common ground and after the way things had ended the last time we were together, this had to count as a victory. So after we had all given each other our latest phone numbers and agreed to talk on a more normal basis, they figured it was time to go and now we were out here saying goodbye but of course my mother had to say something outrageous. "You didn't give us a fake number did you?"

"Mother, get in the car and go back to your hotel." I rolled my eyes at her but I smiled more for her benefit since she needed the assurance more then my brother and sister that I was going to hold up my end of the bargain and stay in touch. I motioned to the car where my Shane and Steph were waiting. "Go ahead, I'll be fine."

"OK." My mother hesitantly reached out and pat my shoulder, clearly not comfortable with dropping her walls down enough to hug me but that was ok. She was like my father in that way and I wasn't going to fault her for it. She walked over the car and slid into the passenger seat with a small wave. "Good bye Savannah."

"Bye mom." I replied, expecting to feel a sense of loss at seeing my mother leave but I felt nothing at seeing her impending departure. Perhaps that would change once we all reconnected more. At least that's what I told myself when I saw my brother and sister approach me with their arms crossed. "What?"

"Nothing, just wanted to say goodbye..." Stephanie began but her voice trailed off like she was going to add something else to the end of it and a second later she did. "And that if you could please chose better..."

"Nope, don't go there." I shook my head at her, knowing she was going to suggest me changing my friendships but that wasn't even a consideration. "Just say good bye and we'll talk later."

"Ok." She nodded and then turned on her heels to go to the car leaving me with Shane who had his hands in his pockets and was looking at me with this look crossed between a protective older brother and a disgruntled man.

"Just...uh, take care of yourself." He said, looking like he was debating whether to say something like Stephanie was going to do but he was better at holding it back when he had to. He sent me a small grin and shrugged. "And think about calling the old man yourself, you know he won't make the first move. He's way too stubborn."

"We all are, in our own ways." I replied, deciding not to say anything about our father directly since I was still feeling the sting of him not being here. "Bye Shane."

"Bye Savannah." Shane was in the car and slamming the door shut within second of waving goodbye to me and the car was off a few more seconds after that. I watched it drive away down the dark street with a sense of relief flooding through me. It wasn't that I had entirely hated them being here, but it was an emotional shock that I was not in anyway prepared for and the whole time they were here I felt on edge and my energy seeping away bit by bit. So when they were finally gone and I was alone, I felt better and more at ease. It felt less weird then I thought it would but still weird. So I thought I would welcome the time alone. But then when I didn't move to go back in the house right away, it occurred to me that as weird as it was to have my family here, it had sort of filled a void in me that I had been trying to ignore. And now that they were gone, I was feeling this wave of loneliness starting to creep up on me and I suddenly felt the urge to not be alone anymore. I needed someone else with me and I was on the verge of going inside and calling Alex when I heard a car door slam shut and for a second I thought my family had come back again. But when I heard the approaching footsteps and looked up, I was shocked again. Because it wasn't my family walking towards me. It was Alex.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I almost thought my mind had made this up because I didn't want to be alone but it really was him out on that street and I couldn't help but run forward to meet him. I didn't stop moving when I reached him and just threw myself in his arms and held him tightly to me. "I thought you went home. I was just going to call you..."

"I wasn't going to truly leave you alone when this was going on. I just wanted you too think I was so you would know you had the strength to get through it on your own. But I always intended to be super close by so I could come back to you when you were alone." Alex explained, wrapping his arms around me and nuzzling his face into my loose hair as I could practically feel his heart pounding through his chest into mine. He always made me feel safe and complete and now wasn't any different. Of course he would never leave after my family just showed up out of nowhere, but I wasn't expecting this. "I just parked my car down the street so you would think I had left. But I never left."

"Oh thank God. Because I really didn't want to be alone tonight." I sighed, not able to stop the smile that lit up my face. Alex may not be the guy that my family approved of me being with but he was the guy I wanted and more importantly he was the guy I loved. He was perfect for me and he was good to me. I couldn't ask for anything more from him. I pulled back to look at his face. "I love you."

"I love you too."


	18. Two is better than one

**Chapter 18 Two is better than one**

"So tell me again what happened..."

"Alex, I already informed you about your devious actions the night you and Chris got drunk together. I don't know what else you are expecting to hear." I laughed, sending a splash of water in his face with my hand as I turned my body on the steps of the pool and leaned back against the wall with my legs drawn up against me and watched as Alex rolled his eyes in response. I loved teasing him like this, it was very rare when the two of us got to have a lighthearted moment these days so when it happened, I took full advantage of it. We had been sitting in the shallow end of the pool for the past 30 minutes just talking and now that the night of his drunken antics with Chris had come up, I couldn't help but feel the urge to give him a hard time. "But since you asked, I should probably mention one thing..."

"Oh god." Alex already looked shocked and I hadn't even said anything yet. But his mind sometimes worked at warp speed and would come up with his own ideas of the worse case scenario. "I did make out with him didn't I?"

"No, don't be silly." I waved my hand in his direction, easing his mind a little bit even though I enjoyed the look on his face. Alex wasn't aware of it sometimes, but when he got worked up he was at his most adorable and I of course had to provoke him by stirring the pot. "You guys just sort of did a strip tease for each other..."

"Oh shit, I knew something was weird when I woke up that morning in different clothes then I was wearing the night before.." Alex's mouth fell open even further and it took everything in me not to laugh and blow my cover. I had to keep this going for the sole purpose of amusing myself. Alex slipped below the surface of the water with his hands over his face. When he came back up, he moved over towards me and sat down on the steps right below me. "Oh fuck, I feel so disgusting right now."

"Actually you shouldn't, I was only kidding." I relented, watching with a smirk as his face shot towards mine with a frown and I had to jump off the steps to the pool floor to avoid him grabbing me. "Actually the only thing that happened after you both passed out was that you threw up all over yourself and I had push you into the shower and then dress you again. The only interaction you guys had was when you climbed into bed with Chris and spooned him."

"Well that's a relief. For a second there you had me thinking I had cheated on you. With my best friend...who is your best friend...who is a dude." Alex shook his head, droplets flying off his hair as he got off the steps and came towards me and this time I didn't move as he reached for me and drew me into his arms. I grinned as he held me against him and wrapped my legs around his waist as he moved us back against the side of the pool. "You know, for such a mellow, sort of mysterious girl who is nothing like her family, you can be very devious when you want to be..."

"Well I am a McMahon still, no matter how much we try not to think I am." I smirked back, my hands on his shoulders as his face came close to mine and I felt my breath catch in my throat. It didn't matter what had happened in my life with my family or the rape, because being with Alex made it almost all go away like it never existed in the first place. There was only a small pang when thoughts of my family and the rape came to me but Alex's presence dimmed them down a great deal. He was everything to me, I didn't know what I would do without him. I ran my fingers along his jawline. "I love you so much."

"Gee, every since you first said it a few nights ago, you can't seem to stop. Not that I'm complaining of course." He grinned, leaning forward so our lips met and I could tell he felt the same spark between us because I felt his hands tighten around me and his body press into mine more closely. My stomach ballooned and soared at the sensation of feeling him against me, it was a feeling that still shocked me to this day that I could feel. But not as much as it did when Alex pulled back to look me in the eye. "I love you to..."

"Oh God enough already! Do you guys always have to be on top of each other?" Chris's disgusted voice broke us apart when it appeared out of nowhere and I turned my head over my shoulders to find the man himself stepping into the backyard with a look that said he would have rather turned around and run the other way. But he stayed as Alex and I pulled away from each other and moved towards the steps. Chris stood on the grass surrounding the pool with his arms crossed. "I thought we were going for a run together, this is the time you told me to show up here for. And then I walk in and you two are practically having sex in the pool..."

"Chris, get a grip already. We weren't going to have sex in the pool. You just interrupted a very nice moment for us, that's all." I rolled my eyes and climbed out of the pool and reached for the towel I had flung over the back of a chair and wrapped it around myself as I listened to Alex doing the same. I walked towards Chris with an apologetic smile. "Sorry you had to see that."

"Yea I'm sorry too. But you would think I would be use to it by now, I've interrupted moments like this before. And they've all been gross." Chris scrunched up his face as he turned to head back to the house and avoided looking at either Alex or me. "I'll just wait for you guys inside."

"Well..." Alex came up behind me, a towel around his waist and his arm slung over my shoulder as I reached up and took his hand. He chuckled when Chris practically ran for the back door and said. "Maybe I should have made out with him that night. Maybe then he won't be so disgusted when he sees us together."

"You and Chris making out, now that is something I would love to see." I smirked, taking his hand and pulling him in the direction of the house.

* * *

><p><em><span>90 minutes later<span>_

"OK, I officially think I am going to die now."

"Oh stop complaining. You're only saying that to convince us to cut this run short so you can go back to the house and attack Alex. So no, not going to happen." Chris answered me with a grin over his shoulder as he and Alex jogged in front of me, seemingly unaffected by the 40 minute run that we had taken up since setting foot in this park an hour ago. After Alex and I had gotten out of the pool and changed into work out clothes, we had gotten in Chris's car to drive over here and before we actually got into the actual running, we had to warm up and took a small stroll around the park while Chris complained because of the looks Alex and I were giving each other. But once we started running, there wasn't time to talk because of the pace we were keeping up and the effort it took to remember to breathe normally. If it had been on a treadmill then it would have been no problem, but this trail had inclines and dips and the extra work was more tiring on me. The boys however were more use to this and Chris didn't hesitate to give me a hard time about my lack of conditioning. "Savannah, you need to work out more. You're still as tiny and out of shape as you ever were. You need to put on more muscle..."

"But if I did that then Alex couldn't dominate me anymore in the bedroom." I shot back with my eyebrows raised and even though Alex wasn't looking at me, I could see him shake his head in amusement at my comment while Chris only groaned in disgust. "Aww, what's the matter Chris? Can't take it when it's dished right back at you?"

"Not when you say it like that, I can't." Chris turned his head straight ahead again, but from this angle I could see the side of his face and it was partially tensed with disgust and hilarity. Chris, as easy going as he was, always still looked at me like I was his sister and that made him uncomfortable at times with the way Alex and I showed affection with each other. It was sweet to have Chris acting like the brother I should have had growing up but didn't need now that I was an adult. But I still appreciated his reactions for what they were. "Can we just not talk about this kind of stuff?"

"Actually I think we should." Alex pipped up, wiping the sweat from his forehead with the back of his hand. "It makes for a great workout conversation."

"Well Alex, you can talk about it with him. I need to concentrate on making sure I breathe properly. So you guys go ahead, I'll catch up." I waved them ahead of me, nodding to show it was ok for them to leave me behind as I slowed down and watched as they both shrugged and picked up their pace. I tucked a stray piece of hair behind my ear that had escaped from my ponytail and took a moment to look around at the park on either side of the sidewalk trail. It was a nice place to run and on any given day of the week, there were always plenty of people here to enjoy the serenity of this place with its wide lawns and overhanging trees. I saw families with their kids and of course I thought about my brother and sister with their kids and always expanding families. It sometimes made me sad because I had missed out on so much. But then I would see other things that made me smile, like a girl my age with her boyfriend and it reminded me of the way Alex and I were with each other. I liked coming here for the sole reason that it made me feel almost normal, like I could see what normal people were like if I had had a different life. I was just thinking about this as I passed by two guys who looked to be around my age that I never would have noticed had one of them not reached out and grabbed my ass as I went by. I stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and whirled around with a glare. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Just had to see what it felt like to grab that perfect little ass of yours. Didn't think you would mind." One of the guys said as his dark brown eyes roamed over me in a sickening way that almost reminded me of Randy. But the way this guy wobbled on his feet clearly said that he was drunk and may not have been in his right mind when he reacted. But that didn't make his actions any less invasive. "I saw you running with those two fools, didn't look like either of them could satisfy a girl like you."

"You're disgusting." I snapped, turning away with the intent of catching up with Alex and Chris but this asshole, even as drunk as he was, reached out and grabbed a hold of my arm and dragged me towards him. I felt a flash of panic rise up within me before I felt a frown take over my face and I yanked my arm back. "Get the fuck off me!"

"Ooo, she's feisty. I like that." The other guy with blue eyes said, looking more sober then his friend but not enough for me to feel at ease. He too grabbed my arm. "Come on baby, we can show you a better time then those assholes you were with."

"You're one to talk about being an asshole when you're harassing my girlfriend." Alex's voice came at me, full of anger and hatred and I turned my head to find him and Chris appearing beside me almost out of nowhere, looking like they both wanted to throw a punch. But Alex instead simply reached out and pushed the guy holding on to me away and moved me behind Chris. "Are you such a prick that you have to get drunk at 2 in the afternoon and go to a park to harass a girl just to get some attention for yourself?"

"It's your girl's fault, she shouldn't be running around looking like that." The first guy said, looking me up and down like I was nothing more then a piece of meat to his eyes. And Alex did not appreciate that look because a second later, I saw a fist fly forward, narrowing missing the guy's face. "Whoa dude, what the fuck?"

"You don't go around grabbing women like a disrespectful dick." Chris spoke up, his own fist shooting forward and landing on one guy's shoulder to send him flying backwards to the ground. I was so stunned by this reaction that I didn't even move to stop him even though I knew I should have. Chris was like Alex in the sense that he wouldn't hesitate to lash out if someone was about to hurt me. "Do not ever lay your hands on her..."

"And if you do, I will kick your ass." Alex added, moving forward to do just that but I came to my senses and grabbed his arm before he could do something stupid. His face snapped towards mine furiously. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Stopping you from doing something that will land you in jail." I muttered, tightening my fingers around his arm and doing the same to Chris as I put my weight on the heels of my feet to drag them away. "Come on, let's just get out of here before this blows up into a fight."

"Yea, be a pansy ass and listen to your girl." The guy who had first grabbed me said, enraging Alex with his comment so much that he tried to rip himself away from me and go after him. But luckily Chris was on my side this time and was able to help me hold Alex back and drag him away before any of this blew up even further. Alex didn't go quietly and still shouted back at those two guys who stayed off the path by the trees where I first saw them. They simply smirked at Alex like they knew he couldn't do anything but their interest was diverted by something else as Chris and I pulled Alex away and back towards the parking lot.

I knew when we got home, Alex would really let loose with his frustrations.

* * *

><p><em><span>Back at the house<span>_

"Alex will you calm down already? It wasn't that big a deal." I called after him, not surprised when he didn't even turn around to look at me as I followed him into my house, he was mad and frustrated. I got the gist of that when he had barely said two words to me on the way home from the park and even now I wasn't sure how much of a response I would get even if we had separated from Chris and were alone. Alex could get weird and out of character when he was annoyed by something which I guess was actually in character for him since he reacted like this more then once. I dropped my keys on the counter on the way into the kitchen and paused against the doorway as I watched him stomp over to the refrigerator and yank the door open. "OK, I guess you are still a little agitated..."

"A little?" He asked, throwing the door shut again and turned around to look at me with a frown, his hands curling up into fists. "I'm more then a little agitated Savannah!"

"OK fine! Have it your way, you can be more pissed off if that is what you want." I held my hands up defensively, trying to hide the smile that was on the brink of showing across my face. It's not like I was purposely finding this funny to be a pain for Alex, it just was generally funny to see him get this worked up. It was actually quite adorable but I knew he wouldn't want me to say that. "Alex, you have to see how..."

"I don't have to see anything. The only thing I see is that you stopped me from pummeling those assholes like they deserved to be pummeled. That's all I really care to see right now." Alex snapped, walking passed me and back out into the living room. Ok, so he was more angry then I thought but instead of letting that deter me, I was even more moved by his reaction and I simply followed him with my arms crossed and my fingers tapping my lips to hide the smile that was still threatening to spill over. Alex was standing by the far wall near the door to the porch when I walked in. "Why didn't you let me hit them? You know they deserved it."

"Alex, I love you for wanting to hurt anyone who says even the slightest rude thing to me. It's so chivalrous of you and it make me confident that you will always be there to protect me. So I'm not saying it's not nice..." I didn't know how well I was explaining myself because it all felt like such a jumble in my own head. I was caught between feeling touched and amused and also feeling like I should be mad at him. And then I just realized I wasn't mad at all, I just wanted him to know that he didn't always need to react physically when some did or said something rude. "Alex, I get that you hated what happened. I hated it too. But violence isn't always the solution."

"Oh my God, you sound like some hippie dippy chick. Don't sprout that peace and love shit to me. If someone disrespects you then I want you to let me kick their ass." Alex snapped, clearly annoyed with my easy going attitude about this but there were harsher things to get worked up about. And it probably would have been a bigger deal if these were people we saw everyday. But they were just random strangers in the park and I wasn't about to let Alex or Chris get thrown in jail for assault. I kind of needed those two around to keep myself sane. But Alex didn't seem to want to think so logically. "I still would have been pissed about any guy putting their hands on you even before I knew about the rape. But now that I know, it's different. I can't just not react when stuff like this..."

"Alex, not every guy is a rapist. Most of them are assholes, but not rapists. And if I can say that, then it means you can accept it too." I shook my head, Alex as crazy as he was being was only acting like this out of concern for me and it was what kept me from being mad at him. "You don't always have to beat someone up to protect me..."

"And what? I'm suppose to talk it out and it all falls into place because I say all the right things? Yea, I don't think so." Alex turned away from looking at the backyard and walked towards me, still looking like he would rather be back in that park fighting those jerks rather then be here with me. "Talking doesn't solve everything..."

"But neither does your fists." I shot back, hating that he felt this was the only way to resolve things. But it was my job to reign him back in when he hit these roadblocks where he couldn't see common sense. "Can't you just let this go?"

"No way..." He announced stubbornly, leaving his spot by the wall and walking passed me again with his head shaking. "I don't want you to look at me like I'm crazy for wanting to react like this. I am not crazy."

"I never said you were!" I protested, giggling slightly as Alex shot me a look of disdain before he stomped out the front door like a toddler and slammed it shut with force.

* * *

><p><em><span>Later that night<span>_

I was just stepping out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around me and my damp tangled hair hanging down my back when I heard the front door open and slam shut and I smiled, knowing it was Alex who had just walked in and I went across my bedroom floor and over to the bed to wait for him to come up. I turned the TV on and picked up my comb, busying myself with getting the tangles out of my long hair and just sat there on the edge of the mattress with my legs crossed and listened to Alex walking around downstairs like he was pacing frantically before he decided to make the climb to the second floor. I knew even after he left that he would be coming back, it was just a matter of the time it would take for him to blow off steam and come to his senses. And while he did that, I jumped in the shower and scrubbed the sweat and dirt off my skin from the run this afternoon, feeling refreshed and in an even better mood then I had been before. And hearing Alex's footsteps coming up the stairs made me smile even brighter despite the comb hitting a particularly nasty knot. I just just wiped the wince from my face when the door opened and Alex walked in with his hands on his hips.

"Ok, look..." He began without even bothering to say hi, and just jumped right into looking stubborn and willful just like I assumed he would be. Alex could be pretty easy to get along with on a normal basis but there were times when he would calm down and still cling to what he thought was right and I got the sense that this was one of those moments. He stared at me with his dark eyes and frowned. "I'm not going to apologize for how I acted.."

"Ok." I nodded, stilling combing my long hair while keeping a neutral expression on my face. I knew Alex just needed to get all this out and by nodding and keeping my responses to a minimum, it would get this done and over with. "..go on."

"I'm not going to apologize because I don't think I have anything to apologize for. I was just reacting like any guy would and I don't think there is anything wrong with that." He replied, running his fingers through his hair as he began pacing across my carpet, his eyes never lingering on me like I thought they would when he saw that I was in a towel. But he barely even seemed to notice I was sitting there at all as he frowned. " And I know you're probably mad..."

"I'm not mad." I cut in, shaking my head and sending droplets of water flying across the room to the mirror on the wall. My words seemed to stun Alex as he came to a stop and turned to look at me like he was waiting for the punch line of a joke. I set my comb down and adjusted the towel around me before I stood up with my arms crossed. "What?"

"You're not mad?" He asked more as a statement then an actual question and I saw the guarded look in his eyes like he wasn't willing to let his guard down to accept this because he feared a more explosive reaction. "Not even a little?"

"Nope." I chirped, sending a smirk at him because I knew just how much I was in control right now. Normally Alex counted on me having some kind of big deal reaction to his outbursts and here I was not really caring and he didn't know what to make of it. It put me in a position of power that I really liked. I simply shrugged at him and said. "I'm actually more amused then I am mad."

"Why?" He eyed me suspiciously, very obviously not trusting my mood and he stood back against the wall and looked me up and down, searching for signs for a possible outburst. "How could you be amused when I threw a fit over those assholes harassing you? You're supposed to be mad and pissed at me, not smiling...and hey, why are you laughing at me?"

"I'm sorry, you're just so adorable when you get all worked up like this." I tried to dim my smile as well as quiet my laughter but it was a complete failure, because the more Alex looked furious and frantic, they funnier it seemed. I ended up sitting back down on my bed in a fit of giggles. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. But this whole thing is crazy and stupid. I'm not mad that you got all worked up over what happened today, I know it was only because you were being protective. But if you could see yourself through my eyes right now..."

"Ok, ok, I get it. I look like some cute puppy to you because I'm flipping out over something. You don't have to say it again." He grumbled, walking over to the bed and falling backwards on it with his arms spread out on either side of him and his eyes closed. A heavy sigh escaped his lips as I turned to look down at him and he asked. "So you're not mad?"

"Not at all. I think it's sweet that you love me enough to get this insane over a bunch of guys bothering me." I told him, watching his eyes open as I laid down on my side next to him and touched my hand to his jaw so he would look at me. I sent a devious smile his way. "And to be more accurate, I find your protectiveness kind of sexy."

"You do?" He questioned, his own smirked appearing and I saw the remaining tension leave his features as he turned over and propped his head up on his hand to stare at me. "The weirdest things turn you on...you know that?"

"Yes I do." I nodded, pushing him flat on his back and swinging my leg over him so I was straddling his waist, feeling a sense of triumph when I saw the look of lust that passed through his eyes. I wasn't normally the one who took charge when we were intimate and I actually preferred it when Alex was the one who initiated it. It made me feel desirable which I found I needed more these days then any other time and it unlike that one time on the couch when Alex had stopped me, he didn't stop me. I slipped my fingers under his shirt and ran my hands up his bare chest, feeling a heat start between my legs at feeling him and I knew he could tell because he sat up and raised his arms so I could pull his shirt over his head. I felt his hands grip my hips as I leaned forward to kiss him. "Everything about you turns me on.."

"Ditto." He said back before I felt the towel being ripped from my body.

* * *

><p><em><span>Atlanta, Georgia<span>_

_Tap...tap...tap_

Vince drummed his fingers along the edge of his chair as he sat behind his desk in his makeshift office in the arena and listened to the tapping sound his hands made as well as acknowledging the distant sounds going on in the backstage area as the crew got ready for the show happening in less then an hour. And on any normal night, he would be out there overseeing everything and pointing out the mistakes and faults that his employes made on a nightly basis that would have gone unnoticed by everyone except for him. But this night was not like any other night and people could tell because not one person had come to bother him since he had holed up in this room since arriving here over 2 hours ago. He hadn't spoken to anyone as he moved through the hallways but the look on his face must have scared everyone off because he hadn't heard one single footstep come anywhere near his door. And that was a good thing. He didn't want to be bothered by anyone. Except for the one person he had specifically asked to come here tonight. The person in question who was now storming through the door looking ready to kill.

"Vince, I know you're the one who asked me to be here but I have a major bone to pick with you." Randy breezed into the room, shutting the door with his foot before taking a seat on the other side of the desk with his arms crossed tightly over his broad chest and an angry and frustrated look in his eyes that spoke to his true nature. "We have a problem that needs to be dealt with right away."

Vince didn't say anything, he just sat there staring at Randy while he continued to tap his fingers on the wooden arm of his chair. He was finding it hard even now to look at one of the top stars in his company and believe that he had done something so incredible heinous to anyone, let alone Vince's own daughter. But after what he had heard that day from Alex and after talking to his wife and Stephanie and Shane, Vince knew there was no doubting the truth. There was no way that this could be a lie, just like there was no way that Randy could talk himself out of it. But one of his most popular employees took his silence as an incentive to go on with his own complaints.

"Why is it that when I got here for the show I find out that I'm not even scheduled to appear in any capacity? I thought last Monday was a fluke but then you keep me off the show this week? Why? And what about starting that new storyline that I was promised at the beginning of the month? Whatever happened with that?" Randy said this all in one breath, sounding both incoherent in his anger but also perfectly clear at the same time. Randy had always been a difficult person to work with but Vince had kept him around because of how much attention and revenue he brought to the company. Randy was one of the elite in this company and there would have been a gap missing if he wasn't included in that top tier. But Randy was much darker then anyone, including Vince, had ever realized. And if it hadn't been for Alex yelling it at them, then Vince would have almost ignored what Randy said next. "I am a good employee and the best damn wrestler you have. I haven't failed a wellness test in over 2 years, I haven't gotten arrested and I don't even get into fights with anyone backstage anymore. What the hell could I have done to warrant you taking away my TV time?"

"I'm going to ask you one time and I want you to answer me honestly..." Vince stopped drumming his fingers and looked at Randy's smug face that he had always kept around because of what it did for his company but now Vince hated this person who had caused him enough grief on his own and had destroyed his daughter's life behind his own back and made him feel like a complete jackass. No one ever made him feel like that and Randy had done it for 2 years. Not anymore. Vince narrowed his eyes. "Did you rape my daughter?"

"What?" Randy's face froze for the briefest of seconds and in that moment, everything else slowed down and Vince could pick out the flash of panic that swept across Randy's face. And that's when everything became so painfully clear. It wasn't that he doubted what had happened to his daughter. But seeing the proof of it on her rapist's face was the very thing that made it so much more obvious. Even as Randy scrambled to cover it up. "You're crazy, this is bullshit!"

"No, your pretend innocence is what is bullshit. I just can't believe I actually thought my daughter was the one who was in the wrong this whole time. I thought I knew why she left this company, I thought it was to purposely piss me off. But now I know that you're the one responsible. It took me a while, but I finally woke up to the truth." Vince didn't believe Randy's tone for one second. After seeing that look on his face, Vince knew that no matter what Randy said there would be no convincing of his innocence. Randy was not innocent, he hadn't been this whole time. And every time Vince thought about how he met with Randy and complimented his skills in the ring and the way he conducted himself on the mic and how he had stepped up in recent years from his past bad behavior, Vince wanted to hit himself. All those times he had spent giving Randy everything, he had been also ignoring his daughter. And not only had he lost 2 years with her, but he had left her to deal with a horrible event on her own. Vince never liked admitting when he was wrong, but even he couldn't deny that he had royally screwed up as a father. Well, right now he was going to start changing that. "Randy Orton, as of right now you are suspended. And as soon as the paperwork is drawn up, you will also be fired."

"You're fucking insane! You're firing me for something your bratty bitch of a daughter allegedly said I did. How can you even believe her word over mine? She hasn't been around for the last few years and now you're willing to believe some crap she suddenly tells you? That doesn't even make sense." Randy was livid, boiling over the top in a way that hadn't been seen before. It was almost like he was sure that overstating his anger would be what cleared his name of this. But nothing could erase what he had done to Savannah, nothing could give her back what she had lost. Randy had ruined everything and torn their family apart. Everyone had lost something because of his actions. But Randy was so far gone that he was still trying to maintain his innocence in all this. Randy stood up so fast from his chair that it fell to the floor with a thud. "This is unjustified, unfair and so far from over."

"I think it is over." Vince hissed back, not in the least bit affected by Randy's threats. This little bastard wasn't going to hurt anyone anymore. Randy had had enough control over the family and now it was time for the McMahons to take it back. He nodded towards the door. "Leave the arena or I will call security."

"Don't think I will go down without a fight." Randy sneered on his way to the door, his footsteps loud and formidable to anyone who wasn't Vince. Randy slammed the door shut behind him and even through the walls Randy's growls of frustration could be heard. Vince paid no attention to this, having already let Randy take up enough of his head space for one night and turned to his desk phone and picked it up. There were more important things he needed to think about doing, things that should have had his attention long ago. It wasn't going to be easy to make amends with his youngest child and he would be forced to admit he had been wrong about everything he had done from the night she had come to tell him she was leaving up until now. But he was done doing the wrong thing. It was time he actually did something right. So when the other end of the line picked up, Vince didn't hesitate.

"It's Vince, have the jet ready by the end of the show. I'm flying to Orlando tonight..."


	19. Wars of my fathers

**Chapter 19 Wars of my fathers**

"Oh shit, Jeff is going to kill me for being late." I muttered to myself as I raced down my steps while I pulled the rest of my clothes on straight and ran my fingers through my loose hair that was flying all over the place as I jumped down the last few steps to the first floor and ran to the dining room where I had last dropped my gym bag and purse. "Damn it for that nap, damn it all to hell."

I could have kicked myself for taking a nap this afternoon after getting back from the gym. I knew it wasn't a good idea as I would have very little time to get to the arena for the show tonight but I was just so tired that it was only too easy to give in to the temptation and fall asleep. And of course when I woke up I was regretting it because I was now I was on a rampage to gather my stuff and get out of the house before I really made myself late. Jeff may give me a little more leniency because of our relationship, but I was still his employee and was held to the same repercussions as everyone else when it came to being late for a show I was scheduled for. I grabbed up my keys from the table and threw my bags over my shoulder and ran for the door. I would just get to the arena with barely a few minutes to spare as long as I wasn't delayed by anything else. I could take a few shortcuts and bypass any traffic on the roads so I would at least get to the building at a decent time. Either way, Jeff was going to know I was late as he had eyes and ears everywhere. But that didn't slow me down as I pulled my front door open and prepared to walk outside. But what did stop me was the sight of a man standing at the bottom of my porch steps like he had been preparing to walk up to the door. A man that made my jaw fall open in surprise.

"Dad?" It felt so foreign and weird to say that word considering how things had gone the last time I was in my father's presence. And I even blinked my eyes in case I was imagining it from the the frantic pace I had been keeping up since I woke up. But the serious features and the tight posture told me that this was no illusion, this was Vincent Kennedy McMahon and he was actually here. I slammed the door shut behind me and stepped out into the middle of the porch. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"I had to come and see you. It was time for us to talk, really talk." He replied, his arms hanging down by his side and his hands clenched into fists like they usually were when he was mad, or nervous. But the serious look on his face said he wasn't nervous at all and that didn't shock me. My father rarely ever got nervous. He said nerves were a waste of emotion. "I'm sorry I didn't show up when your mother and Stephanie and Shane came by..."

"You're not really sorry, you just don't want to admit that you didn't have the guts to face me when they did. You still weren't ready to face the truth." I cut him off with no qualms about how my tone would affect him. It wasn't that I didn't want him here, I knew it must have taken a lot for him to get on a plane to come face me. But that didn't erase the years of animosity and tension between us that we needed to work out along with the truth about the rape. That would take a long time to heal from and he needed to know that it wasn't going to be ok just because he showed up here. "And it's not all good just because you finally decided to come here..."

"I wasn't expecting it to be ok right off the bat. I'm not a fool Savannah." My dad muttered, his forehead wrinkling in a frown as the tension in his arms seemed to mount. He didn't like back talk and especially not from his own family. He expected people to accept his actions and behaviors and not comment on them. And although I was the quietest one of my family, I still wasn't willing to back down from my father. Not anymore. However, my father was not about to relinquish his control. "I just wanted to talk to you about everything that has come out recently. I know I wasn't open to it before, but I am now..."

"Well that's nice and all that you want to talk but I really can't do this right now. I'm running late as it is." I told him, turning back to make sure the door was locked before I walked passed him down the steps. I wanted to talk to him, how could I not after he just randomly shows up at my house. But I had responsibilities to Jeff and TNA and just because my father was here that didn't mean I could shirk my obligations. I went out to the driveway where my black jeep was parked and opened the back to throw my bag in the backseat. I could feel my father standing behind me and I slammed the door before I turned to look at him. "I have to go."

"No, Savannah. You need to stay here and talk to me." My father said, looking almost angry that I wasn't allowing him to finish initiating the conversation. I'm sure he had come here expecting me to still be the same daughter he had known years ago, the one who bowed under the pressure and the formidable presence of the McMahon patriarch, but I wasn't that girl anymore. I had been changed. I wasn't super confident by any means, but I also wasn't so weak where I couldn't push back at my father. "We have to talk about what happened..."

"And I said I can't talk. I have to get to work or else Jeff is going to be really pissed off." I watched the effect of Jeff's name on my father's face and smirked when it gave me the chance to walk around him to the driver's side and get in the car before he was able to come to his senses. I rolled down my window after I turned the car on and leaned out to speak to him one last time. "Dad, just go home. We know this was more about making yourself feel better then anything else and I frankly don't give a shit to hear it."

I watched him walk away as I rolled the window up again and he climbed back into the limo parked out on the street and I was fairly certain that this was the end of this. I backed my car out of the driveway and took off for the highway, flipping my radio on as I went. My thoughts turned to the show and how my storyline was going to progress as well as my future title match. Anything to get my mind off of what had just happened. But when I looked in the rear view mirror, I noticed that I wasn't alone on this drive. My father's limo had pulled out on to the street behind me and was now following my car as I headed towards the arena and I hit my steering wheel in frustration. It was so like him to follow me until he got his way and talked to me. Well, whatever. He could follow me to work, but they would never allow him in the building and that at least gave me some comfort.

* * *

><p><em><span>40 minutes later<span>_

"Savannah Lillian McMahon! I need to talk to you."

"Oh shit, he full named me. That's not good." I said to myself as I walked out of the locker room and spotted my boss and second father coming at me from the other end of the hallway looking both enraged and concern and that couldn't be a good thing. I should have expected this from him as I had just gotten to the arena 20 minutes ago and hauled ass right to the locker room so he couldn't spot me. I had been so consumed with the fact that my father had followed me to the arena in his limo that I wasn't thinking about Jeff or the consequences of being late. But I guess Jeff had been patrolling the halls pretty regularly for me for almost half an hour because the minute I step out, he spots me. I saw no reason to pretend like I hadn't heard him, so I stayed in place and watched him walk towards me and immediately tried to apologize. "OK, I know I was late and I'm sorry for that but I have a really good reason."

"This isn't about you being late even though I did notice you weren't here on time like you normally are. But that's not important." Jeff shook his head, shrugging off my tardiness for the first time which was a little surprising. Jeff was a stickler for being on time and the whole roster knew that and if anyone was late they usually got a talking to. But Jeff wasn't interested in that and a second later I found out why. "Are you aware of the rumors floating around right now? Concerning you?"

"Um, no. But I can assure you I have done nothing that is worthy of being talked about." I replied, biting my bottom lip as I mentally went through all my actions over the past few weeks to see if it was anything that could be considered gossip material but there really wasn't much. Yes, I had revealed huge things but that was only to a few people and they were under orders not to say anything. So it couldn't be anything concerning the rape or Randy. I looked at Jeff. "What's going on?"

"There's talk that the limo out in the parking lot belongs to your father. One of the crew members saw him when the window was down and the whole thing snowballed from there. And now people are going ape shit over this and obviously it leads back to you." Jeff narrowed his eyes down at me but I knew the look had less to do with me and more to do with the fact that my dad was nearby on Jeff's turf. Jeff had never forgiven my father for his treatment of him when he was with the company and after watching how his friends were treated similarly, the hatred grew even more. And I know that being informed that Vince McMahon was on the premises was hard for Jeff as there was more then just hatred between them. Jeff still blamed my father for the death of one of his close friends and I knew that it was Jeff's grief that fueled his disdain and disgust for my father. That was something that just wouldn't go away. But Jeff being the man that he was, never brought that into his relationship with me. But right now, he was clearly teetering on the line of losing it. "What's he doing here Savannah? I assume it's because he wants to talk to you but it doesn't make sense why he had to come here."

"I'm sorry Jeff, he just showed up at my house as I was leaving to come here and he wanted to talk to me. But I didn't have time and just drove off. I saw him following me but I thought he was just going to get on the highway. And he ended up following me all the way here. I just didn't think he would actually stay here since he thinks TNA is so below him." I explained, toying with my hair nervously because I knew Jeff was on edge over this sudden appearance of my father. I knew he never once considered that this would happen, that my father would ever set foot on TNA turf if only just in the parking lot. But now that it had happened. Jeff seemed thrown for a loop and his mood was quickly souring. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean for this to stir things up backstage..."

"Well it did and now everyone is in a frenzy." He almost snapped, which he never did when he was talking to me but his patience was not at an all time high and I knew it would be a miracle if he held back from going out there to confront my father. Jeff was a good guy but when it came to past grudges, he was as mean and harsh as anyone else. So I tried not to take it personally when he sent a small glare at me. "You should go out there and tell him to leave. I don't want him here."

"Jeff, my match is up next! I can't go out there right now. It would delay the whole taping." I curled my fingers around my elbows, feeling my skin flushed with a chill as it always was when I was nervous. And I was definitely nervous under the glare of Jeff Jarrett. "I don't know what you want me to say..."

"Don't say anything. Just forget it." He threw his hands up, his face contorting sharply and I felt so bad for him being upset that I went to reach out for him. But instead of allowing me in, he pushed me back and started walking away while calling over his shoulder. "Just make sure he does not start trouble or I am holding you accountable for it."

"OK." Was all I could say in response as I watched him walk away and turn a corner out of sight.

* * *

><p><em><span>15 minutes later<span>_

_"Hey, did you hear the rumors? Are they true?"_

_"Oh yea it's true. Vince McMahon himself is sitting in that limo out in the parking lot right now. And you know he can only be here for one thing."_

_"I know Savannah is his daughter and all but she didn't look that thrilled when she came in here."_

_"Of course she didn't, that asshole hasn't spoken to his daughter in over 2 years..."_

_"So why start now?"_

_"Beats me..."_

"This is going to to stop right now. I won't have that prick sitting in my parking lot causing a ruckus for the entire show. He's got to go." Jeff muttered to himself as he stepped out the back door into the shade of the outside garage area before heading in the direction of the parking lot with the comments of his fellow wrestlers echoing in his ear. Ever since it had become fact that Vince was here on TNA turf, the entire backstage area had been up in arms talking about it. It put everyone on edge knowing that the CEO of their biggest rivals was out there right now and they all felt the urge to go out there and confront him. But Jeff wouldn't have any of that, knowing it would just cause unneeded trouble when they had a show to produce. So he made it an order that they all stay away from Vince unless they wanted to be suspended, the last thing Jeff needed right now was to be reigning his spirited employees in. Even though the truth was that he would like nothing more then to let them loose on that asshole. But he would not let his co-workers get themselves arrested for assault but that didn't meant he couldn't go out there himself and say something. After all, he was now the founder of his own wrestling company, he could stand up to Vince more so now then he could years ago. And he definitely had a few things to say to him. "I really hate that guy."

Jeff was determined to keep his cool though when he spotted the limo on the far side of the parking lot and started making his way through the rows of cars towards it. He wasn't going to hold back if something came to mind but he also wasn't going to stoop to Vince's level and become a total asshole. Yes, Jeff would be the first to admit that he wasn't the most perfect of men as he had had his fair share of less then admirable moments. But he had never been the way Vince was with people and he certainly would never treat his own family the way Vince had no matter what they said or did. And yes, Vince may be making an effort to talk to Savannah but that didn't erase the over 2 years of strain that was between them. And that added to Jeff's own personal issues with Vince and he was already walking a thin line with his patience. He stared at the back door of the limo, wondering if Vince had seen him coming and he got his answer a second later when that door swung open and a hand came out to wave him in.

"Well fuck, this will be a joyous reunion." Jeff growled to himself as he approached the door and looked into the dark interior of the limo and sighed. He could turn around and leave but deep down, he knew he needed to have this conversation. So he just rolled his eyes and climbed into the car, slamming the door shut behind him before setting his focus on the man sitting on the seat across from him. "So you just knew I would come out and talk to you, didn't you?"

"I didn't know, I'm not a mind reader Jeffery. But I was hoping we would get this chance to talk. Because let's face it, we need to have a talk." Vince replied, leaning back against the cushioned seat with his arms stretched out along the back of it as Jeff's eyes became use to the darkness of the interior. Vince was dressed in his typical business suit, trying to look as stern and formidable as he always had but Jeff had long since stopped being affected by this sight. Vince cocked his head to the side. "Come on Jeff, I know you must have something to say to me.."

"Why are you here?" Jeff questioned, not wanting to beat around the bush as he had a limited amount of time to be out here before he needed to go back and run the show. So he wasn't going to waste valuable seconds with idle chit chat. "I mean, the rest of your family showed up days ago. Where the fuck were you then?"

"Gee Jeff, you sound kind of angry." Vince raised his eyebrows almost like he was daring him to get even more pissed. "Now why is that?"

"How about you shut up and answer my questions first?" He snapped back, feeling the flames of his anger started to climb higher. He knew and should have expected that talking to Vince wasn't going to be a walk in the park. This guys was just so infuriating to deal with. "Why are you here?"

"The same reason you're probably here. For Savannah." Vince said, crossing his arms at the mention of his daughter and he actually moved forward to the edge of his seat so he was closer to Jeff. "That is why you came out to talk to me. To make sure I'm not here to make my daughter's life even harder then it already is."

"So you actually believe her? Wow, that's surprising. It only took you 2 years to wake up to the fact that something was wrong." Jeff replied sarcastically, his hatred for the McMahons growing even more at the thought of their treatment of Savannah who was one of the sweetest little girls he knew. And yet even as an adult she was still treated like shit by her own family because they were blind to the truth. And Vince was the ringleader of it all. "And I'm guessing that you think finally showing up after all this time will make it all better. Well it won't."

"You're sounding very protective over someone who isn't your daughter." Vince's face got dark and it was obvious that there was a sense of jealousy stirring within him. The others must have told him about the bond between Jeff and Savannah and Vince couldn't have been happy about that. "She's not your daughter, you're not her father..."

"I've been more of a father to that girl then you have! I was there when you weren't. I took care of her when you kicked her out of the family, I brought her into my family. So it is like she is my kid." Jeff snapped back, not bothering to hide the disdain in his voice. This was one of the main reasons he hated Vince these past few years. Because Vince had refused to be a father and Jeff had been the one to pick up the slack. That turned out to be a good thing because Jeff loved the bond he had with Savannah, but it never should have been needed in the first place. "And just because you may be here to try and make things right, it doesn't mean things are going to change between her and I. She is still my daughter more then yours."

"I'm not blind or deaf. I know the relationship she has with you. Shane told me about how she defended her bond with you to him, so I know what she thinks of you. And I won't lie, I am jealous of that bond. Especially when I think about how I could have had that if I wasn't so stubborn." Vince admitted, his face cooling off a little bit in light of his confession and that actually made Jeff sit back in shock. Vince never made a statement like this and what was more surprising was that Jeff actually felt like it was sincere. Vince looked at him straight on. "You don't think its hard for me to look at her knowing another man has the bond with her that I should have?"

"That's your own fault, you know. You can't blame me for that when you had the power to change it and you didn't." Jeff muttered, crossing his arms and stared out the window. This was weird to be talking to Vince about Savannah, but Jeff always knew they would end up having this conversation, he just thought it would take longer. And if he was a real asshole like Vince, then he would just refuse to even have a civil conversation. But if Vince could make an effort then surely Jeff could. He turned back to Vince. "I'm worried about you being here. I put a lot of effort into my relationship with her over the years. And now that you are here to make amends, I'm worried that she won't need me anymore. Because she will have her real dad back..."

"Savannah may not be like the rest of us, but she is still stubborn. She won't be forgiving me anytime soon. So you can rest easy." Vince muttered with a heavy sigh, his fingers running through his gray hair for the sole purpose of having something to do. "But that doesn't mean I'm not going to try to fix things with her. I have to or else I will be more of a prick then I am. That's why I came here, she wouldn't talk to me at her house so I had to wait here in the hopes that she would talk here."

"Next time, wait at the house because you are causing too much of a stir here and I won't be too keen on letting you stay." Jeff told him, reaching for the door handle and opened it again, the sunlight spilling into the backseat as he turned back to Vince. "I will never like or trust you again because of what you have done. But I will deal with you for Savannah's sake."

"I still think you are an ungrateful little punk, but I will be civil to you because of what you mean to my daughter." Vince responded with extra force behind the word 'my' before he nodded to the building. "If you see her, try and convince her to come talk to me when she can."

"Yea, whatever." Jeff rolled his eyes as he climbed out of the limo and into the hot air of the Florida sun, prepared to walk back inside. But before he even took a step, he turned back to lean into the limo to say one final thing. "I'm warning you now Vince. Be a better father to that girl then you ever were to her. If you plan to be there for her then do it wholeheartedly and not half assed. If you can't do that, then you shouldn't be in her life at all. Just think about that."

Jeff slammed the door shut before Vince could respond and headed back the building with the sense that he had just unloaded a heaviness he had been carrying for two years.

* * *

><p><em><span>10 minutes later<span>_

"Savannah, wait up. I need to talk to you."

"Oh God, I hope he's not going to yell at me again." I muttered to myself as I looked over my shoulder and spotted Jeff coming my way down the hall and I came to a stop even though I really just wanted to keep on moving towards the locker room. I had just walked out of the tunnel from winning my match against Angelina and I was tired, sore and covered in sweat. And all I wanted to do was jump in the shower and then go home, I didn't want to listen to Jeff give me an attitude about my father being here again. But I had enough respect for Jeff to at least stay where I was and hear him out. After all, I could understand his attitude to a point so I suppose that made me a little more forgiving. I watched Jeff walk up to me with a frown on his face and I felt my resentment cave even further. "What's up?"

"Look, I have to apologize for how I talked to you earlier. That wasn't fair and I'm really sorry." Jeff began roughly, sounding like it caused him great pain to admit that he was in the wrong but Jeff had never been such a proud man that he couldn't own up to his mistakes. And I loved him for that. I knew how much it took for me to say I was wrong and that's never fun for anyone. So the fact that Jeff had pulled me aside to do just that was really sweet. "I'm not mad at you and I don't blame you for anything. It's just...with your dad so close by..."

"It has you on edge? Yea, I know. I've been feeling that way all day too. You're not alone in that, so it's no big deal." I shrugged, wishing I could hold on to the frustration that I had felt after Jeff had essentially yelled at me for bringing my dad here. But I couldn't do that and I wasn't going to pretend like I didn't feel the same way Jeff did about knowing Vince was out in that parking lot. I certainly felt the same tension that Jeff felt. "It's ok really, I know that having my dad nearby is nerve-wrecking. And with your history with him, you get a free pass with your attitude."

"Well thanks, I appreciate that even though you had every right to kick my ass for how I talked to you." He smiled at me with a small shrug of his shoulders, his fingers combing through his tangled blonde hair. "It is is tense with Vince out in the parking lot. But I have to say that it doesn't feel as strongly as it did now that I've gone to confront him."

"Wait! You went out there and talked to him?" I wasn't expecting that at all. Jeff hated my father with a passion and even though he had been out there on Jeff's turf, I never thought that Jeff would go and talk to him. After all the crap that had been said and done between those two, I was shocked that Jeff didn't try to avoid him completely. But he had gone right out there to meet him. That couldn't have produced good results. "What did you say?"

"Just that he had no business being here if he didn't plan on trying to fix things with you for good and I essentially yelled at him for how he treated you for the past two years. And I told him how I was a better father to you then he ever was and how you were more my daughter then his. He didn't like that much." Jeff smirked as he said this, obviously satisfied by what he said although I suspected his language had been phrased differently. But still I was surprised and touched that he had unloaded all this. "We agreed that we will never like each other but we will be civil when it comes to you. And after I told him to put up or shut up when it came to making amends with you, I got out of the limo and came inside to find you."

"Well, that seems to have gone well." I rolled my eyes, knowing no reunion between them would ever be considered happy but at least they hadn't killed each other. That had to count as a small victory. And it also touched me too that Jeff had gotten up the nerve to stand up to my father like that. He had never had a need to do it before and the fact that he had done it made me smile. "And I appreciate you defending our bond like that."

"It was easy and hard at the same time." He explained, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed and his lips pressed into a thin line. "He's trying to make amends, he made that obvious. But that means all the issues you guys have are on the way to being fixed at some point in the future and if you have him back in your life..."

"Jeff, nothing will change you know..." I told him, knowing exactly where he was going with this and I reached out to touch my hand to his shoulder. "Even if I do end up forgiving him and I'm not sure I will. It doesn't mean that it will change things between you and me. He's only trying to be here for me now, you've been there since the beginning. Nothing will change that."

"I hope you're right."

* * *

><p><em><span>30 minutes later<span>_

"I can't believe I let Jeff talk me into this. What is the matter with me?" I asked myself as I stepped out the back door and zipped up my black hoodie I had thrown over my ring clothes, and headed across the hot pavement towards the parking lot where I could clearly still see the limo sitting where my dad was waiting inside. I thought by now he would have left, after all there was a show going on and I hadn't had contact with him since I left my house and that was hours ago. But Jeff said he had been out there this whole time waiting for me and Jeff said he thought it would be a good idea for me to hear him out. I wasn't so sure it was such a good thing, but Jeff was adamant about it. He said my match was over and I wasn't needed for the rest of the night so I could at least give a few minutes to my father before I went home, so he wasn't sitting out there the rest of the show. And as much as I didn't relish the idea of speaking to him right now, I knew Jeff maybe had a point. After all, I had gone to confront my family for the sole purpose of them knowing the truth so I could mend my relationships with them. And my father was at least doing his half of the deal. So after I paced back and forth across the locker room floor debating this, I had skipped the shower and grabbed my hoodie before I headed for the parking lot while mentally preparing myself for what I could be walking into. "This is not going to be easy."

And it wasn't. It took every ounce of courage I had in me to keep walking towards that limo even as I was considering turning around and running back into the building. But I kept telling myself it would be hard but not impossible to get through this and as long as I knew not to expect much, then I could face him without chickening out. I had barely reached the limo and went to reach out and knock on the door when I saw the interior lights turn on and heard the door unlock. I knew this meant my father knew it was me, so I grabbed the handle before I could myself out of it, and climbed in to see my father waiting for me.

"I'm glad you finally decided to come out and talk to me. Jeff really did keep to his word." My father said right off the bat and already I could hear his voice dripping with sarcasm from the small mention of Jeff and I frowned at this. My father didn't miss the look I shot at him and he quickly dropped the tone from his voice even though he still looked like he wanted to rag on Jeff some more. "But enough of that, I really have something important to say..."

"Look, I'm tired and I'm sore and I'm not in the mood to deal with you right now. But I told Jeff I would at least come out here and try. So this is me trying." I told him, hearing the edge in my voice that I think was coming more from nerves then anything else. I looked at his stern features, finding no change in the way he looked at me except for the flash of sympathy that went through his eyes every few seconds. I ran my fingers through my hair. "Alright, you have 5 minutes and then I'm gone."

"Then I won't bother with beating around the bush and just get right to the point." He said, moving across the seat so he was closer to where I was but he still maintained his distance which I was glad for because I didn't need a closeness with my father. I just needed to hear him out and then I was out of here. "I'm sorry."

"That sounded sincere." I replied more sarcastically then I meant to and I saw that it surprised my dad since I never really spoke to him like that before he threw me out of the family. But I just couldn't help it. There was resentment and pain there that couldn't be erased. "You might want to elaborate. There's a lot to be sorry for, that is if you can remember."

"For starters, I'm sorry for treating you the way I did when you came to me wanting to leave. I never should have talked to you like that and I should have known something was wrong then but I didn't. I was too blinded my my own pride and stubbornness to consider any other reason. And I'm sorry for ostracizing you from your own family, that really wasn't right and I see that now. But what I really should be sorry for is what happened to you. It makes me sick to know you had to deal with that alone." He couldn't look at me as he said any of this but I hadn't expected him too. For all my father claimed about being this all powerful man, he turned the exact opposite when he was forced to admit too his mistakes, especially mistakes of this magnitude. He was always so set on being a man who never made such a life altering decision and I'm sure when he turned his back on me, he thought it was for the best. Little did he know it was for nothing and he was probably experiencing some pretty heavy guilt, even if he didn't show it. He looked at me with a glare. "But for God sakes Savannah! Why the hell didn't you say anything?"

"Because I was afraid of what this might do to the WWE, because believe it or not, I wasn't thinking about myself at the time. I was thinking about what it would do to my asshole father and the business that he loved so much." I snapped, feeling my throat constrict for the first time since facing my father and I knew that finally unleashing this pent up emotion I had been holding back was going to be hard. This was what I needed to say for a long time and the moment had never been presented until now. "I was scared that the news of a rape would bring negative publicity to the company and I knew how much it meant to you, so I stayed quiet. Because I didn't want to hurt the thing that you loved the most."

"You still should have told me anyway instead of worrying what it would do to the company. Who cares about the company? You're my daughter." His face dropped for the slightest of seconds and I saw just how much this news had hurt him and even though I didn't want to, I felt the ice I held for my father start to melt. That vulnerability was gone when he looked up again, but I wouldn't soon forget it. "Yes, I love that company and yes I may not be the greatest father in the world. But even I feel like you're more important then some damn company."

"Look, I appreciate you saying that. I know it wasn't easy for you to accept that you were wrong and you came here to make amends and that does count for something. I'm not going to say it doesn't count." I replied, looking down at my clasped hands as I spoke. "But like I told mom and Steph and Shane, it's not going to be fixed just because you apologized. It doesn't take away all the pain and solve all the problems just because you owned up to your mistakes."

"I guess I have to accept that even though I was hoping that you would forgive me right away. But that's not how you operate, you never have and its probably a good thing. It's good that you're strong because I have something to tell you..." He frowned again, only this time I knew it wasn't directed at me. His eyes drifted away to the floor like he was dreading what he was about to say. "Before I flew out here, I confronted Randy about what he did. And I suspended him."

"What the fuck!" My voice rang out higher then it had this whole conversation and I forgot that I was suppose to be keeping my distance and leaned forward. "You suspended him? Are you crazy?"

"I had to do something Savannah! He raped you, hurt you and tore this whole family apart. Of course I wasn't going to let him go unpunished." My dad looked enraged that I would ever think he wouldn't do something about this. But that wasn't it at all. My dad had no idea what he had just done. He had put a target on himself and he didn't even know it. "How could you think I would just stand by and..."

"Dad! I destroyed any evidence of the rape 2 years ago. I can't prove what he did, which is why I didn't want you or mom or Shane or Stephanie to do anything about it. Because now the trouble is going to fall on you. I can't believe you did this..." I fell back against the seat with my hands over my face and trying to stifle the scream that was rising up in my throat out of frustration. The nerves I had felt earlier when I was walking out here were now being replaced by an overwhelming sense of panic. I dropped my hands again. "Dad, what were you thinking? The law is going to see that you suspended an employee base don something that can't be proven from over 2 years ago. Randy won't sit back and take it, he will sue the shit out of you. And the WWE..."

"So let him, let him sue me. I do not care and I refuse to act like I'm afraid of him." My dad shook his head vehemently to ward off any further argument from me. I had to give him credit for having so much faith behind decision even if it seemed crazy to me. "I'm Vincent Kennedy McMahon, you do not fuck with the McMahons."

"It's...it's good that you're not afraid to stand up to him, because I'm not sure I would have had the guts to do that..." My voice trailed off as I heard my breathing get shaky. Randy had been suspended and my father had been the one to do it. The person least likely to have taken action had done just that. A part of me was relieved that someone had finally done something. But a bigger part of me was terrified. "I don't think that was the right thing to do."

"Well I do. Randy had to pay for what he did and I had to be the one to do it." My father looked me straight in the eyes as he said this and for once I didn't look away. Maybe it was because I knew this was a moment that was few and far between. "If I didn't see this through, then it would just be another mistake on my part as a father. And I already made too many mistakes."

"I just wasn't expecting anyone to take action, that's all." I pressed my lips together and breathed out through my nose heavily. Things had changed in a matter of minutes in my life and I didn't know where it was going to end up. "I need time to process this."

"Ok." He just nodded in response, probably want to say more about the Randy thing but decided not to. "But things are going to change from now on. I promise you that."

"Dad, you've made promises before and they fell through." I told him with a shrug as I reached for the door handle and opened it outward so I could get out and head back to the building to grab my stuff. I turned back to look inside the limo one more time. "I'm just not sure this time is going to be any different then the other times."

"Time can change things, you just have to allow it that chance..." My dad shrugged in return, not seeming like he knew what else to say. "Good bye Savannah. I'll be keeping in touch."

"Good bye dad." I turned on my heels and began the walk back to the building without looking back at my father.

**A/N: So savannah had that confrontation with her dad and jeff had a long overdue talk with vince...and yes things may not have gone smoothly but surely time heals all wounds...right?...stay tuned for the next chapter...everyone's world gets rocked**


	20. The Phantom

**Warning : This chapter contains a very strong violent scene and if you can't handle that sort of thing then you have been forewarned now.**

**Chapter 20 The Phantom**

"John Cena, what the fuck are you doing here?"

"Can't a guy visit his best friend without being heavily questioned about the reason why?" John asked with a sly grin as he stepped through the open doorway of his friend's house and watched as the man in front of him shut the door with a slightly grim look on his face before turning to face him with a halfhearted shrug. The moment he saw Randy do that, John knew he had made the right decision in leaving the road and coming to see him. He hadn't been sure that Randy would want visitors after news of his suspension had begun to be made known to the rest of the company but John had decided to take a chance and got on a plane to St. Louis as soon as he could. After all, Randy was his best friend, and had been for over 14 years. Whenever one of them was going through a hard time, the other was always the first to offer comfort. So when he heard that Randy had been suspended, he knew he had to come here. And seeing the look on Randy's face, John knew it had been the right choice. "I wasn't sure you would want to see anyone from the company..."

"No it's fine that you came. You're my best friend, you would be the only one I would have opened the door for, so it's ok." Randy nodded, his hand on the back of his neck as they walked through the empty house towards the back door and went out onto the open deck where Randy motioned for him to sit down. Randy pulled out a few beers from the cooler he had near the table and handed one to John. It was obvious he had been at this before John showed up. "So...how are things?"

"I think I should be the one asking you that. You know, with the suspension and all..." John felt guilty immediately for bringing it up, because he saw the angry look flash across his best friend's face right away and he wished he could have taken it back. But what would have been the point? He had come here to talk to him about it and there was no way to discuss it without mentioning it directly. "How are you dealing with it?"

"Oh you know, about as well as I have dealt with my other suspensions throughout my career. By getting very very drunk." Randy tipped the neck of his beer bottle against the side of the table, rattling a cluster of about 4 empty bottles in the middle of it to back up his point. "But seriously, I'm just trying not to think about it or else I'm going to be even more pissed off then I already am. This whole thing is ridiculous and unfounded. Do you know what the rumor going around is, that my suspension is based on? That I raped Vince's daughter. How crazy is that?"

"It does seem pretty much out of left field..." John held back from taking a sip of his beer as he felt himself frown as a stray thought came back into his mind. He had been debating whether or not to say this to Randy after hearing the rumors backstage. At first he didn't want to believe it and had even refused to listen in the beginning. But the more the rumors swirled, the more the seeds of doubt had begun to be planted and he knew he would have to get the answer straight from the horse's mouth. "Randy, I have to ask you straight out. Are the rumors true? Did you rape Savannah?"

"Are you serious right now? How can you ask me that? How can you even think that?" Randy practically slammed his beer bottle down on the table and John was surprised that it didn't shatter. Randy wouldn't have noticed it if it had broken in his hand, he was too busy looking shocked, stunned and most of all betrayed. All three emotions coming in waves that John couldn't help but divert his eyes away from. He felt stupid for even letting that come out of his mouth and was on the verge of saying so when Randy went on. "I can't believe you would question my innocence in this. I thought you knew me, I thought we were tight. You've been my best friend for 14 years and you know me better then anyone. I can't believe you would think it was true what the boss's daughter is claiming over what your own best friend is saying.."

"You're right, you're right. I'm sorry, I don't know what I was thinking when I said that. I'm really sorry Randy." John knew he was in the wrong the moment he saw the look of hurt come over his best friend's face. But when Randy actually expressed his hurt, John felt even worse. Of course Randy was innocent, and John should have known that without feeling the need to question it. Randy had always been his friend and the two of them knew each other better then their own wives knew them. They were more like brothers then friends and John knew how much it would hurt if the situation was reversed and Randy was questioning John's innocence. He looked at Randy apologetically. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine, people always tend to believe the bad things. So I get it." Randy shook his head and raised the bottle to his mouth again, not looking at John as he did and John couldn't blame him for that. It was a really harsh thing to be accused by your own friend of raping someone, especially when he was innocent. "Don't feel bad, it's not the worse thing I have heard lately."

"I'm still sorry." John couldn't help but get in one last apology, watching Randy's face for any change but there was none. And he couldn't blame Randy for that. The guy was under a lot of pressure right now, he had just been suspended and accused of doing something he would never do. Randy had every right to not be in a good mood. "So...what are you going to do now?"

"I'm not exactly sure. I mean, I need to do something because I have a wife and child to provide for. But I'm just not sure what I need to do." Randy leaned back in his chair and propped his feet up on the porch railing and raised his face to the sun with his eyes closed as if trying to find the answer on a whim. "I will tell you this though, I'm being unfairly suspended and soon to be fired. I will not go down without a fight. This is far from over."

"So you're going to fight the suspension?"

"Something like that..."

* * *

><p><em><span>2 weeks later<span>_

_**Breaking news**_

_Sources have confirmed that the rumors floating around that Randy Orton has been suspended from the WWE are in fact true. The gossip started over 2 weeks ago when Orton was once again kept off of WWE programming for the second week in a row and it was thought to be just a part of a storyline that had yet to be revealed. But as the days went on, rumors began to swell of the wrestler's suspension and it was announced just yesterday on that he had been suspended indefinitely and is on the way to being fired. No word yet on why the multi time champion has been suspended but sources say that the reason is not at all similar to the reasons why he had been suspended in the past. But whatever the reason is, hopefully Orton can overcome it and return to television as soon as possible._

I remember reading this article last night and having to jump up and run to the bathroom to vomit in the toilet out of shock and nervousness. I had been alone in the house and I was glad because had Alex been there with me, then he would have wanted to talk about it and I was just not ready to do that. I needed to let the news sink in that I was now being forced to deal with the rape in a more public way then I ever thought even with none of the details out to anyone except my family and friends. But it would only be a matter of time before that too would become public knowledge, because like I said to my father a few weeks ago, Randy was not going to just let this go easily.

After that moment in the limo with my dad informing me of his actions against Randy, I had quickly set myself up for the possibility that everything was about to snow ball from here. There was no way it couldn't, Randy was being suspended out of nowhere and I was certain that he would be making a statement of exactly why that was happening and how he was being wrongfully treated. I knew he was going to play off like he hadn't done anything and that this suspension was for an unfounded reason. So when my dad told me what he had done, I had begun to mentally prepare for a retaliation from Randy in any form. I knew he would do the worse he possibly could to get back at me for saying something to my family and the way to do that would be to legally fight back. And he could get away with it too. There was no evidence of the crime I was accusing him of and my father, his boss, was just going off my word. Even I knew that wouldn't hold up in the eyes of the law, so I was paranoid for a while that any day I would be getting a call from my lawyer or my family saying that there was a lawsuit being filed against me or one of them. Or even all of us. I was so paranoid that I couldn't even hold on to my previous ill feelings towards my family and instead clung to them for the past two weeks in fear of what could possibly happen.

And in a weird way, this fear was somehow bringing us back together. Because for the last 14 days, I had been talking to every single one of them on the phone on a regular basis since we last saw each other and slowly but surely, we were figuring out how to mend the rifts between us. It's not to say that this momentary truce had erased the years of conflict and pain and suffering between us because it definitely hadn't. I still found myself wanting to smash something or cry when I thought about their treatment of me. But because we were all now in the same boat with the possibility of a lawsuit hanging over us, it was forcing our family to talk to each other and communicate in a way that we never had before. It never got too heavy and we never went into direct details about the rape, but we did catch up on other things that had gone on in the years when we didn't talk.

My brother and sister told me about their kids and how their spouses were doing and even promised that we would all have to get together soon so we could really catch up. I had been pleased to hear this because I hadn't seen my nieces and nephews in such a long time and I hated to think of how much they had grown and how much I had missed. But luckily that was soon to change as my siblings and I were learning how to get along with each other in a way we hadn't learned to do when we were a family. It would never be perfect with us as the three of us had never gotten along well enough growing up. But back then we weren't trying as hard as we were now. And I knew that had to count for something.

My mother on the other hand was much more successful in closing the gap with me then anyone else. I don't know what it was that she did that the others didn't but I felt a much deeper closeness to her then the others. Maybe it was the simple fact that she was my mother and she felt such an intense need to take care of me after learning what I had gone through. She called on a daily basis, learning my schedule as she went and knew when I went to the gym or had the shows to do. But every day, we talked at least once and I found myself opening up to her more then I had intended to this early into getting to know my family again. She admitted that despite the way she had been introduced to Alex in that hotel conference room, she found it quite admirable that he would just walk right into the room and yell at them the way he had in defense of me. She said it proved he had guts and character and wouldn't hesitate to stand up to people like them despite what they may think of him. She told me it made her happy to know I had someone like that in my life and I liked telling my mom all the crazy times Alex and I had shared over the past two years. I even told her more about my relationship with Jeff and even though I knew she still didn't like it, she never said anything bad against him. She would never like it but I at least knew I could talk to her about him. Unlike with my father.

Speaking of my father...

It didn't come as much of a surprise to me when he turned out to be the hardest one to keep up contact with after he left Orlando after visiting me at work that day. He did call every few days and we did have sort of ok kind of conversations, but it was never easy to get through. I never knew what to say to him and I always felt like I had to be careful about what I told him. If I talked about Alex, he would get mad because of the way Alex had spoken to him that day in the hotel and my father was not one to let go of being disrespected, even if he did deserve it. If I talked about Jeff, my dad would get jealous because he knew I considered Jeff more of a father then I did him and he really hated that. I couldn't even really talk about work because he would be frustrated that I was a McMahon wrestling for the enemy, so that was out consideration to talk about. And now that I think about it, I wasn't even really sure what we did find to talk about. Probably stupid things like the weather and the business in general, nothing really deep or important. But I guess talking the way we were was better then not talking at all. I had to keep reminding myself of that every time I hung up with him. As well as remember that at some point, it would get easy once things had settled down.

And according to the way things had been going lately, it looked like it could happen a lot sooner then any of us had thought. Because despite my paranoia and nervousness about what Randy may have planned to make our lives a living hell, nothing had happened yet on his part. Even before the suspension was officially announced on the internet, I was sure that Randy would be trying his hardest to get back at me for getting him suspended and I was just as surprised when nothing ended up happening. There was no call from my lawyer, my family hadn't gotten a call, and no papers had been drawn up against us. And everyone was thinking that maybe Randy wasn't going to start a legal fight after all. That maybe this was all going to go away more quietly then we thought. They all relaxed when the days went on and nothing happened.

And I could have relaxed too, had it not been for a phone call I got 2 weeks ago from someone I once considered a friend.

_"Hello Savannah."_

_"John? How the heck did you find out my number?" I felt my mouth drop open at hearing that familiar voice on the other end of the line. I hadn't recognized the number when I picked up the phone and had even thought about ignoring it. But I was glad when I did answer because it had been a while since I had spoken to John and with all the changes going on in my life from telling my family about the rape, it was nice to reconnect with the one nice part from my old life. "It's good to hear from you. I'm glad you called."_

_"I wish I could say the same but I can't." John's voice sounded weird, like he was just barely holding back a wave of anger and I couldn't understand why. John was mad at me? I couldn't think of what I had done to warrant that tone from him. But I didn't have dwell on the reason why, since John charged ahead and told me. "I have to ask you why you're doing this to him..."_

_"To him?" I knew exactly who John was referring to. Only one name came to mind as to why John was sounding so defensive. "I don't know what you..."_

_"I mean, I have no clue why you would lie and say something as cruel and as ridiculous as Randy raping you when there is no way in hell that could possibly be true. Randy is a good guy and he doesn't deserve to be attacked like this. And I thought as one of my good friends that you wouldn't do this to someone I consider a brother, but I guess I was wrong." John sounded so bitter and so hurt that it was obvious that Randy had gotten to him first and poisoned his mind against me. I knew it was coming, I knew Randy would take the first opportunity he had to turn someone against me and of course he would go to his best friend who he knew he could convince of his innocence. Even I had to admit it was a good move, John and I only knew each other for a short time before I left. John and Randy had been friends for half their lives, it was only logical that John would take Randy's side in this. But I still couldn't help but feel stung by it. "I don't know why you're trying to hurt him like this."_

_"John, I don't know what he told you, but I'm not the one lying here. He is the liar and he's just so good at manipulating that he even convinced you that he is the wronged person. And I know that's hard to accept, but your best friend is a liar and a rapist." I was being cruel, I knew that in the way I heard John draw in his breath quickly at my unfiltered words. I didn't want to hurt him and that's why I hadn't said anything about the tape for so long because I knew hearing this would destroy John. But I couldn't just let him think that I was the one causing the damage when I hadn't been at fault for anything. Randy had attacked me and raped me. That was not on me, it was on him. And even though he may have been a great friend to John, John needed to know of his friend's true nature. "John you have to believe me when I say I would never say any of this if it wasn't true."_

_"Actually I don't have to believe you, because I don't. I believe Randy because he has never lied to me before. And he is like my brother, he would never do what you are accusing him of." John was not backing down from this and I could hardly blame him. He was being presented with the fact that his own best friend had committed a crime. Of course he didn't want to believe it, no one wanted to think they were friends with a rapist. That was a cruel slap in the face, one that John was not going to accept at any cost. Even the cost of our friendship. "No Savannah, I think you're the one who is to blame for this whole thing.."_

That phone call from John combined with my already fragile nervous system began to take it's toll on me in ways that I was beginning not to be able to come back from. I was so paranoid of what may happen with Randy that I rarely had a moment when I wasn't tight with tension and ready to jump out of my own skin whenever the phone rang or the door opened. Alex and Chris both tried to get me to relax and I had tried desperately to take their advice but it just wasn't happening. I was making myself so anxiety ridden that I could barely eat a thing and my weight began dropping and I was already tiny to begin with. I lost 5 pounds the first week and 4 pounds the second week and was looking so pale and weak that Alex forced me to go to the doctor. I was told to relax and rest and eat more but other then that, there was nothing physically wrong with me. I knew there hadn't been, but I went along with the doctor visit to appease Alex mostly since I knew he was worried about me. I didn't want him to be worried and I tried to force myself to calm down but every day and night was hard. I was paranoid when I was awake and I was restless even when I was sleeping, as I would have very vivid nightmares of Randy that would send me shooting up in bed in near panic. I almost wished that he was pursuing legal action right now, at least then I would know what to expect and I wouldn't have to drive myself crazy thinking about when he would strike. The not knowing was worse then the idea of facing him. At least I would know what I was fighting against.

But dealing with Randy was never going to be easy and until he did do something to jump start what I knew was going to be a battle, I had to find a better way to cope. Because the rate I was going at now was going to reduced me to a weak pile of nothing. And I couldn't be nothing when I dealt with him face on. Because at some point, we would be back in front of each other again. And when that happened, I needed to be ready.

* * *

><p><em><span>Later that day<span>_

"So...I think we need to talk."

"I think you're right. Come in." I stood off to the side and allowed Jeff to walk passed me into the house before I followed after him into the living room where I found him already sitting on the couch with a serious expression on his face. This was not going to be good. I knew that the moment I had realized it was him standing at my front door. It was a day that we had to tape a show for the network and normally Jeff was already at the arena getting things in order. But if he was here instead of there then that meant he had a pretty serious matter to discuss as it was very rare that he made stops on the way to the arena. I sat down on the other end of the couch and crossed my arms over myself. "So what's up? I know you didn't just stop by for some idle chit chat before the taping..."

"This is sort of about the taping but also sort of about you..." Jeff began, running his fingers through his blonde curls while his eyes studied me closely. I knew he was taking in my appearance and seeing just how much weight I had lost and being under his scrutiny made me cover myself even more. "Savannah, I know you haven't been yourself lately and I know that's because you've been so stressed..."

"I knew it was only a matter of time before you said something. Everyone else has commented on it, so I knew you would eventually." I sighed, shaking my head so my hair fell over my shoulder and I pressed my lips together tightly. I was surprised it took Jeff this long to say anything about the way I had been dealing with things lately, maybe he just didn't want to call attention to it because of everything. I looked at him. "So what else do you have to say about it? Because there has to be more to it then this."

"You're right, there is more. I'm just worried about you and how you've been handling this stress. I mean, you don't exactly look like you're coping well." Jeff's eyes went over me again and I found myself becoming tense under his gaze. I never liked being under the spotlight and Jeff's concern for me definitely had put me in the spotlight. I knew it would because my behavior over the past few weeks had been steadily getting worse and people were starting to notice. "Savannah, you've been on edge and jumpy and really paranoid about this whole Randy thing. And that doesn't even include the weight you've lost and how you look like you're about to pass out..."

"And your point?" I asked, looking up at him with my eyebrows raised.

"My point is that,all that combined has thrown you completely off your game and your mind isn't focused at all right now. And I get that, I really do. But I also have to think about how that affects the aspects of your connection to TNA." Jeff looked uncomfortable as he spoke and I knew he never liked to bring what he thought was bad news on anyone, least of all me. But Jeff was in charge at TNA and if I wasn't up to snuff for the work, then he would have to call attention it and do something. "And if you're as distracted as you are, then I don't want you to do the show tonight. It's not safe for you to wrestle and it's not safe for anyone else."

"Man, I hate it when you have a point. But I have no choice but to agree with you. Because...you are right." I told him with a shrug as I should have seen this one coming. I knew that if I didn't change things around then Jeff would notice and tell me I couldn't wrestle. Because if my mind wasn't in the moment then I could end up hurting someone and that was the last thing I wanted to do. I would never want to inflict pain on someone because of my own lack of focus. That was just not responsible, so I would have to step back until I could be focused. I looked at him again and smiled to show I wasn't offended by what he was saying. "I'm not focused and I'm scared that it will lead to trouble if I try to push through it. So I will take your advice and take the night off."

"Good, I'm glad to hear you say that. And don't worry about how it will look. I promise it won't reflect badly on you." Jeff quickly added in, touching on the one point that had begun to take root in my mind. He always seemed to anticipate my next thought and this time he beat me to it by speaking it out loud and assuring me it was ok. "And the more important thing is for you to get your mind focused for next week's show."

"I will definitely try harder to focus. It's just that this Randy thing has me more worried then I let anyone think, including Alex." I ran my fingers through the ends of my hair as I thought about the toll the stress of Randy's presence had on my life for the past few weeks. I hated that he was gaining control over me from afar, he was no where near me and yet he had an iron grip on me that was slowly starting to ruin everything. "I just...I'm so nervous that Randy is waiting for the right time before he pursues legal action against me or my family."

"Well even if he does try to sue you, you have all of us to back you up. Alex and Chris and me. Anyone in the company will stand behind you. You know everyone adores you." Jeff sent me a grin and reached out to squeeze my hand, making me feel just a little better. Jeff was such a good guy and not many people got to see that, so I considered myself a very lucky person that I got to experience his good and kind side on a regular basis. "You don't have to shoulder this alone, you know..."

"I know but I don't want any one else to get involved. There's too many people in this already and if anyone from TNA got in on it too then it could potentially affect their careers or the company and I won't do that to anyone. And especially not you." I shook my head vehemently. I loved Jeff and he had done so much for me these past few years. I couldn't let him get involved in my battles. Not when it could have bad effects for his own company. It was bad enough that my family had taken action. I wouldn't let him do the same. "Jeff, I can't let you get involved in this. You have your family to think about..."

"Yea, and you're family too. Or have you forgotten that I think of you as my daughter?" He cocked his head to the side with a very fatherly look to his eyes. "And if you were my biological daughter, then I would whatever you need me to do."

"I wish you were my real dad, because you've always stood by me. And I'm thankful that you would do more, but the night off is enough." I smiled back at him, loving that he would ignore the implications on his own life just to be there for me. Jeff truly was a good guy and I was so incredibly lucky to have him in my life. "That's all I need right now."

"It will be ok you know." He told me, moving closer so he could envelope me in a hug. "You just have to to have faith."

"Maybe you're right..."

* * *

><p><em><span>Later that afternoon<span>_

"So Jeff came to see me today and he doesn't want me to wrestle tonight..."

"I figured he might do that, after all it hasn't gone unnoticed that you're not exactly yourself these days." Alex said to me with a pointed look as he tightened his arm around me as we sat together on the couch with Chris a few moments before they were set to leave for work. They had come by to see me and to see if I wanted to ride with them to the arena for the show. But when I had sat them down, I explained about Jeff's concerns over my state of mind and how he wasn't sure it was such a good idea that I wrestle at the taping. And Alex being the guy that he was, immediately sided with Jeff. He had had been worried about me for weeks now even as I tried to downplay how stressed I was. "You're going to listen to him right?"

"Of course I am, I'm not that unreasonable." I protested, pushing my hair back behind my ears and turned my head to find him staring at me with worried eyes. Alex was a such sensitive person when he wanted to be and when it came to me, he rarely ever held back. "Don't worry, I won't go to the show tonight. I'll stay home like a good girl."

"That's good, because with how out of sorts you've been since Randy's suspension, your wrestling will suffer. And you could hurt yourself or someone else." Alex's face darkened slightly and I knew he was thinking of the last time I had tried to wrestle when I wasn't focused and it hadn't turned out well. "You know how you are..."

"Relax Alex, she knows and she said she wouldn't go to the show. So calm down." Chris pipped with a slight smirk to his lips. He may have been more easy going of the two but I still saw a small flash of concern when he turned his eyes on me. Chris would never admit that he was frazzled but I could tell he was even as he tried to hide it. "Savannah won't put herself in harm's way."

"Exactly, I know my mind is not there tonight so I won't try and push through when I know it could result in something bad. So please don't worry." I assured Alex, touching my hand to his face so he was looking at me. I wanted him to know I was serious and not just saying it for his benefit. I knew I couldn't work tonight, had it been a regular job then it would be a different story. But this was a job where things got physical and lives were on the line if something went wrong. I hated to think someone could be hurt because of my actions. So I wouldn't put myself in the position to do that. "I will spend the time alone to refocus my mind and I will attempt to relax so I won't be paranoid all the time."

"You should try working out to release some of the stress. It might make you feel better." Chris offered with a shrug, his lips cocked in a smile. "I know it always makes me feel better."

"That's because you're a freak." Alex shot back, his concern dropping a little and he too began to smile which I preferred a lot more. I hated it when Alex was worried, it pained me to think he was in pain because of me. But he didn't look worried now. "You suggest that as a solution for everything.."

"Hey, don't rag on Chris. He's only trying to help." I jumped to his defense and I saw him send me a wink in gratitude, which only made Alex frown as he hated it when we sided against him. "And besides, I'm willing to try anything at this point."

"Yea well, you shouldn't work out too much if you do decide to do it. You don't want to over do it." He reminded me as he nodded to Chris and they both stood up. It was time for them to head to the arena and I slipped my hand into Alex's hand to walk them to the door. "And eat a few sandwiches before you do. You really could use it."

"Thanks for that Alex. It's sweet." I rolled my eyes up at him as we moved towards the door, watching as Chris stepped out first and turned back to look at us. "See you later Chris."

"Bye Savannah, take it easy or else Alex will have your ass. Oh wait, he already does every night!" Chris started laughing when both Alex and I sent a glare at him as he ran away from the door and towards the car while Alex just shook his head.

"I'm going to kill him for that." Alex muttered, sticking his tongue into his cheek as he rolled his eyes in annoyance. He knew how Chris was and he should have expected a comment like that when things were as they were. When the situation was tense, Chris tended to be a little crass. I actually found it kind of funny. "That wasn't necessary."

"Oh I think it was." I laughed, watching Chris climbed into the car after waving to us. I turned back to Alex, smiling as I wrapped my arms around his waist. "You should go before you're late. You know how Jeff is about being in time."

"You know I was just kidding right? About the thing with the sandwiches. I was just joking." He told me, pulling me closer to him so he could kiss my waiting lips. I closed my eyes when I felt his mouth on mine, feeling a break in the tension for the first time and I missed it when he pulled back. "You're beautiful any way you are. I love you no matter what you look like."

"I love you too. But I will take better care of myself. After all, you are going to be stuck with me for a very long time." I smirked, standing up on my tip toes to kiss him one more time before I turned him towards the open doorway. "Go! You're going to be late."

"I'm going, I'm going." He grumbled with a smile, squeezing my hand before stepping out to the porch and bypassing the steps by swinging himself over the railing and down to the grass. I shook my head as I stood in the doorway and watched him head towards the driveway. He got about half way across the lawn before he turned back to look at me with a smile. "I love you Savannah McMahon."

"I love you Alex Shelley."

* * *

><p><em><span>2 hours later<span>_

"Maybe Chris was right. Maybe working out was the way to release this stress, I think I'm feeling better already." I said to myself as I came to the entrance of the park near my house and began to job along the empty sidewalk, smiling when I felt the late sun's rays hit my face as I ran.

I hadn't been sure that I would end up coming here since I just wasn't in the mood to work out. But when I was alone, I began feeling the tension starting to rise up again and I didn't want it to get to the point where it was overwhelming. So after I had forced myself to eat an early dinner and I had changed my clothes, I decided to walk on over to the park thinking that at least I wouldn't be hiding out in the house. The walk turned out to be the thing I needed and gave me a good warm up in the process by the time I came to the park and decided I wanted to try running. The park was empty, as I had seen the last of the cars leaving the lot as I got here and I hadn't seen anyone else when I began my run. And in a way that was a good thing. I like being alone sometimes and running in a park at sunset with no one else around was calming to me in a way that nothing else had been in weeks. I would have to thank Chris for putting the idea in my head, if he hadn't suggested it then I would be sitting at home in front of the television being bored out of my mind.

I didn't run fast or slow, I just took my time and went at a pace that would give me a chance to center my focus as well as take in my surroundings. Without any people around, I could really appreciate the park and all it had to offer. It had so many expansive lawns and plenty of trees and it was big enough to house a play ground for kids and courts for tennis and basketball as well as plenty of trails for people to walk or run on. It was peaceful out here and quiet to the point where I couldn't hear the traffic on the roads and it truly felt like I was the only one left in the world. It was nice, the air was cool and the sky was just starting to dim as the sun made its descent down below the horizon. Being here reminded me of my parent's house and the property that surrounded it. All the grass and huge lawns and trees brought back some old memories from my child hood that I hadn't really thought about in years. But it did make me smile. I could remember times when my brother and sister would chase me around the huge yard while I would dart into the tree line to avoid being caught by them. Or how I use to just wander alone along the entire edge of the property pretending like I was some medieval princess in the woods. It was sort of magical and made me realize that growing up the way I had hadn't been the worse thing. I was lucky to have had certain things and certain experiences. Yes it wasn't perfect and it wasn't always easy to deal with. But there were girl who had it much worse off then I did. At least I always had some sense that my family loved me and while that didn't cancel out their mistakes, it did give me hope for the future...

I had been so busy being lost in my thoughts and running that I didn't sense the presence of another human being nearby. But I certainly felt it when a pair of large hands came at me from behind and shoved me hard. I fell forward quickly as I had already been in motion before being hit and I hit the ground hard, landing on my side with the air rushing out of me so fast that it was painful. Luckily I had landed on the grass or else the sidewalk would have scrapped my skin harshly and I was able to roll over on my back to search out for the asshole who had pushed me. But when my eyes landed on the figure standing only a few feet away, I felt my eyes bulge out in horror.

"Randy?" I couldn't believe I actually managed to say that without my voice wobbling once. I was probably too much in shock to respond any differently. I mean, I hadn't been this close to Randy Orton in over two years since the rape. And after his suspension being announced, I hadn't thought that he would come here to Orlando to confront me. And my body certainly hadn't forgotten how it felt when it was in its presence as it began to shake as I looked up at him from my spot on the ground. "What...what..."

"What am I doing here? I think that's what you were getting at..." His lips curled up in a smirk, reminding me harshly of the way he had looked at me the night of the rape and I found myself starting to move backwards on my hands to get away from him. He maintained his distance but still followed me at a slow pace, his eyes never leaving my face. "I just thought it was time for a little reunion. After all what else am I suppose to do now that you got me suspended?"

"That's your fault, you deserved at least that when you raped me." I snapped up at him, feeling a momentary surge of courage and I turned over and scrambled to my feet to get running again. I was alone with my rapist in a park, there was no one around to help me if things got bad. And they did get bad, because I didn't get far before he over took me and I felt him shoving me forward again and off the path. I went down so fast that I couldn't right my body and I felt my forehead scrape against the side of a rock on my way to the ground. I felt the blood running down my face before I could even turn over and when I touch my fingers to my forhead, I felt a sharp pain cut across my skin and I groaned. I felt Randy's hand grab me by the arms and I instantly started to fight back. "Get off me! Let me go you asshole!"

"Well that's not very nice." He smirked, raising his fist quickly before I could blink and sent his hand flying across my face, hitting me in the eye so hard that I couldn't even cry out because I was in shock. I struggled to pull away from him despite feeling a pain so harsh that it made me feel sick to my stomach, but the more I move the more it seemed to anger him and I soon felt his fist hit me in the other eye. I tried to scream but I felt him drive his knee hard up into my ribcage, cutting off my cry for help as he threw me further off the path and onto the grass by the trees. "You really messed things up for me you know. And now you're going to have to pay..."

"Oh God no." I whispered, feeling my vision blur from the punches to the face. I wiped my hand across my forehead to keep the blood from dripping into my eyes and tried to crawl away. "Leave me alone."

But he didn't. I felt his foot come down on my back hard, flattening me on the ground so the air went from my lungs again and I had to struggle to breathe while trying not to pass out from the pain in my head that had come when my skull hit the ground with force. When I felt the pressure leave my spine, I tried moving again but he wouldn't let me get far as he began kicking me any where his foot would land. I felt it all over my body, the pain coming and coming so fast that I didn't even feel it at times until he stopped kicking me in the same place. I knew enough that the force he was using would leave my skin bruised for weeks but I wouldn't care if I could just get the hell away from him. And I could have too if it weren't for what happened next.

I had been attempting to crawl away towards the trees where I was hoping to find a rock to hit him with because I didn't have the strength to fight back against him in this state. But as I was reaching for a rock, I felt his foot come up under me and nail me right in the ribcage, causing me to cry out as I felt my ribs break apart. The pain of it was worse then anything I had felt before and I instinctively put my hand to my side in the hopes that it would lessen the pain. But it wouldn't have mattered because Randy kept kicking me in the same spot on my side. Once, twice, three times and then a final fourth kick that left my gasping for breath. He rolled me over with his foot, the movement happening so quickly that it jostled my broken ribs and I felt a stabbing pain hit me from the inside. My lungs felt like they were filling with water and for a second it felt like I was drowning. I could barely draw breath, panicking when I wasn't getting enough oxygen to keep myself conscious. My vision was blurry and I could barely move as I tried to keep Randy in my sights. He wasn't done inflicting pain on me, he wanted to make sure I couldn't get away even if I wanted it with fiber of my being. I saw his foot raise off the ground and then come crashing down on the side of my leg, his heel hitting my knee cap and sending it out of place with a sharp throb that further stole my breath.

When he was finally done and I was left alone, I laid there curled up on the grass, the blood pouring down my face from the cut and the pain coming in sickening waves from all parts of my body. My vision continued to stay blurry and my destroyed knee kept me from being able to get away. Any time I even thought about moving, my broken ribs screamed in protest and I was forced to remain still, not wanting any more pain then I already had. I felt my consciousness floating in and out as I was able to make out the outline of Randy's form as it knelt down beside me and I felt the coolness on his breath as his lips came near my ear,his voice sounding just as cruel, just as harsh, just as full of malice as it had the night he raped me.

"Next time, I would think twice before talking to any one." And then he was gone as soon as he dispensed this last statement, leaving me to listen to his footsteps tap on the pavement of the sidewalk as he ran away and left me alone as a cold began to overtake my body.

I remember seeing the sky starting to turn pink before I felt myself starting to black out.


	21. Going Under

**Chapter 21 Going Under**

"...She's lost a lot of blood, both from that cut and judging by how swollen her ribcage is, I suspect internal bleeding..."

"..if she has broken ribs, then she might have a punctured lung...her breathing sounds chocked, like she has water in her lungs..."

"...she has bruising everywhere, God only knows how long she was laying here before someone found her..."

"...Did you alert the E.R on the way here? Did you tell them that we have a 'Jane Doe'..."

"I'm...I'm not a Jane Doe.." I don't know how I came to long enough to spit those words out but I did and when I opened my eyes, I almost wished I had stayed blacked out. Because opening my eyes opened up the floodgates to every pain conceivable that I sustained from the attack and I nearly gasped when I felt the first wave of it hit me. It was so immense, so infinite that I almost wished it had killed me. No one should have to feel pain this harsh and still be alive. The throbbing in my head was like the worse migraine ever combined with a hundred others. The blood still dripped down the side of my face and into my eyes, sometime blinding me and I didn't have the energy to wipe it away. I couldn't move my body, because every time I did I felt a sharp upswing of pain that made me cry out and reminded me just how badly I had been attacked. I didn't even try to move my leg since I knew my knee was messed up worse then it ever had before. But the worse pain was the one in my chest, the one where it felt like there was a knife twisting and it was a struggle just to draw breath. There were faces hovering above me, blurry faces who were looking down at me and saying things that made me realize they were paramedics. And even though it hurt just to breathe, I fought to tell them my identity. "My...my name...my name is Savannah...Savannah McMahon.."

"Ok, Savannah you need to stay with us. Can you do that? Keep your eyes open for me..." One of the male paramedics said to me as I turned my head when I saw him motion off to the side. I heard the others talking and I saw the darkening sky above me, but other then that I couldn't take in anything else. That would require focus and extra focus right now was painful. The male paramedic had his hands under my shoulders. "Savannah, this is going to hurt, but we need to turn you over..."

"Ow, ow, ow, ow! Stop it." I had no idea that a scream that loud could come out of me when I was feeling so much pain. So when I heard it, it surprised even me despite the tidal wave of pain that threatened to consume me again. I knew they were only trying to help me, but any kind of movement forced the broken parts of my body to jolt and that made me scream again. "It hurts, it hurts..."

"I know it does, it's going to be ok though." A female paramedic picked up my hand gingerly and held it between hers as the others forced my body to turn over onto a hard board. I felt my muscles turn to steel and I held back another scream in my throat and gripped this stranger's hand tightly to ward off succumbing to the pain. I felt tears leaking out the side of my eyes, burning my skin like lava. "Savannah, stay with us ok? We're taking you to the hospital, you're going to be ok."

"I..I..." I wanted to say something in response, to say anything at all. But I felt my body grow cold and when I looked up at the sky, I saw everything disappearing into black nothingness...

I don't know how much time had passed or what I was dreaming about, but when I woke up again, I found myself looking up at the ceiling going by and lights shinning down at me. I knew I must be in the hospital right now and that the thing I was on was a stretcher. I saw a new set of faces looking down at me, faces with concerned expressions offset by white coats. I felt something on my face and went to touch it and my fingers met plastic, it was an oxygen mask. And that was bad, even in my state I knew it was bad. If I couldn't breathe on my own without the help of artificial oxygen, then I was worse off then I first thought. I tried to pull it off but I felt a hand take my wrist and pull it away to stop me. I wanted to say something to the doctors surrounding me, but I couldn't. Between the first time I had woken up and now, the pain seemed to intensify. Every time the stretcher turned a corner, I felt the movement reverberate through my body and I couldn't even bring up the energy to cry. I was too warped, too exhausted to do anything except lay there. I could hear the doctors talking to me, they sounded worried. But their voices were so muffled that I couldn't even make out one word. It wouldn't matter anyway as I was suddenly overcome by a fresh wave of pain and my vision started getting dizzy before turning black at the edges. This time it was different, this time I felt myself slipping away more rapidly then before, getting colder to the point where I felt myself shaking despite not wanting to move because of the pain. I was falling away from consciousness. I was scared that I may not wake up this time.

* * *

><p><em><span>An hour and a half later...<span>_

"So how is she doing? You know, after you left her house earlier..."

"She was more agreeable then I thought she was going to be, but then again that's not so surprising. Savannah has never been one to be stubborn when she knows she shouldn't be." Jeff replied with a smile as he tapped his fingers on the tabletop and looked over at Dixie with a knowing look on his face. This meeting had started off so much more about business then anything personal. It had been set up weeks in advanced for the two of them since they were the main driving forces behind the daily running of TNA. But now after nearly two hours of going over budget costs and contract negotiation, the conversation was winding down and turning to someone much more easy going. Even though the subject matter in question was anything but simple or easy going. "I explained to her my concerns about her state of mind and how it wasn't safe for her to wrestle tonight and she actually agreed with me."

"Well, if anyone could get that little girl to agree with authority then it would be you. I've seen the way you two are with each other, she looks at you like one of your kids do. It's very sweet." Dixie sent him a smile as she ran her fingers through her long hair and sat back in her seat with a pen twirling in the fingers of her free hand. She was more stern then she looked but even she could relax when it came to the business, hence why a lot of people claimed TNA was the better company to work for. They ran things differently then the WWE and both Dixie and him loved that, they didn't want their backstage atmosphere to be heavy with tension and manipulation. They would never run the business the way the McMahons did. "But I'm glad you got through to her. She hasn't been looking good lately, she's been dropping weight and just not looking healthy. And her focus has been off since this rape situation started becoming more prominent..."

"Yea, and just remember that it stays between us. She doesn't know that I told you and the only reason I did was so you were aware that her lack of focus wasn't just her being lazy, she is dealing with something very big. But she can't know that you know. She would be mortified." Jeff could have kicked himself for letting Savannah's secret slip to her other boss but it was just something that could not be helped anymore. Now that Savannah had told him and Alex and Chris and then her family, she was going to be dealing with the rape head on for what would be the first time in years. Of course that was going to take her attention away. And sure Jeff could have kept his mouth shut but that would have meant Dixie could have spun her own ideas about why Savannah wasn't acting normally and Jeff didn't want her to get the wrong impression. And Savannah never had to know that he said anything. "Just keep it to yourself, the less she thinks people know the better."

"Unless you tell her then she will never know that I know." Dixie crossed her fingers with a genuine smile that Jeff knew he could trust. Dixie had kids and therefore understood how protective Jeff was over Savannah and if he said it wasn't a good idea for her to know that more people knew, then Dixie would get that. "I'm just glad that she's …."

_Knock...knock..._

"Sorry to interrupt..." One of the backstage assistants that Dixie and Jeff shared stuck her head into the room and caught their attention with her waving hands and concerned look. Both Dixie and Jeff turned to look at her, but she pointed towards Jeff. "Um, there's a phone call for you on line 2. It's a nurse from the hospital, she says it's urgent..."

"What the fuck?" Jeff didn't even take two seconds to wave the assistant back out of the room before he dove for the phone. The thoughts of any of his kids being hurt flashed through his mind and he was almost overcome with panic. But not so much where he couldn't pick up the phone and hit the now flashing button. "Hello? This is Jeff Jarrett, what the hell is going on?"

"Mr. Jarrett, I'm calling on behalf of the emergency contacts of Ms. Savannah McMahon. I don't know how to tell you this, but she was found in a park severely beaten earlier this evening. She's at the hospital, currently undergoing treatment as we speak.." The nurse said this all as calmly as could possibly be, but Jeff found his vision spinning and he had to grab a hold of the table to steady himself before he fell out of his chair. He heard Dixie speaking to him but he couldn't respond. Savannah was in the hospital? She had been beaten up? What the hell happened? "Mr Jarrett? You're the only person she has on her contact sheet and it's imperative that you understand the situation. You need to get here right away."

"Uh...uh, yea ok. I'll do that. Thank you." Jeff slammed the phone down hard enough where it should have broken but it didn't and he could have cared less if it had. He paused for a second and dared to let himself relax and as soon as he had, he regretted it. Because he felt the first flicker of pure panic and horror wash over him and it took all the strength and courage he had to close it off. Because if he continued to feel it then he would never have the guts to make a move and that was exactly what he had to do. He looked up to find Dixie's kind face filled with worry. "Savannah was attacked in the park earlier tonight. She's in the hospital, they say it could be bad."

"Oh my God." Dixie's face fell hard and her hand quickly came up to cover her shocked mouth until she could gather her composure. "I can't believe this..."

"I have to get out of here. I have to...i have to be there with her." Jeff should have jumped out of his seat right then but he couldn't get his feet to start moving. He was too much in shock to think straight. "I need to find Alex and Chris. But the show..."

"Forget the show, just find them and get to the hospital. I'll run the taping, you go be with her." Dixie urged him, her face going from shocked and back to business. Jeff knew it wasn't for lack of caring, Dixie was a mother and she cared about her employees like they were her children. But if she had no control over something then she would distract herself with work because it was something she could control. She grabbed his arm and pulled him to his feet. "Jeff go! I'll handle everything."

Jeff finally found feeling in his limbs and he shot out of the room and into the hallway so quickly that he nearly knocked over a group of technicians who were in his way when he came out. He barely was able to utter a incoherent apology before he headed out to track down Alex and Chris. He knew the two of them would be in the same place because they were usually together before a show and that would kill two birds with one stone and he wouldn't have to waste time finding two separate people. He got plenty of weird looks as he rushed through the backstage area and even weirder looks when he started yelling out for Alex and then Chris. He should have stopped and asked if anyone had seen them but his mind was too laser focused to think logically. He had one goal and that was to find them, he couldn't be distracted by things like stopping to...

"Jeff? What the hell is going on?" Alex's voice came from behind him in the hallway and Jeff whirled around on his heels to find him and Chris paused in the middle of the floor looking at him with matching expressions of surprise on his face. "Why are you screaming out our names..."

"No time for questions, just listen to me and don't talk until we're in the car." Jeff walked up to them, not wanting to shout the news of Savannah's attack all over the backstage area and waited until he was within hearing distance of the two younger wrestlers. He knew they weren't going to take it well and drawing it out would be more painful. He would have to pull the band aid off right away. "Savannah was attacked tonight and she's in the hospital. It's pretty serious and we need to get there right away. Follow me right now."

Jeff turned and headed back down the hallway so he could stop by his office and grab his keys. He didn't hear any response from Alex or Chris, just the sound of their footsteps following after him. He didn't have to look at them to know their expressions now matched his own.

* * *

><p><em><span>30 minutes later<span>_

"Fucking traffic, God damn Orlando drivers. Don't they know we have somewhere to get to that's more important then where they're going..."

"Chris, shut up."

"I mean, come on! Couldn't you have at least driven in the break down lane to by pass all that traffic?"

"I said can it!"

"Savannah fucking needs us! She's lying in a bed here somewhere in a lot of pain. We need to get to her before something..."

"Chris, if you don't shut the fuck up then I swear I am going to punch you in the face." Alex snapped at his best friend as they rushed through the hallways of the hospital with Jeff en route to finding the nurses station where they could find out more about Savannah. But Chris's constant babbling out of frantic nervous energy was just pissing Alex off and he was on the verge of striking out against his best friend. Alex was already suffering his own wave of panic and worry after Jeff pulled them aside and told them about the attack. And it had taken every ounce of strength he had to follow his boss out to the parking lot and get into the car. But even with all the horror and worry rushing through him, he couldn't find it in him to express it in any way except anger and frustration. Chris on the other hand couldn't stop talking and his worry came spilling out the entire ride to the hospital. It was only when they had gotten off the elevator and Alex told him to shut up that he finally did. Alex saw his best friend almost deflate and Alex instantly felt bad for his tone. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sound like such an asshole..."

"It's ok, I was going a little overboard as it is. So you had every right to tell me to shut up. It's just that when I get genuinely shaken up, I show it by not being able to stop talking." Chris replied, his face showing that he wasn't going to hold a grudge being that they had other things to worry about. But then again Chris had never been one to hold a grudge, especially not when he knew there was a good reason for it. "You're already freaked out enough..."

"We all are." Alex muttered, glancing at Chris and then at Jeff who had charged ahead of them like an enraged father on a mission. "Look at him, he will tear this place apart if he has to to get some answers."

"I wouldn't expect anything less from him. I've said it before and I will say it again, he's more of a father to her then Vince is." Chris watched Jeff be the first one to reach the desk at the end of the hall and was practically jumping over it before he started yelling in the face of a very scared looking nurse. "Do you think we should stop..."

"I want to talk to the doctor treating Savannah McMahon right now! Get him here right now before I throw that damn computer at the wall." Jeff shouted at the nurse sitting behind the desk who was staring at him with wide eyes as Alex and Chris walked up behind him and tried to pull him back. But he shrugged them off and went right back to yelling. "Do you know who I am? I'm Jeff Jarrett! One of you people called me earlier about that girl and told me to get here right away. Well I'm here right now and I want some damn answers"

"Jeff, calm down before they call security." Alex told him hurriedly after sensing that Jeff was on the verge of freaking out even further on the nurse and stepped forward to yank his boss back from the desk and pushed him against the wall with the help of Chris. "Stop yelling for two seconds and they can get the doctor here."

"I don't want to wait two seconds." Jeff protested, still trying to move passed them but he was no match for two people fighting against him right now and he just leaned back on the wall. "I have to know how bad it is."

"We're going to find out, but you have to relax so they can do their job." Chris told him even though the expression in his eyes said that he just wanted to do what Jeff was doing and yell at everyone. But Chris had better control over his emotions then Jeff did. "The more you yell at them, that takes away time for them to call the..."

"Excuse me, Mr. Jarrett?" A kindly older man's voice spoke up from around the corner from them and all three turned to see a tall man in blue scrubs and a white coat come towards them with a file folder stuck in his hands. "I'm Dr. Robertson, I've been treating Savannah since she was admitted..."

"How is she? Is she ok?" Jeff demanded, completely ignoring Alex and Chris as the doctor motioned them to follow him into a nearby room where he shut the door with an expression that could only be described as grim. But Jeff was relentless in his pursuit for answers. "How bad is it? Is she going to be ok? Why aren't you saying anything?"

"Mr. Jarrett, you might want to sit down..." Dr. Robertson began to say but true to Jeff's nature, he wouldn't be told what to do.

"I don't want to sit down. I want to know how she is doing, so just fucking tell me already." Jeff snapped, not sounding like his usual self but that couldn't be helped as he was a man on the verge of a mental breakdown. "Just say it, we can take it."

"It's pretty bad. We had to fill out a form listing her injuries to hand to the police as well as photographic evidence in case she wanted to press charges as this was a very vicious attack. Her injuries are extensive." The doctor explained, setting the file down on a nearby table and flipping through it to a page that must have listed the trauma because he started relaying it back to them. "She sustained 4 broken ribs as well as a punctured lung that caused internal bleeding that we needed to go in and repair. She has bruising over half her body and two black eyes. There is a cut on her forehead that needed 10 stitches to close. And her knees was dislocated so we had to pop back into place and immobilize so it can heal properly. And she also suffered a dangerous concussion that has left her unconscious since she was brought in. We treated her as best we could, but now it is up to her to finish the healing process."

Alex felt himself falling downward and thankfully there was a chair right behind him so he didn't fall right to the floor. He sank down onto the wooden chair with his face in his hand and he could tell Chris had done the same. He was in shock and at first he couldn't hear anything going on around him. All he could hear was the doctor's voice telling them what had happened to her and he wanted to throw up. His girlfriend, the woman he loved and wanted to spend the rest of his life with had been beaten to within an inch of her life. He didn't know what he was suppose to do with this information.

"What...what happened?" Jeff's voice was the only one of them to speak up and even he had lost some of his composure from earlier. He looked like he had aged 5 years in just a few minutes and he looked at the doctor like he was going to collapse. "Do you know how this came to be?"

"We don't have much detail on what happened prior to the attack but an elderly couple found her in the park and it was obvious that she had been attacked but there was no sign of her attacker. The couple called 911 and were there when the paramedics and police arrived and they made a statement but until Savannah wakes up, then we won't have exact details."

"Is she going to be ok though?" Jeff questioned, his hands gripping his hair roughly. "She will wake up right?"

"She will, I just don't know when as her body went through such a traumatic beating tonight. So there is no way to tell when she will wake up. It's up to her." The doctor told them, closing the file and settling them with a look that was best described as sympathetic and filled with pity for them. "But this is the time when I suggest that family should be informed and since you are the only one on her emergency contacts, you will have to be the one to do it."

"Of course, I completely forgot that she didn't have them listed. She's been on the outs with them for the last few years, she only started to reach out to them these past few weeks." Jeff seemed to be in another world as he spoke, his eyes no longer on the doctor or them. "I'll go do that right now."

"And if you gentlemen want to come with me, I can take you to see her right now if you like." The doctor added, his statement brought Alex's head up for the first time since he sat down. Jeff was nodding to them as he walked out of the room and Chris was already on his feet to follow after the doctor. "I warn you though, seeing her the way she is might be shocking..."

Alex took the warning as what it was, but even he knew deep down that nothing could prepare him for what he was about to see.

* * *

><p><em><span>25 minutes later<span>_

"...if you need anything, just come to the desk and we'll assist you..." The nurse said on her way out the door and Alex was annoyed by the pitying look she sent their way as they were left alone in the dimly lit room where Savannah was laying in the bed looking completely different then the last time they saw her.

Alex knew it was going to be bad after hearing the list of her injuries and he had even tried to imagine what she would look like in his head before they entered the room. But even his most chaotic thoughts and imaginings could not prepare him for the still form lying on the bed in front of him. Savannah was still recognizable but the damage done to her face and body could not ignored as it was evident in every part of her and it drove a knife right through his chest to see her like this. The black eyes stood out like they had been purposely colored in and the bandage on her forehead covered what had to be a nasty cut. Her right knee was immobilized in a brace and raised off the bed in a sling and her abdomen was clearly strapped up under the hospital gown to keep her broke ribs in place. But the worse thing to see was the I.V. tubes sticking out of her hands and the breathing tube inserted into her mouth to help her breath. She was broken to the lowest degree and it seemed highly unlikely that she would be able to come back from this. How could anyone after suffering this kind of agony?

"Fuck." Alex heard himself mutter and he turned his eyes away from Savannah and towards the window because if he looked at her any longer right now, then he was surely going to lose it and that was something he knew he couldn't reign back in once it started. "Damn it, damn it, damn it."

"Hey, she's going to be ok. The doctor said so, we just have to wait for her to wake up. But she is out of immediate danger." Chris said in comfort, coming up beside him and placed his hand on Alex's shoulder with a heavy squeeze. Chris wasn't one to reach out and hug someone unless it seemed like they would welcome it and right now Alex was not going to welcome it. He didn't want that kind of comfort. He wanted Savannah to wake up and tell him it was ok. But Chris would have to do. "She's a fighter, she'll pull through."

"She just looks so small and seconds away from completely falling apart." Alex looked back at her and wished he could flip a switch and go back to a few hours ago so he could have stayed with her. He moved toward the bed. "I'm afraid to touch her."

"This is my fault." Chris stated suddenly as he appeared to the right of the bed and looked down at her with his forehead furrowed deeply. "I told her to go running and if she didn't listen to me then she wouldn't be here..."

"So I just got off the phone with Vince and he told me that they are all flying out tonight as soon as they can get away. They'll be here sometime in the morning..." Jeff's voice had been so composed when he walked into the room to tell them of his phone call with the McMahon's but it soon trailed off when they watched his eyes travel across the room to the bed where the girl he considered a daughter lay. He then shot away into the bathroom and slammed the door shut. Alex and Chris looked at each other as the sound of Jeff heaving came into the room and neither of them made a move to check on him. It wasn't needed as a few minutes later they heard the toilet flush and the faucet running as he rinsed his mouth out and then he returned to the room looking weak and disoriented. He closed his eyes and sighed heavily before walking over to the bed and gently picked up Savannah's hand in a way that Alex wished he could do and Jeff said. "Oh dear God, who did this to you?"

"Come on Jeff, you know who did this. You know it has to be Randy." Alex said sarcastically as he moved to the other side of the bed and looked at his girlfriend while Chris stood at the foot and stared as well. Alex shook his head. There was no questioning it. Randy was the culprit. "Who else would attack her weeks after being suspended."

"We can't do anything about it until she wakes up, even if we do know it was Randy. If there is the slimmest chance that we're wrong, then it could create a lot of trouble for us. And that won't be fair to Savannah, she needs us here." Jeff was the voice of reason in the group even though he looked like he wanted to put his fist through the wall right now. But his temper was more level then Alex or Chris now that he had a chance to calm down from his earlier flare up. "She'll be ok, she has to be."

"Babe, you have to wake up now. You need to wake up so we can go after that asshole." Alex said quietly, his anger slipping away as he reached out to touch her face, his fingers brushing against her bruised skin and he felt himself shudder. He couldn't lose her, not when they had barely begun their lives together. They were suppose to have more time, there were experiences they had yet to have. There were things he wanted with her that he didn't want with any other woman. She had to come back from this or else he would never be the same. He looked down at her still form and touched her hand. "You promised that you would never leave me."

* * *

><p><em><span>Later that night<span>_

"When do you think she'll wake up?" Alex asked out loud a few hours later as he sat in a chair by Savannah's bed and looked around the room at the other two men who were watching her just as he was even though there had been no improvement at all. The machines beeped as steadily as they had when they first entered and never wavered, the morphine drip flowed at the same speed as before and there was no flicker of life from her. Alex had never left his position by the bed and had dragged his chair over so he could stay by her side as long as possible. Chris and Jeff had taken seats at the small table and had been silent and unmoving in the hours that passed since they all last spoke. But when Alex posed this question, their heads shot up quickly as he shrugged. "I mean, what if she doesn't..."

"Don't even say that. I won't listen to it." Jeff frowned darkly, his face turning away from the spot on the wall he had been staring at for the past hour and focused his gaze on Alex with a stormy look. "You heard the doctor, she will wake up. So don't even question that she won't."

"Yea dude, you have to trust that they know what they're talking about. If they say she will wake up then she will. Just give it time." Chris backed up Jeff wholeheartedly even though his face showed that he was feeling lower then he had in a very long time. He sat back in his chair and said. "Savannah is going to come back to us, but she'll do it when she's ready."

"But I want her back now!" Alex found himself snapping almost loudly and for a second he was hoping that rise in his voice would send a jolt through Savannah's brain and somehow wake her up, but there was no change.

"Excuse me?" A quiet voice spoke up from the open doorway and they all turned to see a nurse walking in with her tray of equipment that she laid down on the table on the other side of the bed and looked at them with a small smile that they could tell was forced. "I don't mean to interrupt but I have to take her stats."

"It's fine, go ahead." Chris answered for them as he ran his fingers through his messed up hair and watched as the nurse first reached for the bag hanging on the hook above the bed. "Is that the morphine in there?"

"Yes it is and it's being administered over the span of every 4 hours so she won't be in pain and can get the rest that she needs. And by the look of things, she needs plenty of rest." The nurse replied, hanging a full bag of pain medication on the hook and then turned to pick up the thermometer to run it lightly across Savannah's forehead, avoiding the bandage as it beeped. "Well, her temperature is normal."

"Was is a possibility that something could have gone wrong in the surgery?" Jeff asked, asking the question that Alex himself had been wondering since they were told that she had needed the surgery to repair her punctured lung. "Could she had gotten sick somehow?"

"It's always a possibility but for her it didn't happen, so you can be thankful for that." The nurse nodded as she reached for the blood pressure cuff and wrapped it around Savannah's too small arm and inflated it while looking at the monitor. "Well, her pressure is a little low but I suspect that was due to how she was before the attack."

"She's been really stressed these last few weeks and she hasn't been taking care of herself as well as she use to." Alex spoke up, looking at her face and cursing himself for not forcing her to slow down and think of her health. "She lost a lot of weight from stress."

"Well that will definitely have an effect on her blood pressure and we'll just keep a close eye on it." The nurse assured him, removing the cuff and setting it aside before reaching for the bandage on Savannah's head. This was the part that Alex refused to watch and he turned his head away when the bandage was removed. He saw that Chris and Jeff were doing the same and luckily the nurse was quick as she cleaned the wound and replaced the old bandage with a fresh one. "It's covered now, you can look."

"None of us wanted to see that. The rest is hard enough, at least the cut can be covered." Jeff shuddered as if just imagining it was too much for him. And as the nurse was packing up her things, he looked at her. "I know the doctor said she will wake up but do you have any idea when that could be?"

"It's hard to say with her injuries. I've seen people with much worse come back much sooner. It all depends on the person themselves." She said with that sympathetic look she had on when she walked in the room. "It could be a matter of hours or days. And in the worse case scenario, it might be weeks."

"Oh that's reassuring." Alex grumbled, turning his gaze back down to his girlfriend as the nurse prepared to leave.

"Perhaps you all should go home and rest." She suggested, moving towards the door with her equipment all packed up and hanging from one hand. "She's not going to be waking up any time soon..."

"I'm not leaving her side." Alex shook his head without even looking up, he slipped his palm under her small hand and curled his fingers around it, no longer scared of touching her. "I'm staying right here."

"Alex..." Jeff began to say but he was cut off before he could get two full words out.

"No."

"No, he's right. We should be here on the off chance that she could wake up. And if she does then I want to be here too..." Chris nodded his head in response, looking first to Alex and then to Jeff as they all shared the same silent agreement. Then he looked towards the nurse. "We're staying."

"Alright, just let me know if you need anything." The nurse said and then walked out of the room and closed the door, leaving them alone again.

Alex sighed and ran his fingers through his hair as the silence pressed in on them but no one seemed to have the strength to break it. Being in this room stole every ounce of energy from the three of them and all they seemed capable of was just sitting there waiting for something that may of may not happen. Yes, he understood that the doctors had faith that she would wake up, but he also knew that this was a tiny little girl they were dealing with, who had been knocked down so many times that she may not decide to come back from this. And if that happened, then Alex knew it would all be over for him. Everything he wanted out of his own life, everything he wanted from a life with her could be taken away at any minute. What if she died and left him alone despite her promise to the contrary? Or what if she was still alive but she never woke up? How would he be able to adapt with that? Too many questions and no beginnings to answers. All that he had was time to wait until she either woke up on her own or the doctors declared that she wouldn't. Until then, he was in the dark.

"Come on Savannah, open your eyes..."


	22. The Longest Day

**Chapter 22 The Longest Day**

"Alex...Alex, wake up. It's morning."

"Huh? What?" Alex opened his eyes to push away at the person who was shaking his shoulder only to find Chris staring down at him with the same guarded expression he had been wearing when Alex's eyes had closed. He looked around and upon seeing the daylight that now filled the room, he sat up in the chair he had fallen asleep in and rubbed his eyes with his fists. He must have been more tired then he thought because he hadn't intended to fall asleep, not when something could have happened during the night. Sure he had Jeff and Chris with him,but he was a control freak and wanted to be alert to the first sign of troulbe the moment it happened. But he had to go and fall asleep which turned out to be a worse idea then he thought because now as he was stretching out his body, he felt a pain in his back and shoulders from sleeping in a chair all night. He rubbed the back of his neck as he blinked the sleep from his eyes and realized that they were now alone. "Hey! Where's Jeff?"

"He had to get home to his family, but he's going to be back in a few hours. He doesn't want to be away from Savannah for too long." Chris replied, glancing sideways over to the bed to where the still form of the girl they both loved lay, still out like a light and looking like the life had been stolen from her body. Her appearance was just as horrifying as it had been the night before when they first saw her and Alex was convinced it would never become easier no matter how much they saw her like this. Chris sighed. "There was no change at all. I asked the doctor when he came in to check her."

"Damn it." Alex growled, pushing his fingers through his hair as he got out of his chair and went over to the bed and stood there in silence for a few moments and just stared at her. If it weren't for all the bruising and the bandage on her head and the tubes in her body, then he could have just pretended that she was sleeping and would wake up any moment. But she wasn't sleeping, she was unconscious and who knew how long that would last. He looked away from her battered face to find Chris had joined him, wearing a slightly tense look on his face. Alex frowned. "What is it?"

"I didn't tell you something that I should have told you first thing..." Chris clicked his tongue between his teeth like he always did when he was nervous before saying. "The McMahons just got here, they're waiting out in the hall to see her."

"Oh great, like there wasn't already enough to deal with. Now I have to face the people I yelled at the last time I saw them." Alex grumbled under his breath but Chris heard him anyway but chose not to respond to it and Alex was glad for it. He didn't need his best friend commenting on another set of issues, he just needed Chris to be on his side because there was no way this was going to be a good day. The last time he saw the McMahons, it had been to yell at them about the rape. And when Linda, Shane and Stephanie had shown up at Savannah's house that night a few weeks ago, they barely acknowledged each other. And now Savannah wasn't really here to be a buffer and Jeff was gone until later. This was not going to be easy. He looked at Chris. "I guess we should go out there and let them see her."

"Yea..." Chris didn't say much and just followed behind him as they left the more dimly lit room to the brighter light of the hallway where the regular routine of the hospital was in full swing. Alex turned his head right and then left, spotting all four McMahons at the end of the hall near the nurses station where they were talking to Savannah's doctor and every single one of them wore a look of complete weariness on their faces. And yet, Alex couldn't quite bring himself to feel bad for them even though it was their flesh and blood lying lifeless in the hospital. He was the one who had been there for Savannah through everything so far and had never walked away. Savannah was his family, not theirs. So he was not going to feel anything about them feeling pain. Chris was at his side when the family spotted them and immediately headed towards them. "Behave yourself."

"I will if they do." Alex hissed back, crossing his arms as he kept his eyes on the approaching four figures. He wasn't going to raise a fuss since he didn't want to be kicked out of the hospital but he also wasn't about to forgive and forget about all the things they had put Savannah through. He felt his body tense up as they came closer and he was barely able to open his mouth to utter a less then perfect greeting. "Hey."

"Alex...Chris." Vince nodded his head at the two of them, him not able to respond much more then that either. But at least he had spoken, Shane and Stephanie along with Linda just stood back with tight drawn expressions of silence. Vince was far from emotional, so it wasn't a total surprise that he was the first to speak. He nodded to the door behind them. "Is that..."

"Yea..." Alex stepped aside so they could move passed him to the room where Savannah lay. He felt all their eyes flicker to his face as they went by and he got the sense like he was almost being blamed for them having to be here. He somehow managed to keep his head from exploding and as soon as the door shut behind them, he felt his hands curl up into fists. "Is it wrong that I want to go in there and punch Vince in the face?"

"It is wrong if it gets you kicked out of the building, so don't do it." Chris cracked the smallest of a smile before he began tugging on Alex's arm. "Come on, you could use a cup of coffee. We both could."

Alex turned and followed his friend without another word. His energy was at a standstill between being too much and being nonexistent. And now the McMahon were here and that did nothing for his mood or temperament. The best thing he could do was to walk away until he could be around them without wanting to punch Savannah's father in the face.

* * *

><p><em><span>A few hours later<span>_

"Jeff! Over here."

Jeff turned his head towards the right as he stepped off the elevator and spotted Chris down the hall in the waiting room waving his hand wildly at him to motion him over. Alex was sitting in the chair next to him with a cup in his hand and his feet propped up on the table in front of him with a glum look on his face. Obviously his mood had worsened in the time since Jeff had left the hospital and then returned and he could only imagine what the hell could be the reason for it. He didn't think it could be that bad because if Savannah's condition had worsened then surely he would have gotten a call from the doctor or Chris. But then again, Chris also wasn't looking as alive as he had when Jeff had woken him up that morning. That couldn't mean anything good. He hurried through the hallway, bypassing Savannah's room and making a mental note to stop in and see her after he spoke to the guys. He would have done it now, but these two looked like they needed him more then she did at the moment.

"Ok, what the hell happened?" He demanded once he had reached the empty room and stood before the two men with his eyebrow raised, not feeling good about this and he was already not in the best of moods. "Why do you have those looks on your faces?"

"You're not going to like this." Chris piped up first, tucking his hands under his arms and he stared at the toes of his sneakers while he spoke. And for someone who was so easy going and unaffected by tension around him, Chris was looking mighty uncomfortable. And that worried Jeff, a lot. Chris looked up at him briefly. "Maybe you should sit down..."

"No, whenever someone says that it usually means something bad. So I think I will stay standing." Jeff frowned, remembering how the doctor had said the same thing to him just yesterday when they came here to learn about Savannah's condition and he had not liked what he had been told then. So when Chris repeated this statement, he was unwilling to even entertain that it could be anything less dramatic then that. "Tell me what's going on..."

"The McMahons are here, they arrived not too long after you left this morning. So good timing on your part." Chris said sarcastically, laughing a little as he said this but Jeff found nothing funny about it and neither did it seem Alex, who turned to stare at his friend with the same puzzled look Jeff was sure was on his own face. Chris must have realized this wasn't the time for humor and quickly reigned in his laughter. "Sorry, just trying to lighten the mood."

"I can't believe they actually showed up..." Jeff shook his head and looked back down the hallway towards Savannah's door and thought about how he had nearly walked in there before he came to talk to Alex and Chris. He would have walked in on the McMahons without any warning and with tensions running high enough as it was, it could have boiled over rather quickly. But thankfully his shock was enough to keep him rooted in place without trying to go to stir up trouble. "Are they in there with her?"

"Yea, we thought it would be best to give them some time with her alone. We've been sitting here since they went in." Chris went on to say, motioning to the empty coffee cups on the table in front of them, showing that they had indeed been here a while. "We just wanted to let you know before you went in there all guns a blazin..."

"They blame me for this." Alex spoke up suddenly, his unrelated words grinding the conversation to a halt as it took on a different and more heavy tone from the previously quiet Alex. Both Jeff and Chris stared at him as he hadn't really made any kind of acknowledgment to them this whole time. So when he said this, it was even more out of the blue. "They looked at me like they wanted to say that if I had been with her when it happened, then they wouldn't be here having to visit her like this..."

"Alex, I told you that this isn't your fault. So don't think anything of any dumb look they give you. They're not thinking straight and neither are any of us. So do not blame yourself." Chris frowned more darkly then Jeff had ever seen him and he knew it was because of the tormented look Alex now wore on his face. Jeff wanted to hurt that family now, even in this kind of situation they had to make other people feel like they are responsible when they weren't. That wasn't right to make Alex feel like he could have prevented this, no one could have. Only Randy could have stopped it when he made the decision to come here, because he was the one responsible, no one else. "This is a tough situation and no one is going to be handling it all too well. And it's even worse because of the history they have with her and..."

"And with me, so if I can hold on to my sane thinking, then you can too. Because you know you're not at fault." Jeff managed to say without gritting his teeth as he sat down in the empty chair next to Chris and ran his fingers through his blonde hair. He was already feeling his muscles grow hard with tension after now knowing the entire McMahon family was right down the hall but he was even more tense after hearing how they made Alex feel. He had promised Savannah he would be civil with Vince but with the way things had changed so quickly since he made that promise, he wasn't sure he was going to be able to hold true to it. He crossed his arms with a heavy sigh. "So change of subject. Has there been any change with Savannah while I was gone?"

"If there was, the McMahons wouldn't be in there with her. We would be." Alex replied with a nearly empty voice that would have made Savannah cry if she heard it. Jeff almost hated that he knew this, because knowing these little facts about Savannah just made him wish all the more that she would wake up already. Alex shifted his position but didn't look at any of them. "I don't think she will wake up today. And maybe not for a while."

Jeff fell into silence just now. He wanted to yell at Alex for saying that but he couldn't. Because that too was one of his greatest fears.

* * *

><p><em><span>60 minutes later<span>_

It was an hour later when Alex was finally able to get back into Savannah's room and when he did it, he was actually alone. No Chris or Jeff and no McMahons. He had waited until the family had walked out to go get coffee or something and once they were out of sight, he shot out of his chair down the hall. Chris or Jeff might have tried to say something to him but he didn't really acknowledge it and they didn't follow him. Maybe they had a sense that he needed this time alone and that's why they didn't join him and Alex was grateful that he had friends who knew what he needed without him having to say it. Because he honestly didn't know if he would have the words to express how he was feeling right now as his mind was all in a jumble. But luckily he didn't have to as he reached her room and slipped inside without speaking to anyone.

The room was still dimly lit except for the light by her bed that clearly showed her still form with no change. It was sort of disheartening because he was kind of hoping that the more people being around her and talking to her would somehow reached her mind and wake her up. But that hadn't happened and as he approached the bed with slow steps, he wondered if his fear would come true. Things like this happened, unfair things that the universe threw at people to test their resolve. It wasn't right and as he took a seat in the chair by the bed and looked at her, it was hard to imagine that this would all be gone and she could be ok. She was just so destroyed and weak looking, it just didn't seem possible that she could come back from this. And he hated even thinking that because he wanted her to wake up more then anything, but it was just too hard to expect that could happen. But that wasn't going to stop him from trying to entice her to come back.

"Listen babe, you and I need to talk..." Alex did his best to keep his voice steady as he slipped his hand under her motionless palm and curled his fingers over hers. He didn't know if she could feel his touch,but the doctor said she could hear him, so he was all ready to say anything he could to get her to respond. "Ok? You need to hear me out because what I have to say is kind of important."

She didn't make any kind of response. No movement, no sound, not even a spike in her blood pressure on the machine she was hooked up to. He didn't expect to get anything in return, this was more about him getting out the things on his mind that only she needed to hear. And hopefully she did hear them.

"I'm going to make you a deal ok? I'm going to make you a promise and all you have to do is wake up in return. That's all you have to do." He told her, bringing his other hand down to hers and holding it up against his chest in the hopes that she could feel his heartbeat somehow. "I won't ever leave your side if you will just wake up for me. For all of us, we need you right now. You're the only one who can tell us it will be ok. If you wake up, then I will be here while you heal. I won't leave you alone.."

He already knew long ago that this was it for him, that she was it for him. There would never be another girl for him. He only wanted Savannah and he was sure that she could be the one to make him happy for the rest of his life. He could picture it unfolding before his eyes if he allowed it to. He saw them waking up next to each other every morning, going to work together, spending their lives wrapped around each other. He didn't want anyone else. He wanted her forever. And it was too earlier for her to be taken away from him. Especially because it wasn't on either of their terms.

"Look, I promise you that if you just open your eyes and come back to us, then I will personally go out and kill Randy for you. Because I know he was responsible for this. And I will inflict as much pain on him as he inflicted on you." Alex felt himself tense up as he spoke to his desire to hunt down the man who had attacked the woman he loved. There was no doubt that Randy had done this, of course it had been him. There was no one else that would want to hurt her this viciously and there was no way it was random. Not this soon after he was suspended. No it was definitely Randy and he would pay. Alex just had to be 100 percent sure. "Savannah, just wake up and tell me it was him and I will go beat his ass. And then I will come back to you and love you so much that you will get sick of me. But I need you to wake up. I can't do this without you. Chris and and Jeff need you and so does your family. I know they hate me and they blame me for this..."

"I don't blame you for what happened..." Vince's voice spoke up from across the room and Alex's head shot up so fast he got a pain in the back of his neck. He found the McMahon family patriarch standing by the door with his arms crossed and a stern, guarded look in his eyes. Judging by the way of his posture, Savannah's father had been there for a while and had probably heard more then just his ending statement. Vince stood up straight and let the door he had been holding open fall shut before he came towards them. "I heard what you said, and I don't blame you."

"The way you all looked at me this morning said otherwise." Alex replied bitterly, keeping his eyes on the man as he look a seat on the other side of the bed. He didn't drop her hand just because her dad was now here. He wasn't ashamed to show his affection for her in public and he didn't care if any of her family thought it was inappropriate. "I know you think I could have stopped this from happening and trust me I have been kicking myself too for going to work when I should have been with her. But I didn't know this was going to happen..."

"I know, I know. None of us could have prevented this and it wasn't right to make you feel like you could have stopped it. That wasn't fair. We just...needed to blame someone and since Randy isn't around, you seemed to be the next best target." Vince explained,not looking at him as he said this but Alex didn't think he would. He knew enough about Vince in passing and then from Savannah to know that this was a guy with a lot of pride and didn't like apologizing anyone then anyone else did. But he was and that was something. "But like I said, you're not to blame and I apologize."

"It's fine." Alex waved off any further continuation of this conversation because apologies from people he didn't know too well made him uncomfortable and he just wanted it to end. He sent a small smile at Vince before looking to Savannah. "I know you probably think I'm not good enough for her, but I love your daughter more then I love myself. And it doesn't matter if you or your family thinks I'm trash, because it's only her opinion that matters to me..."

"Calm down son, I'm not doubting your self worth even though I do wish that neither of your worked for TNA..." Vince's face showed the extent of his disdain for their company but he didn't say anything more about it. As quickly as that expression appeared, it went away just as quickly. "But the important thing is that I recognize that you do love my daughter and it doesn't matter what I think, because she is going to be with you if she wants and our opinion doesn't matter, at least not right now. But I trust that you treat her with respect and you don't ever hurt her, because if you do I will hurt you right back."

"Gee, I didn't know I was talking to Jeff Jarrett.." Alex said sarcastically, watching with amusement as Vince's eyebrows shot up practically into his hairline. "OK, touchy subject. But that is something he would say and I know that because he has said it before."

"Well, Jeff has been enough of a father to my little girl...Now it's my turn to take that on.."

* * *

><p><em><span>A few hours later<span>_

"This is your fault, you know."

"Excuse me?" Jeff turned his head towards the other side of the room where Vince was sitting and frowned deeply at the way the older man was looking at him with such disdain and disgust. He was blaming him for all this? That didn't make any sense. Jeff wasn't the one who put Savannah in that hospital bed, he wasn't the one to hurt her and make her unconscious. This wasn't on him at all and yet Vince was all too willing to let him take the fall since the person responsible wasn't around. Jeff looked at Alex who was sitting by Savannah's bed and was looking just as confused as Jeff felt, probably because it wasn't all that long ago when he felt he was being blamed for Savannah's accident. And except for the 3 of them and Savannah, the room was empty. Shane and Stephanie were off updating their families, Linda was harassing the hospital staff and Chris had run back to the house to shower and change so it was just Alex, Vince and Jeff in the room. And that was not the best combination as it was only too easy for tensions to mount. Jeff shifted in his seat as he turned to face Vince. "Are you seriously going to blame me for this right now?"

"Of course I am, I have to blame someone and it might as well be you." Vince spat out bitterly, looking very much like a distressed father and for just a second Jeff didn't feel the need to prolong this conversation. He knew that if he was in Vince's shoes and one of his kids were in the hospital, then he would be blaming everyone around him. But he wasn't in that position, he was in the position for being blamed for something he hadn't had the power to stop. Vince didn't seem to want to remember this as he glared at him. "You could have prevented this, you could have stopped it from happening..."

"Whoa whoa whoa! Stop it right there." Alex piped up, leaving Savannah's side for the first time since they had all been in the room together and came to stand in between Vince and Jeff since it seemed like the two of them would lunge at each other any second. "Why are you blaming him now? What happened to this not being anyone's fault? What happened to no one being able to prevent this from happening?"

"That went out the window when I realized that Jeff was the one person who should have protected her at all cost. You know, since he claims to consider her one of his daughters." Vince said the last part so sarcastically that Jeff found himself almost rising out of his chair with the desire to strangle Savannah's real father. Vince didn't care that he was unfairly holding Jeff accountable but that had always been the norm with him. "You should have insisted that she go to work last night, you shouldn't have let her be on her own..."

"I didn't know this was going to happen!" Jeff almost yelled back, his hands curling over the arms of the chair as he glared passed Alex at Vince. "I thought I was doing a good thing by giving her the night off, she was stressed and distracted and it wouldn't have been ok for her to wrestle. She could have hurt herself..."

"And it still wouldn't have been as bad as this." Vince snapped, motioning to the bed where Savannah was lying lifeless and the sight of her bruised and broke body seemed to fuel Vince's anger. "You claim to be like a father to her, you should have made sure she wasn't alone. You should have thought ahead if you cared about her at all..."

"It is so like you to blame everyone else for what happened instead of yourself." Jeff shot back, shaking his head as he sat forward in the chair with his arms across the tops of his knees. "You're her real father, why didn't you make sure you were here to protect her?"

"I was in another state! You were the one who was here." Vince was on the verge of shouting now and Alex moved closer to him since it seemed like McMahon would be the one to first lash out. "She's just a little girl, she couldn't have defended herself against Randy. You should have been there."

"So should you!" Jeff growled back, fed up with being held responsible and got out of his chair quickly. "For the last fucking time, I didn't know this was going to happen. And if I did, then you bet your privileged ass that I would have been at her side the whole time..."

"You guys need to stop it before security comes in and throws you out of the hospital for causing a disturbance." Alex stated loudly, throwing his hands out on either side of him to keep the other from jumping forward to attack the other. Jeff still remained on his feet and glared at Vince who was still in his chair and sending a loo back just as strong. Alex looked between them and shook his head. "Go to your respective corners and go back to ignoring each other. It's safer for you both...and mankind."

Jeff sent one more glare at Vince before he dropped back down into his chair with a heavy sigh and went back to staring at the floor like he had been doing for the past hour.

* * *

><p><em><span>That night<span>_

"...I'm sorry, but there has been no change. Her condition remains the same."

A collective groan echoed throughout the room from all 4 members of the McMahon family as well as Jeff, Chris and Alex and it was the first time that they were all on the same page that day. The doctor had just walked in to check Savannah's temperature, blood pressure and other stats to see if there had been any kind of improvement but of course there had been none at all that they could see. The biggest sign would have been if she had opened her eyes or moved her finger or gave any indication that she was still there with them. But the doctor said that even an improvement in something as simple as her blood pressure could be a sign of something good to come. But even after a thorough examination, even the doctor couldn't find anything different to give them hope that Savannah would be waking up. Linda, Stephanie and Shane all sat back heavily in their chairs and even Vince seemed burdened by his own frustration and worry as he didn't say anything. Alex tried to keep his own frustration in check but he found it hard to do that when he had gotten his hopes up high that maybe tonight would turn out differently. And now that he knew it hadn't, he sat back in his chair with his jaw clenched tightly.

"So what are we suppose to do now?" Shane spoke up, his forehead furrowed deeply as he looked towards the bed as they all were and he rubbed his hand across his wearied faced. "I mean, is there anything..."

"The only thing we can do now is just wait." The doctor explained as he made notes in the file folder he had opened on the table beside the bed and then looked at them all sympathetically. "I know that's frustrating, but there is only so much that doctors can do and the rest has to be up to the person in question. So it's up to Savannah when she wakes up."

"So that could be any time or it could be weeks from now. That's just great." Jeff threw up his hands in frustration as he got up out of his chair with his hands on his hips and his head shaking. "I have to get going. Karen and the kids are expecting me and I have the show to do tomorrow..."

"Speaking of which, should we be expected to..."Chris began to ask but he was cut off before he could even get the words out.

"No, no, you guys don't have to do the show. I would rather you stay here with her and keep me posted in case anything changes." Jeff quickly explained, pulling out his keys from his back pocket and moved towards the door. "Call me if anything happens."

"I will." Alex answered for him, waving his hand as Jeff left the room without bidding good bye to any of the McMahons but they didn't seem to mind and once they were alone with the doctor, he turned to the others and asked. "So, what are you guys going to do?"

"I think we'll stick around a little longer before we go back to the hotel." Linda replied, looking over the bed with a sad expression in her blue eyes and for a second, that look reminded him exactly of Savannah. "She just looks so helpless. I can't imagine her pulling through this."

"But she will! She's tough, she will get better in time. We just have to be patient." Chris insisted, looking stubbornly confident as he spoke and for once Alex wasn't annoyed by his best friend's upbeat attitude in such a hopeless situation. Chris looked around at them furiously. "Do you not know this girl at all?"

"He's right, Savannah will get better in time. I have seen even worse injuries then this where people have woken up sooner. And if that can happen, then she will surely do the same." The doctor backed up Chris wholeheartedly, sticking his pen in his coat pocket and picked up his file as he moved towards the door. He looked back over his shoulder before he left and said. "Just have faith, she's going to wake up. It's only a matter of time."

"I hope you're right..." Alex muttered, turning his eyes back to Savannah's face as the doctor left and he wanted more then anything to hold on to the doctor's words. But as he stared at Savannah's injuries, he found it impossible to believe that he would ever get back the woman he loved more then anything in this world.


	23. Maybe I'll wake up for once

**Chapter 23 Maybe I'll wake up for once**

"You know, this is not the way I wanted to start off the morning at all."

"What's your problem? I thought you made peace with the McMahons?" Chris said to him as Alex leaned against the wall in the hallway outside Savannah's room and stared down by the nurses station where the McMahons were just getting off the elevator behind it and he felt his face tighten at their arrival. It's not that he hadn't made peace with them like Chris had said because he had. After Vince had walked in on him talking to Savannah's still form, the two of them had reached a common ground. But that didn't automatically make him thrilled to see that family. They were just so intense, all the time and that went for all 4 of them. It made him wonder now how the hell Savannah use to fit into all that crazy intensity. And with things already being tense enough this morning as there was still no change with Savannah, the last thing Alex wanted to do was make nice conversation with them. If something good had happened, then maybe he would find the will to behave himself. But right now he couldn't find that will anywhere. And Chris seemed to think to was up to him to be the one to reach out first since the four of them had spotted him and Chris and were currently coming over to where they were standing. Chris ran his fingers through his hair and sighed. "I guess we should go over and say..."

_Beep...Beep...Beep...Beep...Beep...Beep_

"What the hell is going on?" Alex demanded, turning to find the source of the loud noise and his heart dropped when he saw that there was a light flashing above the doorway of Savannah's room and the beeping was clearly coming from inside the door. He was on the verge of turning away from Chris and the McMahons to run back in there. But he wasn't able to take more then one or two steps before a doctor and a nurse rushed passed him and into the room, shaking their heads at him to say he wasn't allowed in before they slammed the door shut behind them. Alex felt his jaw fall open wide as he stepped back with a frown. "What the fuck?"

"Oh God, that didn't sound like a good noise at all." Chris sighed heavily, looking just as terrified as Alex was now feeling and they both leaned back against the wall almost in unison as the McMahons all hurried up wearing identical expressions of horror and concern. Thankfully Chris seemed to have his wits about him because he was the one who spoke to them first. "I don't know what..."

"What in God's name is going on here?" Vince snapped, not surprising anyone in that hallway that he was the first to say something. Savannah's father, although still looking as stern and formidable as he ever had, was now looking furiously worried. "What happened?"

"We don't know, we just came out here to get a break and maybe go grab some coffee when you guys showed up and then something went off in her room. The doctor won't let us in and..." Alex heard his voice trail off into a tone that didn't sound anything like himself, and he hated that with a passion. So much so that he wanted to smash his fists into the wall but he didn't. But he wanted to so badly, there was no way he couldn't want to do that after seeing the frantic way things had just unfolded a minute ago. A loud beeping noise coming from the room of a girl had had been brutally beaten into a coma was not a good sign at all. And remembering that made his stomach drop even more painfully. "Oh God. What if something bad happened?"

"Shit, what if she got worse?" Linda was the next to speak and she no longer looked like the tough female leader that the world had come to see her as. Instead she had turned into a scared looking mother who looked like she was ready to pass out at any minute. "Or what if ...whatever this is, what if it delays her waking up even longer?"

"Like there isn't already enough to deal with, now there is this..." Shane shook his head sharply, his hands gripping his hips before he lashed out and hit the wall. "Damn it!"

"Shane, calm down. We don't need to get thrown out of the hospital because you decided to deal by punching holes in the wall." Stephanie snapped, looking at him with hooded eyes as she sounded more annoyed with her brother rather then worried about her sister. But Alex knew enough about Stephanie through Savannah to know that the older McMahon sister only got like that when she was seriously scared. So when Stephanie eyed him harshly, Alex didn't say anything. "And besides, we don't know if anything necessarily bad happened..."

"Don't be naïve Stephanie, even you can't be that stupid." Shane shot back with just as harsh a tone as she had used on him. "Do you honestly think that that kind of sound could mean anything good?"

"I prefer not to worry until I have a reason to, that's all." Stephanie protested, slapping her arms around herself and ignoring everyone else in the hall. "Getting worked up is not going to get us an answer any..."

"Excuse me, but could you keep it down or am I going to have to call security?" The nurse stuck her head out the door of Savannah's room, eying both Shane and Stephanie with the same intense, disapproving glare that Alex was sure neither of the siblings had seen before. The nurse looked back into the room before nodding and stepping out into the hallway with her hands in her pockets. "If you remain calm, then I will be able to give you an update..."

"Is she ok? What happened? Is it bad?" Alex couldn't stop the words from tumbling out of his mouth so fast that they sounded incoherent even to his own ears. "She's not...I mean, she didn't..."

"No, she most certainly did not die. It's nothing of the sort at all. In fact it's actually a good thing..." The nurse looked around at all of them with a bright smile, her annoyance apparently gone now that she had some kind of news to share. "The noise you heard was the machines going off for the oxygen we were giving her. She was fighting the breathing tube because she no longer needs it to breathe for her..."

"Oh thank God. We thought it meant something terrible.." Shane's shoulders sank in heavy relief as did they all when they allowed this to sink in. She didn't need the breathing tube anymore, that was great news. It meant that she was healing and it could mean that she might wake up soon. Shane started to grin widely. "That's such a relief, we were so sure that..."

"There's actually one more thing I need to let you know about..." The nurse cut in, holding up her hand to get their attention and to keep then from speaking. They all immediately screeched their thoughts to a halt and held them back from coming out. And when they heard what the nurse had to say, their minds went blank. The nurse grinned. "Savannah is awake and alert...and she wants to see you all..."

* * *

><p><em><span>15 minutes later<span>_

"How are you feeling Savannah? How is your pain level?"

"High...very high." I heard my voice croak out in response, sounding strange to my own ears as I tried to focus my eyes on what else was in the room around me. Not that I had a reason to but I needed something to at least take a little of my attention away if only to distract myself from the monumental pain I was now feeling rushing through my body. And I thought feeling that tube in my throat was bad enough, and that felt like I was being suffocated. But with the breathing tube out and my mind more clear and able to take in what was going on, I was starting to feel the full force of my injuries and it almost made me want to black out again. The doctor and nurse had been the only ones in the room with me but they had said my family and friends were waiting out in the hall and I had somehow managed to say that I wanted to see them. The nurse had agreed after speaking to the doctor and before they could let me have visitors, they had to do a thorough examination of me to make sure I wouldn't have some kind of reaction while they were gone. And so far it seemed ok, or as ok as I could be deemed with the amount of pain I was in. It hurt even to talk but I still tried. "When...when can I..."

"Savannah!" My mother's voice was the first thing I heard after the sound of the door opening had cut me off and I slowly turned my head to the other side of the room where I could just make out her form and the forms of my father, brother and sister filing in behind her. They all looked so sad, so defeated. They looked how I felt inside and seeing that reflected on their faces made a small shudder run through my body. My mother stepped hesitantly forward, her hands raising up to her face like she was trying to hide that she was on the verge of crying. "Oh dear God..."

"Mommy I'm ok...I'm..." My voice trailed off as my chest constricted with emotion, cutting off my ability to show I was ok or at least make them think I was. The sudden onslaught of emotion of seeing my family was too much for my body to take right off the bat and I could feel myself struggling to draw breath. The nurse seemed to understand this and she reached behind the bed and picked up the oxygen mask to place on my face. I could hear her telling me to relax and just to concentrate on my breathing,which I was trying to do but I found it hard when I saw the effect it was having on my family. I had never seen my sister cry this easily, or at least not in recent years but there she was crying into Shane's shoulder as my mom was doing the same with my father. I had to drop my gaze or it would have wound me up more. Instead I focused on letting my lungs inflate and then deflate, doing this for a few minutes until I felt less panicked and was able to pull the mask away from my face. "I'm...I'm ok."

"You need to relax and not get yourself worked up. Ok?" The nurse said to me, setting the oxygen mask back behind the bed before looking around the room at my family to make sure they got the message. "You're just waking up and you're going to be disoriented for a while, and …."

"Savannah, what happened?" My father didn't surprise anyone when he tried to get control of the conversation. Even in my beaten state, I felt enough shock that I was taken aback when my father stepped to the edge of the bed with the same determined look he had worn when he was begging for my forgiveness a few weeks ago. "Tell me what happened when Randy..."

_Beep...beep...beep...beep._

"Mr. McMahon, now is not the time to be questioning your daughter about the attack. Did you not understand me when I said she would not be up to it after waking up?" The nurse frowned at my dad in such a way that showed that she had no idea who he was because if she had then she never would have looked at him like this. She reached over to the blood pressure machine and hit a button so the beeping stopped before she sent him a look again. "The attack was hard on her and she needs time to..."

"How bad is it? How bad are my injuries?" I asked when it didn't hurt as much to speak. I knew that it was bad without even having to ask, the pain that I was feeling was like nothing I had ever felt before and I had been injured a handful of times over the course of my career. But this wasn't pain of my own fault. I had been attacked and beaten into unconsciousness, I didn't know what was going on and I had to hear it for myself or it would never sink in. I turned to look at the nurse still standing beside the bed and said. "Please tell me."

"It's quite a list, are you sure?" The nurse looked at me sympathetically, silently debating on whether or not to say anything at all. But when our eyes met again, she seemed to relent. "You have multiple bruises over your body, including two black eyes. You suffered a dislocated knee cap that we needed to set and immobilize, hence why your leg is in a brace and sling. There was a series of broken ribs, one of which had worked its way into your lung and we had to go in a repair it. That's why it will hurt for you to breathe for a while. And you had a serious concussion, that was the reason for your unconsciousness..."

I couldn't say anything in response after the nurse's words worked their way into my head and stayed there, I just felt my face go cold and start to scrunch up in despair. All those injuries, all that pain was going to dominate my life for a very long time and I didn't know how I was suppose to come back from it. I felt the first batch of tears start to prick at my eyes and my vision turned watery. I hated crying in front of anyone, let alone my family but at this moment I just did not care. I could hear my family move forward, wanting to comfort me but I shook my head. I didn't want them to comfort me, I didn't want them at all. I wanted everything to go back to the way it was before. I didn't want us to be brought together because I was in the hospital, I didn't want any of it. But that's what I got and I had to bring my hands up to my face so I wouldn't have to see them watch me cry...

"Savannah..." It was Alex this time calling out to me and I actually dropped my hands to find him coming through the doorway alone, looking wonderfully alive and well and I was actually jealous of him in that moment. He looked at me with this shocked expression and I suppose it was because he wasn't entirely sure that the doctor had told him I was awake. And that expression didn't change as he came towards me. He didn't acknowledge anyone else in the room, he just made a beeline for me and sat down on the edge of the bed and I found myself reaching for him. I don't know how he managed to get his arms around me without it hurting me, but he did. His arms curled around my back, holding me to him gently as he stroked my hair. "I'm so sorry Savannah. I am so incredibly sorry."

"Me too." I sniffed, leaning my face against his strong shoulder and forgetting that my family was in the room as I touched my hands to the back of his shoulders, feeling my heart thud heavily with emotion. "I don't...I don't..."

"Alright, you all have to leave. She's getting worked up again and that's not healthy for her." The nurse stated after the machines by my bed started beeping again. Alex pulled away from me, setting me back down against the pillows before sitting down on the bed with my hand in between his. The nurse shook her head with a sigh. "Savannah, you need to rest..."

"I will, but don't send them away. Please. I don't want to be alone." I heard how tiny and quiet my voice had become and hearing it spoken out loud made it sound like it didn't even belong to me. I couldn't believe how defeated I sounded and it scared me so much that I found myself clutching Alex's hand tightly. "Let them stay."

"Alright, but you cannot get flustered again. You are recovering from surgery and your lung is barely repaired. If you have an episode where you start hyperventilating, then it can cause a rupture. So you need to stay calm." The nurse looked like she was getting tired of saying this as she reached over to the table and picked up a bag of liquid that she hung on a hook above the bed and attached to the intravenous needle sticking out of my arm. "I'm giving you some medicine to help with the pain, it will make you a little drowsy but it won't put you to sleep."

"Ok." I nodded, watching as she did this before I turned to look around the room at the others. My parents had taken seats at the table against the wall while my brother and sister remained standing nearby, all of them looking out of place and uncomfortable. There was something missing though, or rather someones was missing. "Where's Chris?"

"He's out in the hall, I'll go get him." My brother volunteered, leaving my sister by the wall as he crossed the room to the door and disappeared. He returned a few seconds later with the man in question walking behind him with his hands in his pockets. Chris too looked wonderfully alive and well just like Alex did, only when I laid my eyes on him, I found that I wanted to smile. Because unlike everyone else in the room, Chris was the only one who looked like he wasn't about to fall apart.

"Wow, you look fabulous." He said to me in his own attempt to lighten the mood as a smile appeared on his face while he came over and took the spot on the bed that Alex just vacated a second ago and reached for my hand with a small smirk. "You just had to get yourself thrown in the hospital so you could have all this attention, didn't you?"

"It was all part of the plan..."I said with the tiniest of smiles, squeezing his hand in return as strongly as I could but it wasn't much as I didn't have all that much energy to spare. I looked towards the doorway. "Where's Jeff?"

"He was here for the first day and a half, but he had to leave for work. He didn't want to but he felt like he had to." Chris explained, gaining my attention with Jeff's whereabouts. I couldn't believe he wasn't the first thing I thought about when I woke up, especially since I considered him more of a father then I did my real dad. "The doctor wasn't sure you would wake up this soon, and I think Jeff just needed something to distract him."

"Oh..." If anything could make me feel worse then I already was then it was that. I knew how Jeff looked at me and I could only imagine what the attack had done to him while I was blacked out. It made me sad to imagine what had been going through his mind when he saw me like this. I looked up at Chris and asked. "Can you call him for me? Can you tell him to come here?"

"Of course. I'll go do that right now." Chris pat my hands before he stood up and left the room before I could say anything else. But that was ok with me because I felt my eyes getting heavy and I wanted to sleep a little bit before Jeff showed up. I reached out to find Alex's hand again and once I felt his fingers lace through mine, my body relaxed and I tried to will sleep to come to me. I felt the worried eyes of my loved ones on my face but I didn't open my eyes again. I needed a few moments to myself. I needed to gather myself again.

* * *

><p><em><span>90 minutes later<span>_

"OK, any minute now I'm going to go in there. Any minute and I will start moving." Jeff muttered to himself as he stood in front of the door that lead into Savannah's room and tried to will himself to turn the knob and walk in. He had been standing out here for almost 10 minutes and he could sense the looks he was getting from the people passing by him in the hallway but he couldn't bring himself to care. His mind was occupied by more important things like the fact that the girl he had been waiting to wake up for 2 days now was finally awake and had been asking for him. When he had gotten that call from Chris over an hour ago, he at first thought it was all a joke, a cruel and harsh joke. But Chris had repeated it again and again and finally on the third go around, it finally sunk in and Jeff had barely had time to call up Dixie and tell her to run the show before he took off for the hospital. He had been met out in the parking lot by Chris who told him that he had sent the McMahons and Alex down to the cafeteria so Jeff could have some time alone with her. And once Jeff had gotten up to the floor where her room was, Chris had left to join Alex and the family. So now Jeff was all alone and about to face the girl he had been praying for the last 48 hours. And he couldn't help but feel scared and nervous. "Ok, here goes nothing."

Jeff turned the knob quietly and slipped through the doorway quickly before he could talk himself out of it. He shut the door behind him while mentally preparing himself for what he was about to face and lifted his eyes to the bed across the room from him. There she was, laying still on the bed with her leg strapped up and in that sling, the breathing tube was gone just like Chris had told him and the only tube that now remained was the one in her arm for the pain medicine. Her eyes were closed as he quietly approached her, she look tired as he walked around the bed and took a seat in the chair that had been pulled up beside it. He felt his chest tighten as he looked at her, feeling his composure starting to slip away as he reached out to touch her hand. The second that he did that, her eyes opened and she was staring right at him.

"Hi." Her voice was soft, soft and weak and not in the just woken up kind of sense. It was a voice of a person that had truly been beaten down to their lowest level and was looking up from that pit and not knowing how to rise up again. Somehow seeing her awake with all those injuries was even more terrible then when she was unconscious and he couldn't handle it. And he saw it in her eyes that she knew it too. "Jeff..."

"I'm sorry." Jeff frowned before dropping his face down into his hands so she wouldn't have to see the extent of him losing it. He didn't want her to see him falling apart. He wanted to be strong for her, he wanted to be the shoulder for her to lean on and he couldn't do that if she saw him losing his composure. He wanted to lash out and hurt someone to release the anger he was holding on to over the attack. He wanted to hurt someone for hurting his daughter, he wanted someone to pay. But mostly he wanted to let go of the pain he had been feeling since he first got that call about her being in the hospital. He felt a small hand on his wrist and looked up to find her watching him. He couldn't take that look, he had to say something. "Forgive me."

"For what?" She asked, the pain leaving her eyes long enough to look confused. "What do you need to be forgiven for?"

"This is my fault, all of it." He replied, dropping his hands down to the bed and looked to where her fingers were still wrapped around his wrist. "If I had just made you do the show then none of this would have happened."

"Jeff..."

"..if I hadn't insisted that you take the night off then you wouldn't have been alone that night and you wouldn't have been attacked. This is my fault." Jeff knew Vince had been right when he accused him of being responsible for this happening. Yes, he hadn't been the one to physically attack her, but if he had just told her to come to the arena anyway, then she wouldn't be here in this pain. He should have thought ahead and he hadn't. And now look where she was. He looked at Savannah pleadingly. "I need you to forgive me."

"I'm not going to do that because you're not the one to blame. Randy is." She said stubbornly before sharply drawing in a breath like she was shocked she had let that name slip from her mouth. Her eyes showed her panic like she had been holding back from saying his name and even Jeff found himself feeling surprised that she had said it. She dropped her hand from his arm and said. "Jeff you can't say anything.."

"Savannah you know I can't do that. And besides, everyone already knows it was him without you even saying it." Jeff frowned at the look on her face, it was the same look she had worn when she had explained why she wasn't pressing charges against Randy for the rape. That same stubborn and scared look that was showing in her eyes now and begging him not to do anything about it. Jeff couldn't do that. Not for a second time. "I'm sorry Savannah, but I have to say something or else he will never be punished."

"I know, I know. But I just can't..." She started tearing up and looking just like one of his daughters did when they were upset and he knew right then and there that he couldn't push her to talk about this right now. She was scared and forcing her to talk was just going to hurt her and he couldn't stand to make her feel more pain then she already was feeling.

"OK, it's ok. We don't have to deal with it right now." Jeff told her, picking up her hand in between his so she would know he was serious as he changed the subject. "Right now, you just need to relax and get better so you can came back to work."

"Oh yea, work. That's something to look forward to." She said with a far away look in her eyes as she turned her face towards the window with a sigh. She seemed to have something on her mind other then the attack. "I'm sorry for ruining the storyline."

"Are you serious? That's what you have to say after all this? That you're sorry for ruining something that you had no control over?" Jeff couldn't help but laugh because the look on her face was just so serious. He hadn't even been thinking about work all that much, not even when he was supposed to be doing the show tonight. So when she said this out of nowhere, it took him by surprise. "It's ok, there will be other story lines and other title shots."

"I forgot about the title shot, it was my first one in almost 2 years. And now it's been taken away. That's just awesome." She didn't sound mad or annoyed, she was sad and he could see it all over her face. She pulled her hand away from him and said. "I'm going to be out for a long time."

"Don't even think about that right now. It's not important." Jeff found it astonishing that she could even be thinking about work right now when she was in this kind of state. It was so like her to be worrying about the company and what this attack would do to TNA rather then focusing on herself. She thought about other people way too much. "Look, you just need to think about how this time off will give you the chance to heal physically and mentally."

"Yea, but then what about after that?" She asked, turning her bruised face back towards him with a questioning look. "How do I go back to being who I was before Randy came back?"

"You just take it one day at a time, that's all." Jeff replied, feeling his jaw tighten at the mention of Randy's name. He wanted to kill that kid for what he did and not just for the attack but also for the rape. That guy had ruined this girl's life for the second time and he wasn't going to keep on getting away with it. He couldn't, Jeff wouldn't let him. He was infuriated to think about this guy getting some sick pleasure from hurting her. He met Savannah's eyes. "Savannah, did he...Did he rape you again?"

"No, he didn't rape me. He beat the shit out of me, but he didn't rape me. I remember everything about the attack..." She said it so casually but he knew she must have been terrified to be talking about it. "But I'm sure the hospital did a rape kit anyway."

"That's a relief." Jeff found himself letting out a breath he didn't even know he had been holding back and reached out to touch her hand again and he was happy when she didn't pull away. "It's going to be ok."

"Yea, everyone says that at some point during every conversation and I'm sure that if I hear it enough that I will start believing it." She shifted her position on the bed and he saw the pain it caused her just to move even a little bit. When she was laying back against the pillows, she looked at him wearily. "I'm kind of tired. I think I'm going to try to sleep."

"Ok, I'll stay here with you until you do." Jeff told her, leaning forward with his elbows on the bed and his hand on her folded over fingers. Her eyes were already closed but he knew it would take a while before she eased into a sleepy state. She had a lot to think about and no doubt that it would take some time before it quieted down enough for her to rest. And Jeff hoped his presence relaxed her enough so she could sleep. Because there was nothing else he could do for her right now.

_20 minutes later..._

"She's asleep right now..." Jeff found himself saying after he entered the waiting room that was empty except for the McMahons and Alex and Chris and took a seat next to Alex with a sigh as he rubbed his temples with his fingertips. He had stayed with Savannah like he had promised until she had fallen asleep and when he was sure she wasn't going to wake up, he had slipped from the room with the intention of going to find the others. Luckily he didn't have to look far as they were all in the waiting room right down the hall and for once, he didn't mind being in the company of all 4 McMahons. In fact, he even welcomed it since they all had to be on the same page now. He looked up to find Vince watching him like he was waiting for something else to be said. "It was Randy. Randy attacked her and she's too scared to face it."

"Then we wait a while before we talk to her about pressing charges. If we push too hard right out of the gate, then it could overwhelm her. So we wait." Vince seemed to be speaking for all of them as no one else seemed to want to say anything and that was ok with him. He didn't really care much for having a conversation right now, so when Vince spoke, he was ok with that. "But I tell you right now, when the time comes and she's ready to face this, I'm sending that little shit to jail."

"Good, then we're on the same page." Jeff grinned, never imagining that he would ever be saying that about Vince McMahon after their history of combustibility. But for once, they had a common goal. And that was making sure that Randy paid for hurting the one person that united them all.

* * *

><p><em><span>50 minutes later<span>_

_How could I let this happen? Why wasn't I more cautious? Why am I always so damn weak?_

These thoughts kept winding their way through my brain as I lay there in bed and stared out the window at the stormy looking clouds in the sky and watched as the first drops of rain hit the glass and ran down out of sight. The room was quiet and I was alone for the first time since I opened my eyes and saw the face of my doctor looking down at me and I was glad to finally have some peace to myself. I didn't want the worried eyes of my family on me as I shuddered through each wave of pain and tried to pretend like it wasn't as agonizing as it was. I wanted to feel my pain in peace and I couldn't do that if my parents and siblings were staring at me. I didn't even want Alex or Chris or even Jeff in with me right now. I knew they were worried and I would have been too if one of them had been unconscious for the last 2 days, but I wasn't in their shoes. And right now I didn't want to think about what it would be like on the outside looking in, I just wanted to be alone with my pain and alone with the heavy guilt and anguish that was starting to set in on me.

I couldn't stop thinking about the attack and in direct relation, Randy as well. I thought, no I was hoping, that I wouldn't have too clear of a memory of what had happened. But once the nurse had told me about all my injuries , it all came flooding back and it made my chest tighten painfully as I saw it all flash in front of me like a movie. I remembered everything about the attack, every hit, every kick, every broken bone and every drop of blood that was shed. It was all so clear and obvious and if I thought I couldn't feel worse then I was so wrong. Because I felt even more horrible then I did when I first woke up. The physical pain was tough enough to deal with and then through in the sudden surge of emotion I was feeling personally about the attack and I was so ready to just black out again. I hated that I had been one upped by Randy Orton again. Any time he came around, he always had control over me, it happened when he raped me and it happened now when he attacked me. I was always so weak and unable to come back from it that I wanted to hit myself. How could I let this happen? I was always so careful about everything I did and then the one time I let my guard down, this happened. I should have seen this coming, I should have been extra cautious after finding out Randy had been suspended. I should have known he would have retaliated in some way. Why hadn't I been as alert as I should have been?

"Savannah, are you ok?" It was Shane's voice coming through the doorway and I turned my head away from the window to find him coming into the room alone, which was a surprise since my family all wanted to basically camp out in here now that I was awake. So I was a little shocked to see just him. He cocked his head to the side in concern when our eyes met. "What's wrong? Have you been crying..."

"Go away." I said quietly, watching the shock register on his face before I turned back away towards the window. I could feel the tears rolling slowly down my face but I couldn't muster the energy to wipe them away. I didn't want to do anything except lay here and feel my misery as it came at me. And I certainly didn't want my brother here to witness it. I didn't hear his footsteps heading back to the door and instead they came closer to the bed. "Please Shane, just go away."

"I can't go away. I'm sorry, but I can't leave this room knowing my baby sister is crying..." Shane came over and sat down on the edge of the bed, his face losing all its composure when our eyes met again and seeing my brother basically fall apart silently made my resolve to be alone start to melt a little bit. Shane reached over and placed his hand over my clasped ones and said. "It's going to be ok.."

"Maybe you're right and maybe you're wrong. I don't know. But either outcome means a long journey before I ever feel close to normal again..." I replied bitterly, watching as the water blurred my vision again and I dropped my gaze from Shane's face and stared at a spot on the wall. It was overwhelming, torturous even, to think about where I was at now and how long it would take to be how I was before the attack. My injuries were extensive and that was just the physical side of it. The emotional toll was just beginning now that I was awake and the road to recovery in either aspect was just going to be hell. And even then I might never be ok completely. "I don't think I can do this..."

"Yes you can and you will." My brother insisted, back to sounding like his typical stubborn self and I just didn't have the energy to dispute his tone. "You don't have to do this alone, we're all going to help you. We will be there for you..."

"We shouldn't have to be reunited like this, we shouldn't have been brought back together because of this damn attack." I couldn't even shake my head because it made my entire skull throb, so I just stayed still and looked up at my brother. "This isn't how it's suppose to be.."

"You're right, it shouldn't be like this. But this is how it worked out and now we need to see it through." He told me, his fingers curling over mine in such a way that made me think that it wasn't the worse thing to have my brother here right now to comfort me. "Despite what has happened in the last few weeks and the last few years, we never stopped loving you. And we're going to be here for you and get you through this..."

"It's just exhausting to think about how tough it's going to be." I admitted, squeezing my eyes shut so I wouldn't cry again and shifted slowly around so I could get comfortable. Or as comfortable as I could ever possibly get when I was in this much pain. I settled lower against the pillows, making sure not to move my leg and sighed. "I'm scared Shane, I'm scared of what is to come. And I don't know what is going to come, that's the worse part."

"We're all scared and we will be for a while, but we shouldn't have to live our lives like this. Especially not you." Shane nodded, reaching up to ruffle my loose hair like he use to do when I was a kid. I knew he would forever look at me like that instead of the adult that I was. But at the moment I didn't mind, or at least I didn't until he spoke again. "And once you're ready, we will go after Randy."

"Yea..." I very slowly nodded and then closed my eyes, cutting off contact with my brother by pretending like I was tired and in need of sleep. But the truth was that I just couldn't bear to think about pursuing legal action against Randy right now. And I don't know if I ever would be. Because when Shane brought it up, I felt an instant flash of fear spread through my chest and I was surprised when the machine didn't give it away. The thought of having to go through just one more thing concerning Randy was too much to take. I was too scared to press charges and I knew it wasn't what my brother would want to hear, so I wouldn't say anything more right now. But I still heard my own fear echoing inside my head as I tried to will myself to sleep.

* * *

><p><em><span>40 minutes later<span>_

Sleep didn't stay with me for long as not even an hour had passed before I woke up again and was staring out the window. I was surprisingly alone again which I wasn't expecting after Shane had come in to visit, in fact I was so sure that my entire family would be here when I opened my eyes again that I was shocked to find the room empty. I didn't mind, I was kind of glad to be alone right now. I hadn't slept long and the little sleep I did have was plagued by images of Randy and the attack so when I did wake up, I felt as if I hadn't gotten any rest at all. The only good thing was that the pain medicine was keeping me from feeling the full brunt of my injuries so I was able to be awake without it being too agonizing. I had spent the last few minutes staring out the window at the still cloudy sky and wondering what the hell was going to happen next for me when I heard the door open quietly and a singular pair of footsteps come into the room before the door closed again. I turned my head towards the source of the noise and was glad to see that it was only Alex. I hadn't been alone with him all day, and he was really the only person I wanted around right now.

"Hey babe." He tried to send a smile my way as he came over to the bed but the effort just fell short as he reached me and our eyes met. I don't know what my expression looked like but I'm sure whatever it was, combined with my injuries made it mighty difficult for Alex to keep his composure. It had to have caused him some distress because he looked at me almost pleadingly before saying. "Tell me what I can do for you. What do you need from me? I'll do anything..."

"Will you lay next to me?" I asked, turning my face up to his and knowing that was the one thing I needed right now to make me feel better. Alex couldn't erase my pain or take away my memories, but he could lie next to me and make me feel safe. I reached out to take his wrist because I could tell he was unsure. "Please?"

"Alright." He agreed, still looking unsure as he sat down on the bed next to me. It took some careful and slow maneuvering to move me over enough for him to lay down because every move hurt me in some way. And I knew Alex was pained by seeing me shudder in agony, but I wouldn't him move away and when he was finally able to lay beside me, I laid my head against his shoulder and wrapped my hands around his arm. I heard myself sigh calmly, feeling at ease and safe for the first time since waking up and my body relaxed against him as my breathing went steady. Alex seemed to relax too because I felt his lips brush against my forehead. "I love you Savannah. You know I still do even despite all this right?"

"Of course I do. I never doubt your feelings for me." I told him, closing my eyes as I pressed my forehead against his shoulder and tightened my fingers on his strong arm, feeling like he was the one person I trusted to protect me even after the attack. "I love you too."

"Of course you do." He said with what I knew was a smirk on his face as his hand came over to run his fingers through my loose blonde hair. It was a nice gesture and I felt myself relaxing under his movements. "And before you know it, things will be back to normal. Well, as normal as it is for you."

"That's what everyone says but I'm just not so sure it can happen." I told him, moving slightly and feeling a sharp pain rip up my side from my broken ribs and I immediately went still. I hated that even my movements were restricted because of how hurt I was, so much so that I couldn't do something as simple as lie in bed the way I wanted. I sighed heavily. "It hurts, it all hurts. Will it ever stop?"

"If I could take it away for you then I would. But the only thing that can do that is time." Alex seemed to get that I wasn't just talking about my injuries because I felt the muscles in his arm get tight with tension as he spoke. "You will come back from this. It just won't happen overnight."

"I know." I hated that answer but I knew he was right. If I could flip a switch and be magically healed then that would be great. But a switch like that didn't exist, so I just had to suffer through this pain until I was back to my old self. Or at least close enough. I moved closer to him despite the discomfort and said. "Will you stay with me while I sleep?"

"I'll always stay with you." He turned his face down to me and his fingers brushed against my bruised face before I felt him kiss me lightly and then pull away with a smile. "Go to sleep, I'll be here when you wake up."

* * *

><p><em><span>A few hours later<span>_

I woke up a couple of hours later and when I opened my eyes, I realized that I was alone in the bed and Alex was no longer close by me. I felt a small panic rise up in me until I turned my head towards the window and found Alex asleep in a chair against the wall with his feet propped up on the windowsill. I laid back against the pillows in relief, glad that he hadn't left because I felt safer with him around and right now I didn't want him too far away. I didn't try to get his attention to wake him up and just let him sleep since he too looked really tired and I didn't have the heart to disturb him. So I just laid there and watched him since I was sure he had done the same when I was sleeping. He looked peaceful, which I was sure it wasn't a state he had been in since the attack and seeing him like that almost made me smile. His hair fell across his forehead and his hands were tucked under his arms as he slept and I couldn't help but think he looked so cute like that. Even after everything that had happened, I still couldn't push away how I felt about him and I was glad for that. That was one thing Randy hadn't managed to ruin for me...

"Savannah?" It was Jeff's whispered voice that broke me out of my thoughts and I turned away from Alex's sleeping form to find him and Chris coming into the room quietly and shutting the door behind him. They were alone, my family no where in sight as they came over to me. I nodded to Alex over by the window and held my finger up to let them know to keep their voices down. Jeff nodded as he sat down on the edge of the bed and looked down at me. "So he fell asleep on you did he?"

"He was exhausted, I thought it was best to just let him sleep." I smiled slightly and looked at Alex again, wishing I could still be laying beside him, but him being there with me would have to do. I turned back to Jeff and Chris and raised my eyebrows. "Why are you guys still here? It's late."

"We were actually just leaving and we wanted to stop in and make sure you were ok with that." Chris spoke up from the end of the bed with his hands in his pockets and his chin tucked down to his chest as he looked at me with a look mixed with relief and underlining concern. "Because we can stay if you want."

"No, you guys should go home. I'll be fine." I shook my head, not wanting them to stay at the hospital for another night. They had been here long enough and deserved to sleep at their own homes for once. The hospital wasn't the most comfortable place to fall asleep at. "Alex will be here with me, so you both should go."

"Yea, I would like to take a shower. I'm starting to smell like this place and that's never pleasant." Chris smirked, his eyes twinkling like they use to when we weren't in this kind of situation and it gave me the first flash of hope of what the end of this painful road could be like. "And sleeping in my own bed instead of a chair will be nice too."

"Exactly." I felt my lips twitch upward slightly before I looked towards the door. "So...are the rest of the McMahons still out there?"

"No, I actually convinced them to go back to their hotel until tomorrow and they surprisingly agreed. You were asleep at the time and they didn't want to wake you up to say goodbye, so I said I would do it for them." Jeff explained, running his fingers through his curly blonde hair before dropping his hand down to mine gently. "They will be back in the morning."

"They should be going home is what they should be doing." I replied, fighting the urge to roll my eyes at my family's insistence of sticking around. We hadn't spent this much time together in years and I knew they were only doing it because they were still worried but that didn't stop me from trying to get them to leave. "They don't need to be here..."

"They said you would say that but they are insisting on staying at least one more day before they go back on the road. And I don't think that is such a bad idea." Jeff said to me so pointedly that he almost sounded like my father. I would never say that to him because it would piss him off but he was sounding just like Vince and it was actually kind of amusing. "You need your family around you right now Savannah."

"Alright dad, I got the message." I smiled when I saw his face lighten up at my words and it was one the rare times today when I almost felt like my old self. But then the pain came back in and I was reminded that I was far from getting back to that point. I looked at Jeff and then at Chris. "Go home, I'll be ok."

"Yea, you will be." Chris nodded, patting my feet with a grin. "Night Savannah."

"Bye Chris." I raised my hand off the bed to wave to him as he crossed the room to the door before I turned my eyes to Jeff. "Will I see you tomorrow?"

"Yes you will." Jeff smiled and then leaned over to place his hand on my cheek and then brushed his lips against my forehead in a very paternal way that made me smile again. He stood up straight with his hands on his hips and I saw his eyes flicker over to Alex and then back to me. "Take care of yourself."

"I will." I promised, watching him cross the room to the door and waved to him as he left through the door way and left me alone with a sleeping Alex and the silence of my room. I looked at Alex who hadn't moved this entirely time and sighed. I moved around a little bit, trying to get comfortable so I could sleep somewhat soundly tonight and wondered what tomorrow was going to bring. I couldn't tell the future but I knew that the next day was the first of many, many days in the long road to my recovery.

**A/N: So she has finally woken up and is officially on the road to healing. But now comes the pain and agony of having to deal with the attack both mentally and physically.**

**In the next chapter, Savannah finds out just how long she will be out of action and the news doesn't sit well with her. She also is forced to deal with the knowledge that her attack has now been leaked to the internet and the whole wrestling community now knows. And this in turn sends her to making a decision that changes things big time. Not to mention that news of Savannah's attack reaches John and he in turn goes to confront Randy.**


	24. The Path of thorns

**Chapter 24 The Path of thorns**

_The next morning_

_"I'm very sorry Ms. McMahon but the X-ray shows that you have numerous spots in your rib cage that are broken in multiple places. Now we have set those ribs back in place and they should heal just fine as long as you take care of yourself but it will take some time before they are healed. And your knee was severely out of place when you came in and while there was nothing broken or torn, because of the severity of the dislocation , fluid built up there that we need to drain. And after that is taken care of, the healing process for that can begin. But I'm sorry to say that you will be out of action for at least 3-4 months.. And even after that you have to gradually ease back into wrestling. I'm very sorry."_

"Yea, I'm sorry too." I grumbled to myself as I laid back against the pillows of my bed and listened to the door shut as the nurse left the room with the wheelchair she had wheeled me in when I went for my X-ray a few hours earlier. After the door softly thudded shut, a silence fell over the room that I was thankful for. After reliving what the doctor had told me about my injuries, I was in a horrible mood and I didn't want to be around anyone right now. I just wanted to be alone and sulk in my own misery for a while. Or at least as long as I could before someone came in to keep me company. I toyed with the end of my loose braid and stared out the window. "I can't believe this is happening. How much more can the universe throw at me before I can't take it anymore?"

The new of the extent of my injuries didn't come as much of a surprise to me since I knew how serious it was and more importantly I could feel how bad it was. But having a doctor closely examine my broken body and tell me that it was serious enough to keep me out of TNA for months at a time and then even long after that before I could get back to how I was before, well that news was just devastating to me. I didn't think it was possible to feel any more pain then I already did but this was just blow to my heart. After I had the procedure done to drain the fluid from my knee, I had been downstairs until the anesthesia had worn off before I was brought back here to rest. Only I was too bothered by what I had learned to rest too much. If I wasn't in so much pain then I would be throwing something at the walls. But it hurt too much to even raise my arms too high, so that reaction was out of the question. All I could do was sit here and sulk, but aty least I could do that alone.

"Savannah? Are you awake? We need to talk." My father's voice came through the doorway before the door itself opened and already I could tell by his tone that he was in a business sort of mind. He obviously had something to get off his chest and when he was like that, he tended to push very hard to get his point across. He came around the corner of the curtain hanging by my bed and dragged the chair over to the bed to sit down on it, looking ready to jump out of his skin. "I haven't been able to sleep because I can't stop thinking about this situation and it made me think about what we need to do. Savannah, you need to press charges against him."

"Dad, please. Not right now. I don't want to talk about this." I felt my lip wobble as a heavy sigh came out of my mouth from frustration. This was the last thing I wanted to deal with right now or at all. "Pick another topic if you insist on talking."

"I don't want to pick another subject. I prefer this one too much." He said back, leaving his chair as quickly as he had sat down and he began pacing the floor by the end of the bed. "Savannah you have to file a report against him. The hospital has the file on the attack and the photographic evidence to hand to the police, but you need to agree to it."

"Dad, I told you I don't want to talk about it." I almost snapped, feeling my eyes narrow as I watched him move back and forth in front of me. "Why can't you let this go for now?"

"How can you ask me me that? He attacked you and put you in the hospital. I can't understand why you won't do something about it." He whipped around to face me with his hands on his hips. His face showed just how much he didn't understand, he had never really understood me at all. So I didn't expect him to get it now. "I can only do so much before I need you to meet me half way. It will be kind of hard to press charges when the victim won't agree to it or help in anyway..."

"And I'm not going to, so you might as well forget about it." I hissed, feeling my anger flare up at his reluctance to let this go. This was so like him, to push at something that didn't involve him. This wasn't about him, it was about me. And he couldn't push me to do anything I didn't want to . I may not look it, but I could be seriously stubborn if I had to be. "Just stop. I'm not going to do this right now."

"I just don't understand why you won't press charges. Don't you want him to be punished for what he did?" It wasn't so much of a question as it was a statement. My dad had good intentions despite how it came out and sounded. This was coming from a good place if I could take the time to sort through the layers, but I didn't want to do that. Because then I would be forced to admit that I was just too weak and scared to go through with it. My dad didn't like waiting for an answer because it just made his frustration fester. I watched as he threw up his hands. "I don't understand you Savannah, not at all."

He stormed out of the room after that and I watched him go thinking that it was probably for the best. I couldn't give him an answer that would make him happy because that would mean confronting my fear and I wasn't ready to do that.

* * *

><p><em><span>2 hours later<span>_

"Oh God, don't tell me you have bad news too.."

"Too? Who else had bad news for you?" Jeff asked with a frown as he entered the hospital room that was empty except for Savannah which was a surprise since it seemed like her family didn't want to leave her alone for one minute. But in a way it was a good thing, because he had come here specifically to talk to her and he would have liked to do it in private and for once there was no McMahon roaming about the halls. In fact, the entire time since he got to the hospital and came up to her room, he hadn't seen any of them or even Alex or Chris. But they had to be somewhere, because Jeff didn't think for one second that they would leave her in the hospital without at least one of them nearby. But it seemed like she wasn't as up for company as he might have hoped she would be. And as he sat down in the chair next to her bed, he noticed again the look on her face. "Alright, what's going on? Why did you assume I came here with bad news?"

"Sorry that was an automatic response. I'm just not in the best of moods today." She replied with a small shake of her head, her normally bright eyes were dull with sadness and frustration that the cause of had happened long before Jeff had shown up. She shifted around on the bed, letting out a sharp hiss when she moved too roughly before she just gave up and laid there with her head tilted to the side. "I went for an X-ray this morning on my knee and ribs and it looks like I will be out of action for a few months. No wrestling at all until I heal up completely. And that totally sucks."

"And you totally just sounded like your old self." Jeff pointed out with a smile, finding relief in that tone because it gave him hope that she hadn't lost herself completely. But she didn't seem to find it so awesome. "Sorry, you're right. It does suck."

"It sucks a lot and this wasn't even my fault. If it was at least by my own doing then it wouldn't be so frustrating, but I'm out of action because of that asshole. This wasn't my fucking fault!" She exclaimed, her eyes holding a distant look that showed she wasn't just thinking about the attack and that she was thinking back much farther then the recent developments. "That's why I'm in a bad mood."

"Then you're not going to like what I have to say at all. I just came from having a phone call with Dixie and I just wanted to give you the official word that you are now on injury leave indefinitely." Jeff cringed at how business like his voice sounded and he wanted to take it back and try it over again. He prided himself on not being the kind of boss that sounded like business was the main priority because it wasn't. And he certainly never wanted to sound like that with someone he considered his daughter. But right now there was no way around it, that's what had been discussed and she needed to know that. And seeing the effect it had on her irked him and he scrambled to make it sound better then it was. "Look at it this way, at least now you have time to heal both physically and mentally and when you finally do come back, then you will truly be back on your game."

"Well that's something isn't it?" She rolled her eyes, turning her face towards the window in frustration and folded her hands together. "Now I'm injured and out of work for months and have to deal with this with nothing to distract me."

"It will be fine and the time will fly by once you can start moving around more easily." Jeff told her, desperate to find something to lighten the mood when a light bulb clicked off in his head. "And of course we'll reschedule your title bout, so you won't miss out on..."

"Thanks for reminding me about losing out on my first title shot in years. I almost had forgotten about that." She said sarcastically, sounding bitter and angry but most of all upset. She had worked so hard to get to this point in TNA, working her way up from the lowest level and she finally reached a good point like other people without her last name. And now it was all taken away. It just wasn't fair. "But I have no choice but to accept it because there's nothing I can do about it."

"It will get better. You just have to believe it will." Jeff hated making her feel worse then she already did, he never liked doing that to anyone and least of all her. She was already dealing with enough and it was already obvious that she wouldn't be working, but him saying the official words made it too real. He had personal experience with that and hearing someone else say it made it worse. So he understood. "Look, I know it's hard but it won't always be like that..."

"Savannah, we need to talk. Right now...Oh, hello Jeffery." Vince's commanding voice came to a halt when he suddenly walked into the room and his eyes landed on Jeff and Savannah and immediately there was a flash of annoyance in his stern eyes. "I didn't know you would be coming by..."

"I actually can't stay, I was just stopping by to see here and now I'm on my way out. I have a show to do." Jeff explained, turning his eyes away from his former boss and back down to Savannah who was watching them with a less then amused look on her face. He shrugged slightly and smiled apologetically. "I'll call you later? And I promise not to say anything else that will put you in a bad mood..."

"If you say so." She smiled a little in return, raising her hand off the bed to wave at him. "Bye Jeff."

"Bye Savannah." He backed away from the bed with his fingers waving at her before he turned around and headed for the door. He passed by Vince and simply acknowledged him with a sharp tilt of his head before he left the room. He wasn't about to stop and make polite conversation with him, but he couldn't just walk by without some kind of reaction. And as he walked through the hallway to the elevator, he just hoped that whatever Vince had come for, wasn't something that was going to upset her further.

* * *

><p><em><span>5 minutes later<span>_

"Dad, I thought you were here to talk. So why haven't you said anything yet?" I found myself asking my father who was still staring at the door where Jeff had left through a few minutes ago, looking at it like he half expected Jeff to come back through it and say something to him. I knew that wouldn't happen but my father obviously thought it was possible since he hadn't turned away from the door yet. And even though I was annoyed with him for how he had barged in my room earlier this morning, I still found his behavior right now amusing. He and Jeff may have made peace for my sake,but they would never get along ever again no matter how much time they spent together. And they didn't even get along years ago when Jeff worked for my dad, so I didn't expect their relationship to ever change. But it was amazing how much my dad could be torn away from his original mission just by Jeff's presence. "Relax, he's not coming back. So just stop it."

"That man is very annoying." My dad said with a frown, his jaw clenching tightly as he sent a look one more look at the closed door before turning around to look at me with narrowed eyes. "What did he say to you to make you look so annoyed and upset?"

"Nothing I didn't already know. And he's not always to blame for anything that goes wrong you know. Jeff is not the antichrist." I was already feeling myself getting more annoyed and the conversation had just started. I was frustrated with my father from the way he talked to me before and I was even more irked when he started in on Jeff for no reason. If I didn't reign him in now then he would go off on a tangent and I just didn't want to listen to it. "Dad, either say what you need to say or just leave."

"Fine." He relented, still frowning as he came over to the chair that Jeff had been sitting in and took a seat with his hands on his knees. "I want to talk about this morning."

"Oh no, I don't want to discuss that again. It didn't go well the first time and it won't go well this..."

"I want to apologize!" My father cut back in with a loud thud on the arm of his chair that made me go silent right away. I wasn't expecting to hear that at all. But I knew he meant it because when my father really was sorry about something, he got loud and hit things. So I knew he was serious. "Look, I shouldn't have pushed you the way I did.."

"No you shouldn't have."

"But I only did because I thought that my point was the right one."

"You always think that. You're Vince McMahon, so you must always be right." I shot back as sarcastically as I could. I wasn't mad at him, not really. More like annoyed that he wasn't standing by me when I said I couldn't deal with this right now. "But you weren't right about this, and you can't claim that you are. You're not the one that has to deal with this directly."

"I'm your father! Whatever affects you, affects me too." He snapped, his eyes turning to slits like they always did when he got emotion. He would never cry, he hadn't done that since I was a kid and even then I couldn't really remember why he did. And I knew he couldn't get choked up now. But I could tell he was close by the expression he was wearing. "You're not alone in this. We said we would be there for you through this and..."

"Dad, you're not getting it. It's not that I think I'm alone in dealing with it, it's about me not being ready to face it and you don't seem to get it." I threw back at him, feeling my temper boil over whenever it came to dealing with my father. I guess I was more like him then I thought because being around him always brought out the temperament in me. Just around him, no one else, at least not to this degree. "I just woke up from being unconscious for 2 days, I just found out that I will not be able to work for months and I'm in constantly in pain every time I move. I can't deal with one more thing right now."

"I understand that..."

"No you don't. Because if you did then you wouldn't have pushed me to do something about it." I pressed my lips together tightly to cut myself off from full out yelling at my father. I couldn't do that because it still hurt to even just talk loudly. If I yelled at him then with my luck I would damage my damn lung and have to go in for surgery. And I didn't want to bother getting worked up, I needed to save my energy for something else. I looked at my father with a heavy sigh."I know you don't get it or understand it and I don't expect you too. But I do expect you to understand that I'm not like you or mom or Shane or Stephanie. I have to do things when I'm ready and not on your damn schedule."

"Alright, Alright. I'm sorry. I won't push you anymore. Consider the subject matter over." He held up his hands to show that he was backing down and I nodded triumphantly as I settled against the pillows and felt my body relax. This hardly ever happened around my father as I always felt the need to be on alert for something. But right now I couldn't be tense because being tense made my body ache more and I was in enough pain as it was. My dad looked at me with raised eyebrows as if he had one more point to make. "But I still think you need to do this."

"Sorry dad, but your opinion doesn't matter right now."

* * *

><p><em><span>A few hours later<span>_

"Well look what came in off the street."

"Thanks a lot. Is that any way to talk to the guy who went out of his way to come visit you before he went off to work?" Bobby found himself shooting back with a grin as he walked further into the hospital room and caught sight of Savannah laying in the bed on the other side of the room who was staring at him with shocked but pleased eyes and he came closer to her. At first he felt himself wanting to pause when he first saw how bad she looked. He knew it would be bad after hearing that she was in the hospital but he never imagined she would look like this. And this was her looking better, before she had been unconscious and hooked up to a breathing tube according to Jeff. So although she looked horribly beaten, at least she was awake and responsive. So he didn't regret stopping by to see her before he made his way to the arena for the show tonight. He hadn't spoken to her in a while and he needed to see for himself that she was ok. He sent a grin her way as he reached the bed and took a seat in the chair nearby. "So how are you doing?"

"About as well as can be expected, with...all this." She motioned from her strapped up leg all the way up to her bruised face and Bobby felt like an ass for even asking such an obvious question. Of course she wasn't doing ok. She looked like shit and far from ever looking ok again. What was the matter with him for saying something so stupid? She didn't seem to mind though as she looked at him curiously. "What are you doing here? How did you even know about this in the first place?"

"I was walking in the arena when I overheard Jeff and Dixie talking about you and I was rude and listened in and heard about the attack." He explained, shrugging his shoulders and hoped she wouldn't think badly of him for doing that. His wife gave him enough hell for sticking his nose in other people's business and he had certainly done that enough with Savannah. "I know it was wrong, but I thought that since you and I were sort of starting to bond that it would be ok for me to come by."

"It's fine, I'm glad you did. Because frankly it would be nice to be around people who weren't my family right now. Or Jeff." She told him, rubbing her fingers against the side of her head like she had a headache before dropping her hand back down again. "They've been here the whole time and I just need a little break from them."

"You don't sound like you're in the best of moods." He pointed out, feeling his face tighten as he looked at her and wondered whether or not he belonged here. She didn't really look like she wanted company. "Should I go?"

"No, of course not." She shook her head slowly, her eyes looking closed because of the bruises and Bobby couldn't remember the last time he had been so on edge because of someone else's injuries. "You look like you want to say something. So you should say it."

"Just that um...you know, people are rooting for you and they hope you are doing ok. And we cant wait to have you back at work..." Bobby watched as her eyes lit up suspiciously and he knew he couldn't have hoped to get away with coming to see her without it bringing up the most obvious fact of all. And now that she had zeroed in on it, there was no escaping talking about it. So he would just have to acknowledge it. "Savannah, I should probably tell you the real reason for how I knew about the attack..."

"It's all over the internet isn't it?" She asked, seemingly already knowing the answer but needing to hear him say it. So he nodded regrettably, watching as her lips pressed together tightly as a groan sounded from deep within her. "I knew it would get out eventually but I didn't think it would happen this quickly. I can't believe no one told me yet..."

"They were probably worried about upsetting you and they might have been waiting until you were out of the hospital before they told you." He shrugged again, not sure how else to respond to this. He knew she was upset and was trying to hide it and he wasn't quite sure how to make her feel better. "I didn't want to tell you but I just thought you should be warned so you knew what to expect.."

"That was actually a smart thing to do when I think about it. I mean, I hate hearing about it because that's just one more thing to think about. But then again, at least now I can be prepared for the onslaught when I leave this hell hole." She seemed to be speaking to herself more then him and he watched as she turned to look out the window for a minute in silence. He could only imagine what was going through her mind right now and he wouldn't wish that on anyone. She turned back to look at him and what she said next surprised him. "Thank you. I appreciate you not holding back."

"Trust me I wanted to. I don't exactly relish the idea of giving anyone bad news." He answered with a grimace, knowing that he wouldn't have been handling it half as well as she was if it was him in that hospital bed. He got mean and hostile when he was hurt and he heard things he didn't want to hear. "But it's a relief to know you don't want to yell at me for being the bearer of bad news."

"Oh I want to yell, but unless I want to blow a stitch in my lung, then I have no choice but to stay quiet..." She told him with that same far away look in her eyes. "Maybe being quiet is the problem."

* * *

><p><em><span>2 hours later<span>_

"Savannah? Honey, where has your head been at?"

"Oh my God, I'm sorry mom. I wasn't paying attention again was I?" I asked, turning my eyes fully on my mother's face and finding her staring at me with her head tilted to the side and an expression in her eyes that said she had been trying to get my attention for more then just a few minutes now and I felt terrible for that. This was not the first time my mind had drifted from the conversation I had been trying to have with her since she showed up here, but it was the longest I had gone with not responding and I guess she was tired of being ignored by me. She hadn't said anything the first few times because I think she just wanted to try and push through this haze without it getting too heavy. But I think it was starting to dawn on us both that it just wasn't possible to pretend like there was nothing else going on right now. I felt a heavy sigh escape from my lips as I looked at her apologetically. "I'm sorry mom, it's just been a long and emotional day and it's not even over yet."

"Is it about your father?" She asked me, her voice immediately freezing into a tone of disapproval and accusation like she had mentally prepared herself for this very conversation. "Because I told him not to bother you about the Randy thing..."

"No, it's not about dad and it's not even really about Randy. At least not directly." I muttered in response, almost smiling at the way my mother was only too quick to accuse my father of being the one responsible for my distracted mood. But my head was too full of things that I couldn't even crack a small smile. I folded my fingers over each other, crisscrossing the, until they were all connected. "I mean dad did get on my case, but he..."

"I will have to give him hell for that. I specifically told him to keep his mouth shut." My mother shook her head in annoyance, never one to hide it when she disagreed with my dad and that was part of the reason I think that they had been married as long as they had been. My mother was probably one of very few people, male or female, who didn't hesitate to stand up to my father. And if he didn't do what she told him to do then she would give him hell for it as she just said. "And now he has you all worked up and..."

"It's ok really. Dad said his part and I said my part, and he apologized for being too harsh right out of the gate. He's not the issue right now." It would have been easy to blame my father for my mood because anyone who knew my dad would have said the same thing. And he annoyed people very easily, so anyone would have bought the lie. But my dad was only one thing in a crowd of thoughts going off inside my head at the moment, so I couldn't blame him completely for this. "It's not just him, it's everything that has happened today."

"You want to tell me about it?" She asked, sounding unlike the mother I had grown up with but I had t expect that to change after the attack. "I might be able to help."

"It's just that...it really sunk in today, how long it will take for me to heal. This attack has injured me worse then I ever have been before and I'm just beginning to realize how hard it will be for me to come back from this." I felt my heart flutter in sadness when I thought about how long I would be out of action and away from TNA and it just about killed me. My whole life growing up had been wrestling and even when I started my own life, it had still been about wrestling. I loved this business despite all the hardships and tragedies that came from it and any time away from what I loved was going to be tough to overcome. And it wasn't just a few days or a few weeks where I would have to take off. It was months. It was inconceivable for me to imagine not going to to work every week. But perhaps in a way it was a good thing. Because if I wasn't at the arena, then I couldn't hear the things being talked about concerning me or the attack. I looked at my mother and said. "It also really sucks because now news of the attack has leaked to the internet..."

"Yea, we were going to mention that to you..."

"But you didn't, I heard it from a co-worker and now it's out there for the world to comment on and I'm going to be under a microscope from now on. Everyone is going to want to talk to me about it and why it happened and how I'm doing and I just don't want to deal with that bullshit. I have enough to deal with and I can't take anymore." I closed my eyes and tried not to get worked up but it was hard not to do just that. I mean, I was use to being in the spotlight because of my family but when I came here to Orlando, I was hoping to forge my own identity and hope my profile simmered down a little bit. I would always be a standout because of my last name, but it wouldn't be as intense as it use to be. But that was all gone now that I was attacked and injured. I was the headlining story in the wrestling business and not in a good way. And the thought of everyone wanting to get information out of me was just too much to take. I opened my eyes and swallowed hard. "I almost wish I was still unconscious so I wouldn't have to deal with this. I will never catch a break now from bloggers and reporters. This is a nightmare."

"I might have a suggestion for you if you're open to it." My mom offered with a curiously upbeat look to her eyes which hadn't been present since she came to visit. But it was there now and I was very suspicious of the glimmer that was now flaring up. "Why don't you come home for a while?"

"What?" I felt my bruised face tighten in confusion and not because I hadn't heard her correctly, I had heard just fine. I was just completely shocked. I don't know what I was expecting her t say but it wasn't that. She thought I should come home? Was she serious? I looked at her. "Are you serious?"

"Why not?" She shrugged her shoulders in such a way that made me think she had been thinking about this since I woke up yesterday morning. And her statement next solidified it. "You don't want to be here where you will be harassed by the media and you need to be around people while you're healing. And Alex and Chris and Jeff will be working,they can't be with you all the time and at least in the beginning you need someone around 24/7. It just seems like the best thing. It will get you out of Orlando until you're strong enough to come back and deal with things on your own. What do you say?"

I didn't say anything at first because I was still trying to process what she had just said. Go home to heal? That was quite possibly the craziest thing I had ever heard my mother say and that was saying a lot. I mean, I hadn't been home in years and these people were basically strangers to me and I was just starting to get to know them again. And now she was suggesting that I go back to my childhood home just because I was injured. That was crazy, way too crazy. I could heal just fine here in Orlando in my own house. But then again, she was right when she said I wouldn't have Alex or Chris or Jeff around me all the time in the beginning like I needed and it wouldn't be fair to ask any of them to take time off. And the media attention would always be waiting for me if I went out in public here. I couldn't handle that right now. I had to focus on getting better physically. But did I really want to do that back in Connecticut?

I wanted to say no right away. I wanted to tell her thank but no thanks. That I had made it just fine on my own so far and I would figure out something to get by while I heal for these first few weeks. I had been taking care of myself for years and I didn't need my mother to help me now. But the crazy thing wasn't that she wanted me to come home for a while. The crazy thing was that I didn't think it really was a bad idea. Crazy yes, but bad? Not at all. I looked at my mother who was waiting for an answer and I just felt myself giving in. What else did I have to lose?

"Alright, I'll come home."

* * *

><p><em><span>Later that day<span>_

"So that really sucks about what the doctor said."

"Yea it does, 3-4 months to heal and then even more time after that just to get back to where I was. It's a nightmare."

"And Jeff came by to give you the official word that you're on leave indefinitely? Well I can understand how that didn't improve your mood..."

"Don't forget that my father had to put in his two cents about the whole pressing charges against Randy thing. And no, I don't want to talk about it." I told Alex sternly as he lay beside me in the hospital bed and ran his fingers gently through the end of the loose braid my hair was still in. I smiled a little at the tugging sensation and moved closer to him despite the pain it caused me, but I needed to be close to him. It had been a long and draining day and I just needed to be with him alone to wind down. Luckily he had come by just as my mom and dad had left the hospital for the night, and I had just gotten off the phone with my siblings and they wouldn't be coming tonight at all. And Chris and Jeff were doing the show and that left only Alex to keep me company and I was perfectly happy with that. It was nice just for it to be the two of us and after what I had discussed with my mom earlier, I needed this time to talk to him about it. I had no idea how he would react so I was preparing for anything. I tilted my head back a little to look into his eyes and he stopped playing with my hair, probably sensing that I was about to be serious. "Alex, we need to talk."

"I thought that's what we were doing this whole time." He replied with a smirk, obviously not wanting to jump right into serious mode just yet. "Why? Are you going to finally tell me how annoying my voice really is?"

"Alex, I could never get tired of hearing you talk. But this is serious and I need you to take it seriously." I didn't have to beg him or plead, because whatever was shining through my eyes seemed to be the thing that got him to remove the smirk from his lips and frown down at me in concern. I knew I had his attention and even though I didn't want to do this, I knew I had to. "I had a talk with my mom this afternoon..."

"Oh God, this already doesn't sound good."

"We talked about my injuries and what's going to happen now that the attack has been leaked to the internet and she made a suggestion that I actually agree with." I explained to him, leaning my cheek against his shoulder and looking down to where our hands laid next to each other in our own laps. I reached over and laced my fingers with his, needing to be holding on to him as I said this because it gave my courage to get it out. And I needed courage just to say this. "Alex, I think I'm going to go home for a while to heal. At least for the beginning."

"Why?" He didn't sound mad, he didn't sound upset. He was confused and I knew if I was looking at him then he would be looking at me with puzzlement in his eyes. And the crazy thing was that I understood exactly why he thought that. Because I had thought that too when my mom had suggested it. I mean, my family and I had just started talking on a regular basis only a few weeks ago. And that was just talking. And now with the attack it seemed crazy to go from talking to going back to the house I had grown up in just to heal I hadn't made true peace with them, heck I didn't even like them half the time. So could I really go back there for a month's time? Alex wouldn't quite understand how I had come to this so I would have to explain as best as I could. "I mean, I'm not saying its a terrible idea. But I don't exactly like the thought of you being away from me for a month or two."

"I don't like it either because it does take me away from you. But you're going to be working and not just for TNA, I know you have those Indy bookings coming up. And for the first few weeks, I'm going to need to have someone around with me 24/7, at least until I can get around by myself. I won't have you taking time off just to look after me so don't even bother asking." I sent him a look because I could already seeing him starting to protest but I shook my head at him. I wasn't going to allow him to take any time off, not when things were picking up for him. His career wasn't going to suffer because of me. He worked hard and he needed to keep going to get to the level he wanted to be at. So no, he wasn't going to be the one to take care of me. "And being at home, there will be my mom most of the time and there are plenty of housekeepers and assistants and people who work for my parents who can keep an eye on me and more importantly, it will get me out of Orlando for a while. And right now, that sounds really good."

"I guess." He shrugged, his shoulder brushing against me as he moved and I watched as he slipped out of the bed and sat on the edge of it with his hands propped up on his thighs, his back tight with tension.

"Alex please say something." I knew he wouldn't like this, I knew it the moment I had agreed to go home with my mom. But even though I knew Alex would fight and argue with me to the ends of the earth that he would be the better one to take care of me, I knew that this solution was something I had to see through. I knew it was for the best and it would give me a chance to reconnect with my family. I did say I would try and this may be the opportunity to put it to the test. I didn't have enough strength to pull myself up into a sitting position so I could hug him, so I simply reached out and touched my hand to his back. "I know you're upset..."

"I'm not upset I'm just...I don't know what I am. But I'm not upset." He insisted, sounding like he was trying to convince himself more then me. He still didn't turn around but his shoulders did relax a little but. "I just hate that I can't be the one to take care of you. And I hate that you care so much that you won't let me blow off work to do that."

"I would love to be selfish and let you be the one to be taking care of me while I heal, but I can't be like that. You've already done so much for me and I won't be mean by asking you to take time away from wrestling just when things are going well for you. I won't be that kind of girl." I shook my head even though he couldn't see it. I know Alex would never admit it because he loved me so much, but I knew how much his career meant to him and him taking time off to care for me would hurt that career and I could never hurt something that meant that much to him. So even though it would hurt to be away from him, I knew it would be for the best. "I love you and I'm going to miss you, but this is something I need to do."

"I still don't like it." He grumbled, sounding beyond annoyed but he finally turned to look at me and I saw his resolve crumble when our eyes met. Maybe it was because of how bad I looked, maybe he just realized he couldn't fight me on this because I was right. Either way, he relented and moved his hand to my bruised cheek and gently ran a finger across it. "But I love you more then I love myself, and I will do whatever you want me to do."

"Will you kiss me?" I asked hopefully, missing how his lips felt against mine as he hadn't kissed me enough since I had woken up. I smiled when I saw his eyes sparkle and I knew the old Alex was back. It was going to be tough to leave him, but at least we were on the same page as I felt his fingers lace through mine.

"I will kiss you as many times as you can handle it." He whispered before lowering his mouth to mine.

* * *

><p><em><span>That night<span>_

"Randal Keith Orton, I have a bone to pick with you!"

"You must have or else you wouldn't have full named me just now." Randy laughed from the other end of the phone line, his voice filling with amusement as if he thought this call was about something minor when it was actually about something very serious. John often struggled to keep his temper in check when it came to dealing with his best friend and he found himself doing it a lot more lately which he had never done so much in his life and he couldn't figure out why that was happening now. Maybe it had to do with the whole Savannah problem and what she was doing to make trouble for Randy, which coincidentally was exactly why John had picked up the phone to call him. But Randy seemed oblivious to anything that wasn't directly about him. "What's the problem now?"

"You apparently don't read the wrestling blogs enough or else you would have heard about Savannah's attack. She's in the hospital Randy, someone attacked her and beat her up pretty bad. It's all over the internet and people are under the impression that you have something to do with it." John said this all in one breath and he was amazed that it came out coherently. Especially since when he first heard the news, his head had been in a tailspin ever since then and he couldn't quite think straight. When he had read that Savannah had been viciously attacked, he was actually on the verge of booking a flight to Orlando to go see her. At least until he remembered that she was responsible for making his friend's life a living hell with her accusations. But it didn't mean he wasn't worried about her. And when he heard about how bad it was, the first thing that jumped into him mind was how people were going to assume it was Randy who had done it. "Randy, I need to ask you directly just for my own peace of mind. Did you attack her in retaliation for your unfair suspension?"

"Are you insane? Why would you ever ask me that?" Randy sounded even more furious over this accusation then he did when confronted about the rape rumors going around within the company. And John supposed it could have been because Randy was constantly being accused of things that he wasn't at fault for. But John knew how much of a temper his friend had and maybe he did it accidentally and just couldn't reign himself in. But Randy wasn't interested in reigning himself in. "John, you are my best friend. You should know I would never do something like that. I can't believe you keep asking me these things...what kind of a monster do you think I am?"

"I know, but it just seems weird because of the timing that's all." John replied, hating that he kept on falling for what the gossip mill was putting out about Randy, but it was just so easy to believe the bad things when people made it so convincing. "You were just suspended a few weeks ago and she's attacked just a couple of days ago. You don't think that puts you under suspicion?"

"I guess I should be asking you the same thing." Randy shot back in such a way that John knew it wasn't just about being annoyed by the accusation, it was about something more. "I thought you might be behind this.."

"What?" John was flabbergasted by this, never being told he could do something as brutal as what he had just accused his friend of. "Why would you say that?"

"Think about it, everyone knows that we're best friends and more like brothers. I know how much you are willing to stand by me and how much you hate when I'm being victimized for no reason. So I thought that you might have been the one to attack her because you know that the reason for my suspension is unjustified. And if you did hurt her, then just tell me because I want you to know that..that is not how I want this to be handled. Beating her up like that is just going to make things worse for me and I know you probably only trying to help..."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! I didn't do this Randy. I wasn't the one to attack her." John felt his jaw drop and his cell phone nearly followed suit. He was completely floored by what Randy had just said. Yes John was upset that Savannah was trying to hurt Randy and yes he wanted her to stop but that didn't mean that he would go to such lengths as to physically hurt her like he had read about. That was just brutal and harsh and he would never want to hurt her like that, not even with her attacking his best friend. "Randy, I'm really offended that you would suggest I could ever be capable of hurting any one like that, and especially a woman..."

"You're right, I'm sorry ok? I'm just really freaking stressed out that's all. I don't know what the hell I'm saying anymore." Randy's voice was remorseful and John could picture him dropping his face into his hands like he always did when he was feeling bad about something. "Things weren't going well for me already and now this happens and people are thinking I'm the one responsible. My reputation is being ruined and my career is going down the drain. No one will ever hire me now and I just need my best friend behind me before I totally lose my shit."

"I am behind you Randy, you know that. Look, I'm sorry for even bringing it up ok? I just don't know what to do anymore. I never wanted to be involved in this kind of stuff." John usually prided himself on not listening to what other people said about the people he worked with because he didn't judge others based on the public's opinion. He liked making his judgment on his own experiences and his experiences with Randy said that his best friend wasn't this kind of person that these bad things happened to. Randy wasn't perfect by any means, everyone knew that. But he wasn't this horrible guy that went around raping and beating on young women. And maybe it was time that John began to remember that. "Look I know you're a good guy, you're a hot head, but you're a good guy. And I know everything will work out for you. And I'm sorry if it seems like I am always on your case instead of sticking up for you. I don't like that about myself.."

"Don't worry about it, we're both under some stress so I won't hold it against you if you act like a jerk sometimes." Randy said with a slight lift to his voice and John knew that he wouldn't have a grudge held against him. Not that he would have blamed Randy if he had. After all, John didn't think he would have the same composure if he was the one being accused of rape and assault. And Randy was doing just fine at the moment and would continue to do so if John wasn't such an idiot. "I can deal with this bullshit. I just need to know that you have my back."

"I do have your back, you don't need to question that anymore."

**A/N: So Savannah is heading home to heal for a while. Her dad is on her case about pressing charges. Word has leaked to the internet about her attack. Alex is upset about losing her for a month. And Randy turns the tables on John and accuses him of being the one responsible for attacking Savannah. Can it get any crazier? The Answer is OH HELL YEA IT CAN !**


	25. So I'm going home

**Chapter 25 So I'm going home**

_2 days later_

"Savannah? Are you ok?"

"I'm fine mom. Just thinking." I replied quietly as I laid my chin in my hand and stared out the window of the limo as it drove along the highway, taking my mother and I to the airport to catch our private flight back to Stanford and so far since we left my house, the ride had been relatively silent. It was just her and I in the car, my dad and siblings had left a few days earlier to get back on the road and my mother was the one who stayed behind to travel with me. I had been released from the hospital just this morning with pages of notes from my doctors about what to expect these first 2 weeks as well as bottles upon bottles of painkillers that they insisted I would need. My mother had come back to my house with me to pack my suitcases for the month I would be at home and as I sat on the bed and watched her, I couldn't help but think that this was all too much and I didn't want to leave everything and everyone behind. But the time came when I would have to do just that and now here we were in the car on the way to the airport and I couldn't stop thinking. "It's just really hard to leave."

"Are you sure this is what you want?" My mother asked for what seemed like the millionth time in the last hour and she turned to look at me with curious eyes over something she had witnessed but just couldn't understand. "I mean, I'm sure..."

"Mother, I said I needed to do this and I'm going to do this. It's just harder then I was prepared for." I grumbled in response, annoyed that my thoughts had been interrupted by her and I slowly turned my body even more away from her so she would get that I didn't want to talk about it. I just wanted to be alone in my head with my thoughts of the people I had just left behind at the house.

My mother had just finished packing my suitcases and they were being loaded in the car when Alex and Chris showed up along with Jeff to say their good byes to me. I knew they were going to show up even though I told them not to because I hated goodbyes and I didn't want it to be harder then it already was. But they came anyway and as my mother was getting things ready in the car, I was left alone by the porch with the three most important people in my life and forced to get through these last encounters with the last shreds of my dignity hanging by a thread. The good bye with Chris was the easiest to get through because he wasn't the type to get teary eyed or say anything to make me cry. He just hugged me gently and told me to get better and then to get my ass back here as soon as I could. It actually made me smile when he pulled away and got me a little prepared for the good bye with Jeff. That was tougher because he was the one who didn't mind getting all weepy in front of me since he considered us family. So when he hugged me I was prepared for him to not let me go for at least a full few minutes and that was exactly what happened. When he finally did pull away, he just tucked my hair behind my ears, kissed my cheek and then walked away with Chris to give Alex and I a chance to have a little privacy.

_"Why won't you look at me?"_

_"Because I don't want this face to be the last image you see of me when we say goodbye." I told him, staring down at the ground and studied our feet and the bottom of my crutches just so I wouldn't have to look up at his face. I knew how horrible I looked, the bruises had only seemed to darken since that day I woke up and I didn't want him to see that as we were saying goodbye. I wanted him to remember how I looked before and not this broken mess. Leaving him behind was hard enough and if he at least could think of me before the attack then may be it would be easier. But it wasn't suppose to be that way as I could feel the tears brimming my eyes anyway. I felt his hand come up to my chin and lift my head up so we were looking at each other anyway and the moment our eyes met, I felt the first of the tears begin to roll. "I don't want to say good bye to you."_

_"Then don't. Just say that you will see me later. Because technically a few weeks is still later. Granted it is a very long later, but still a later." He said with the smallest of smiles on his lips as both his hands came up to cup my face gently. His fingers moved across my bruised skin to wipe away the tears and his dark eyes alone showed how much this moment was also bothering him. "The time will go by fast and before you know it we will be back together."_

_"I don't want any time to go by. I don't want to be without you." I felt my crutches fall from under my arms and even though it hurt to even raise my arms, I moved forward and wrapped my arms around his middle so I had my own connection to him. That turned out to be a mistake because it only made the tears fall faster. Now I knew it would be harder to let him go and leave. "Tell me this isn't a mistake. Tell me that I'm not crazy..."_

_"Well, you're not completely crazy. Just crazy enough." He said with a sad smile, leaning forward to kiss me lightly on the forehead and then on the lips, our last kiss for what was going to be a month and the realization seemed to dawn heavily on him because he didn't pull away and simply intensified our last kiss. I could still feel the tears rolling down my cheeks as we kissed and I wished it could go on forever so the inevitable wouldn't have to come. But it did come, and when he was looking down at me, he too looked like he was getting choked up. He was just better at pushing it away. "I love you Savannah."_

_"I love you too Alex."_

I stared out the window still when the last images of the good bye left my head and as I saw that we were turning towards the airport, I couldn't help but agonize that I had no idea how I was going to get through these next few weeks and then months without Alex.

* * *

><p><em><span>The first two weeks<span>_

I thought I was prepared for this. I thought I knew what to expect when I left the hospital and made the decision to come home to heal. I thought that it was going to be hard but not difficult, harsh but not impossible, painful but not agonizing. And I was completely wrong on all fronts. Because it was difficult and impossible and agonizing. Those first 14 days were some of the hardest days I had ever gone through and that was saying a lot considering all that had happened to me. But even the rape was pushed out of my mind completely when I had to deal with this pain that seemed infinite and insurmountable. I just didn't think it could ever get better.

I barely even remember much of those first few days of arriving home. I was in pain from the plane ride and was trying to find some relief so I took some of the many painkillers that doctors had sent home with me and soon enough I found myself getting drowsy and relaxed and eventually the pain slipped away as we got to the house. I was coherent enough for my mother to explain that they were setting me up in the downstairs bedroom so I wouldn't have to worry about tackling the stairs which would be impossible with crutches and the state my ribs were in. So when I was carried into the room and laid in bed, I practically fell asleep right away while everything went on around me without me even really realizing it.

And that's how it was most days. I was in such pain and discomfort that I didn't even get out of bed and would need a constant in take of medication to keep myself comfortable enough where I could sleep, which is exactly what the doctors had told me to do. They said my body was in such a bad state that the best thing I could do was just rest as much as I could and keep myself from feeling the full brunt of the pain. So I did that and most of those 2 weeks were spent in a virtual haze a lot of the time. The painkillers made me very drowsy, so a lot of the day was spent sleeping even if I had slept the entire night before. I thought there was suppose to be a light at the end of the tunnel of some sort but of course with my luck, that didn't happen. Because just days after getting home, I had to go into the hospital again because of the fluid buildup in my knee again. I didn't remember the procedure because I was knocked out for it, but when I woke up, my doctor seemed concerned enough to warn me about possibly having surgery if this didn't improve and continued to keep happening. That of course scared the crap out of me and I panicked all the way back to the house, surgery would keep me out of action even longer and I looked down at my knee and actually told it to stop fucking up. Luckily for me, that was the only other time I had to have that procedure done and the doctor said that was a good sign and it should have made me happy but it didn't. Because it still didn't mean that I was anywhere where I should be. I was still in a lot of pain and extremely far away from ever getting back to my old life and that just made me miserable.

My family did their best over the last few weeks to try and make things as easy for me as they could. My mom stayed off the road for the last 14 days to stay with me because she didn't want me to only have the workers in the house to keep an eye on me. She would hang out with me in my room when I wasn't up to leaving it, she would leave me alone when I didn't want her around and she would bring me smoothies like she use to do when I was a kid and sick in bed and that was one of the rare time that I smiled in the last 2 weeks. Shane and Stephanie took turns coming to visit, they had more prominent roles in the daily running of WWE so they couldn't be off the road for more then a day or two at a time and they had their own families to visit with. But they still made it a priority to come see me and Shane would sit by my bed and talk to me even when I had my eyes closed and Stephanie would sit beside me and stroke my hair even when I never said anything. They did what they could but I could tell that they were upset that it wasn't enough. And yet, they still put smiles on their faces when they came to see me. I appreciated their efforts, even my dad, who actually took an entire weekend off to come home and see me. That was weird because this was the first time I had been back in my childhood home since I moved out and it was compounded by the fact that I still didn't know how to talk to my dad. He didn't know how to talk to me either and I was only too happy to pretend like I was in too much pain to talk anyway. And that wasn't a lie most of the time because for 90 percent of the last 2 weeks, I was in constant pain.

But the other 10 percent of that time when I wasn't in a haze from the pain medication, I was thinking about the people I had left behind in Orlando. I missed Chris and Jeff desperately as we had barely spent more then a day or two away from each other in the 2 years I was with TNA and I missed their friendship and quirky personalities more then I thought. But it was Alex who I missed most of all. I still occasionally woke up in the middle of the night and reached out for him only for my hands to meet air and then I remembered that I wasn't at home with him and I was in Stanford at my parent's house. It was always the same crushing blow when it set in that he was far away and couldn't just jump in the car and be with me in a few minutes like he could it if I was in Orlando. I missed being able to sleep and know that he was right there in the bed next to me. It wasn't easy for me to sleep nowadays with my knee and ribs all bandaged up, but Alex would have been able to mold himself around me so we were touching as we slept. He would have found some way to give me what I wanted without it hurting me. But he wasn't here to help me, he was home and I wasn't. I was stuck in what felt like a stranger's house even though I grew up here and lived here until I was kicked out of the family and that family made me miss Alex even more. He would have made me feel more comfortable or at least as comfortable as I could be here. But despite the discomfort and pain and tension and general awkwardness about being home, I still knew deep down that it was the best thing for me. And I didn't regret it.

Even if during these last few weeks, my family had been slowly but surely putting pressure on me to take action against Randy. And every time they did, I would feign a spasm of pain and retreat to my room to avoid dealing with the harsher pain that came when Randy's name was mentioned.

* * *

><p><em><span>One morning<span>_

"Oh my God, I cannot believe what I'm seeing right now. It must be a miracle!" My mother exclaimed when her head shot up and caught sight of me coming around the corner of the dining room doorway and making my way towards the nearest chair. I rolled my eyes at her reaction, finding it over the top and ridiculous but I realized a second later how much of a big deal it was, at least to her. I had woken up this morning and for the first time in a long time, I didn't feel as much pain as I had when I first came home and starting off a morning without needing to reach for a pain killer was a sort of victory in my eyes. Hence why I had pushed myself to get dressed and come out to have breakfast with my mother if she was around. And of course, the one morning when I willingly left my room, she was there to witness it. I half expected her to jump up and start clapping her hands like a child. "This is fabulous, you actually look alive for a change."

"Calm down mother, it's not a big deal." I muttered partially under my breath as I hobbled across the carpet unsteadily on my crutches towards the table where she was sitting eating breakfast and I did my best not to show how frustrated I was with my slower movements because of my injuries. I wasn't use to crutches or how awkward I would turn out to be with them and I was able to appreciate now my mother's insistence that I stay in one of the downstairs bedrooms. It was hard enough to get around just on the first floor and trying to maneuver the stairs would have been a mistake. If I managed to not trip while using these damn crutches on level ground then that would be the real miracle. I eased myself down into a chair,setting my crutches against another one before turning to find my mother watching me. "What?"

"Nothing, I'm just surprised to see you out of your room today. You've been holed up in there for the past 2 weeks since you came home.." She shrugged as she reached for a cup and the coffee pot and poured me a cup. She pushed it over towards me with a smile. "It's just nice to see you up and about. That's all."

"Yea, well it is what it is." I took the cup with a small smile of gratitude and wrapped my cold hands around it, enjoying the warmth. "I mean, I don't feel like my normal self. But I don't feel as horrible as I did when I first left the hospital. That's an improvement, I guess."

"It definitely is." She replied with a too bright smile like she thought if she amped it up then it would affect me and make my mood better. I appreciated her trying that hard, especially when it wasn't her normal behavior, but I just need normal right now. And I knew it wouldn't happen until my mom got use to me not being as bed ridden as I had been. "But now that you seem to be a bit more awake and clear headed, how has it been being home?"

"I mean, injuries aside, it feels just weird. But I expected it to feel like that. This is the first time that I've been back in this house since I was 22..." I didn't bother to phrase it the other way where I would have said 'since I was kicked out of the family'. That would have made things more tense then they already were. So it was probably best to just go another way. "I've been on my own for years now, it feels weird to have to be back in my parents house for help..."

"It will get better, it will just take longer then a few weeks of effort to make up for the years when we weren't a family." She replied, her eyes showing that she too was trying to avoid directly addressing our personal problems. "So I talked to you father this morning..."

"A sentence that starts off like that never means anything good." I frowned, my hands tightening around the coffee cup and I took a sip so I wouldn't have to look at her. I much preferred looking at the dark liquid in the cup that couldn't bring my father up in conversation. But there was only so much time that I cold spend looking down before it got ridiculous. I set the cup down and rubbed the side of my head. "What did he want?"

"He was just checking in, wanting to say hello and see how you were doing." My mother relayed these things back to me but I could tell that the way she said it meant that wasn't all they talked about. My parents were so alike and when they were about to bring up an unpleasant topic, they tried to hide it under a more chipper tone but that of course made it obvious that they were hiding something. I sent my mother a look and she in turn looked guilty and I knew that when she spoke again, I really wasn't going to like it. "Honey, your father and I talked and I agreed to ask you if you have thought about changing your mind about pressing charges..."

"No I haven't and no I don't want to discuss it. You can tell dad that the next time he calls." I shot back, a heavy intake of air came up through my nose as my mouth was now tightly shut with tension. I shook my head rapidly. "I really wish you and dad and Shane and Stephanie would stop bugging me about it."

"We're only trying to help." My mom quickly said but the damage was already done and I was already reaching for my crutches, intent on leaving this room. "Savannah, please at least consider it..."

"I have considered it and my answer is no." I snapped, slipping my crutches under my arm and hobbled out of the room as quickly as I could manage, which wasn't nearly as fast as I would have liked. Because I was beginning to realize that no matter how fast I moved, I would never be able to get enough distance between myself and my memories.

* * *

><p><em><span>A few hours later<span>_

"It looks just the same out here as it did when I was a kid." I mumbled to myself as I leaned against the porch railing and tucked my arms around myself to keep myself warm as the chilly wind whipped my hair across my eyes and I shook my head to clear my vision as I once again looked around at the expansive backyard and marveled that not one bit of it had changed since I was a kid. I had left my room just a few minutes ago, needing to get some fresh air after sulking over the short conversation with my mom at the table and had come out to the back porch to be alone. And once I stepped foot out here, it really was like time had stood still because not one thing had changed and as I looked around and took everything in, memories began to flood my mind. I tucked my hands under my arms, hissing when they jostled against my ribcage and when the pain passed I sighed. "Some things never changed."

That statement couldn't be more true as I stood outside my house and looked around the yard that I had constantly played in when I was a child with my brother and sister, who were a lot older then me at the time but still acted like kids themselves. Over the years we had all changed as people often did as they passed from childhood to adolescence to adulthood, but even in my earlier twenties I could still stand in this place that had remained unchanged and think back to a time before things had gotten complicated and difficult because of life. Like I had said many times before, my brother and sister and I had never really had all that much in common and we had never even really gotten along because of our constant battles for our parents attention. And me being the youngest one, it was more of a struggle and the two of them would always pit themselves against me. That happened much more when I was older but when I was just a child, it wasn't as bad. I could even remember having a lot of fun with my siblings and it made me yearn for that time again.

I lifted my eyes across the yard to the wooden swing set that had been there way before I was born and once again I was surprised by how unchanged it was. It had always been the base of where I had played with my brother and sister, using it as a safe haven when Shane would chase me around the yard in a game of tag. I would shimmy up the side of it and sit at the top and stick my tongue down at him because he couldn't reach me. Stephanie would distract him so I could get back down and then she and I would take turns chasing after him and even though he was the oldest and fastest, he still occasionally let me catch him and tackle him to the ground. The three of us would be laughing hysterically and I would remember seeing our mom and dad standing on the porch together watching us with the rarest of smiles on their faces. It was one of those times that stood out because we weren't the family in the spotlight in the wrestling business, we weren't fighting each other over something stupid, we were just us. And it was nice. It was calm. I was happy back then.

"It's strange isn't it? To see things look exactly as they did over 20 years ago. It amazes me even to this day..." My mother's voice came from the door behind me and I turned my head over my shoulder to see her stepping out onto the porch and coming towards me with her arms crossed and a hesitant smile on her face. She kept her expression neutral as she came to lean on the railing with me. "It was so much simpler back then, or at least it seemed it. But we've never been simple people have we?"

"No, we were definitely a complicated family. And that's putting it nicely." I replied with a heavy sigh as I thought back to everything we had gone through over the years. All the lawsuits from disgruntled ex employes, failed business ventures, personal issues, tragic loss. All things that should have shaped us and changed us into different people but only seemed to bounce off the rest of my family like they couldn't be bothered to let it affect them. I never understood how they could be like that when I felt the pain and anguish of all the things that had happened. Maybe that was the reason why we had never truly gotten along. Because I could let my guard down and they couldn't, at least not back then. We all had our layers to peel back and we would never just be back and white people, we had areas of gray that eve we didn't know about. We were very complicated. Simple could never describe us. "Mom, simple was never part of any of our vocabularies."

"That's beginning to become more obvious to me these days." She nodded with that same small smile and tucked her hair behind her ear the same way I did before she turned to look at me. "So look, I have to go out and do some thing. Why don't you come with me?"

"Uh, no thanks. I'd rather not." I immediately shook my head, not ready to step out in public just yet. I had barely been able to drag myself out of bed for the first time today. I was not ready to allow people to see me like this. "Sorry mom, but I don't want people to see me like some battered, beaten woman. I know that's what everyone is thinking..."

"That's not true Savannah..."

"Yes it is mom. I'm not naïve, ok? I know what people are saying about me already and the last thing I am going to let them do is to see me like this. I won't give any one the satisfaction of seeing me at my worst. I already feel like shit, I won't invite any more of that feeling in."

* * *

><p><em><span>1 hour later<span>_

"Oh come on. Can't my mind just calm down long enough for me to take a 30 minute nap? Is that so much to ask for?" I stared up at the ceiling as I laid flat on my back and tried yet again to will my eyes to get heavy so I could sleep but I just was not able to make the impossible happen. My mom had left to go run around doing whatever it was that she had to do and told me that she had asked the maids to keep an eye on me in case I needed anything but I was quite content with staying in my room and trying to get some sleep. Reminiscing with my mom briefly had tired me out and I figured that with how I felt then a nap would come easily to me. But of course the moment I laid down and cuddled up with an extra pillow against me, I couldn't stop my mind from swirling with thoughts and memories. I groaned loudly and slowly turned back over on the side of my ribs that weren't broken and sighed. "This is not fair. Why couldn't these memories stay away like they did the first few weeks I was here?"

I closed my eyes tightly but I still saw the images flashing behind my lids. I almost wished I was still in that pain induced haze because at least back then I wasn't as aware of things as I was now. Yes the pain was a bitch to deal with, but it was better then remembering the things I was remembering now. It seemed that thinking about my life here, even the pleasant times, opened up the floodgates to not so pleasant memories. And that's what was keeping me awake now, all the things I should have been thinking about when I first walked into this house again but couldn't because of the physical pain were now growing in confidence now that my mind was no longer in a haze. I knew I would inevitably think about my last moments here, back when I was packing up all my things when I was moving out after my father kicked me out of the family. But I was hoping to avoid those particular memories at all costs. And the universe being the unfair jack ass it was, wasn't about to allow that. So here I was, curled up on my bed in a house where I had grown up and had some of the roughest memories I had ever had.

I could still remember the day I left home very clearly, I wish I didn't because that day was one of the more darker days I had experienced and that was saying a lot. And I had thought that if I could just get there on a weekend that no one in my family was there then I could get myself packed and out of there. There hadn't been much left to take with me as I had been doing it bit by bit since the night I told my father I was leaving. And just like today, those other times had been done when the house was empty. Things had been horrible between us in the days after my announcement and they hadn't wanted to be around me. And luckily I still knew their schedules so I could get this stuff done when they weren't around. And that last day I was on the verge of leaving with my last car full of things when they had come home unexpectedly, and to say that we had all been taken by surprise was an understatement. Of course their shock didn't last long and they immediately started in on their verbal attacks. They had stood in the doorway, my father with my brother and sister and made snide remarks while I silently kept my head down and finished throwing things in duffel bags, trying to act like their comments didn't reach me. But every time they opened their mouths to say something horrible about how I had disappointed them and turned my back on the family, I felt a dagger twist in my chest and tears pricked at my eyes. But I never lost my composure, I knew it was waiting until I was alone in my car before it unleashed. But that didn't mean there weren't moments when I wanted to turn around and yell at them. I didn't, not even when Shane told me that I was a selfish brat and deserved the treatment I got. I could only grab my bags and walk by them, not saying anything until I got to the door. I remember clearly turning back to look at my dad and brother and telling them that I loved them before I headed out to my car. That was the last time I saw them for the next 2 years and those were the last words I said to them. All of that rushed together in front of my eyes as I laid there in bed and stared at the wall with tears beginning to prick my eyes.

"So much for getting through the day with no pain." I swiped my hand across my eyes and reached behind me for the bottle of painkillers on the nightstand and shook two out into my palm. I swallowed them without taking a sip of water and set the bottle back on the table. I buried my face in the pillows, waiting desperately for the drowsy feeling to hit me that would soon take me under so I would no longer have to be conscious of my surroundings. I didn't want to remember that last day here anymore and I was willing to go to any lengths to forget it. And a few minutes later, I felt the haze set back in my head and soon enough I was being pulled into a cloud of nothing.

* * *

><p><em><span>Late that night<span>_

"Well hello stranger. Do you realize that you are officially the most difficult person to get a hold of in this world? And you're my girlfriend, it shouldn't be this difficult to talk to you..."

"That's quite a greeting Alex, thanks." I felt my lips twitch up into a smile as I stared at my computer screen where Alex's wonderfully grinning face was staring right back at me. The sky was dark outside and I had just settled down on my bed for the night as I turned my computer on to make the Skype call and the moment that I saw Alex was online, I felt my heart jump into my throat in excitement. I had been thinking about him on and off all day and for most of the first 2 weeks I had been at home. And even though I could remember talking to him, I had been in such a haze of pain and discomfort that I couldn't really remember what had been said between us. Hence why he had to tease me the moment the video chat started and this would really be the first time we were talking when I wasn't heavily on some kind of pain medication. I ran my hands through my loose hair before adjusting the ice pack on my immobilized knee and smiled. "It feels so good to see you and talk to you..."

"Of course you think that, I am Alex Shelley. You should be so lucky to have this moment right now.." He shook his head teasingly at me, his lips locked into a permanent smile as I could see his eyes sparkling in happiness. I knew how worried he had been when we had parted ways at my house 2 weeks ago, he hadn't wanted to let me go even though he had put on a good face when I told him I needed to do this. But Alex was a guy and more importantly he was my guy, and I knew he wanted to be the one who took care of me. So to see him laughing and being goofy was such a nice thing to break up the monotony of the last few weeks. He looked so wonderful sitting there on the edge of his chair with his hair flopping over his forehead. "So how have you been..."

"Oh no, you don't get to ask me how I'm doing right off the bat. Not when all the attention was on me in the last few weeks. It's time the tables were turned and we're going to start with you." I quickly interjected, not wanting the focus on me the way it had been heavily since I woke up in the hospital. Ever since I came to, every move I made and every thing I said seemed to be under a microscope as if the people around me were trying to find some hidden meaning in it. I hated that kind of attention and pressure. So even Alex first asking how I was doing irked me and made me want to shift the focus away. "You go first, tell me what you have been up to in the last few weeks. Because I know I probably wasn't as attentive as I should have been."

"Well, I've just been doing the same old regular routine. I go to the gym with Chris, I've been doing the tapings and I even started asking Jeff to book me on any event that's coming up. Essentially I'm just trying to stay as busy as I can." He explained, pushing his hair out of his eyes and I saw just behind his happy expression that he looked a little tired and now I could understand the reason for it. Alex tended to go overboard when he was trying to keep his mind occupied, and with me not being there anymore I knew he would be going as hard as he could. He knew his limits thankfully and he never went passed it, but he still ran himself into the ground sometimes. He rubbed the back of his neck before saying. "I even got myself booked for some Indy shows, so I get to do a little more traveling. So that's fun."

"Good, I'm glad you're staying focused and having fun." I smiled in relief at the computer screen as I moved around on the bed in an effort to make myself comfortable. I could see Alex following my eyes move with his dark eyes and I saw the frown already starting to show up. "I know that look and I'm fine..."

"No, you still don't look fine." Alex shook his head and I knew he wasn't just still referring to the fading bruises on my face and the healing cut on my forehead. Even on the computer, Alex could sense my discomfort and I watched him give me a pointed look. "So now it's time for you to tell me how you have been doing."

"Well, some days are better then others and...Aw hell, who am I kidding? It's been torture these first 2 weeks." I knew I wouldn't be able to keep up this ruse when talking to Alex and especially not when he was looking right at me, even if it was on a video chat. Alex just knew me too well and it was a good thing because I would never have to worry about him not understanding my emotions. But then again, it also meant I couldn't hide myself from him when I wanted to. "I know they said the first few weeks were going to be the toughest but I wasn't prepared for this. I was basically in a haze for the last 14 days, I couldn't really do anything. I was in so much pain that I could only really just lay in bed, take the painkillers like they were freaking candy, and eat and drink when I could. Most of of the time I just slept, so I wasn't aware of anything really going on, but the doctors said that rest was what I really needed. And today was the first day when I woke up and wasn't in agonizing pain.."

"I'm sorry babe..." Alex's face clouded over with shame, like he thought less of himself for not putting up more of a fight about taking care of me. But there really wasn't anything more he could do then what was already being done for me. It would have been just as tough being back home in Orlando as it was here. "I wish I could be there with you the whole you're healing. I hate knowing that you're in pain and I'm not close by to help..."

"I wish you were here too, you always make me feel better in your own way. But I still would have gone through this 2 week hell even if I was at home with you. The only thing that makes it easier is to know that you weren't around to see me suffer through it." I smiled at the screen to show I was serious because I was. Alex had seen me in enough pain and I didn't want him to see me when I was not in the hospital without nurses and doctors to do everything for me. Getting back into a regular routine with the myriad of injuries I had was hard and I wasn't even there yet. Just trying to figure out how to move without it hurting me was a chore in itself and I knew it would have hurt Alex to see me like this. "But I miss you a lot, I hope you know that.."

"I know, I miss you too. And if I wasn't so heavily scheduled with work then I would get on a plane and come see you." Alex sent me that half smirk of his that made me first fall in love with him years ago before I even allowed myself to admit that to even myself and I felt my heart warm up when I saw that old look. I would never get tired of that look. It always made me feel so alive. "It's weird being at home and knowing you're not in your own house only a few minutes away. I've had to stop myself from grabbing my keys and driving to the airport..."

"I love you for saying that." I couldn't stop the gleeful smile that came over my face just now. Alex just had such a bad habit of saying the sweetest things to me that made me smile like a school girl. "But I'm ok now and you need to focus on work since it's a good time for you."

"I guess you're right.."

"I am right."

"That's exactly what my mother said. Who coincidentally, I just got off the phone with before I got on with you and she wanted me to tell you hi and that she was thinking of you. My dad too, but he was slightly more colorful about the whole thing." Alex couldn't fight back a laugh that rose up in his throat and neither could I. His parents were such characters and so different then mine, and whenever Alex took me home to visit them, I always enjoyed myself and wished that my mom and dad had been like them. They were just such carefree, supportive people who were there whenever duty called. I saw how much they loved their son and they always were so nice towards me. His mom and I would always go shopping when we visited and his dad always wanted to sit around drinking some kind of alcohol and trying to get me to play cards with him that always ended up with money being thrown in and him losing but he still insisted on it anyway. They were crazy and loving and protective of Alex and anyone in his life. So I knew when Alex told them about the attack, that they would be on him for any updates. I hadn't gotten any calls or texts from them like I occasionally did, but I knew it was probably because they didn't want to bother me after I left the hospital. So when Alex told me about their concern, it made me smile. But what didn't make me smile as much was Alex's next question. "So...how has it been being back with your family again for the first time in years?"

"Don't even get me started on that. I mean, my mom has been ok and even Shane and Stephanie haven't been horrible. But my dad just finds any opportunity he can to bring up the attack and me pressing charges and every time he did that I would have to pretend to be in a lot of pain and escape to my room just so he would shut up." I stuck my tongue in between my teeth at the thought of how my family had been the first two weeks I had been home. I knew it would take some adjustment for us all but I didn't think I would have anyone on my case at all while I was trying to work through the beginning stages of the healing process. But I should have expected that my dad wouldn't be thinking about that when I got home because he only seemed to remember that I was still severely injured when I had to escape to pop a painkiller. It was just starting to build up and already I could feel myself get frustrated. I ran my fingers through my hair and sighed. "They all won't stop talking about it, it's like they just can't help themselves..."

"They just care." Alex shrugged, his face twitching partially because I knew he found my family ridiculous and oddly amusing. But then his expression turned hard and I knew I wasn't going to like what he had to say next even more then I hated him asking about my family. "So I guess I have to join the club and ask...have you thought anymore about pressing charges?"

"No."

"You answered that pretty fast."

"And your point?"

"I just think you need to consider it that's all. The hospital has the report already written up and they have the photographic evidence. They just need you to ok it and then the police can get..."

"Alex, stop! I don't want to talk about this. So let it go, please." I felt my face go cold when he had started going off on this tangent and I knew if I didn't stop him now then he would just keep on going. "I already have to fight my family on this, don't make me fight you too."

"I only..."

"No, don't say anything else about it. It's done and over and I don't want to think about it." I shook my head so quickly that my hair ended up smacking me in the face and made my eyes water. I sounded mad but I wasn't, not at Alex. I was mad at myself for not having enough courage to face this like they all wanted me too. But I wasn't like them. I wasn't stubborn to the core, I wasn't formidable and scary to those around me. I was weak and scared and broken. And I wish I could say I could get passed it but I wasn't sure I could.


	26. Stuck Inside

**Chapter 26 Stuck Inside**

_A few days later_

_Knock...Knock...knock_

"Go away! I'm trying to sleep here." I practically yelled a few mornings later when a loud banging sounded at my door and broke me out of a deep sleep that for once was not haunted by nightmares. I sighed and lifted my head from underneath a pile of pillows and my long blonde hair and glared at the doorway where the noise was still coming from. I groaned and dropped my face again, it was probably just my mother and I didn't really feel like dealing with her right now first thing in the morning. She and I hadn't really talked she she brought up the charges a few days prior and it was awkward between us when she kept trying to pull me to get out of the house and I continually refused. She didn't get mad but I could tell that she was getting frustrated and unsure about what else to do. So perhaps her banging on my door right now was the start to a day full of new ideas to get me in a better mood. The knocking kept up until it suddenly stopped and I thought she had finally given up. But then I heard the door knob turning and the door opening. I shot my head up again, ready to take in the sight of my mother but what I saw instead was my brother in the doorway. "Shane! What the hell are you doing here?"

"Last time I checked, this use to be my home too." He said sarcastically with one of his eyebrows raised as he walked into the room and took a seat on the edge of the bed as I slowly pushed myself up into a sitting position with my hand on the side of my ribcage. Shane did not look like himself, I was use to seeing him in his business suits and now he was simply in jeans and a button up black short. He looked like any normal guy off the streets and I should have been happy to see him but I just couldn't find it in me to feel that way. "And to answer your question, mom had to go back out on the road with dad and Steph..."

"And you're here because..." I frowned, pushing my hair out of my eyes as I tried and failed not to be annoyed by his presence. I loved my brother, I really did. But sometimes being around him for an extended period of time was too intense and we ended up getting on each others nerves and I was afraid of that happening now. "I doubt it's because you've missed me oh so much."

"Maybe I did. Maybe that's why I'm here, to keep you company." He shot back just as sarcastically, reaching up to run his fingers through his dark and now graying hair as he looked at me more seriously. "We all had a talk last week and agreed to take turns staying here at the house so you never have to be alone. And today was my turn."

"Shane, have you guys forgotten that I am 24 years old? I'm not a child, I am quite alright with being in the house without my parents or big brother watching over me." I hated when they did things like this, when they all met up and decided things involving me without even asking my opinion on the subject. Like I was some brain dead invalid who needed other people to make decisions about my life for me. I frowned heavily at him, not longer feeling tired. "And besides, my injuries have healed enough for me be alone without risk of getting hurt or needing anyone to help me..."

"Sorry sis, it doesn't matter. We voted and you lost. Sorry." He said this with a smirk on his face like he use to do when he got his way when we were younger. It was a look that always drove me nuts with it's triumph and I wanted to reach over and hit him. But I was still too injured to even do that, so I just had to sit here and take it. Shane grinned at me. "You get to have me here with you for the next 24 hours whether you like it or not.."

"Oh dear God. Kill me now." I groaned, covering my face with my hands as he laughed at my reaction. This was not good at all. Shane and I were just as bad around each other as my father and I were. Things weren't going to end well if we were around each other for the entire day. "You do realize that one of us is probably going to kill the other by day's end right?"

"You're injured, I think I stand a fighting chance." He smirked before getting up to leave and as he headed towards the door, he looked over his shoulder at me. "And besides, just like when you were a kid, I always let you win."

"Shane, what world did you grow up in? You've never let me win at anything." I protested, my eyebrows knitting in annoyance as I shook my head. "Now go away."

"Nice to see you too." He waved his hand as he walked towards the open doorway. "Don't hide out all day just to avoid me."

"Fuck off Shane." I snapped as he laughed again and left me alone in the room after shutting the door behind him and I could only drop my face into my hands again and groan long and loud.

* * *

><p><em><span>30 minutes later<span>_

"And here goes another day, let's hope it goes better then the days before it." I muttered as I reached for my crutches which were propped up by the edge of my bed and used them first to help get me into a standing position before I headed for the door to go find my brother. It had taken me a while to get up and start getting dressed, made harder by the fact that it still really hurt to bend over at the waist. Every time I did, a sharp pain rushed up my side and forced me to go slower just so I wouldn't risk hurting myself. Even the simplest of tasks, like getting dressed, felt like such a chore and it was probably why I spent much of the first 2 weeks in pajamas or sweats. I felt a sigh escape my lips as I left the room, not knowing what to expect and as always I wanted to go back and hide. But I didn't. This was my brother I was dealing with, it wasn't a stranger or some bad guy. It was Shane, but that didn't make it any easier to face. Like I said before, I had issues with every member of my family and most of all my father. And Shane was almost exactly like him, so it was just as tough to spend time with him as it was with my dad. So when I came out into the living room and found Shane standing by the sliding glass doors, I did feel a little ball of nervousness settle in my stomach. He was staring out into the backyard so he didn't notice I was even in the room until I was standing beside him and saw a distant look in his eyes that said he was thinking about something hard. I waved my hand in front of his eyes. "Hello, earth to Shane. Where the heck were you just now?"

"Oh sorry, I was just thinking about stuff and I guess my mind really drifted." He finally focused his eyes on me, taking notice of me for the first time and he almost seemed shocked that I had actually left my bedroom. "You actually came out of hiding."

"Shut up." I rolled my eyes at his response and adjusted my grip on the crutches and turned my eyes towards the backyard. I don't know what it was about that yard that grabbed the attention of our family but it did. Just like it had a few days ago when my mom joined me on the porch. It was nearly impossible not to think of the past when staring at a place that had been virtually unchanged for the duration of the past almost 25 years. "So you were daydreaming? Since when does the great Shane McMahon do that?"

"Since now apparently, but I blame that on being around you so much more these past few weeks. You were always the more thoughtful one and I think it's rubbing off on me." He said almost teasingly but I could tell under the lighthearted tone that he was actually being serious, which was a far cry from how we were bantering back and forth earlier. He tucked his hands under his arms and leaned against the door with his lips pressed tightly together. "Do you ever think about the past? Like with us?"

"Yea, of course. Especially now that I'm back here for the first time since...well, you know." I pushed my hair behind my ears as I looked at him. He always seemed so much older then me, even now when we were both adults there just seemed to be a huge gap between us. Maybe it was the 18 year age difference, maybe it was just because we had all these issues to get passed. I don't know, but there was definitely a distance between us. "I don't like to dwell on it too much because its not exactly pleasant..."

"Yea, I know. I've been thinking about the past a lot lately and it bothers me to think that even back then we weren't really all that close. And it shouldn't have been like that." Shane shook his head, sounding like he was having a conversation more with himself then he was with me. He got into his own head sometimes and forgot that there were other people around him. "At least now we're changing that and making more of an effort."

"What's different now?" I asked, thinking it was odd that not one of them had made an effort in the past and now they were practically falling over each other to look after me. That was such a huge leap that I had never really examined it before and it was only becoming obvious because of the way Shane was talking about it. What had changed to make them want to start trying now? And then it occurred to me and I answered my own question. "Of course, it was finding out about the rape and attack that brought us all back together. If it hadn't been for that then we still wouldn't be speaking."

"That is not true." Shane exclaimed, his eyebrows drawing low in confusion and a frown settled on her face darkly. "We would have talked eventually."

"Yea, after how many years had passed?" I asked point blank, shaking my head at him in disagreement. Shane wanted to believe in the best of his own action but I knew if they had still been in the dark about what happened to me that night, then they never would have initiated contact first. "Face it Shane, if you had never been told about the rape, then you guys would still be ignoring me and hating me."

"We never hated you!" Shane seemed wounded by this statement and his eyes flashed even more darkly with emotion. This was not the kind of conversation we should have been having but it was too late to go back now. "We hated that you left and for a reason that's not even valid anymore."

"Oh please, you're lying to yourself if you really believe that." I told him, feeling my throat constrict with emotion and I knew I was on the fast track to becoming upset. I should have back tracked and left this where it was, but I couldn't. "You guys never would have reached to me on your own because you're too proud and too stubborn."

"We'll never know will we? You kind of took that option away from us." Shane snapped, his patience ending suddenly as he too seemed to be swept up in this swell of emotion that had long since been held back. He stood up straight with his arms down at his sides, looking at me with eyes that I did not recognize at all. "And if that was how things had remained, if we weren't the ones to reach out first, well that would have been your fault. Because you didn't come to us in the beginning to tell us about the rape."

"That's it, I'm leaving...Shit!" I had turned to leave, intending on going back to my room and slamming the door shut. But I had move too quickly, momentarily forgetting that I was still injured, and when I twisted my body away a sharp and jagged pain shot up my side that left me gasping for air. My hand went to my side as if that would somehow help with the pain but of course it wouldn't. I had my eyes closed when I felt Shane step closer to me and touch his hands to my shoulders in an attempt to help me. And even though I was in pain, I pushed his hands away. "Don't touch me, just leave me alone."

"Savannah, come on..." He tried to say but I didn't stick around to hear the rest of it and simply grabbed tighter onto my crutches and hobbled my way out of the living room and back towards my room. I wasn't able to escape fast enough because of the pain I was in but even as I slowly made my way out, I didn't look back at him.

* * *

><p><em><span>45 minutes later<span>_

"Shane, what the hell? Why have you been frantically calling my cell phone for the last half hour? Is something wrong? Is Savannah ok?"

"She's fine, I'm fine. Nothing is physically wrong. But I needed to talk to you because I don't know who else to talk to about this." Shane said in a rush that almost made his words come out incoherent and that wasn't like him normally. But after the confrontation with his little sister, he was beside himself with how to handle it. She hadn't come back out since she left the room and he had waited for nearly 15 minutes in the hopes that she would reappear and they could get over this. He even tried going into her room but she had locked it and he realized she was really upset with him after what he said and he knew that he was in deep shit and needed help. Hence why he ran to get in touch with Stephanie, yes she wasn't much better then him or their father, but she was a girl and he needed a girl's perspective right now. "I might have done something bad."

"Oh shit, that is never good coming out of your mouth." Stephanie was already sighing and he could picture her slapping her forehead with the heel of her hand as she always did when she was seriously frustrated. "What exactly did you do?"

"We were just talking about the past and how we hadn't kept in touch until now and it sort of snow balled into whether we would have ended up talking if we hadn't found out about the rape. And I might have insinuated that if we didn't, then it was her fault for not coming to us right after it happened." Shane cringed as he said this as it now sounded even more harsh now that he was telling Stephanie about then when he was unloading it on Savannah. And as it echoed in his ears, he felt such shame and guilt for saying that to someone who was already in enough pain and he hated himself for adding to that. "Steph, please say something.."

"I don't know what you expect me to say." Stephanie's voice was quiet, which was a rarity in their family since she was louder then their dad at times. "But in all seriousness, what were you thinking? You can't say shit like that to her and especially not now."

"I know, I know. I shouldn't have lashed out like that. That wasn't how the day was suppose to go at all." Shane shook his head and stared across the living room towards the doorway, hoping his little sister would appear so he could apologize but of course she didn't and he couldn't blame her. No one liked having their past thrown back in their face like that and had the situation been reversed Shane would have been pissed off. Instead he had been the one to make his already struggling sister feel burdened with more pain and he wanted to take it all back. Why had he said that? Why couldn't he ever hold back what he was thinking? "I don't know why I said that to her..."

"I do and it's kind of obvious." Stephanie's voice brought him out of his head and back to the conversation. "You're feeling guilty about the past and you don't even realize it."

"What do you mean?" Shane asked, not understanding where she was going with this. He couldn't see the line between why he said what he said and how it related to guilt.

"Think about it. Despite the relationships the three of us have had our whole lives, you have still always felt pulled to be the protective big brother. The one who is suppose to chase away the monsters and boogeymen from his little sisters and you feel guilty because you didn't do that for Savannah." Stephanie explained and as soon as she explained it that way, a light bulb went off in Shane's head and he realized that she was right. Now that it was being resented to him, he realized that he did indeed feel guilty. He was the big brother and he was suppose to be protecting his sisters from the horrors of the world. And Savannah had always been the one who needed it more and he hadn't been there for her. He had messed up and Stephanie was making him see that in her own way. "All logic aside, you feel like you should have protected her from Randy and because you didn't know, you feel like a failure as a big brother. And now you're back in the presence of the sister you turned your back when she needed you the most, and it's making you remember your guilt."

"You're right, that's exactly how I feel. I just never never wanted to admit it." Shane knew his stubborn personality stemmed from his father and he didn't like that about himself at times. Because there were moments like right now when it worked against him. Because it kept him from unloading his emotions like a normal person and he unburdened it at the worse possible time and on someone who really didn't need blame being thrown back at her. Shane rubbed his hand down his face and asked. "What should I do now?"

"You wait until she is willing to talk to you and then you apologize for being harsh and you talk it out normally since no one is good at that in our family. But you at least have to try." Stephanie wasn't any better at talking about emotions any more then he, their mom or their dad was. But she knew what had to be done to rectify a problem in a way that got results. And as long as he knew what he was suppose to be doing, then maybe he could fix this. Stephanie cleared her throat and said. "Shane, she's our baby sister. She just needs to know she's not alone in this anymore."

"And it's up to me to make sure she knows that..."

* * *

><p><em><span>1 hour later<span>_

"Savannah, can we please talk? It's important."

"I'm sure it is Shane." I groaned in response, lifting my face up from the pillows on my bed after trying and failing to fall asleep and stared at the door where my brother was standing on the other side waiting to come in. I frowned that it had taken him over and hour to try to talk to me again, my brother was not usually a patient man and when he had something to say he said it without regard to anyone else. The incident earlier came to mind as I pushed myself up into a sitting position, my ribs still aching from my too quick movement but not enough where I had to reach for a painkiller. I wiped my face to make sure no tears had fallen without me noticing, I sometimes had a habit of doing that when I was really upset. I looked towards the door again, seeing my brother's shadows moving under the edge of the wood and I wondered just how long it would take before he walked in and tried to talk. I got my answer a few minutes later when I didn't say anything anything, and he simply walked into the room without even knocking again. I narrowed my eyes at him, because it was better to pretend to be mad then to feel everything else I was feeling. "What do you want?"

"Savannah, I'm sorry about what I said to you. That was so not appropriate for me to say in the moment...or ever! It was a real dick headed thing for me to say to you and I'm sorry." My brother said all this frantically and in a rush like he thought he would forget it if he didn't get it all out. I watched him pace across the room like he always did when he was forced to do something he didn't want to do and he really didn't like to apologize. It was almost sad in a way and I found that I wasn't as mad at him now as I had been in the initial moments after he said the estrangement was my fault. It was hard to be mad when he was acting like a lost little boy. It wasn't the way I was use to seeing him. "I didn't mean it, I swear. I was just so caught up in the past and I didn't know what I was saying..."

"You weren't wrong though..." I surprised both us when I said that as I had not been thinking I would say anything at all. But the whole time I had been back in my room, I couldn't stop thinking about what he said and the truth was that it did have a basis in reality. I looked at him when he stopped pacing and shrugged. "You were actually kind of right."

"No I wasn't. I was an ass who wasn't thinking about what I was saying. I only said it because I was feeling guilty that I didn't stop that creep from hurting you and I never expressed that guilt before. This isn't on you." Shane protested, backtracking immensely in his attempt and he did in fact looked guilty. I knew that despite all his complexities and bravado, that he still felt like the protector over me and Stephanie and especially me. And I guess I could see why he felt guilty for not protecting me from Randy, big brothers were suppose to have your back against these kinds of people and he must have felt like he failed because this happened. But Shane couldn't have protected me from Randy. He stared at me with pleading eyes. "I didn't mean what I said..."

"But I did, because you were right. The ongoing estrangement was partially my fault and no matter how you try to slice it, you and I both know that's true." I replied, moving over to the edge of the bed so my feet were on the floor. I felt a hollowness in my chest at that moment and he must have felt it too because he came to sit by me with a heavy sigh. My hair fell in front of my face and when I went to push it back, I found that my vision was getting watery. "Face it Shane, if I had just told you guys about the rape then none of the past two years would have happened. We would have been on speaking terms and not distant like we were. So it is my fault."

"It's not your fault. You were traumatized." Shane protested, trying to be on my side now that I was getting upset but his efforts weren't going to work because deep down we both knew I was right. No matter what he said to the contrary. "You were hurting and not thinking straight. You're not to blame."

"Yes I am, and you know it." I shook my head and allowed my hair to fall in front of my face so he couldn't see the tears beginning to silently fall down my face. "All of this anger, all of this harshness, all of this pain could have been avoided if I just said something. But I didn't and it was wrong."

"We both did wrong things in this situation. I didn't have to react the way I did no matter what was going on, but I did and that was wrong. But it's in the past, that stuff we can't change." Shane moved over so he could wrap his arm around my shoulder and for the first time, I didn't tell him to leave me alone. I just sort of melted into the curve of his arm, allowing my older brother to comfort me. It was sort of nice, especially considering Shane had never been the hugging type. Or the comforting type. But he was trying and that had to at least count for something. "We can't change how we were with each other in the past, but at least we can act differently now."

"I wish it were that easy." I muttered, wiping my eyes with the back of my hand and wishing I could see what was coming at me but there was no way of knowing. I just had to gather up whatever shred of courage I had and face the unknown as well as I could. But I didn't think I was strong enough for it, any of it. "I don't think I can do it anymore Shane. I don't think I can get through this."

"Yes you can, you have to..."

* * *

><p><em><span>Later that day<span>_

"Woman, it's about damn time you got on the computer. Don't you know there are very important men out there that want to talk to you?"

"Hello to you too Chris. Great hearing from you." I rolled my eyes out of mock annoyance but in actuality I was happy to see Chris's goofy expression staring at me from the computer screen as he and Alex had just connected with me for a video chat. It was great to see the two of them together because they always got more outrageous when they together and after the emotional last few hours with my brother, I needed a distraction and it looks like I had the perfect thing. I couldn't help but smile as I saw the two of them sitting together at what looked like a desk and as I studied the wall behind them, I realized it wasn't their house. "Are you guys in a hotel?"

"Yup, sorry that you had to find out like this Savannah. But Alex and I are having a secret love affair." Chris said with a smirk and reached over to ruffle Alex's hair to which he just dropped his face into his hands in embarrassment and I couldn't help but laugh. Chris was always so out of his mind crazy and he wasn't afraid to go out of his way to make me laugh at any costs. Even at Alex's expense. Chris shot me a grin. "Maybe we can switch off days with him when you come home..."

"Uh, I don't think so. You two can't check me out like I'm a library book. I'm a human being damn it!" He exclaimed, his dark eyes lighting up furiously but I knew by his tone that he wasn't actually being serious. And a second later he ended up dissolving into a fit of laughter with Chris and I and he looked even more adorable like that. "But in all seriousness, Chris actually came to join me on the road. He decided to be a copy cat and got himself booked on some of my Indy dates, so we're working together."

"And he is a nightmare on the road. I swear, I don't know how you put up with him on a regular basis." Chris replied with a shake of his head, ducking out of frame when Alex punched him in the shoulder. He reappeared a moment later, pretending to rub his shoulder in pain. "This would be so much easier if you were here with us. We always had fun on the road."

"I wish I could be with you guys too, it's boring being stuck at this house and knowing everyone else gets to do what they love and I can't do shit." I frowned once again as I always did when the thought of my long road to recovery came up and hit me in the face. I knew it was going to be a long process and I had accepted that. But when I saw the people I loved going about their normal routine that I would have been apart of, the realization that I couldn't do that for a long time just became painfully obvious. I shrugged at the screen. "It's going to be forever until I can wrestle again."

"Not forever, just a few months." Alex corrected me with a sly smile and I wished more then anything that he was here with me. Or I was there with him. "It will happen as long as you do what the doctors say and that is to get rest."

"None of this would have happened if I hadn't told anyone about the rape. Then my dad wouldn't have fired Randy and he wouldn't have come after me." I wanted to punch something right then and there, which scared me because I never got so angry that I wanted to hit something. That just wasn't me, but Randy had changed everything about me from those two encounters and I didn't know if it could ever be fixed. I glared down at the keyboard. "I could kill him."

"How about if you just press charges instead? At least then you won't get thrown in jail for murder." Alex suggested half seriously and half jokingly as if that would somehow soften the blow but it didn't. Not all. If anything, I just found myself flaring up with annoyance that they weren't understanding why I couldn't do this.

"You know what? I think I hear my brother calling. I have to go, Bye.." I closed the video chat window and then shut my laptop before I could talk myself out of it. I set the computer aside on my nightstand and just sat there in my quiet room with my arms crossed. I knew they were only trying to help, as was everyone else was. But I just couldn't face up to going through with striking back at Randy. I didn't know what it was going to take for me to do that, but I just couldn't do that how. The last time I had Randy in my life where I actually could physically walk away, unlike this time, I had been presented with the fight or flight response. I could have gone right to my father and told him what happened and fought back. Instead I chose to run and I had been running for the last 2 years. But now I was starting to realize that maybe history was repeating itself and I was being forced to confront the fight or flight response for a second time.

Do I start running away again? Or do I dig in my heels and fight like hell?


	27. Fight or Flight round two

**Chapter 27 Fight or Flight round two**

_A few days later_

"Well look at you, don't you look chipper and happy to see me."

"Hello Paul, it's nice to see you again. Sort of." I smirked a little bit as I held on tight to my crutches and watched as my sister and her husband came through the front door wearing matching smiles even as Paul and I locked gazes for the first time in over 2 years. I knew they were going to show up as Stephanie had called me a few days ago and asked if she came to visit if she could bring Paul with her. She was only running it by me because she knew I was feeling on edge with all the pressure I was getting about the charges lately and she didn't want to burden me with two visitors rather then just one. And I mistakenly said yes, thinking it might be nice to see my brother in law as I had not yet seen him since reconnecting with the rest of my family. Stephanie had explained everything to him when she came with the others when I had been attack, but Paul had to stay behind with the kids so he hadn't seen me. But I had spoken to him on the phone once or twice in the few weeks I had been here, and I was ok with him coming to see me. And seeing him come through the door filled me with both dread and excitement. "It's been..."

"A few years? Yea, I know. But no time like the present to reconnect right?" He must have been nervous because he wasn't usually trying to cram this much sincerity into one breath and it almost ran together. But I didn't doubt that he was trying to be serious, he was just not use to being emotional with anyone other then my sister and the kids. So I didn't expect much from him. But when he stepped forward and wrapped his arms gently around me, I was shocked and surprised and thrown for a loop. Paul was not the affectionate type, so when he hugged someone, it meant something. "I'm sorry for what happened."

"It's ok, I'm ok. Or at least I will be." I replied with a small smile as I hugged his broad form back with one arm before pulling away. "Just taking it one day at a time."

"You're out of the hospital, that means something." He nodded as he pushed his hand through his hair, looking back at Stephanie who had remained by the front door and then back at me. "How long are you staying here?"

"At least a few more weeks. Then I'll be going home." I explained, frowning a little bit at the thought of spending even more time away from my real home and in essence, away from Alex. It hit me just then in that front hallway with my sister and brother in law just how much I missed Alex and I wanted him to be here more then anything. But I had to push that aside for now. I looked at Paul and smiled. "I just need to heal up a little more first."

"You look better now then how Steph described you a week ago even." His eyes traveled over my still bruised face to my crutches and the brace immobilizing my knee. I knew how horrible I still looked, the bruises hadn't faded as fast as I would have liked and I didn't bother trying to cover them. So seeing Paul's reaction was just jarring. He met my gaze again and tried to smile. "I really am sorry."

"I appreciate you saying that but I would honestly just rather talk about something else." I stated, tucking my hair back behind my ear and watched as he too frowned in confusion. This was the first he was experiencing me digging my heels in about the subject and maybe he wasn't use to people avoiding something so big like I was doing. But Paul didn't know me as well as other people did. He didn't know I could be just as stubborn as my family. "I don't want to discuss the attack, or the rape, or Randy."

"Don't you think you should?" Paul cocked his head to the side and stared at me in wonder like he was astonished that I hadn't immediately taken action against Randy. It was probably tough for him to say that because he not only worked with Randy for years, but they had been friends too, so it must have been a difficult concept for him to grasp that someone he had once befriended was capable of such a horrible crime. But if Paul hadn't accepted it, then he wouldn't be urging me to talk about it. And it was nice that he was showing he was on my side. But what wasn't nice was that he was pushing. "I mean, you can't just hide out and not..."

"You know what? I think we should stop talking and go have lunch." Stephanie butt in suddenly, appearing behind Paul with her hand on his shoulder and a raise of her eyebrow. "We all just reconnected for the first time in years. How about we wait a while before we dive into the heavy stuff?"

"I think that sounds fantastic." I nodded right away, sending my sister a grateful look that she returned with a smile. I knew Paul meant well but I didn't want to get into this stuff now or ever with anyone. I tightened my grip on my crutches and turned to head into the kitchen, listening to their footsteps behind me and thinking about how I just knew this wouldn't be the end of this.

Not by a long shot.

* * *

><p><em><span>1 hour later<span>_

"...So, lunch is over and we've made polite conversation. Now I think it's time we talk about the real problem.."

"Oh dear God." I slammed by face into my hands but not before seeing my sister do the exact same thing out of exasperation. I knew this moment would come when Paul would push to talk about the attack,the rape and inevitably Randy but I had been hoping that my sister's constant withering stare whenever he opened his mouth would keep him from bringing it up. But of course the universe was not on my side and that very moment I had feared had flared up again. Paul must have been bidding his time this whole meal as he had not even indirectly referred to the Randy issue. He asked me about work, made a face when I talked about TNA and even teased me when I spoke about Alex. He and Stephanie talked about their daughters and how we would all have to get together so I could see them again. Generally it was a decent conversation and I even found myself warming up to him. At least until things took a turn to the one subject I knew was going to come up and was hoping it would just magically slip his mind. But Paul wasn't one to avoid an obvious problem and I could hear my sister trying to get him to be quiet but he was making a noise that suggest she should be the one to be pushing me. I lifted my head to find him looking at me with that unrelenting stare of his and I shook my head. "Paul, do we have to do this now?"

"Yea, is it absolutely necessary for us to discuss this again?" Stephanie jumped in, sounding more protective right not then she ever had in my entire life. I knew she loved me but I had never heard her sound so defensive and in my corner then she did now. She raised her eyebrows at her husband and even I cringed because I knew that look meant that she was starting to get mad. "We were just having a nice time and you are trying to ruin it..."

"I'm not ruining anything, I'm only trying to make a point and you both are taking it out of context." He protested, meeting my sister half way with his stance and I think that's what made them such a strong and formidable couple like my parents. Both Stephanie and Paul were outspoken and strong willed and neither backed down from each other, like they had been doing earlier and how they were doing now. It made me uncomfortable to think they might be on a verge of a fight because of me but trying to insert myself into it would be a mistake. But then again I was already too far into it. Paul turned his eyes to me. "Savannah, you need to do something about this. You need to fight back against Randy..."

"Paul, I get that you're trying to help and I think it's wonderful that you care so much. But back off." I sounded beyond annoyed and I was only just scratching the surface. I hadn't address my feelings about the attack or the pressure I was feeling from my family and I knew it had been building up. And Paul not backing down was what was making it rise to the top and start to come out. "I don't want to talk about this."

"And why not? Why don't you ever want to talk about anything that happened to you?" Paul touched on a low point and even he knew that because I saw him flinch for the briefest of seconds. I knew it would eventually come down to some low blows but I was still hoping to avoid letting it get that far. Paul however would not be denied of making his point. "You can't keep avoiding this."

"Paul, stop it." Stephanie warned, her hand gripping her fork like she was on the verge of stabbing him in the hand with it. "Leave her alone."

"I shouldn't have to keep on telling you that I don't want to talk about it. But you obviously can't comprehend that so maybe I do need to keep saying it. I do not want to talk about the rape, the attack or Randy." I hated saying that monster's name and I hated talking about anything to do with him. If I could erase my mind of anything involving him then I would. But it was wasn't possible, especially with Paul pushing and pushing. "And I'm not pressing charges. So stop bugging me."

"I will, when you tell me why you won't do anything. Then I'll stop." Paul answered with a stubborn smirk as he sat back and crossed his arms. "Just say the reason and I will let it go."

"You won't let it go even if I do tell you why I won't do it. So there's no point." I reached for my crutches and unsteadily got to my feet, sending Paul a narrowed eye look. "Back off."

"No, I'm not going to..." Paul began to say but my sister had finally had enough.

"For Christ sakes, Paul. Stop it!" She yelled, grabbing his attention off of me and was sending him a look so dark that I was able to slip out of the kitchen and make my way out of the line of fire before they started fighting. I did not want to be around for that.

* * *

><p><em><span>45 minutes later<span>_

_"..Just let it go Paul, stop trying to push her to talk. It's not going to work."_

_"I can't let it go Stephanie, I just can't. And how can you ask me not to bring it up? She's your sister, she's my sister in law. I can't just stand by knowing she's hurting and not try to get her to do something that needs to be done."_

_"You think I like not saying anything? I hate it but I stay quiet because I know pushing her to do something she's not ready for is going to hurt her.."_

_"You don't know that, you don't know it will hurt her. Maybe she needs someone to be pushing her to talk, someone who won't back down like their giving up..."_

_"We're not giving up!"_

_"From my perspective, it looks like you have..."_

I sat on the couch in the living room listening to Paul and my sister argue back and forth and the longer it went on, the worse I felt for staying here to listen to it. I should have just gotten up and gone to my room when I first heard their voices get loud, but I couldn't do that when I realized that they were talking about me. I felt bad that they were arguing at all and even worse, that it was something involving me me. I thought that closing off the subject at lunch and leaving the room would somehow stop this from blowing up into any kind of fight. But it seemed like Paul had been stewing about this the whole time, perhaps even feeling his own brand of guilt over the whole thing even though he wasn't to blame. But it was exactly like how Shane had felt responsible for not protecting me two years ago, Paul was feeling that very same guilt and maybe even more so then Shane because Paul had been Randy's friend. I felt lucky to have a brother and brother in law that cared so much about me that they would bother to feel guilty about something they had no part of. So in a way it was sweet to hear Paul standing up for me and wanting me to face this. But it also made me hate him because I felt like I was being dragged towards an outcome I wasn't ready to face. I felt scared, weaker then I already was, and unable to move at the thought of taking those first steps to fighting back. I just didn't think I could do it. But I wouldn't have any more time to dwell on this because I heard Paul's heavy footsteps in the doorway and I looked up to find him coming towards me with a frown and I knew exactly what was going to happen.

"No, don't even go there." I already felt my lip starting to quiver, having the sense that this was not like the other times when Paul started in on me. I didn't even think it was going to be like when my family tried to talk to me. I just had a gut instinct that this was not going to end the way I wanted. I started reaching for my crutches. "I'm not doing this, not again."

"Not again? You didn't even try talking about it once." Paul replied, his face composed as he swiped my crutches away before I could get them under my arms. He set them aside out of reach, obviously intending on keeping me here on the couch because I couldn't just get up and walk away without my crutches. That meant I was going to have to listen to him. "Savannah, listen to me..."

"No! I don't want to listen, I want to pretend like none of this ever happened and I want you to shut up and leave me alone. Why can't you do that?" I snapped, frowning so hard that it hurt my bruised face and made my eyes water but I held myself together, at least for now. Who knew what state I would be in in a few minutes. "Just stop pushing me."

"I can't do that. I can't just sit back after knowing what I know and not do anything. Especially when you pressing charges can help you. That's all I want to do, I just want to help." Paul sounded mad as he said this but I saw in his eyes that he wasn't mad, just caught up in the emotion that he couldn't express the way it should have been. He had never been one to freely show how he felt, so I didn't expect him to now. "Why are you so against letting us help you?"

"Because I don't want your fucking help, I want you to stop talking about it. I want to forget." I shot back, swallowing hard when I felt a lump rise up in my throat and I spotted my sister coming up behind Paul and when she saw me she shook her head at Paul's back. I tried to steady my breathing but I already felt myself getting worked up. "Stop trying to hurt me!"

"I'm not hurting you, I'm trying to get you to heal your own life. You're just too scared to do what needs to be done." Paul wasn't letting up, he wasn't going to give up. And that infuriated me, but it came out in frustrated tears instead. That didn't stop him from continuing to push me to talk about the rape/attack. "Why won't you press charges? Why won't you fight? Why are you giving up?"

"Paul stop it!" My sister snapped, stomping over to where he stood after getting over her shock that he was confronting me and she grabbed his arm tightly. "That's enough!"

"No Stephanie, it isn't. And I'm not going to give in and let it go like the rest of you guys have. Not just because she is crying. I'm not afraid to push her to her limit." Paul kept his eyes on me and somehow his stare was what made my eyes water even badly. This is why I hadn't felt entirely ok with having Paul here, because I knew he might be the one who wouldn't stop if I ever got far enough in the conversation that I started to cry. He wasn't afraid of my tears like the others were, he wasn't afraid to keep pushing me to the limits of my own sanity if he thought he could make a break through. He turned towards me again. "Why aren't you doing anything?"

"Stop it." I felt my fingers curling over the edge of the couch cushion as I bowed my head. I couldn't hold on to his gaze any longer.

"..why are you so ok with letting him get away with this?" Paul's words felt sharper and sharper the more he spoke them and each one of them went right through me and made my skin go cold and my body shake. The tears were still rolling down my cheeks but even that didn't stop him. I felt my resolve breaking apart piece by piece. "Why aren't you trying to punish him?"

"Leave me alone." My voice was weak, far weaker then it had at the start of this conversation. I turned my head away. "Just...stop, please.."

"I'm sorry but I won't do that. Because if there is any chance that I could get through to you then I will not stop." Paul pushed Stephanie's hand away and stepped closer to me, I knew this without looking at him because I could see his shoes on the outer edge of my vision and I had no choice but to look up when he touched his hand to my shoulder. "Just tell us. Why won't you press charges against Randy?"

"You don't get it do you? There's no point in pressing charges because I'm not going to be able to beat him. No matter what, he always seems to get one up on me. He always wins." I didn't just surprise Paul when I said this, I surprised myself. I was all ready to keep on resisting, keeping on fighting against talking about this. Talking would have opened up a floodgate that I couldn't close. But something had broken inside of me just moments ago and I knew that what I had come to fear was coming out of me now and I couldn't stop it. I pushed Paul's hand away. "Face it, Randy had control back then and he has control now. I will never be able to walk away whenever he comes into my life..."

"Savannah..." My sister began to say, sounding unnerved by my outburst but I didn't let her get another word in.

"Actually that's not true because I've never been able to do that. When he raped me and then left, all I could do was crawl out of that room. And when he attacked me in the park, I couldn't even crawl away. How pathetic am I?" My vision was completely clouded over by tears and in a way I was glad because I didn't want to see either of them looking at me with what I knew was pity in their eyes. I was the stupid, sad, pathetic girl who got raped and attacked and was too scared to do anything about it. I knew it and they knew it. There, it was out. I was too pathetic to win against him. I stared up at Paul even though I couldn't see his face. "Every time Randy comes around I can never get away. I can never stop him from hurting me. I can't ever seem to fight back. So why should I press charges when I can't win?"

"To prove to him that you're not going to lay down and die. That he can't just do what he wants to you and not suffer the consequences. He has to pay and you're the only one who can do that. Sure we can try and press charges, but if you're not on board then we can only go so far. We need you to agree to it." Paul had come to sit down next to me, his hand still on my shoulder even though I had tried to brush it away. My hands were covering my face in an attempt to muffle the sound of my sniffling tears. I heard Stephanie's lighter footsteps also come over and sit on the other side of me before Paul began talking again. "He raped you, he beat you to within an inch of your life. That's not going to change and I won't lie and say it will. Nothing will take that away. But what will change is that he will suffer the same pain that you have, maybe even more. So what do you say?"

I didn't say anything right away. In fact, I didn't say anything at all. At least not for the next few minutes as I mulled over what Paul had said. Randy had raped me, attacked me. There was no getting around that and no erasing it. I would never be able to pretend like it hadn't happened. But what I could do was make him pay, make him suffer like I had. And even then it might not be enough. But this time I had people on my side, I had my family and friends and loved ones with me if I decided to do it. There was evidence of the attack, proof of his crime. I may not be able to avenge myself for the rape, but I could for the attack. Last time I had run away from charging him and now it was too late for that, but not for the rape. I had the tools to take the next step, I just had to do it. Could I really let this opportunity slip through my fingers for a second time? It was fight or flight round two, time to decide. I lifted my head and stared across the room to the window and listened to Stephanie and Paul draw in their collective breaths.

"Ok, I'll do it. I'll press charges against Randy..."

* * *

><p><em><span>A few hours later<span>_

"..Now I have your official statement down and after I get a hold of the hospital report from the attack as well as the photographic evidence, then we can officially file charges and go from there. Is anything we talked about today that you don't fully understand? Because I want you to fully grasp what is about to happen.."

"No I ...I think you pretty much covered it. I've been trying not to think about this but that just makes me think about it just as hard. So I know what is going on and what will happen." I replied back with a nervous smile as I looked over to the desk where our family lawyer, Greg Harrison, was sitting with a file folder open as he had been since he arrived here almost 2 hours earlier and tried not feel like I had just made a huge mistake. I knew it was just nerves that were making me doing that and after rehashing the events that occurred right before the attack and then during and after, well I was on shaky ground. I had spent most of the last few years trying not to tell anyone anything and here I was giving away something that I was hoping to keep to myself. But after the encounter with my brother in law, I knew I couldn't keep it inside anymore or else it would destroy me. So after I had finally agreed to press charges, I had retreated to my room while Stephanie called the family lawyer. It didn't take long for him to show up and he came right into my room, sat at the desk and got right down to business by asking me exactly what happened. I told him in detail as much as I could about the attack in the park and the days afterward in the hospital. Of course he wanted to know why Randy would target me seemingly out of nowhere and I had no choice but to tell him it was because Randy had raped me two years ago and he was getting revenge because I told my family and they fired him. This shook him up and he went to make a note in the file about the rape when I told him no and explained my reasoning why not. He didn't think it was a good idea not to include the rape in the charges but I was very adamant about not doing that because I knew I couldn't prove it and it would waste time trying to fight it. There was no proof, no evidence, no nothing. I would rather use my energy on something I knew I had proof of. It took a while to convince him of this and even then he still wanted me to consider it but I was too stubborn and said no. The interview was just winding down as he readied himself to leave and just double checked to make sure I knew what was going to happen. I was fairly certain I knew what to expect, at least from a legal standpoint. I smiled gratefully at him. "Thank you, it took me a long to do this and I'm glad I was able to get it all out with you."

"I've known your family a long time and I watched you grow up. It's very sad to see what has happened to you and I'm just doing my job in trying to make sure justice is served." He told me, closing the file and depositing it in his suitcase before he stood up and slipped his arms back into his jacket. I made a move to grab my crutches and stand up but he quickly waved his hand at me to sit back down. "It's alright, I can see myself out."

"Good bye Mr. Harrison." I lifted my hand in a wave as he grabbed his suitcase and headed towards the door. He nodded his head to me before leaving the room and I listened to his footsteps walk through the house and then his muffled voice joined other voice and I knew he was speaking to my sister and Paul. I sighed as I stared at the closed door and for a second I felt the full brunt of my nerves as it really began to set in that I would have to face my greatest fear. It was one thing to agree to press charges, but once the lawyer had arrived and I had to talk about it and make it official, that made the fear grow immensely. I hated to think about what was to come, of Randy getting served, possible held in jail, facing him down in court. But what was the alternative? Not doing anything? I couldn't do that, as scary as this was I needed to see it through. I may have been terrified but I was also very relieved because now Randy could be punished for something. He may never suffer consequences for raping me, but he would get retribution of some sort. I would have to be satisfied with that. And the fact that I had finally stopped running. I sighed again before reaching over to my nightstand and picking up my phone to hit the number 1 for Alex's speed dial. I pressed the phone to my ear, listening to it ring as I waited for him to pick up and I wondered what he would say when I told him.

"Hey babe, I was just thinking about you." Alex didn't even say hi when he picked up, he just immediately went into a conversation as per his usual behavior when it came to talking on the phone. It felt so refreshing to hear his voice that I momentarily forgot what I was going to say. "I was going to call you, I just got back from the..."

"I'm pressing charges!" I exclaimed suddenly, gasping at my first words to him and I actually slapped my hand over my mouth but it was too late. The words had already been said and I had already heard Alex's shocked expression that included a few very color and excited phrases. I shook my head slowly, rolling my eyes at my inability to at least wait two minutes before I dove into the heavy stuff. "I'm sorry, it wasn't suppose to come out like that..."

"You're pressing charges? That's fantastic! I'm so thrilled." Alex's excitement came through the phone so clearly and loudly that you would have thought I was telling him I was pregnant. He just sounded so giddy and happy and it made me forget how serious the issue was. " Savannah, that's so great. How did this happen? I was just talking to you about it the other night and you didn't want to talk about it..."

"My sister came by with her husband and he wanted to talk about it but I didn't. And no matter how many times I said no, he just kept at it and finally I just broke and agreed to it. My sister called the lawyer and for the last 2 hours I was making an official statement to send back to Orlando. So this is really going to happen." I said in a rush, my heart thudding painfully against the inside of my chest. I knew it was going to mean the most to tell Alex about it since he had been the closest person to me this whole time. He had seen me through the initial stages of telling people about the rape and then the attack and he had remained by my side. He above all people was the one I wanted to tell this to. "So what do you think?"

"I think...that you are the bravest girl I know. And I'm so proud of you." Alex's voice cracked just then and hearing him get choked up made my eyes water a little bit. When he spoke again, his voice was normal. "I know it was scary for you to get to this point, but you're not going to regret it. Now you can finally start to let this go."

"Yea, I've been holding on to it for so long. It feels weirdly lonesome to not be holding it back." I replied, thinking about the hollow feeling in my chest where my memories of the attack and rape had been residing. They had made a home in my heart for so long that I felt empty with out my secrets. But when I thought about what could take place of it, I smiled. Memories of a life with Alex filled my head, thoughts of the future, thoughts of marriage and children. Things I had never thought about before because I feared they couldn't happen for me. But now there was room for that, room for anything I could want. Especially now that I had taken the first steps. "Alex, you'll be by my side through this right? You're not going to run away?"

"Never. I won't ever leave you. You don't ever have to worry about that."

* * *

><p><em><span>2 hours later<span>_

I was sitting alone in my room that night when Paul walked in the partially closed door without even knocking. I was sitting on the window seat and staring out into the black sky when he appeared, and when I heard his heavy footsteps I didn't look up because I was simply not surprised at all that he had come to see me. I was only surprised that it had taken this long for him to get me alone. After the lawyer had left the house and I had gotten off the phone with Alex, I had remained in my room so I could think things through and prepare myself for the days ahead. I knew at some point tonight that Paul would come to talk to me, whether by my sister's urging or his own doing. So I had waited, losing myself in my own head so deeply that I hadn't realized a full 2 hours had passed since I last talked to my sister or Paul. I was only awoken out of it when he walked in and I stayed quiet and watched him from behind my loose hair as he came across the room and sat on the other end of the window seat bench and leaned back against the wall with his hands tucked under his arms. He didn't say anything right away, just sat there and stared right along with me out at the night sky. I knew he was trying to work his way up to saying something so I didn't try to fill in the silence with anything. And when he did say something, it wasn't what I was expecting to hear.

"I'm not going to apologize for doing what I did because I don't think I did anything wrong." He said roughly, his face not looking at me when he started talking and instead just remained looking through the window. His hands came out to his lap and I could see his long fingers twisting together before he spoke again. "I won't apologize because forcing you to get to the point where you finally let go is not a bad thing. Forcing you to finally go through with pressing charges against that asshole is not something I am willing to apologize for."

"Ok." I replied simply, knowing there was more to his point then he had said so far. I sat up slowly and lifted my head so I was looking at him, tucking my blonde hair behind my ears before saying. "So why did you come to talk to me? Because I know you well enough to know you wouldn't do it unless you had a reason."

"Like I said, I don't regret my actions and I won't ever pretend like I do." He shook his head, finally lifting his eyes to meet mine and for the first time all day I saw something different in his face. Earlier it had been stubborn determination and then unrelenting force and now it was simply something akin to shame and guilt, two things that were never usually found on Paul's face. He shrugged his broad shoulders and said. "But I do think I should at least apologize for the way I went about it. I was a little harsh..."

"A little?" I couldn't help but raise an eyebrow at him almost teasingly. Paul was so serious and so solemn, never really letting his guard down all that much. And I knew it must have taken him a lot to do that with me. "Paul, you weren't just harsh. You...well, you were kind of an asshole."

"Yea, I'm aware of that. Your sister pointed that out to me quite a few times earlier when you were talking to the lawyer and I have to agree with her. It wasn't my finest moment..." He stated in agreement, not going to argue that he wasn't exactly the comforting type but then again Paul had never been the warm and fuzzy type. He wasn't like my father where he seemed heartless at times, but Paul wasn't exactly open to emotion. He was more complex then most people realized. He looked at me and rubbed his chin with one hand. "I was harsh and a major asshole and if someone spoke to one of my daughters like that then I would kill them. So I'm sorry for how I spoke to you and for making you cry. But I'm not sorry for making you do this. Even you have to admit that it was good that I got through to you.."

"It's ok Paul, I know you weren't intentionally trying to be mean. In your own way, you were just trying to help..." I had to smile a little bit even though I still felt emotionally drained from our encounter hours earlier. Paul was rough and unrelenting and extremely difficult, but maybe it was because of that and the fact that he wouldn't back down like everyone else that finally got through to me. Knowing that someone was going to keep on fighting for me to take charge, stop running, and fight back was what finally made the light bulb go off in my head. And it was from the person I never thought it would come from. I found Paul still watching me and ran my fingers through my hair as I tried to figure out how to express what was in my head right now. "And I should thank you for that.."

"What?" Paul was very obviously taken aback and it showed all over his face. "You're going to thank me for being an asshole?"

"In a manner of speaking, yes. Because if you hadn't been yourself and hadn't pushed me as hard as you did and hadn't been so unwilling to stop like everyone else, then I never would have had the guts to face the point of accepting that I could face pressing charges. Everyone always tried, but ended up stopping. You didn't. You weren't afraid to hurt me if it meant I would stop running from my problems. You pushed me to stop being scared. So thanks for that." It was true on so many levels that I still had a hard time wrapping my mind around it. Paul and I hadn't been super close but that went for all my relationships with family members but it was him who I had even less of a connection to then the others. And maybe that's why I finally woke up to doing something to Randy now. Maybe it was because we weren't that close that didn't make him afraid of pushing me too far. I knew my parents and brother and sister were scared that it would damage me and maybe I was scared of that too. But Paul hadn't been, he just forged ahead more out of his own stubborn refusal to accept no then his concern for me. But it was exactly what I needed. He had been the one to kick down the door and no matter how scary it was to face the unknown, it wasn't as scary right now as it had been to take the first step. "For once, you being you actually paid off."

"Thanks, I think.." He cocked his head like he was trying to figure out if it was an insult or not, but I saw the smile threatening to take over his face so I knew that things were going to be ok between us. He sent a smirk at me and said. "I guess I served a purpose. But just in case it didn't get through my thick skull, you..."

"Yes Paul, I forgive you for being an asshole."

* * *

><p><em><span>Flashback (2 years, 2 months ago)<span>_

_"Savannah! Hey wait up, I'll walk with you." John found himself calling out to the lone figure in the hallway in front of him and he picked up his pace to reach her, amazed that he had recognized her from this distance away after he had turned the corner just now. She had her back towards him and hadn't even turned around to acknowledge that she heard him, she just kept walking close to the wall, her hand brushing against it like she was too distracted to notice she was hitting it. It made John wonder what she could possibly have on her mind to make her that unfocused. Savannah McMahon was not the kind of girl to be so far gone n her head that she didn't pay attention to the things around her. He jogged over to her, taking notice of the slow, awkward pace she had been keeping and reached over to grab her arm. "Hey, didn't you hear me calling you?"_

_"Oh...no, I was ...I was uh..." She didn't finish what she was saying and her voice trailed off completely as a shadow passed across her eyes and he could see that her mind was somewhere else. He also noticed that her arm was shaking underneath his hand, showing that she was either nervous or scared and he couldn't even begin to understand why she would have either reaction. The shadow passed from her eyes and he could see that they were blood shot, like she had been crying. "I'm sorry, I'm a little distracted."_

_"Yea I could tell. Are you ok? You seem really off." John studied her for a moment and even though he knew he hadn't known her for longer then a few years and they hadn't been super close in that time, he still knew her well enough to know something was wrong. She just gave off this air that something had happened and he couldn't figure out what. She looked so dazed and almost looked like she was in shock. Her eyes were unfocused, her body swayed like she barely had enough energy to keep herself upright. Something was really wrong. "You know you can tell me anything right?"_

_"I guess..." She shrugged her shoulders upward before they hunched down low and she reached up to rub her hands down her face. "I just...Do you ever feel like you've been changed by something?"_

_"Yea, definitely. I think everyone has." He replied in agreement, keeping a careful eye on her as he wasn't sure what this was about. There were very rare times when John found himself worried about anyone and seeing Savannah right now definitely made him worried. "Why do you ask?"_

_"No reason, just wanted to know that everyone has a moment like that." She didn't look at him as she spoke, which was weird because in any encounter they had ever had she had always maintained eye contact. Now she seemed very content with just staring at the floor. "Thanks John, but I should go. I need to go back to the hotel.."_

_"Are you sure you don't want to talk? You look like you could use someone to talk to right now.." John frowned, not able to fight the feeling that he had stumbled upon her in a bad situation and he didn't feel right about letting her go off on her own. But she was already pulling away and heading down the hall towards the locker room. He watched her go and cocked his head to the side. "Savannah? You know you can talk to me right? I'm here for you."_

_"I have to go. Good bye John.."_

John shook his head as the flashback fell away from his present mind and he came to, finding himself still sitting alone in the locker room with his gym bag in front of him like it had been when the memory had started rolling. He was suppose to be getting ready for the show that night and he had every intention of doing so. At least until it dawned on him that this was the arena that he had been in when he found Savannah in the hallway that night and in turn, he had relieved that moment in it's entirety and now he was left feeling like he was being torn two different ways.

That night had happened over two years ago, fitting right into the time frame of the crime she was accusing Randy of. He didn't want to remember that detail but once he let it in, there was no pushing it out again because his mind began to spin the possibility that maybe it did have a basis in reality. She had been so distracted, so unfocused, so lost looking. It was like something had swooped in and stolen the life out of her moments before he had found her. And he wondered...was that the night she was raped? If she had been raped, whether by Randy or someone else, was that the night it happened? The night he found her wandering alone in the hallways of the arena? John felt his stomach clench tightly as the most sickeningly thought of all hit him. That he might have been the first person to find her after it happened...

"No, no, no. That's not possible." John shook his head, unwilling to believe he had stumbled upon something so horrible. And he was even more unwilling to believe that Randy was the reason for that. Yes Randy had his issues, but he was not a rapist. He was innocent, and maybe Savannah really had been raped,but Randy was not the one who had done it. He couldn't have, John wasn't the type of guy who befriended people who did those kind of things. He just wasn't. John shoved his bag off the bench in a fit of anger and watched as it hit the ground and fell open. "Randy didn't do this, he's innocent."

But even John couldn't deny that there was a tiny sliver inside of him that had begun to wonder if that statement was true. A seed of doubt had been planted in his head and no matter how desperately John tried, it was already too stuck in too deep for him to toss away.


End file.
